Dawn's Candor

by Clarke Otterton


Chapter 9

Dawn threw herself to the other side of her cot. She could not quite remember how she had gotten back in her tent the previous night. She recalled some bits of the party, especially the horde of confetti, mounds of cake, and ecstatic energy Pinkie Pie brought to the officers’ mess. About halfway through the party Pinkie and Ditty had started a duet together, playing a lively tune that Dawn supposed was ragtime. A few ponies had danced to the music, but Dawn had been more interested in the connection between Ditty and Pinkie. Her inquiries between sets had explained that Ditty had been a clerk at the music store in Ponyville, and that the two had built a rapport when Pinkie came in one day needing instruments to quell an sudden infestation of parasprites.

Dawn rolled over and pulled her blanket tighter against the morning’s chill. She supposed that, despite her current headache, the night had gone well. The other officers had seemed receptive to her, but Dawn did not know whether to attribute it to the smiling pink pony’s energy, Major Bolt’s eloquent introduction, or the punch. The punch had been exceptional, although Dawn could not remember much beyond her fourth cup. She suspected Pinkie’s recipe had been enhanced by some of the ponies in the mess.

The light that bled through the canvas told Dawn she could no longer stay in bed. She pulled her blanket off and tossed her hooves over the edge of the cot. The ground was higher and squishier than she expected.

“Ouch!” the ground yelped.

“Oh, sorry Rainbow Dash,” Dawn muttered. “Wait, what are you doing here again?” Dawn rubbed her eyes and tried to put together a logical reason from the blurred memories.

“We came back together last night, remember?” Rainbow said between a yawn. “Because somepony forgot to put tents on her packing checklist.” Dawn did not, but she accepted the story in lieu of a less savory explanation which she pushed to the back of her mind.

Dawn sat down at her desk and started brushing her coat, while Rainbow took her place on the cot. She was surprised to see a new khaki tunic folded neatly next to her crumpled red one, along with a note that read, “Here is your new uniform, darling. I have no doubt it will look absolutely divine on you!”

Rarity works fast, Dawn concluded, running her hooves through the cotton drill material. Rarity had even made the helmet cover, the gold stitching of the Royal Seal on the blue regimental flash done with exceptional precision. I don’t deserve this, Dawn said to herself as she pulled the tunic on and fastened her saber belt, but I’ll prove that I do.

A heated conversation outside stopped Dawn from exiting her tent. Both voices carried the twang of a country accent.

“Why didn’t ya tell me you were up here, Big Mac?” Applejack interrogated. “It’s bad enough I got to worry ‘bout Apple Bloom goin’ to school, but now you’re here in harm’s way.”

“I was gonna tell, but we got a little busy…”

“But why now, brother? You ain’t tired of the apple farm, ain’t ya?”

“Ayep. I mean, nope. I mean …” Big Mac stuttered.

“Be honest with me, Bic Mac,” Applejack pressed. Big Mac sighed.

“Well,” Big Mac began, “the extra money will help out on the farm. An’ I reckon I jus’ wanted some adventure. An’ a chance t’ lead.”

“Where’d you get that idea?”

“An officer who believes in me,” Big Mac said proudly. Dawn felt a mixture of pride and embarrassment through the canvas.

“Well, if this is where ya think you belong, brother, I ain’t going to be the one to stop you. Ya gotta be true to yourself. Just promise me you’ll be safe,” Applejack’s voice softened. The faint thump and rustle of clothes suggested to Dawn that the two hugged each other.

Dawn, wanting to avoid suspicion of having overheard the conversation, snuck out of her tent from the back. She tripped over Applesnack as she ducked under the canvas. “What the hay!” she exclaimed.

“Good morning, lieutenant,” Applesnack said, quickly coming to his feet and rendering a salute. His normally grim expression was replaced with a coltish grin.

“What are you doing here, Private Applesnack?”

“Nothing, ma’am. Well, actually, I came for you. The captain’s been looking for you.” Dawn raised an eyebrow but decided to accept Applesnack’s excuse; she wanted to stay on his good side. She also had yet to meet her new commanding officer, Captain Cherry Bounce, so Applesnack’s message was entirely expected.

“Thank you, Applesnack. I was just on my way over there.” Applesnack nodded then departed. Dawn noticed him glance back to where Applejack and Big Mac were walking. She had never seen him smile like that. Dawn smirked, then trotted to catch up to Big Mac.

