//------------------------------// // Epilogue - No Escape // Story: Home Is Where The Sanity Isn't // by Soufriere //------------------------------// Mayor Meyer Mare stood above the smouldering remains of what just two hours earlier had been Equestria’s largest internment camp. The acrid smoke from melted metal and charred rock wafted into her nose, causing her to involuntarily grimace and shed a tear. Raven Inwell, ever the dutiful assistant, approached her. “Meyer, your glasses are, uh, off-kilter. Let me fix them,” she said quietly. The mayor turned to her and, upon noticing how Raven’s own glasses were even more akimbo and her bun had mostly fallen apart, with strands of mane draped randomly down her neck, tried to suppress a chuckle. “Raven, for once you may need more help than I do.” Nonetheless, Raven stuck out her hoof and adjusted her boss’s half-rimmed spectacles. Mayor Mare attempted to do the same in return but missed and nearly fell over. “Okay,” said Meyer, “I might be wrong. Still. What do we do from here?” Raven shrugged. “I …guess we go back to City Hall?” Just then, both of them realized their protective masks were nowhere to be found. The mayor uttered a worried curse that cannot be repeated in an E-rated story. “It’s fine, Meyer,” replied Raven gently. “As far as either of us know, we haven’t been exposed to Blue-Flu. Perhaps we both head straight to our homes and get fresh masks.” “I used all of mine for that speech,” Mayor Mare said, blushing. Raven facehoofed. Just then, Princess Celestia flew in and landed next to them, her massive white presence overpowering yet disarming as she sported a smirk. Raven immediately prostrated herself; Mayor Mare did not. “It is finally over, I see,” said the Princess, sagely. “Given the circumstances, I do not believe a more acceptable outcome would have been possible.” Mayor Mare stared, glassy-eyed, while Raven cocked her head to ask, “Is… is that a good thing or a bad thing?” “You may interpret it however you wish,” Princess Celestia answered. “That said, I am glad to see the end of that camp. While its resolution took more time than I would have preferred, the will of the heavens has been accomplished and balance restored to this special land.” “What makes it so ‘special’?” asked Raven. The mayor began to answer but Celestia cut her off. “This area that is now Sweet Apple Acres was granted via Royal Charter in perpetuity to the Apple Clan over a quarter of a millennium ago. As long as one member of that family survives and continues to inhabit the land, I am honour-bound to protect it and Ponyville with far more directness than I do the rest of our realm,” Celestia explained. “Speaking of,” said the mayor, “You must be glad Granny Smith’s still alive, since as long as I’ve been here you two seem to be really close.” Celestia lowered her head slightly. “As I have said before, our relationship is somewhat complicated for reasons I am not allowed to speak. Nevertheless, you and she both helped to compel me to refocus my attention where it belongs.” “And the Blue-Flu?” Raven asked pointedly. “I have learned, yet again, that sometimes if one wishes a task to be carried out successfully, one must undertake it oneself,” said Celestia. “Rest assured that as of today I shall control Equestria’s pandemic response myself, as my government continues to abrogate its authority.” “Well, that’s good,” Mayor Mare said noncommittally. “By the way,” Celestia told the mayor. “I realized the other day that your term as Ponyville’s mayor ends in just over two moons. I am sure you are looking forward to a peaceful retirement with your pension.” “Can’t lie about that one,” Mayor Mare replied with a chuckle. “These last ten years have been tough.” She turned to Raven, who looked absolutely crestfallen. That caused Meyer to lower her head and blush with an expression that screamed ‘I’m a jerk’. Before any more could be said, Celestia continued. “I am afraid you will need to postpone your retirement plans for the near future. I have renominated you to your post for another term!” Celestia said, her tone buoyant. Mayor Mare’s jaw dropped. “Wh… buh… HUH? After everything I’ve done wrong since you first appointed me, especially in the last five years, after trying to subvert the system itself to get myself fired, you’re still keeping me on?!” asked the mayor, flabbergasted. “You are the best pony for the job,” Celestia and Raven replied in near-unison, then looked at each other, smiling. Mayor Mare shook her head. “I don’t believe it. But, I guess it is what it is. Ponyville is stuck with me for another… X years, I guess.” “They will accept it,” said Celestia, obviously meaning it. “Now, I must take my leave of you two, for there is a stallion I need to meet and …discuss certain matters.” Celestia flew away, leaving the two speechless. Down the Western Road headed out of Ponyville, in the direction of Canterlot, which on-hoof was several days’ worth of walking, trumped Chancellor Orangeglow. His mood stood in stark contrast to the gorgeous weather, the clear blue sky occasionally punctuated with fluffy cumulus clouds, a gentle breeze on which wafted the tunes of the songbirds and the babbling of the ever-moving water of the River Ferrus. Orangeglow’s blond mane, such as it was, was dishevelled and droopy. He moved with an irregular gait. That plus his swayback and the bags that had appeared under his beady blue eyes suddenly belied his true age. He didn’t care; he simply kept moving down the road, snarling all the time. “I can’t believe them,” he groused aloud to himself. “They pulled one over on me. No one punks Orangeglow and gets away with it. It’s fake. They’re all fake news. I won. I always win. I’ll send in the lawyers and show them. Stupid ponies. They’ll never defeat me. Not even that stupid white horse that thinks she’s in charge. It’s a fraud. I’ll fire them all. They’re fired! They’re fired!” Right about this time, Orangeglow bumped headlong into something, or rather someone. “Watch where you’re goin’, stupi—!” he snapped before realizing who he’d run into that caused his voice to immediately cut out. “Glad to see you too, Chancellor,” said Princess Celestia in her best fake-polite tone. Orangeglow glanced to his left for a second in an attempt to gather his thoughts before responding. “Princess! Can you believe what some of our subjects in that