“Is that what you call this parasite?”
Princess Luna’s curt tone cut through the shock of seeing — rather than hearing — my life-long companion in crime.
“Parasite?”
Luna sneered as the smoky visage looked back with a slimy smile. “Yes. Parasite. I’d have removed this past failing of mine if it wouldn’t also kill you in the process. And I wanted to gauge your character before I made that choice.”
“And… This is why I’m…”
“A murderer?” Again, the princess’s callous demeanor cut me and I flinched. “Yes. And no.”
She brought the Whisper closer to her and it slowly lost its smile, looking more and more like a child about to be scolded. “How long have you been bound to this one?”
The Whisper found some measure of defiance and gave a scoff. “Gee mom, a thousand years and not even a hello? I missed you? I-”
The Whisper let out a strangled choke as Luna’s magic constricted it. At the same time, I felt something start to strangle me. It didn’t take a graduate from Canterlot University to know what was going on. “Just shut up and answer her,” I growled.
“Almost 20 years,” the Whisper gurgled. “And he’s been a good boy up until recently.”
The princess held on for a few moments as she processed this before letting go. “20 years,” Luna mused aloud. “So you were cursed since you were eight.”
I took in a much-needed breath. “Please, warn me before you do that Princess Luna…” I choked out. “What’s this all mean? What happened?”
“As I said, it’s a curse. A sentient curse that’s plagued Equestria now for 1,000 years,” she said. “It latches onto the soul and corrupts it. But as the years have passed, the curse has grown weaker. Strong-willed ponies like you and Laughter have somehow-”
“Laughter?” I interrupted. “Who’s Laught-”
I stopped. There wasn’t a whole lot of other ponies that the Princess has seen lately. And she used that name before.
And that meant...
“You… You don’t mean…”
“She means Pinkie Pie,” the Whisper said curtly. “I told you she was no good. I told you that there was something wrong. And if you had only listened, kept your distance, or even killed her when-”
Luna’s harsh gaze fell on the Whisper and it visibly shrunk back and in size. “...I’ll shut up.”
With a long sigh, Princess Luna nodded. “The parasite is right. The one you know as Pinkie Pie was one of those unfortunate souls that fell pray to the Nightmare’s curse.”
That hit hard. “So… We were alike…” I said numbly.
“In some ways yes,” Luna said. “You were both random ponies the curse found at some point in your lives. But you were both strong-willed enough and somehow managed to isolate parts of your soul and psyche. This caused the curse to manifest in different ways.”
She pointed to the Whisper and continued. “The parasite — or Whisper as you call it — is nothing more than an extension of your own will and personality. The piece of you that was cleaved free when the curse took hold.”
“The curse affected Laughter differently,” she continued. “From what I could tell, it affected her at an early age as well. If I had to hypothesize, the curse’s existence so repulsed her, her mind cleaved itself in twain and acted like it never existed. In the process, it created two new beings. Pinkie and Pinkamena.”
Something occurred to me and I stood up from my seat as panic took me.
“Wait, you said removing the Whisper from me would kill me. And you said Pinkie Pie is clean. How-”
Luna offered a smile and silently urged me to sit down.
“It was a stroke of dumb luck,” she said with a laugh. “From what I gathered, when you used that trick knife on Laughter, it caused the curse to panic, thinking it was dying. It made an attempt to flee the host on its own accord to save its own life. And because it left of its own volition, Laughter was left no worse for wear.”
That was a relief to hear. Even though I had gone through the act, it still had hurt. The realization that I didn’t kill her, even by proxy, was a load off my shoulders.
Luna saw this.
“Tell me Dayglow, why do you target the dregs of society? What is it about the worst Equestria has to offer draw you to them like a moth to flame?” She asked with a serious edge in her tone. “You’ve seen first-hoof what monsters this affliction can make. And yet, here you are.”
I tried to find my voice, my reason but it was just so far away.
Instead, the Whisper spoke up for me.
“Beats the hell out of me,” it scoffed. “You’re such a goody-two-hooves. You go through life, pretending you’re this shining beacon of good and purity. We both know you’re not. You and I both know you’re just one good push away from strangling the mailmare if she breaks your mailbox again. I don’t-”
“Shut up,” I growled sharply. This made both the Whisper and Luna start but I didn’t care. I could actually look it in the eye for the first time in my life and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity go.