“Mornin’, lieutenant,” he said. Applejack glanced at her brother then smiled at Dawn. “Where are ya off to, ma’am?”

“I’m on my way to meet with Captain Bounce. I am taking over as C Company’s XO,” Dawn said.

“That’s where I’m a headin’,” Big Mac said. Dawn barely hid the surprise that flashed her ears up. She suspected Major Bolt had a hand in the assignment.

“Well, that’s a relief, knowin’ my brother is servin’ alongside an honest officer,” Applejack said. “Some of those unicorn types last night was a bit too uppity for my taste.” The details of her first night in the mess filled Dawn’s thoughts, waiting to be exposed, but she held her tongue.

“You’ll promise to keep Big Mac safe, won’t ya, Dawn?” Applejack asked.

“Don’t worry Applejack,” Dawn said, hoping to alleviate the anxiety on Applejack’s face. She knew that her answer was a lie, that her personal mission to prove herself would make her dangerous to any pony that followed her. But she knew it was also the truth, for she would do everything she could to keep the ponies around her from harm.

“So tell me about this here Malt pony we’re supposed to meet,” Applejack said.

“What about her?” Dawn said, taken off guard by the request.

“I jus’ wanna know what we’re getting’ ourselves into. What’s she like?”

“Friendly, I suppose, and a pretty yellow color with blue eyes. She’s a farmer. I think she has a pet dog,” Dawn stumbled. She left out the part about nearly killing the yellow mare.

“Huh, I’ve got a dog, too. Winona’s her name.” Applejack chuckled heartily. “Sounds like we got a lot in common.”

“Ayep,” agreed Big Mac. He stopped in front of the tent that served as the company’s headquarters. He turned to hug his sister. “You’ll do great, A.J.”

“I’ll miss you, Big Mac,” Applejack said. Dawn looked at her hoof. She took a startled breath as the orange mare wrapped her forelegs around her and squeezed. “An’ it was good to see you again, Dawn.”

“You … too,” Dawn breathed out. She gasped as Applejack released her grip and walked away. Then she looked at Big Mac and motioned for him to follow her inside.

Captain Cherry Bounce did not look up from her desk as the lieutenant and sergeant marched in. She was a cherry red unicorn with a face that suggested a bubbly personality. Her desk was a mess of red-liquid filled bottles and stacks of ledgers and paper.

“Lieutenant Dawn Glean and Sergeant MacIntosh reporting as ordered,” Dawn stated. She added a click of her hooves to draw extra attention after the captain ignored their initial greeting.

“Oh, sorry, stand at ease ponies,” Bounce said following a shake of her head. “I’m a little out of it today. You wouldn’t believe the headache I’ve got.” The throbbing in Dawn’s own head made her sympathetic of her captain. “Drinks,” Bounce asked, gesturing to a half-empty bottle. Dawn and Big Mac shook their heads to decline. “Suit yourself,” she said while refilling her glass.

“Let’s cut straight to business, shall we? Lieutenant Dawn, here is all of the paperwork you will be responsible for,” she said while placing a hoof down on the stack of ledgers. “Bolty tells me you’re an excellent clerk pony. And since we are short on officers since our last engagement, I’ll have you take over the skirmishers if we do see any action. Don’t look so down-trodden, this is a fun company!” Dawn forced a smile. She was not looking forward to the tedious task before her, especially if the company’s records were kept as loose as its commander.

“What is the current establishment of the company?” Dawn asked.

“Normally, 237 ponies, but we are currently at 206 ready for duty, I think. Which reminds me,” Bounce said, turning around in her chair. “Sergeant MacIntosh, I’ll have you take over the role of quartermaster sergeant and report directly to the lieutenant here, since poor Sergeant Spoke took a bullet in the hock and Bolty says you have experience in wagon trains, yes?”

“Ayep… I mean, yes, ma’am.”

“Great! Oh, just wait until you meet the ponies. They are at the train right now getting issued uniforms. Sergeant, head over there and get yours. And since you appear to already have yours, lieutenant, you can start writing out the inventory slips!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dawn muttered.

“Our company entrains in three hours. I’ll see you then. Dismissed.”

Dawn plopped down on the train bench, exhausted. Her mouth cramped from two hours of writing, and her throat was scratchy from yelling orders to get her ponies onboard. Major Bolt had ordered the departure time moved up after several weather wise pegasi reported a strong storm approaching. The rails over the mountains were treacherous even in good weather.