sh– uh, craphole Ponyville did? They destroyed one of our beautiful and totally legal camps for illegals! They’re going against the will of the government. Our government! I hereby claim we should send as many guard forces into that town as possible to restore LAW AND ORDER!!” As he spoke, Celestia listened but her face showed naught but utter boredom. “Uh-huh,” she said. “Orangeglow, you and I need to have a little talk.” “About what??” Orangeglow asked, taking a step back, clearly on the defensive. Celestia’s mouth smiled, but her eyes did not. “I do not think you understand quite how Equestria operates, despite having had four years to learn. This is not a Presidential Republic; it is a Principality in the form of a diarchy. You are not the ultimate authority. I am. Or, at night, my lovely sister, who incidentally was the one who destroyed that infernal camp.” “WHAT?!” roared Orangeglow. “She had no right…” “She had every right,” Celestia interrupted, authority steadily creeping into her voice. “She did it at my request.” Orangeglow fumed. Normally he would have used his physical size to intimidate other ponies, but that was obviously not possible with the ancient princess standing before him. “When the Imperial Senate chose you to be my next Chancellor,” Celestia continued, “I was against it. However, Luna insisted I give you the opportunity and accept the will of ponies who, though they possess title, lack immortality. She felt it would legitimize us as well. For four years… I endured you. I endured your crass behaviour, corruption, classism, and open hostility towards non-pony citizens of My realm. An attempt by the minority in My Senate to remove you failed on a factional vote, leaving me stuck with you. Even as you openly spoke of overthrowing me, I kept quiet, for I felt it was in the best interests of My citizens. However, your actions today against a fellow Princess along with defilement of a Royally Chartered Domain are too much to overlook, even for Me.” Orangeglow scoffed. “Get to the point.” “Very well,” said Celestia with a weary sigh. “Chancellor Orangeglow, there are enough witnesses to your words and actions now that my guards can and will place you under arrest for Sedition.” “Ha!” Orangeglow ha’d. “They’re not your guards anymore! What’s a princess without an army, huh?” “Yes… about that…” Celestia did not need to finish speaking as a magenta bolt of magic smacked Orangeglow in his left side, knocking the wind out of him as he crumpled to the ground. As he did, Celestia summoned hoof-cuffs that essentially hog-tied him. From nearby appeared Shining Armor, blowing at his horn as one would a recently fired blunderbuss. He reached into a saddlebag and placed a small gold ring around Orangeglow’s smaller-than-average Unicorn horn. “Thank you for coming to join me on such short notice, Shining Armor,” Celestia said. Shining Armor nodded. “Not a problem. I was already here for, y’know, dad.” “Yes. And I know I deserve no forgiveness for my role in his death,” she replied. “Princess,” Shining Armor tried to comfort her, “I don’t think even you could have anticipated how badly he would handle the Blue-Flu outbreak. Twily and I lost our dad, sure, but plenty of families have suffered much worse. Caddy said she’s got the Crystal Empire under control, so I can continue to root out Orangeglow supporters in the Royal Guard ranks. I can be very persuasive.” “By all means, please do,” said Celestia. “I cannot imagine his faction to be all that large.” “It isn’t, but it does include certain key figures,” Shining Armor replied. Celestia sighed, a bit forlorn. “This would not be the first time I have had to perform a purge of My guard and the Senate.” “Really?” asked Shining Armor as he loaded the unconscious Orangeglow into a wagon to be carried back to Canterlot by four Pegasus Royal Guards. “It is true,” Celestia replied. “Shortly after the Great War between Luna and myself, I realized I had allowed too much power to concentrate in the hooves of those whose interests were not those of Equestria. After we abandoned Everfree to its fate and built Canterlot, I dealt with them personally. It is not a part of history of which I am proud, but it had to be. Such as it was then, and the two or three times in the interim, so I suppose it must be now.” Shining Armor turned to the guards and ordered them back to Canterlot with Chancellor Orangeglow in tow. “So… what do you want me to do with the Guards? I mean, even though a bunch of them look up to me, I’m not in charge anymore.” Celestia closed her eyes and lowered her head, her words coming out with difficulty. “As I am sure my sister would say: ‘Do whatever thou must, however thou wilt.’” The look on Shining Armor’s face was a mixture of sadness and resignation. “Understood.” With a loud crack, he disappeared. Celestia had only about a minute alone before another loud crack signalled the arrival of another old acquaintance. “You look so glum, my dear Princess. It doesn’t suit you at all,” said the deep male voice “No, Discord. No it does not,” she said. “But a genuine purge? The first in a thousand years?? Sounds exciting! I look forward to the chaos,” concluded Discord with an ear-to-ear grin. Celestia glared at him. “You may enjoy it. You may even be asked to partake in it. But, it is not a course of action I relish in the least.” Discord wafted over to Celestia and gave her a noogie. “You’ve become such a fuddy-duddy in your old age. At least Luna still has that fire in her belly. Granted, she and I had the honour[I/] of being temporally displaced while you stayed here in the land of the living. Day after day, moon after moon, year after year, century after century. I suppose that would wear down even the best, rob her of the lust for justice she used to have.” At that, Celestia glared. “My desire for justice is as strong as ever! I only wish it did not always involve such …extreme methods.” “To clean the kitchen, you have to break a few plates. Just hope one of them doesn’t have your beloved cake on it. We need to make sure all your assets are intact.” Discord patted Celestia’s butt. He stopped once he noticed Celestia’s horn starting to glow. “There’s that fire, my dear princess. Don’t forget it. You’ll need it over the next couple of months. Toodle-oo!” And with a poof, Discord was gone. Celestia unfurled her wings and began a long, slow flight home.