“Ok, this is your last shot. All you’d need to do is pick apples,” Anon instructed, leading the way to the Apple family orchard. “Just pick,” he added, extending an arm and plucking one of the succulent fruits from a tree, “the apples.”
“Anon, ah'ament daft. A've bin picking apples sin ah wis a bairn!” Nord huffed, testily flipping the fiery mane from her face.
As much as he would like to believe her - what he’d presumed she’d said, at least - the morning had been a disaster. She’d demolished a flower stand, destroyed the floor in the barber shop, and left several traumatized ponies in her wake. If there was one mare who could fuck up picking apples, it’d be her - even if he wasn’t sure how she’d bungle the job.
Passing the fruit-laden groves, it wasn’t long before they spotted some colorful activity within the orchard. Moving between the timber, bucking at the thick base of the trees, was Applejack and Big Macintosh. While Anon would have been perfectly happy walking to their homestead, finding them so soon was a boon - not just because it saved some time, but because he was going to make good and damned sure that things didn’t go off the rails.
“AJ!” he shouted, catching the sturdy earth mare’s ear. “You still looking for some help?”
“Anon? Shucks, I sure am!” Applejack responded, momentarily pausing in her work to greet the man. Her brother quickly followed suit, marching over to receive the odd pair.
“This here is Nord,” Anon proclaimed, sheepishly smiling over at his oversized guest. “She’s just as strong as she looks and she’s trying to find work.”
“Ah swear tae god, if ye dinnae git mah name richt, a'm aff tae kick ye intae neist week,” Nord darkly rumbled, only eventually smiling over at the sibling farmers.
“Well golly, she sure is a big’un!” Applejack fondly noted, appraising the massive mare. “If you can buck half as many trees as Mac, we’ll be done in no time!”
“Eeeeeyup!” the amaranth stallion intoned, solemnly nodding.
“Just walk her through what to do,” Anon gently pleaded, “for my sake.”
“There ain’t nothing to it!” the smaller mare chuckled. Trotting to one of the many surrounding trees, she wheeled her ass-half towards the timber. “All ya gotta do is buck the tree hard enough to get the apples to fall. For a mare your size, it should be easy!”
Seeing Applejack buck the tree, Nord rolled her eyes. Without saying a word, she looked around, found an apple-filled tree and sauntered over it. Ponderously turning in place, keeping her eyes glued to her target, she got into position. With a deafening crack, using only one hind leg, she dislodged every apple in a single blow.
Mac stood mute and broke into a cold sweat, though it was unclear whether he was scared, aroused, or possibly both. Applejack was simply too awestruck to immediately reply, taking a second to shake her head and clear her thoughts. All told, both the Apple siblings appeared to be impressed with the display.
“Well, I can say this for sure, you’re hired!” the stetson adorned mare remarked, cantering over and offering her employee a hoof shake. “Just keep workin’ this here grove with Mac and I. Between the three of us, we should have it finished up before supper!”
“Eeeeeyup!” Mac cheerfully whooped.
Anon breathed a deep sigh of relief, having finally found the ancient titan a fitting job. Kicking the everliving hell out of trees was the perfect gig for her - not only because she would she be able to make use of her insane strength, but she’d also wear herself out by the end of the day! Though he was happy with the development, he wasn’t about to jump ship and leave - not until he was good and sure that some catastrophe wasn’t about to happen, at any rate.
Sinking his teeth into the apple he’d picked earlier, he eased himself against a tree and let the scene unfold. Having put up with the two calamitous and wholly unpredictable situations from earlier, not to mention his utter lack of breakfast, he saw no harm in watching Nord work for a while. Moving from tree to tree, freeing every apple time and again, she moved at nearly twice the pace of her sibling employers.
It was oddly satisfying, seeing the three rugged earth ponies work in concert, and it filled him with hope. If everything played out well, and he had no reason to think it wouldn’t, Nord might just be able to land a full time career with the Apples! She was easily mighty enough for the task and, judging from how quickly she was moving, she may well be more suited for the labor than either of the siblings!