The entraining process had been frustrating for Dawn. She had gathered in her short time with the company that Captain Bounce seemed to be popular among everypony; several enlisted had even called her a friend. But to them, the lieutenant was just another noisy officer and an outsider trying to sap the fun away. Dawn was thankful for Big Mac whose size and voice somehow had more authority in getting ponies to move than the rank on her cuff.

Dawn shifted her weight and unbuttoned her tunic to get comfortable. She balanced a ledger on the bench and divided her attention between the rows of figures on the page and the landscape beginning to move outside her window. The brown bush of the veldt melted away under the gray sheets of rain that followed the train. Droplets pattered against the windowpane as the train rounded the mountains, turning briefly to snow at the crest, then back to rain once the train descended into the Crystal Empire countryside.

The train made a brief stop in the capital to restock on coal. Dawn got up to stretch and swap ledgers in the baggage car. The rain stopped by the time she returned to her seat, but dark clouds clung to the horizon in stark contrast to the fresh blue patches of sky. Eventually, the monotonous rattling of the train and the tedious work on the ledgers lulled Dawn into the temptation of sleep.

She woke up several hours later. The cabin inside the railcar was dark save for flashes of moonlight that occasionally peeked through gaps in the clouds. From where her head rested on the bench Dawn could see the yellow glow of lights reflecting on the clouds. She figured that the train must be nearing the suburbs of Fetlock just outside Manehattan. She started to stir until she overheard Star and Belle talking in hushed tones on the bench behind her. She decided to remain quiet.

“I don’t understand what you see in her,” Belle said sourly. “She’s just another earth pony masquerading where she shouldn’t be.”

“What do you mean, Belle?” Star defended. “She’s a good officer, and a friend. Besides, what’s so bad about earth ponies? Just look outside at how beautiful their way can be,” Star said while pointing her hoof at the window.

The scene outside was indeed beautiful. Neatly paved streets adorned with cute houses and well-groomed trees flickered past the window, the rows of electric lights glittering to illuminate the homes of Fetlock. The electric light bended around the houses and reached into the darkness of the sky, preventing it from descending on the ponies asleep below. “Equestria owes her progress to the innovation that has been led by earth ponies.”

“Sure, but what happens when that progress replaces the real Equestria, the one that was guided purely by the light from magic?” Belle was not convinced. “What you see as beautiful I see as artificial. Look outside again.”

Dawn lifted her head up, intrigued by Belle’s argument. The warm glow she had seen in the clouds was now harsh as it came from the light poles. While the glowing bulbs kept away the overall darkness of the night, they also cast new shadows that lurked between buildings and trees. Dawn set her head back down and turned her eyes back towards the night sky. She looked for the stars and moon but saw none of them except for the very brightest which attempted to compete with the haze of yellow light.

“Take my advice, Star,” Belle continued. “Stay away from Lieutenant Dawn.”

“No. I can’t, not when she’s been so nice to me. I don’t know why, but she’s not like other earth ponies. Or other officers, for that matter.” Star cast a glance back to where Dawn pretended to sleep.

“She’s not the kind of pony you want to follow if you want to have a career,” Belle sighed. “Or want to live.”

The train stopped just outside the docks of Manehattan and remained there for the rest of the night. Major Bolt had walked over from the staff car and briefed the battalion’s officers on the plan for boarding the ship. Dawn learned that the commander of the expedition was a Colonel Spitfire, wing commander for the famed 1st Pegasus Wing. She also learned that Spitfire’s staff had forgone the arrangement of billets for the battalion. Thus, everypony was required to stay on the train until morning when the ship and the rest of the expedition would arrive. It was the typical hurry up and wait situation that the military ponies were accustomed to.

Dawn tried to sleep through the night, but her mind was uneasy. Giving up on rest, Dawn once again tackled her administrative duties, correcting mistakes in the company’s books by the yellow light that peered in from the docks. After several hours she looked up to see that the sky outside had begun to gray with the approach of morning. She packed away the ledgers as Major Bolt walked into the car.

“Alright, everypony, let’s get to it. A, B, and D company, you’re on the Berrichonhead. C company, since you’re the smallest, you’ll be on the frigate Phoenix.” The major’s briefing was punctuated by the clatter of hooves as the officers exited the car and trotted towards their ponies. Dawn tried to spot Captain Bounce, but lost sight of her through the thick mist that carried with it the smell of salt and burning coal. She found Big Mac instead standing outside of C Company’s cars.

