Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries!
I’m going to admit right off the bat here that I have some mixed feelings about what it is I’ll be trying in today’s episode. I’m super excited to be trying it, but the reasons for why I’m trying it are, well… let’s just say that they’re less-than-ideal.
So in today’s episode, I’ll be trying to…form a girl group!
Now just to be clear, when I say ‘form a girl group’ I don’t mean form a new group of friends that are all girls. I’m very happy with the group of friends that I already have.
Though I am always open to making new friends in general.
No, what I mean is that I’m going to be forming a musical group of girls!
Exciting, right?!
But like I said, the reasons why I’m trying this aren’t quite what you might think. I’m not doing this because I’m looking to achieve some fillihood dream I had of being in a girl group or anything like that. Though I will admit that as a filly I did, at one point, wish that I could be a famous singer in a girl group.
The real reason why I’m doing this is…for bits. And I know that that makes me sound like one of those evil record company executives you see in the movies, but just hear me out.
As many of you probably already know, I run a private school located right next to my castle that’s dedicated to teaching friendship to any creature who wants to learn it. But what I’m sure some of you don’t know is that I don’t charge tuition to attend this school, and I’m sure that none of you know that the property taxes on this school are astronomical!
Seriously, you should see how high the property taxes on the school are! It’s completely insane! I mean, there’s no way I can possibly afford to pay them with what I make right now, and I’m a princess!
*DEEP BREATHING*
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Sorry, I got a little too worked up there for a moment.
But anyways, I’m in a real pickle right now about how to resolve this issue. I really don’t want to have to start charging my students to attend the School of Friendship, but if I don’t think of some way to get the bits to pay the taxes on it I risk losing the school altogether.
And in case you were wondering; No, I can’t use my powers as a princess to abolish the property tax laws.
Yet.
So I started thinking of ways to start earning a few more bits. I started thinking of some ideas like taking out a loan or auctioning off a few of my rarer books, but I didn’t feel like any of those ideas were good ones. Especially the one about auctioning off my books.
I don’t want to get rid of any of my books.
For a while it felt like I wasn’t going to come up with anything, but one afternoon I heard Spike listening to a Mares’ Generation song and I remembered that girl groups like them tend to make big bits. So I figured I’d try forming one of my own to raise the capital I need to keep the School of Friendship open.
Now I know what some of you might be asking; But Twilight, aren’t you and your friends already a girl group on account of how you sometimes randomly break out into songs together? Well, yes, my friends and I do sing together on occasion, but we don’t really do it in a performing manner…at least most of the time. So that’s why I’m putting together an entirely new group of mares for this.
But enough about why it is I’m forming this girl group, let’s meet the ponies who will be making up Wonder Mares!
That name isn’t final, just fyi.
After doing some research, I’ve discovered that every successful girl group consists of ponies with various personality traits in order to make them as appealing to their audience as possible. The traits tend to vary from group-to-group, but I’ve been able to identify the five most common ones; Sassy, dramatic, meek, rebel, and cute.
Of those five categories, I feel I fit the cute role best. So let’s head over here and meet our sassy pony, Starlight Glimmer!
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For the last time, Starlight, you’re doing this because I need bits to make sure the school stays open. And since you don’t pay rent around here this is the least you can do to help.
Unless of course you want to start paying rent.
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That’s what I thought.
And over here we have our dramatic pony, Photo Finish!
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Yes, we will make much ‘magics’ indeed, Photo!
Boy, she could really give Rarity a run for her bits in the drama department.
Now over here we have our meek mare, Coco Pommel!
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Don’t worry, Coco, I promise that this won’t take away from your designing time.
And last, but certainly not least, we have our rebel pony, Tempest Shadow!
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Oh come on, Tempest. You said you wanted to learn more about friendship, and being a part of this girl group will be a great opportunity to do just that!
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Nice try, Tempest, but I know you can sing. You sang that song to me about opening up my eyes after you captured me, remember?
Now are you in or not?
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Great!
So why don’t we all get started by doing some vocal exercises. Are you ready over there, Spike?
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Key of G sounds good.
Alright, ready, everypony? 1…2…3
Okay, that was…good. But let’s maybe try that again, hmm? Remember, key of G.
Okay, 1…2…3
You know what? Let’s start with dancing first.
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Okay, so we’ll start out with a simple step-ball-change, like this.
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Got it?
Now you all try.
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*CRASH*
Oh dear! Is everypony okay?!
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Oh thank goodness.
Okay, so maybe we’ll save dancing for later too. How about we go choose what outfits we’ll be wearing on stage instead, hmm?
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Great! Follow me, girls.
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This is fine. Everything is fine.
Alright, everypony, over here is a box containing an assortment of clothes that Rarity generously donated to our group. You can start rummaging through it to find an outfit that works for you if you want, I’ll just be over there, um…thinking of ideas for songs.
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Okay, so they’re a little rough around the edges in regards to the music and dancing aspects of being in a girl group, but they’ll get better with practice. And if need be, as an absolute last resort, we can just use auto-tune and not move at all during ours shows.
*YELLING*
Oh what now?
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Starlight, Tempest, calm down!
Now what are you both yelling about?
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You both want to wear this hat? Hmm, okay.
You know, I think I saw two of this hat in the box when Rarity gave it to me. How about we find the other one and then the two of you can each wear the hat?
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What do you mean they both can’t wear the same hat, Photo?
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The clothes we wear on stage should be a defiant statement of individuality, huh?
I guess that makes sense….I think.
Okay, well…just flip a coin to see which one of you gets to wear the hat, Tempest and Starlight.
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What’s that, Coco? You want to design your own outfit?
Sure, that sounds like a great idea!
Alright, everypony, while you all finish getting you’re outfits together I’m going to go and see about booking some shows. Be back in a bit.
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Just a few extra hiccups is all, everything is still fine.
Good news, girls, I think I got us a small show at…
Okay. Starlight looks like one of the Village People, Tempest looks like some sort of cross between David Bowie and Billy Idol, Coco looks like she’s going to a masquerade ball, and Photo Finish…I’m not even going to try and understand what it is she’s wearing.
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This is no longer fine. I’m just going to shut this whole thing down before it gets any worse.
So, um, bad news, girls. I wasn’t able to find any place that wanted to book us for a show.
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Yeah, apparently boy bands are the hot thing right now, so we’re just out of luck.
But thanks to all of you for your willingness to be a part of all this anyways. I think we would've had an...interesting time together.
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What will I do about the bits for the school’s property taxes?
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just have the students sell candy bars or something to raise the bits needed and call it a friendship lesson about charity.
So anyways, thanks again, everypony, and have a safe journey home.
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Yes, Starlight, I know you’re already home.
No denying that that mare was definitely the perfect sassy-type for the girl group.
Well, that just about does it for this episode of Twilight Tries. Obviously things didn’t quite go the way I had hoped, but all things considered I feel like this was, if nothing else, a learning experience.
I mean, after all the times my friends and I performed fully choreographed songs at the drop of a hat without any kind of rehearsal beforehoof, I just assumed that you could put together a group of random ponies and get the same results. And now, I know that you can’t.
But as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries!