Dear Starlight,
Look, the two of us have been summoned by the map to try and reunite you and your sister, well at least get you two to get along or at least tolerate one another. Look, you know that Equestria was meant to be ruled by two sisters to maintain harmony. Right now, you are the only one putting any effort into it and we think that the country would be much better if you talked to Twilight about sharing duties with her. We have our concerns that ruling all alone while your sister is perfectly capable of helping will ultimately break you and it would be your daughters who would suffer.
We are not sure how the country is reacting to this but it is widely known about the fight you two had and your sudden rift. Ponies might really be worried that you two might get into a fight and destroy the country if you continue to hate one another. You don't have to love one another or even spend a lot of time together, just try and work together for the sake of the country and most importantly, your daughters.
Take what we have said into account, the future of the country could hinge on your decision when it comes to dealing with your sister.
Sincerely,
Bright Beam and Luster Dawn
Bright Beam and Luster Dawn,
You want to know something? My tyrannical, backstabbing mother ruled this nation for a thousand years while her sister was imprisoned on the moon and things seemed to be just fine. Things didn't go to hell until after she returned. Let's see, what happened after she returned. We had Discord escape and go bat shit crazy, we had King Sombra return TWICE, we had Chrysalis come along and cause everypony trouble THREE TIMES, we had the Tree of Harmony nearly die, we had the Tree of Harmony get destroyed, we had to put up with Tirek twice, my idiot sister released the pony of shadows, we had Cozy Glow go all bat shit crazy in both season eight and nine and a lot of that shit was thanks to Discord.
Harmony my ass. Things were more stable when Tia ruled alone although I have a feeling that the negative energy that Twilight brought upon this world may have had a lot to do with it. I suppose I can attempt to deal with her since chances are that map of Twilight's probably called you two up here so I suppose this isn't completely your fault. Do know this though, I'm not about to go giving Twilight a lot of responsibilities because I personally don't think she is competent enough to handle them. She is too busy fucking Flurry Heart, Twilight Velvet and Cadence to think of anything else. Maybe she can make sure the silverware is set properly when we are hosting foreign dignitaries for supper and I can handle everything else.
Also, not working with my sister will not cause me to break. To be honest, just letting her screw those she wants while I put in the work is working just fine. Also, my daughters will be fine too. The three of us are close and if the shit was to hit the fan and I needed help from an extremely powerful pony, I could easily ascend them further. Whatever though, I suppose I can mess with her since this seems like a must, well according to that stupid map anyway.
Signed,
Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer
Dear Goddess-Queen Twilight,
As you probably know, we have been summoned by the map to try and get you and Starlight to reconcile. We know that you two had your fight and that both of you are miles apart on just about everything. She wanted commitment, you wanted meaningless sex, you hurt her daughters, her daughters stole your magic, she is work and family first now and you are sexy times first now.
Here is the thing, we were unsure of how to bring this up but Twilight, we know that you have won Celestia's favor and what if it came to her no longer favoring you if you refuse to at least try and tolerate and work with Starlight. You wouldn't want that would you? You wouldn't want her suddenly favoring Starlight again would you?
We are not sure what all responsibilities you two would agree on taking on but for the sake of Equestria, you probably should do a whole lot more than simply focus on sex. What if Starlight was to decide one day that your very presence was no longer necessary and decided to cast you into another dimension and took full control of the country? She could then do whatever she wanted, things that you may not like! Anyway, we think you should contact her and set up a meeting of some sort to discuss these things.
Signed,
Bright Beam and Luster Dawn
Dear Lusting Ditz and Bright Bitch,
Seriously, the map decided to call you two to try to get me to at least get along with my suddenly disloyal and workaholic sister? Normally I would say, "Fuck that shit" but since the map called you up here to do that, I suppose I can handle it. Yes I know she will probably bring her daughters with her as a plot to teach them about how I work but hey, I can my sexy half-sister Flurry, a natural born Alicorn to keep those three in check.
I know now that the map must be a troll since it is making me do this but oh well, I'll tell Starlight what I want and if she doesn't agree, the shit will probably hit the fan again. Maybe you two should go warn the city that the two of us have to put up with one another, let them know that evacuating the city by tomorrow would be all for the best. Now I must get going, Flurry, Velvet, Cadence and I have a four way scheduled.
Ready for an Orgy,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
To my bitchy younger sister,
Well our proteges met with me and they seem to think that Equestria will suffer greatly if you and I don't at least tolerate one another and share duties. I personally think that map of yours is being a grade A troll but I have been doing some thinking and here is how we can do things.
I will continue to handle the sun, I will handle all the economic matters, I will continue to handle the elections, I will handle all diplomatic affairs since other world leaders despise you, I will continue to handle immigration or the lack thereof, I will continue to handle affairs such as marriage licenses, I will continue to run MY magic school and I will continue to address the nation when it comes to things that affect everypony, things such as viruses oh and also, I will be in charge of torturing dissidents, troublemakers, criminals and all the other rif-raff that cause this country problems.
You sister, you candle handle dumb shit like the festivals the gentry and nobility has been whining about bringing back, you can deal with those snobs overall, you can make sure the silverware is set right at summit dinners since you're so anal about pointless shit like that and you can handle the moon but let me tell you this....if you are even one minute late raising or setting the moon, I'm taking that responsibility back. Oh and while you're not handling your responsibilities, you can continue to go fucking whoever you want. I figure that if you continue to engage in meaningless sex, MY life will be easier. Tell me what you think.
Running What is Important,
Your Elder Sister Starlight
P.S. Oh and how could I forget, you'll continue to run your magic school and continue to handle the overall affairs of your friendship school UNTIL Luster and Trixie drive that place into the ground.
To My Arrogant Older Sister,
Oh yes, you think you can take so much on and leave me with the menial tasks that are beneath me but it looks like we might actually agree on something for the first time in a long time. What you are wanting me to do is acceptable with the exception of handling the moon. You can keep on dealing with it since it would throw a wrench into my sexy times, I don't want to have to deal with it. Regarding the other things, I'm game since those won't affect my life so much.
I know you think you're the superior sister and you know how to run everything and I want to see how you do handling all that shit for all eternity or until we decide to retire and Flurry fights to the death against your daughters for control of the country. Oh well, it doesn't matter to me because mom loves me more, as she should! I know dad loves you more but who gives a shit about him anyway? Now just leave me alone because I have plenty of sexy times planned for the rest of the day and the best part is I don't have to put up with anything until I bring back the swan festival in three weeks. I'm doing that and bringing the others back solely to spite you, to make everypony think you are a work first bitch who cares nothing about them!
Just to make things fun, I also plan on making it to where ponies have to take care of changing seasons again just to spite you too. I know they'll blame you and not me since sex is the number one thing on my agenda. Have fun putting up with bitchy ponies loser!
Getting Ready for an Orgy,
Your Younger and Superior Sister
P.S. Hell yes I will continue to run my magic school despite it taking time away from what is important and Luster and Trixie will NOT run my friendship school into the ground. Yes they're both inferior to me but still, I think they'll do just barely a good enough of a job to keep world leaders, albeit inferior ones, sending their bratty kids to it to learn friendship.
To My Psychological Train Wreck Sister,
Have fun attempting to try and inconvenience everypony Twilight. You know it took two of us to fix things in this country and I know for a fact that you won't be able to do it alone. Besides, I plan on writing a letter to every newspaper in the country AND contact ENN and ENC both for an interview. I know they'll give me one since I'm the one everypony loves and I will expose your shit ideas. If you think they hate you now, they'll hate you even more before too long!
The Loved Sister,
Starlight
****The Proteges' Cutie Marks Glow****
Up next, S3 E8