An Hour With Apathy

by Soul_Seeker

An Indifferent Forest

So this is what a perfect mix of Heaven and Hell is like? Danté was wrong.

I laid there helplessly being taken advantage of by the mass of utter perfect visual cuteness, climbing over my body and snuggling into me as the so called ADULTS watched me stand up.

"We'll reach the top in a matter of days, gals!" AppleBloom yelled as the children wiggled and kept using my back as a rock climbing wall.

"Last time I tried to fight them off, they somehow won?" I told the emotionless mare gazing at the mound of kids about to place the flag on top of 'Mt Hooman'

"Sweetie Bellllle!" Scoots screamed in pure fear and sadness. "I'm not... Gonna make it... GO ON WITHOUT ME". She let go of her friends hoof holding her two feet from the ground, falling in slow motion as I swear I could hear 'What a Wonderful World' playing in the background.

"Noo~ooo~oo!" Sweetie screamed out to her friend as she looked away, crushed... Yet determined.

I watched Scootaloo 'oof' herself to the ground and internally screamed at the top of my lungs.

I need to pick her up and hold her like the most precious object in this universe while feeding her a piece of cake. SHE DESERVES IT

Sweetie and Appleblooms determination steadfast, they managed to reach the top of my head, tying off their flag with Bloom's bright red ribbon and high-hoofing.

"Ya done?" I asked with a shallow voice, face entirely shining from the absolute little marshmallows bunching up my hair.

"Done!" Sweetie explained with a bright smile and hopped onto my shoulder with Applebloom snuggling on the other.

I took a deep breath and sighed. "Good." I quickly snatched up Scoots from the ground and started tickling her sides and watched her twist around while the other fillies giggled away. "No pony is safe!" I tossed Scoots a good hundred feet in the air and grabbed Sweetie and AppleBloom, tickling them and flicking their tiny little ears before I put them down and readied myself for the scootaloo bomb incoming.

"Oh stop it already, Joel. They ain't supposed to be slackin'." Aj reminded me.

I pursed my lips and caught Scootaloo with a frown as Scoots looked at Aj the same way. "The hell did you lot even get into?" I asked her, setting her orange hooves on the ground.

"I believe they knocked over those trees." Maud tapped her hoof against a tree laying on its side.

Pinkie began bouncing on the tree, making a few apples roll out of it. "Sideways trees... HUUUUUAH!" She gasped, "Is it less work this way?!"

"Dangit Pinkie!" Aj said as she trotted over to the tree. "It ain't easier, and you ain't helpin' by popping those apples off before they're ready!" She seemed a bit agitated.

"The shit do you mean ready? The tree is-"

"We saiiiiiid we were sorrrrry." Applebloom smugly butted in. "We didn't think the trebuchet was THIS powerful." She apologized.

Wait, trebuchet?

"You were listening when I was dru-" Aj glared at me. "-drrrripping with stupidity explaining about war machines?"

They all nodded with a teeth barring smile.

The army will soon lead the revolt

"They looked like a great way to launch yourself into the trees instead of bucking them..."

"There ain't NO easier way to farm apples and there shouldn't ever be." Aj sneered in my direction.

"They used a war machine from the Human world to pick apples?" Maud asked to anypony listening.

Pinkie and I nodded with a shrug.

Maud blinked in the crusaders direction, "I like them." She stated, walking face to face into Aj. "I enjoy your immediate vicinity to me as well, Mrs. Applejack."

Pinkie basically exploded in a nuclear-powered confetti mushroom cloud. "I KNEWWWW YOU TWO WOULD BE GREAT FRIENDS."

I stood there, ducking down to play the kids heads like little bongos, patting their manes and being rewarded with small squeaks.

The only good use for this worlds Physics is manes and the amount of SQUISH ponies cheeks have when you poke them

"Er... Uh." Aj rubbed the back of her neck slightly and smirked at the grey pony. "I mean I like ya too, Maud. Ya seem like a great fit around here." She tried to boost the simple looking mares esteem. "I'm sure you'll get used to the place in no time."

"I appreciate your honesty, Apple." Maud told her, taking Pebble out of her pocket for a moment. "We both would rather stay for a while than leave the town."

"I... Thats good?" The Apple-plated mare was concerned at this point.

"Pebble's a Western Argonot ya know?" I told Aj. "Rare little rock boi." She face hooved and gave Maud a run for her money with a fantastic 'I don't care' look as I gave her a thumbs up.

"Well thats... Interesting?" She was clearly getting nervous and anxious. Oh what fun, my time to truly intrude.

"So why isn't the Big M out here popping these things up in a second?" I asked her, nearly giving myself a hernia trying to lift the tree.

Aj stomped her hoof and glared, "BECAUSE FILLIES NEED TO LEARN RESPECT." And picked Applebloom up with her mouth, dropping her and giving her a rope that was tied to the tree. "Now MUSH." She cracked a small whip

"Jesus christ you are old school, Aj." I patted Sweeties head and felt her coo into my hand

You could take her. You could take her and no one would find you

"You should probably help her out, ya puff balls." I told her and Scoots, as we all watched Applebloom gritting her teeth into the rope with bloodshot eyes. "She uh.. She's gonna need all your perseverance and illogical mayhem to lend a hoof."

The two grounded themselves like they were about to sprint the hundred meter and screamed, "For Applebloooooom!!" Before grabbing the rope in their hooves/mouths.

"Quite inspirational, Joel." Maud said to me as we watched the first tree slowly making its way back to vertical nirvana.

"Kids will literally do anything I tell them as long its for their friend." I smiled and patted Maud's head this time to a lack of tensing. "Being a kid is basically the only times we all stay a good person."

Pinkie sprung in front of my face rapidly. "But youuuuu said Diamond Tiara and Silver-" I cut her off way bouncing her like a basket ball.

"Dimaond Tiara is a misunderstood little shit." I picked her up and placed her on my shoulders once more, "Silver Spoon is a Saint and I will hear nothing about her." We started walking out of the Acres towards the next stop.

Her glasses wobbled and almost fell off one time as I spoke to her and that was basically all I needed to have happen for a quick break down of complete 'squeeing' in the streets.

"No one can ever know..." I whispered to myself.