“Contrary to what you think, I’m not a monster. I don’t get my kicks hiding under little fillies beds and jumping out to scream ‘boo’ — that’s your department,” I snapped. The Whisper gave me a look of indignation and snarled, ready to retort but I kept going. “I’m not a normal pony, I know that. I delight in the suffering and death of others, I know that. But I am no animal and I will not be a slave to that darkness. And if I’m going to be a bad pony, I’m at least going to do some good and wipe away those that are.”
The Whisper was staring at me, slack-jawed. It felt good to get that out. “I’m better than it. I’m better than you.”
I turned to Luna and found she was staring at me, agape too. And for a moment, I thought I had done something wrong. But she quickly composed herself and gave me a bit of a wry smile.
“A bad pony doing good,” she said with a laugh. But that mirth quickly faded and the princess took on a more serious tone.
“But back to matters at hoof… I cannot in good conscience let you operate freely and with impunity.”
That was a kick to the gut. I thought I had been home-free. But clearly not.
“That is why I…” She trailed off and stared into the middle distance, just over my shoulder for a few seconds. “You’re waking up. We’ll continue this conversation later.”
“Waking up? I-”
* * *
Something shook me violently and I awoke with a start. Looking around, I found Scootaloo yelling and grabbing on to me for dear life.
I thought something was very wrong, right up until I started listening to her.
“I overslept! Please, Daymos, I need to go to school! I’m sorry! Ms. Cheerilee’s gonna be so mad!”
Checking the clock, the little filly was right. It was around 9 a.m. — about two hours before she’s usually out the door and about five hours since I fell asleep.
She was still talking, acting like the world was about to end. And after everything I had been through, I couldn’t help but laugh. That made Scootaloo stop babbling.
“What-”
I put a hoof on her head and tussled her mane, making her trail off. “It’s fine,” I said plainly. “Don’t worry about school today. Everyone deserves a day to themselves.”
Scootaloo still looked worried. “But what about Cheerilee? She’s going to want to know why I wasn’t in class today.”
“I’ll vouch for you and tell her you had a stomach bug,” I said with a shrug. “Besides, it’s my fault for not waking you.”
“Well, alright I guess…” Scootaloo said. “I guess I got a day off from school to-”
“To get caught up on any homework you still need to do,” I said, laughing a bit as she started to pout.
“And then you enjoy the rest of your day,” I added, getting a small smile from her.
I stood up and started to make my way towards the bathroom. “Sorry for not waking you, I had a… late night,” I said. I was expecting a flurry of questions about my state. About my cuts and bruises.
“It’s alright,” she said. “I think a day-off would be good, anyway. I’ve got a science report I need to finish.”
No questions.
That was good.
Making my way to the bathroom, I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t aching like I did last night. I was about to chalk this up to the earth pony metabolism until I got to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror.
I didn’t have a single cut, scrape, or bruise to speak of. I looked tired, sure, but other than that? I was pristine.
“Guess I owe the Princess thanks,” I mumbled into the mirror.
I still felt physically — and emotionally — exhausted after the whole bout with Pinkamena and Twilight but a good shower would help that.
Climbing into the tub, I let the hot water fall and wash away some of my stress.
At least for a moment.
I still needed to go out. And I couldn’t let it go. I needed to see Pinkie and Twilight. To at least confirm I’m safe.
I couldn’t relax until I knew for 100% certain.
* * *
It felt so weird to walk through the streets of Ponyville, as if nothing had ever happened.
Less than 12 hours ago, I was running through these streets ready to kill a mare I thought I loved and face the solar princess for all the sins I’ve committed.
Now?
“Morning Daymos!”
“Morning Mr. Balm, how’s business?”
“Doing well! You have a nice day!”
“Hey Daymos, just got some fresh danvers in and the chantenays will be ready next week!”
“I might pick some up tomorrow, Ms. Carrot Top. Thank you.”
It was almost sickening how normal everything seemed. I killed a respected banker and a known cop. They’d been missing long enough that they’re presumed dead. And yet, everyone was still so happy.
Making my way to Sugarcube Corner I braced myself and opened the door.
There at the counter, as usual, was Pinkie Pie.
Smiling away without a care in the world. I smiled at her as she looked my way and she smiled.
But it faltered. Just for a second, but enough to notice.
I pretended I didn’t and instead made my way to the counter.
“Morning Daymos, how’ya doing?” She asked. It was good ol’ Pinkie, that was sure. Bubbly and happy. But I couldn’t help but notice there was something off.
