Canterlot General Hospital
Coltden, Canterlot, Equestria
Firesday, 3 Breeze Moon, 1001 Equestrian Era
Not for the first time, I was glad that my father had insisted on getting me legally capable of signing my own paperwork. The nurse gave me a skeptical look over my release orders, her graying blond mane falling into her aqua eyes.
“And who did you say was coming to get you?” she asked, her tone clearly brooking no nonsense.
“Doctor Witching Hour said she was sending someone to pick me up. I don’t know who it is,” I explained, again. “They should’ve been here by now,” I muttered, turning to look around the station before returning my attention to the nurse. I noticed then that her badge read “F. Cure, DNP”.
Nurse Cure sighed heavily, looking over my shoulder at something or someone behind me. “He’s here.” She then muttered several oaths under her breath. “Listen… He’ll knit you a sweater from the yarns he’ll spin, but don’t believe two-thirds of it and be skeptical about the rest. And for the love of the Royal Sisters, don’t let him talk you into doing any foolhardy stunts.”
Her magic took the discharge papers and the folder of exercises to do at home and shoved it into my chest, almost pushing me back a few inches from the force of it as the nurse dashed away, leaving me baffled, and now trying to pick up the mess of papers scattered on the floor because Nurse Cure’s magic vanished before I grabbed them.
Sighing, I scooped the lot up under my wing. I’d sort it out once I met this random stallion my doctor had recruited to show me around Canterlot and figured out why the nurse had felt so strongly about him being a braggart. I turned around and saw a pegasus I’d only glanced over before, but he now had a sign that read “Cloudsdale Clutz” on it. I rolled my eyes, remembering now that my injuries were supposed to be from an accident in one of the weather factories.
He wasn’t bad looking, with a deep wine red coat, white hooves and a messy pink and purple mane cut short in a style that reminded me of my brother, Pine, if he’d not gotten to his mane-care products yet. He wasn’t particularly tall or short, heavy-set or slender… He was average for a pony, if a little more well-toned, and certainly stockier than most pegasi ever got outside militaries. Whatever this stallion did, it kept him fit. I wandered over to him, idly wondering who this stallion was that he knew Witching Hour and if she’d be upset if I made a pass at him.
“You Witchy’s newest lab rat?” he asked, casually folding up his paper sign and tucking it into a pocket of his khaki vest. I chuckled a little at the description.
“I suppose you could say that,” I agreed amiably. It was then I noticed the heavy scent that clung to him like a cape - like old wood, pine and flowers. It was an odd smell to hang around a stallion, and certainly around a pegasus. “I presume I’m in a fellow lab rat’s company?”
The stallion laughed heartily, and it was a rich sound, but not overly loud. “Oh Witchy’s been using me as her test subject for years,” he said, waving the status away. “I hardly notice anymore… Don’t worry, anything she removes grows back… Usually.”
“I’m rather more concerned about the things she grows back falling off unexpectedly,” I retorted, amused at this stallion’s cavalier attitude.
“Well, in any case, best not to infuriate the good and honorable doctor by disobeying orders and I’ve been instructed to show you the parts of town where no self-respecting… What did she say you called unicorns? Cone faces?” he trailed off, looking to me expectantly.
I laughed outright, then corrected him, “Cone heads.”
“Right! Where no self-respecting cone head dare set hoof, lest they be disowned by their high and mighty families!” he finished his declaration with a flourishing wave of his hoof and a bow that wouldn’t have been out of place in the courts or mansions of the elite of the city. “I, my dear lady, am Leaf Wind, your tour guide and stallion for all you could possibly want in Canterlot.”
Smirking, I allowed myself a long, lingering perusal of his body. “Oh really? Everything I could want?” I purred, finally bringing my eyes up to meet his.
He coughed, his blush turning his face almost black, and I could see his wings fluttering as he attempted to rein in automatic reflexes. “Sorry, Miss Wrench… I fly solo,” he managed to sputter out, clearly made uncomfortable by the look I still gave him. I relented, chuckling.
“Ah well… Was worth a shot,” I shrugged and started for the doors. “Well c’mon then… I don’t want to risk Doctor Hour’s wrath any more than you do, I’m sure…” He staggered after me a few steps but managed to catch up with me at the doors.
“Well… that aside…” It seemed my guide was finally getting his voice and blush under control as he came up beside me. “Was there anywhere you wanted to go first?”
“Well… I could use some real food after all the hospital crap I’ve been choking down for two weeks?” I suggested hopefully.
“Follow me then!” he proclaimed, grinning fit to split his face. “I know just the place…”
Fine Brew’s Tea Room & Pub
Oxton, Canterlot, Equestria
Firesday, 3 Breeze Moon, 1001 Equestrian Era
So…
No shit, there I was, sitting at a table in a cozily lighted pub, sipping on some very excellent cider, nibbling on a fried halibut sandwich, and watching as my ‘guide’ got teased mercilessly by a dark grey unicorn and a white earth pony who were, judging by said guide’s protests, his mother and father.
“MOM!!! DAD!!! For the last time, she’s not my date!!!” Leaf wailed plaintively. “Witchy asked me to show her around since she’s moving to town to keep up with her therapy!!!”
I set down my mug and coughed to catch the attention of the parents. “He really is just showing me around town. I mentioned I wanted real food after a long stay at the hospital, so he brought me here.” I smiled sheepishly at Leaf now. “Sorry for not stepping in sooner… I was rather enjoying the show.”
Leaf groaned theatrically while his parents chuckled appreciatively. “This is the last time I’m doing Witchy any favors -”
“Famous last words, son,” the earth pony stallion chimed, smirking.
“- for her patients…” Leaf finished, doing his best to ignore his father’s comment.
“Don’t you have any siblings, Leaf? Geez.” I shook my head at him. “I get worse than this from mine… and my parents too.” Three sets of eyes, one pair a vibrant blue and the other two a deep amethyst, stared at me as I reached for my mug again, making me pause. “What?” I demanded, and that set the parents laughing again.
Leaf groaned, leaning heavily on the table and burying his face in his hooves. “Monkey… Didn’t Witchy tell you?” he asked, almost comic in his exasperation.
“Tell me what?” I retorted, now getting a trifle cross. “She said she’d find me someone to show me around. Tartarus, I didn’t even know your name until you introduced yourself!” This appeared to only amuse the parents further, and they were now wheezing while attempting to support each other from falling to the floor in their fits. “Can someone please enlighten me?” I demanded, now truly vexed at the comedy of the parents and the drama of Leaf.
The unicorn, brushing laugh-tears from her eyes, finally calmed down enough to respond. “Witchy… is his sister…” Which was all she could choke out before collapsing against her earth pony husband again, the pair of them laughing like hyenas.
‘I’m going to strangle whoever made that damned dossier,’ I thought venomously, mentally adding information to it with large, red capital letters. Doing my best to keep the ire from showing on my face, I blinked once or twice then sighed. “Well, I suppose that makes sense… What’d she blackmail you with then?”
“Probably that she’d make him see Nurse Faith Cure instead of patching him up herself the next time he came back from some tall-tale adventure,” the older stallion chuckled, finally regaining his composure, though his white face was still almost red enough to match his mane. “Though why he thinks it’s necessary to go all the way to Vietmane just to get yellow lilies and dayflowers is beyond me. He could just as easily pick them up in San Franciscolt…”
“Dad,” protested Leaf again, “I pay my own way there so it’s not cutting into the apothecary’s profits, and if I didn’t go, my friend would wind up with a mouthful of buttercups!”
“Ah yes… Your mysterious travel companion…” the mare mused thoughtfully. “And just when are you going to introduce us to him?”
“Her,” corrected Leaf, seemingly out of reflex because the moment the single syllable hit the air, the color drained comically from his face as the mare got an almost predatory gleam in her violet eyes.
“Oh a her, is it?” she asked, grinning ferally.
“Horse apples,” Leaf cursed.
Before either parent could start in on Leaf again, I coughed politely. “As entertaining as this show is, I think I’d like to wait a week for the next installment, if you don’t mind?” I took a quick sip of the cider from my mug and added, “And also, proper introductions, if you please… Not that I didn’t already gather that your Leaf Wind’s parents… and also apparently my doctor’s. I’m Monkey Wrench.”
The unicorn seemed to flip a switch in her mind and suddenly she was all professional courtesy. “Do forgive the family banter, Miss Wrench. I’m Fine Brew. I own and run this pub and the tea room on the other side of the kitchens.” She made a vague, waving gesture over her shoulder towards the swinging double doors before then indicating the earth pony beside her. “This is my husband, Holly Sweep.”
Deciding to play dumb, I hummed thoughtfully. “Fine Brew… Why does that name sound familiar?”
“It was on the sign over the door as we came in?” Leaf suggested dryly, earning himself a swat on the back of his head from his mother.
“Leaf Wind Grey!” I flinched in sympathy at Fine Brew’s use of Leaf’s full name. No one messed with a mother who was angry enough to use more than a familial nickname… Especially when she could call on three names as they could in the noble families of Canterlot. “You know perfectly well why else my name might be familiar, even if my parents, being who they are, like to remind us all on a regular basis that they don’t consider you or your father up to snuff.”
“Ah… Nobility… Say no more, please!” I held my hooves up in mock-surrender. “I spent enough time over the last two weeks with my head splitting. I don’t need an encore.”
“Of course you don’t… And nor do I, really,” Fine Brew sighed heavily and leaned on the table, for the moment every inch the friendly barkeeper. “So… This was your first stop then? Leaf? Do make sure she at least passes through Hyde Park. I know the snots like to prance around up there, but the grounds are lovely and they can’t make too much of a scene if you’re just walking through… say… to visit Miss Haze in Bromley.”
“Why would she need to visit Nurse Haze? Seriously Mom.” Leaf was baffled. “She’s already gonna have Witchy breathing down her neck, and her nurses will likely be not far behind her. Do you really need to sic another medical professional on her?”
“I don’t recommend a visit to Miss Haze just because she’s a nurse, Leaf,” Fine Brew retorted stiffly, looking every inch her rank as a viscountess and heiress. “Never underestimate the value of a good network of ponies you can rely on, and you know very well how reliable Emerald Haze has been to our family, as a customer and as a mentor to Witch.”
Another notation, this one in blue ink instead of red, added that information to my mental notes on my doctor. “Actually, where does the weather team operate out of?”
When Fine Brew opened her mouth to reply, Leaf groaned again, this time more comically. “Mom… Witch’ll make sure I’m the next one in line for that new spell of hers if I show her where she can get a job her first day out of the hospital! Please spare me that!!!”
“Alright alright!” I conceded. “The procedure wasn’t so bad but the time between is what I’d not wish on anyone… So how about a safer idea; where’s Kazoozles Commons in Hackney?”
Fine Brew made a little scowl at the mention of the district. “You couldn’t get anything better?” she asked.
“Oh come now, love,” Holly Sweep chided her gently. “She’s just a youngun, and I’ll bet you a pound of my best herbs to an ounce of your best tea that it’ll be her first time living away from her parents. It’s a commoner right of passage to live in a shitty apartment for at least a few months while they get themselves established in a new place!”
“Holly!” protested Fine Brew, now frowning fiercely. “You have never been a commoner.”
“Tell that to Grandmother Grey…” Leaf grumbled under his breath.
Apartment 2B, Kazoozles Commons
Hackney, Canterlot, Equestria
Firesday, 3 Breeze Moon, 1001 Equestrian Era
It was an intricate juggling act that finally allowed me to open the door to my new living space, since Fine Brew had loaded me down with not only the leftovers from lunch but also what seemed to be at least a week’s worth of meals and several canisters of several tea blends she was absolutely positive I would like. Leaf had offered to help with the bags, but I needed to make notes and I couldn’t have him around for that since they were notes on his sister. So, using what I’d learned from his reaction to my particular brand of flirtation, I drove him off. Honestly, with how fast he skittered away after that, I was surprised he’d not left a dust replica of himself behind.
Sighing heavily, I finally closed the door to my new apartment, tossing the keys onto a table near the door that looked as though it would fall apart with anything heavier set on it. With that in mind, I moved towards the kitchen with my impromptu groceries, intent on seeing that they were all put away in the ice box or cupboards before I fell over from exhaustion. I may have spent the last two weeks in a hospital, but the lack of use plus the fact that I was only walking around meant I was feeling at least three times my meager twenty years of age.
