//------------------------------// // Friendly Conversation // Story: Half-Life: Pastel Paradise // by I aint no damn brownie //------------------------------// “Well, I definitely prefer the second film over the first, because at that point-“ I froze. What the.. hell? “What the? Why did-“ Spike started, but I instantly slapped a hand over his mouth. He raised his eyebrows in alarm and I shook my head. I put a finger over my lips to signify that he should not be talking! He nodded, and I took my hands off of his mouth. “Look.” I whispered, pointing to just what all the hubbub was about. Spike saw what I did, and he gasped quietly. “What the buck..?” He turned towards me, and I shrugged lightly. It looked like.. a slave camp. Kind of? The vortigaunts were just.. working. Like, well, slaves! Wait, what’s happening now? “Gar jung!” One of them said, throwing away whatever it was holding. Upon doing so, one of those big guys with the hivehand pressed a button on his wrist. The vortiguant screamed as what looked like.. electricity, ran through its veins. It grasped at the green jewelry on its neck in a futile attempt to stop its pain. Is that where it’s coming from? Is that stuff an anchor of some sort? Upon passing out on the floor, the big guy touched the same button and the vortigaunt’s body stopped vibrating. “Those.. those green things aren’t jewelry, are they?” Spike whispered. “I.. I don’t know anymore.” I replied. This.. this isn’t okay. I’ve been killing these things the whole time. These.. slaves. I’ve been killing them. Shooting them, blowing them up, beating them to death with a crowbar.. “Okay, where on earth do-“ I asked out loud, until.. “Gar jung!” BZZZZTT!! “AGHHH!!” I yelled, feeling the excruciating shock of lightning course through my veins. When it ended, I turned to face the source and growled. Another one of those brown bastards. I pulled out my Glock, and aimed at the head. ..no. I aimed at the knees. I shot twice, blasting both of its kneecaps out. It squealed and fell to the floor, grasping at its broken appendages. I pulled out my crowbar, walked over.. And slammed it right into that bastard’s big red eye. It’s yells turned into gurgles as it died slowly, and I wiped the green blood from my glasses. Another day, another dollar. ... I.. feel.. sick. I feel.. sick. I feel sick. These were just.. just innocent creatures! Slaves. Beings that were.. forced into harming others. They didn’t deserve to die. They were probably intelligent enough to have a conversation, if the “Gar jung”’s were anything to go by. They have a language. I could’ve listened to it, I could’ve helped remove the braces. I just had to stop and PAY ATTENTION! Freeman, you fucking, brain dead idiot! Your first instinct was violence! Why!? Sure, you were on edge. Your friends have been brutally killed by all of these weird crab guys, and those hound dogs won’t stop making sonic booms, but you could’ve just given them a CHANCE! They probably didn’t want to fight-! ... ..wait a minute. oh.. oh my god.. The bastard fired its lightning and I easily dodged. Upon opening my eyes back up, I opened fire with my MP5. Two shots hit, and it began to run away. “Gar jung!” It yelled, seemingly in fear. It’s trying to get away! Coward! “You’re not getting away from me you bastard!” I yelled, and charged after it. I pulled out my revolver and did one shot to the head. It instantly fell down, dead. I walked up, and spit on the body. “Cunt.” ..they always ran away from combat. when they knew they were overpowered. They were innocent from the start. .. My nose flinched, and I dry-heaved. Uh oh. I.. I can’t, not here- “Cough.. UEEEGHHHAHH!!!” As soon as the vomit splashed onto the floor, I knew I had fucked up. Hard. “Gar jung?” I heard from down below. I’m boned. I looked over the ledge, and one of the big guys spotted me. “Rraaahhh!!!” The big guy yelled, and I soon heard the telltale sign of a hivehand firing. “Cheese it!” I yelled, wiping my mouth after. We gotta go! I grabbed Spike’s arm and practically dragged him along with me. We ran behind a big rock, and waited for the hornets that were shot out to lose track of our position. When they did, I slowly peeked my head out. ..everything seems to have calmed down, “Coast is clear.” I whispered, and stepped out. I pulled out my crossbow and walked back to the cliff’s edge. “No more Mr. Guilty Scientist.” I muttered, and popped out the magazine. I shoved some spare arrows inside and popped it back in, pulling back the slider afterwards, loading an arrow into the open barrel. I looked down the scope, took aim at the big guy’s head, and pulled the trigger. A direct hit. The big guy collapsed to the floor, arrow sticking from his face. Dead. The other big guy looked around for the aggressor, and I took that opportunity to get him as well. Since both bad guys were dead on the floor, those vortiguants were now, technically, free people. Wonderful. I jumped off the cliff and grinned slightly when I heard the familiar sound of the landing gears as I came into contact with the rocky surface. Oh, how I love these. They truly are the perfect invention. I stretched my arms and let out a deep exhale. Feels good to fuck some big guys up again. And this time, I know I’m not killing any innocent aliens. I winced at that thought. Nice job. Ruining a good moment. Thanks, Freeman’s Mind. ... ...I really need to stop talking in third person. They’re gonna shove me in a mental ward sometime soon. But I’m getting WAY off-topic. I shook my head, and took a deep breath. Let’s do this. They won’t hurt me. Not anymore. If anything, they’re more afraid of you. I slowly approached a cowering vortiguant, and raised my hand. Yep. It shivered in fear at my raised hand, causing me to wince once more. This hand wasn’t innocent. But it’s time to put that stuff past you. “Hey.” I said in a quiet, calm voice. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” I doubt it could understand my voice, but it certainly understood the tone. It slowly stopped shivering, and turned to look at me. “Those big guys are dead. I got them for you. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” I whispered, putting my hand out further. It was almost like watching a hermit come out of its shell. It’s shoulders relaxed, and its head raised up. It slowly walked over to me, and put a hand on my shoulder. “Gar..” it said, and touched its green neck shackle. “You want me to get that off?” I asked. No reaction. Right. They don’t speak English. Dumbass. “Okay. Gimme a second here..” I muttered, and pulled out my crowbar. I did the motion for ‘turn around’ and it actually turned around, so maybe charades will work better than English. Of course they will.. Gee, I sure am the king of smart assessments today. I drove the crowbar into the space between the skin and emerald-like material, and pushed down on the crowbar. “This might hurt a bit. I apologize.” I said, tapping the vortiguant’s head. I pushed more forcefully, and I could feel the jewelry denting. “Garrr..” It whimpered. “It’s okay, bud.” I said, doing some forceful pushes. All of your strength, Freeman! Give it your all! STRONGER! “AGHH!!!” I yelled, doing one last push. The neck shackle came off with a loud ‘Snap!’, and the vortiguant was free. I breathed heavily after, and wiped my forehead. Jesus Christ. That took a lot out of me. The vortigaunt felt its neck, and turned to me. Upon it doing that, I straightened up more. It motioned for me to come closer. I brought my head down, and it touched a hand to my forehead. Instantly, I felt an immense pain. This fucking backstabber-! The pain went away as soon as it arrived. ..what the hell? The vortiguant cleared its throat, and spoke. “I’m sorry about that, comrade.” A Russian accent? What the hell? English, even? Did he learn English just by touching my forehead? Incredible.. “I greatly appreciate your charitable act. You have taken out my masters, and removed the shackles that ceased my telepathic abilities.” So that’s what they did.. “-That is what I did to you just now, for context on that. It may have hurt a bit, and for that, I apologize, as stated before. I did it to learn your language.. so I could communicate with you. Surely, you don’t understand vortiguese?” He chuckled. I shook my head, chuckling as well. “Nope. Don’t know a thing.” He shook his head. “No worries about that. But, anyway, I thank you once again. Please, allow me to tell my comrades of your deed. Wait here. I shall return. I nodded. ... ...what the fuck just happened? I just spoke with an extra-terrestrial life. On a.. Sunday. You see, the HEV suit has more than just health monitoring numbers. It’s actually got the date and time, too- Wait, Sunday?! What the actual fuck?! How long have we been here? We started the journey on a Thursday, didn’t we? Jesus. It’s been 3 fucking days. Fuck, man. How am I not super dehydrated? I’ve had one bottle of water. I have no reason to be alive. Unless, actually.. Does the HEV suit have an IV drip? That would make some sense, but where would it go? How does one fit a whole-ass bag of water in a compact suit? I’m confusing myself here. Distractions? That’s a good one. What’s the date today. I’m curious. Sunday. November 19th- November 19th? It’s.. my birthday today. Fun thing to celebrate with. Fighting to survive from hell aliens. Awesome. I’ve already almost died today alone.. I counted on my fingers, 19 times now? Wild. “Comrade, I come baring good news!” I heard my vortiguant friend say. I instantly snapped back into reality and turned to him, “What’s up?” I asked. What’s the good news? “My friends, as they are very thankful for your good actions, come to deliver gifts. We have found not.. manythings during our short lives.. but they are the things we cherish most. We wish for you to have them.” “Seriously?” I asked. “You don’t have to give me-“ “Nonsense! We insist!” He replied, waving a hand. “O..Kay.” I said. Man, I don’t wanna take these people’s stuff. But it’s not like I have a choice, so I? I turned to Spike as vortiguant buddy walked off. “How do you feel?” “I kinda feel like a background character sometimes.” He said, scratching his head. “That’s because the story is being told from my