“Mornin’, ma’am.”

“Good morning, Big Mac. Have you seen the captain come by to give orders yet?”

“Nope,” Big Mac said. Dawn muttered something under her breath.

“Go ahead and see that the baggage gets loaded on the Phoenix. I will start moving the ponies on board,” Dawn said. She spotted Cornet Star and the rest of C Company’s platoon leaders in a circle outside the other end of the car. “Let’s start loading, everypony. No time to stand around,” she said as she trotted up to them.

“Is that an order from the captain?” Belle glared. Dawn returned the stare. Star and the other two cornets stepped back.

“No, it’s an order from the major, Belle. Last I checked he commanded here.”

“We were just waiting for Captain Bounce to get started,” Star chimed in, looking around for the cherry colored mare. Dawn broke eye contact with Belle.

“I reckon the captain may’ve already gone onboard,” Cornet Polish said. “So, I’m guessing the lieutenant’s right and there isn’t any use for us to twiddle our hooves.” Dawn’s eyes softened as Cornet Sprint, one of the few pegasi officers, nodded in agreement with her unicorn brother’s theory.

She looked towards the frigate, trying to spot a patch of red moving between the ship’s rigging. She finally sighted her underneath the smokestack which was already belching a plume of dark smoke. On the Berrichonhead docked next to the Phoenix Dawn could see the pegasi of the dragoons moving crates as well as pieces of light artillery onto the ship’s deck. Ponies darted between the masts of both vessels, unfurling the sails and tossing ropes.

“Right then, no time to lose,” Dawn commanded. The cornets trotted away, yelling for their sergeants as they moved. Dawn followed Belle. She felt an urge to grab the unicorn and pull her in between two rail cars for a little conversation. She let her frustration at the mare’s actions drive each step that led her closer. The lies, the disrespect after everything she had done, all of it ran through her mind as she reached out her hoof towards Belle’s withers. Then she stopped.

She stopped because the voice in her head begged her to listen. She’s right. Dawn did not want to believe it, but the hurt pressed on her and coaxed her to accept it. What kind of pony am I to do this? Dawn froze alone in the middle of the docks. She wanted to cry. She spun around, looking at the orderly chaos of ponies dashing about, yelling orders and loading the ships. And do I really belong here?

Dawn held her tears back until the expedition’s little flotilla got under way. She leaned against the railing on deck, watching the Manehattan skyline drift further into the hazy distance. The sun was at her back, glistening on the metal tops of skyscrapers. The ocean sprayed against the ship and onto Dawn’s face, mixing with the other salty liquid that trickled from her eyes.

“Are you alright, Dawn?” Dawn lifted her head from her hooves and faced a concerned Star.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s a lovely view, isn’t it?” Dawn smiled while looking out across the sea.

“Yeah, it is. It’s weird. This is the farthest I’ve been from Equestria.”

“Same,” Dawn said, replacing her head on her hooves.

“I think it’s exciting, all the possibilities and the adventure. But why are you sad? Surely, you’ve got to be excited, too?” Star placed her hoof on Dawn’s withers.

Dawn said nothing but continued to look into the distance. She was not sure what to say. Part of her wanted to load her burden onto the young unicorn standing next to her, but another, larger part of her convinced her that she alone deserved the burden. Dawn let her ears fall flat and sighed. “Do you remember our conversation on the train from Ponyville?” Dawn asked.

“Of course,” Star said cheerily. “You were so helpful and made me feel better about my place here.” Star started rubbing her hoof. “But what’s that got to do with right now? You’re not feeling homesick, are you?” Dawn was not sure she had a home to feel homesick for.

“I don’t …” she began. Star brought her head around to look into Dawn’s eyes.

“Well push those sad thoughts away, because this is your home, this battalion, these ponies. Major Bolt said it just the other night, you belong here.” Dawn felt the warmness pooling under her eyes.

“I wish I could believe that,” she said, her thought finding a voice.

“Sure you can,” Star’s grin melded into a sincere smile. “I believe in you, Dawn. And you should believe in yourself.”