Everything finally seemed to be going his way. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and a stiff breeze cut through the grove and set the trees gently swaying - until one crashed to the ground. Jumping, startled by the inexplicable turn of events, the first timber was quickly joined by a second, then a third, until nearly a dozen of the trees had fallen. It was as jarring as it was confusing - not only because the wind hadn’t been nearly strong enough to cause the bedlam, but because each of the hardwoods seemed to have snapped at the trunk!
Looking across the grove, doing his level best to wrap his head around what had happened, the truth hit him out of the blue. Each and every tree which had been felled had been one which Nord had bucked. Somehow, despite all logic, she’d done her job too well - she’d gotten the apples free, sure, but she’d also managed to destroy the hardwoods in the process.
“What in tarnation?” Applejack hollered, glancing around in shock. Scratching her head, her confusion was staggeringly short lived. “Huh...Must’a been bad trees. Y’all be careful! Ain’t no telling if one of ‘em could fall on ya!”
Anon could scarcely believe his ears. The farm mare had somehow come to the conclusion that the devastation was due to some unknown malady or sickly timber, instead of the lumbering behemoth in their midst. Doing his level best to act natural, he walked over, tapped Nord’s shoulder, and brought his mouth to her ear.
“We really need to leave,” he whispered, keeping his voice low.
“How come? Ah juist git stairted!” she protested, spinning around to face him.
Though he hadn’t caught the latter half of her statement, her first two words were clear enough. “Because, at this rate, half the orchard will get mowed down…”
“Aye, 'n' then thay kin become carpenters,” she shot back, clearly displeased with his assessment.
“That doesn’t matter. We can’t just - OH FUCK!” he squawked, as the tree she’d just kicked collapsed towards him. Diving to the side, he noticed all too late that his company hadn’t budged an inch. His blood ran cold and time seemed to slow, as he watched the gargantuan timber tumble towards her.
Blithely noticing the rapidly approaching hardwood, Nord jumped between the man and timber, lowered her head, and braced her legs. The tree, weighing untold thousands of pounds, struck her back and splintered in half, falling in twain to either side of her. Of all the weird shit Anon had seen or heard of, this one easily took the cake. As the fractured log settled on the ground, she dusted herself off and trotted over to help him up.
“Be canny, A'd hate fur ye tae git squashed,” she giggled, effortlessly hauling him to his feet.
“You two alright?” Applejack yelled, charging in their direction.
“Yeah...I...I think we’re fine,” Anon stammered.
In truth, he was anything but fine. His heart was racing, his knees felt wobbly, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Nord was actually some sort of mystical creature. He’d seen ponies do some wild stuff before, but being hit by a fully grown tree and walking away like it was nothing was a new one in his book. He couldn’t say if she had some sort of divine protection or was just remarkably robust - either way, there was no way a regular mare should have survived that.
“I think we should call it quits for the day. Until we can figure out what in the hay is happening in this grove, it’s probably best that we stop here,” Applejack grumbled, glancing from felled tree to felled tree.
The man nodded approvingly, more than happy for the excuse to leave. “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Just give us a holler if we can help.”
Having exhausted their options for the day, Anon stroked Nord’s hair. She’d just saved his life, so he was in her debt - sure, the whole fiasco may have been her fault, but it’s not like she’d intended on causing the mayhem! Having spent the last few hours with her, he honestly didn’t think there was a mean bone in her body. She was huge, maybe a bit klutzy, and packed the power of an Ursa Major, but she really did seem like a good mare at heart.
“Let’s get you home. We can try again tomorrow,” he murmured, smiling over at her.
With a resigned nod, looking around at the devastation she’d wrought, she dourly followed along beside him. Seeing her crestfallen was damn near heartbreaking, spurring him to act. Running his hand down her neck, he caught her attention.
“Tell you what, tonight, how about we share a drink - after all, it’s not every day that a guy gets to meet an ancient mare like yourself,” he mused.
The corners of her lips turned up, if only slightly, as she looked over at him. “If ye'r wanting a guid story, ah hae a few.”
For the umpteenth time that day, he blissfully nodded back at her. Even if she was more akin to a wrecking ball than a mare, was barely comprehensible, and built like a brick shit house, any company was better than no company at all. Making their way back towards the town, with Anon wondering what sort of twaddle he’d be subjected to, their morning came to a surprisingly serene conclusion...