perspective.” I off-handedly commented. “What?” He asked. “What?” I asked. “But anyway.” I said. “I meant.. about this.” “Oh. Well.. I don’t like to really take gifts. It kind of turns me into a greedy monster. But over here? In Xen? I don’t think that turning into a big monster is a concern. There are many other bad things to worry about.” He replied. “Amen.” I muttered. “Okay, friend. Here is gift for you.” I heard a different vortiguant say. I turned to face them, and my eyes widened when I saw what they were holding. A mothafuckin.. Colt. Python. “Gina found this on dead body of person that look like you. Orange skin. Maybe friend? Were you friend with person?” The vortiguant asked, and I noticed it had a distinctly female-sounding voice. Hm. Interesting tidbit. But she asked me a question, “No, probably not. I wasn’t friends with many scientists at Black Mesa. Just Kleiner and Eli, really. But I doubt they risked their skin to come here.” I mock-rolled my eyes. The vortiguant nodded. “Make sense. And Gina apologize for poor earthling language. Telepathy had to be done quick, so not much of language was picked up.” She explained. Oh. That’s why she sounded like someone with half of their brain missing.. I sure feel like a dickhead now. “It’s alright. I can understand what you’re saying. But I hope you can understand what I’m about to say.” I said, and put both hands on her shoulders. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this helps me.” She nodded. “Nice earthling is welcome.” She turned to Spike. “Giant lizard also welcome! Here, is gift for you!” She handed him another Colt Python, this one being a dark shade of gray. “Thank you so much!” Spike said, admiring it in his claws. Aww.. he got the cool one.. damn. “Appreciate help.” The vortiguant said, and walked off. Another one took her place. “Here is gift for you.” This one said, and shoved a grenade into my hands. “And for you.” He shoved one into Spike’s hands. He nodded, and walked off. “Thank you!” I shouted after him. Spike did the same. He just nodded again. He seemed rather unhappy. I wonder why. Probably because he had to give away two of his prized possessions. But anyway, The original Vortiguant, the OG, the homie, the Russian, came up to talk to us. “I hope you enjoy your gifts, comrades. They seem useful for you.” I nodded, “Of course. You just gave us two new guns that are arguably the most effective against the other aliens.” I said, running a hand along the barrel of the colt. He nodded. “Good to know. But anyway, I believe you have a journey to continue, no?” BZZZTTT I turned my attention towards that noise, and saw that a contraption was turning on, based on the green light and the whirring of machinery. “What’s that?” I asked, turning my attention back to the vortigaunt. “That is an elevator. Unfortunately, it is rather high up, so you will have to do some form of climbing to get to it.” To avoid climbing at all costs, my brain instantly went into overdrive mode. I can stand on that moving pillar and wait for it to go up, where I can then jump onto the protruding side of the mountain. I can boost across to that broken building, and I can walk through it and go off that broken path with a boost jump. This would allow me to land directly inside the ele- “Hey, Gordon! I found a pseudo-ladder over here.” Spike said, halfway up the contraption already. Overdrive off. Monkey brain back on. “I hate you.” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. This guy.. “Yeah, you love me.” Spike chuckled. I groaned. I need a good comeback. “Spike, you’re..” Uh.. “Yeah?” He asked, looking at me. He was holding back a smirk. “You’re.. a wiener!” I finally said. Seriously? Spike put a claw to his chest in mock hurt. “Really, Gordon? How harsh.” He shook his head and chuckled. “You’re a clown.” Hey! I resemble that remark! “Celestia, do you think they even want our packages?” I asked my sister. I don’t feel like we’re actually helping. We’re probably just nuisances. We haven’t gotten a single response back, even though Spike knows he can use dragonfire. Is he angry with us? ..maybe they’re dead? Pffft!! As if. I have complete faith in Freeman. ...but maybe I should check on him. Somehow. Maybe Celestia will know- “I believe they want our packages, Luna. Surely they do. We have been helping them, right?” I nodded, getting sidetracked by my own original question. “Yeah.. Hey, Celestia.. is there any way to even check if they’re still.. you know, alive?” Celestia looked taken-aback at my bluntness. Didn’t blame her. “Uhm.. yes. I put a spell on Spike many years ago that tells me his vitals at any given moment. Give me a second to check..” Celestia went stone-cold for a couple seconds, but she quickly came back. “He’s fine. His vitals are actually quite level at the moment, so it seems he’s gotten a moment to relax.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. That’s great! “Thank the stars..” I muttered. “Thank the stars, indeed.” Celestia muttered, tearing off a piece of duct tape. “How many times do you think they’ve almost died?” I asked. “Hundreds.” “Definitely.”