Dawn let the words echo. She wanted to accept them as true, but she was afraid that they were a lie, a fantasy that she knew would inevitably topple. Dawn tried to match Star’s smile as she let her eyes meet the young unicorn’s, her body relaxing. Star was her friend. But she remembered her past missions, her failures, her ponies who had been killed. She felt the terror of dying, imagining Star in the place of Malt from her dream. The words of Major Bolt joined the echo of Star’s words, that the expedition “will involve many risks, and thus opportunities” … opportunities for your ponies, your friends, to get hurt, Dawn added to herself. No, I can’t let that happen, not to her. I might deserve it, but she doesn’t. Dawn looked away.

“I … I have to go finish some paperwork for the captain,” Dawn stammered. “And, thank you. But when we get to the islands, it’s probably best you stay away from me. I …” She trotted off before she could finish, not wanting to share her heart’s burden.

“Wait, Dawn,” Star called out. Dawn did not hear her. She ducked under a door and wandered through the frigate’s corridors. She was not sure where she was going. She felt lost. And she was fine with that.

Dawn paused outside a doorway labeled “Communications”. The sound of laughter coming from the room intrigued her for a brief moment. She sighed and lowered her head to look at her hooves.

“Lieutenant Dawn?” Ditty sounded excited as she appeared in the doorway. Dawn started to walk off. “Hey, you want to come join us for a game? We need another player.” Dawn looked back at Ditty. She doubted that she was really needed, but something in the contagious grin of the little unicorn tugged at her.

“Sure, Ditty, I’ll play a round or two,” Dawn said. Ditty squirmed and motioned with her hoof for Dawn to follow her through the doorway.

“Room, atten…” Applesnack scrambled to his feet.

“Please, carry on,” Dawn quickly said before she disrupted the other ponies trying to stand up. She looked around the room, which was little more than a closet. Along the back wall a tele-fire machine sat along with stacks of scrolls, quills, and several books. The machine looked new unlike the well-worn one she had seen from the Ponyville station. Arranged in a circle on the only floor space in the room were Crag and Ditty sitting across from Applesnack and Big Mac. She also noticed a fifth pony she had not met, or seen anything like, before. The black and white stripes across his body made Dawn realize he was not a pony, but rather a zebra. Ditty noticed the confused look that crossed Dawn’s face.

“This is the communications officer of the Phoenix, Ensign Xallec’t. And my best friend from our foal days in the orphanage,” Ditty explained, smiling fondly at her zebra friend.

“A pleasure it is to meet you. A friend of Ditty’s is my friend, too,” Xallec’t said, his voice betraying a slight accent which Dawn’s ears perked up at. Xallec’t offered an explanation.

“Ponish is a second language for me. The wars in my home made me a refugee.”

“I think your accent is so cool,” Ditty said. “And to think they told you to ditch those roots back at the orphanage,” she scoffed.

"Sometimes where a pony has come from is just as important as where she’s going,” Crag said. “Or zebra, beg your pardon, Xallec’t,” The zebra rolled his eyes and grinned.

“Are we going to play this game or what,” Applesnack grumbled.

“Ayep,” Big Mac chimed in, agreeing. Dawn took a seat in the circle. Crag dealt the cards. The game was a partner variation of canasta; Crag and Ditty were one team, Applesnack and Big Mac the second, while the officers formed the third.

The first two rounds were brutal for Dawn and Xallec’t. Big Mac managed to draw more wild cards than Dawn thought possible while Applesnack consistently played high scoring melds on the floor. The third round started off as the other two had. Dawn frowned at the lack of plays in her hand of cards. Then she got lucky when Ditty absent-mindedly threw just the card she needed. Dawn managed to get into her hoof a turn after Xallec’t. The cards stacked in her favor perfectly. She let a smirk cross her face as she looked at Xallec’t; he had the same idea.

“You ready to go out, partner?” Dawn asked.

“Yes, my friend. Let this round end.” Dawn laid all her cards on the floor. Applesnack’s jaw dropped.

“Celestia damn me to the moon,” Applesnack roared. He scattered his cards for everypony to see. “I was about to do that!” Crag chuckled.

“Leave it to officers to show you how it’s done,” Dawn said between her grin. Big Mac stood up in a mock salute.

“Ayep, ma’am.” The circle broke out in laughter. Dawn laughed with them. For a moment, she felt like she belonged. These ponies were becoming her friends, and perhaps even her home. But the brightness and warmth of the moment reminded her just how dark and cold the future could be. Especially if she was the one to lead these ponies to it.