Before I made it much beyond the entryway though, the sound of a throat being cleared made me jump nearly out of my skin. Only very well honed reflexes kept my bags from dropping and scattering their contents all over the floor as I whirled around towards the noise.
“Oh I do apologize for startling you, Monkey Wrench, but I felt we should meet face to face,” the voice of an older stallion said from my living room. My eyes finally settled on the speaker, a caramel colored unicorn in a bright purple jacket sitting in an armchair that looked like it needed new upholstery and possibly new everything, given how it creaked with the stallion’s movement to stand.
“Well Miss Wrench, I’ll go ahead and get straight to the point, since you’ll be quite busy as soon as I leave here; I wanted to check in with you to see if there’s anything you needed right away that I could cut the red tape for?” the stallion asked frankly.
Immediately and without even thinking, I opened my mouth to reply. “Tar, feather and fire whoever gave you that damned dossier on Doctor Witching Hour. It makes NO mention of any other members of her family beyond her mother and maternal grandparents. I want a better grasp of her entire family and that… that…,” I stammered, fumbling for some accurate way to describe how terrible the file was. “That might as well be an excerpt from an index! It made no mention of her father, or her brother, which nearly made me step my hoof in it earlier today!”
I finally took a second to breathe, and then realized I’d just been going off at the Capo Minutor; the pony in charge of all Minutor Crystallum activity in Canterlot. ‘Me and my big mouth…’ I groaned mentally, now cringing at the prospect of potential punishment for being out of line. I’d seen ponies get sent on clearly goose chases just for this sort of thing and I did not relish the prospect of spending at least two weeks beating my head into a wall. I was doing that enough at my physio as it was.
“Chicken or goose?” the stallion simply asked with a serious nod.
I blinked. Then blinked again. “Wait… You’re taking me seriously about this?”
Earl Toffee frowned briefly and gave me a curious look. “Your father did brief you on this assignment, yes? Especially on the fact that this involves the Return of Hope herself?”
“Well… Yeah… He did…” I stammered, now fully confused.
“Good, so you realize that as the pony assigned to monitor Hope, if you say that a pony must be tarred and feathered for their shortcomings in preparing you for said mission, I’m going to ask you whether we use chicken feathers or goose feathers, and then see that the error is corrected and the pony properly feathered, yes?” the Earl asked earnestly.
“Make it pheasant feathers,” I responded, deciding to roll with this line of logic. “And maybe just use honey instead of tar… But still fire them. They’re shit at their job.”
“Excellent choice,” the Earl nodded, making a quick note. “Now, you mentioned a lack of information vital to doing your job, to the point that the exclusion of said information from the dossier almost caused you to fail the assignment before it could begin. Please compile a list of everything that you think you’ll need and get it to Victoria Veritas as soon as you are able, and we’ll make sure to get you the information by sunrise the next day. If at any point you do need something else right away, mark it Priority One and give it to Miss Veritas, and we’ll rush deliver that as well. Now, any other questions for me?”
I looked around the apartment, bemused. “One thing for the urgently needed list; I’m presuming someone can get me the contact information for the weather team captain? I know Doctor Hour said I shouldn’t be working too hard, but weather patrol’s a cakewalk, whatever she might think. And I’ll need a job to keep up reasonable pretenses of me staying in town. No one would doubt my parents fronting the first month’s rent, maybe even paying for the whole term of my rehab, but this is gonna be long term, and my physio won’t last forever.”
“Very well… I’ll see that it’s gotten to you… In a week,” Earl Toffee responded smoothly.
“WHAT?! A WEEK?!” I protested angrily. Fortunately for me, whatever punishment I might’ve gotten for such an outburst to the leader of my organization in the city was preempted by my wings making a fool of me. On reflex, my wings flared to full spread, not only sending a gust of wind around the apartment but also making me drop all my bags when I lifted from the floor and nearly took out the one ceiling light in the room.
“And that, Miss Wrench, would be why you’re waiting a week for that information,” Earl Toffee commented dryly, a slight smile on his face as his magic levitated the bags into the kitchen area, apparently having caught them before they could hit the ground. “You should be more careful with such parcels; Lady Grey’s finest is not something to waste.”