“I’m doing well Pinkie. Are you okay?” I asked. “You look tired.”
It was probably stupid to ask and push my luck, but I had to make sure.
With a heavy sigh, Pinkie gave me a tired sigh. “I’m… I’ve been better,” she said. “I think I slept wrong last night. I’m really sore. And I had a bad nightmare.”
At the word “nightmare”, she gave me a small look. Again, barely noticeable but there.
“Is there anything you need?” I was actually concerned and wanted to help — but she shook her head.
“No… no, it’s fine. I’ve got some coffee brewing and a couple of willow-bark pills kicking in,” she gave me another smile, more genuine this time. “I’ll be okey-dokey by the end of the day.”
Before I could react, she leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. And at that moment, I felt my heart break a bit for this mare.
I first used her as just another layer for the mask. Then I used her to be with Pinkamena.
I used to think I was dead inside, but Scootaloo proved that to be wrong. Maybe, given time, I could feel something for Pinkie.
At the very least, I could make it up to her. And make her happy.
“How would you like to go out to dinner tonight?” I asked. That got a reaction out of her. She reeled back and blushed, trying to stammer out some sort of response.
I knew why. I always kept her at a hoove’s length away, so this must have been a shock. Finally, she found her voice.
“I-I think I’m free tonight.”
I smiled. A genuine smile. It was funny to see this normally hyperactive pony reduced to a stammering mess with one little nice gesture.
I leaned in and pressed the advantage.
“Just you and me. There’s this little restaurant I like, out near the marketplace. My treat.”
“...I… I… Okay…” She stammered out, smiling and as red as a tomato. “I’ve, uh, never seen you this forward, Daymos.”
“Things change,” I smiled and leaned in, placing a quick kiss of my own on her lips.
When I pulled back, Pinkie had a smile a mile long and was practically floating off the ground. “Good golly gosh, that was worth waiting for,” she mumbled.
Somepony else walked in and she started walking towards him before giving me a smile. “See ya tonight~”
Her voice had a happy lilt as she went about her job. Again, old Daymos would have been looking to clean his face and rinse his mouth.
But things do change. Normally, I would be repulsed by the idea of kissing but then again, I was repulsed by the idea of touching another pony just a few weeks ago.
What am I now? A father figure? A coltfriend?
What more can I be?
I was shocked out of my reverie when I almost collided with the next pony I planned to visit.
Twilight.
She looked a little frazzled and was just as surprised as I was. I did my best to compose myself quickly.
“Twilight. It’s good to see you,” I said, holding the door open for her.
Instead of walking through, Twilight gave me another long look before she realized what she was doing.
“Oh! Sorry! I’m sorry Daymos, sorry,” she said with an awkward laugh. “I’m, uh, I’m a little out of it.”
I gave her a concerned look and ushered her through the doorframe. “Are you alright?”
Twilight let out a long sigh. “I got a late start to the day. Spike usually wakes me but he’s been at Canterlot all week and I slept through my alarm. And I had these weird dreams and…”
She let out another sigh and made her way to one of the booths. “I really need a coffee.”
“Alright. Hope you feel better,” I called out, giving her a wave that she lazily returned.
As soon as the door to Sugarcube Corner was closed behind me, I let myself relax.
That was it.
Both of them seemed a little drained from last night’s conflict, but they had absolutely no memory.
Otherwise, I’d expect Twilight to try and blast me for the third time.
Whatever Princess Luna did, it altered their memory. And from the way they acted, I wouldn’t be surprised if the “dreams” of Twilight and Pinkie were very specific and about me.
All I could hope was that things got to some level of normal soon.
Yeah. Normal. Good joke.
The Whisper was back and while that wasn’t ideal, it was a relief compared to everything else that had happened in the last 24 hours.
The Night Mother has your number. And she’s not done with you yet.
I did my best to ignore the Whisper’s poking and prodding and instead made my way towards DeMarenico’s for a reservation.
Even if Princess Luna had plans for me, they couldn’t be fatal. There’s no way she would let me walk free if she thought I was a threat.
Right?
* * *
DelMarenico’s is just another one of my guilty pleasures. It’s a nice little restaurant that specializes in food from the Calabrese Coast.
I honestly thought it would be a bad idea to bring such a hyperactive pony like Pinkie Pie to a fancy restaurant like DeMarenico’s, but she proved me wrong.
She even dressed up for the occasion. A nice little wine-colored dress she said she was saving for “a special occasion.” I just wished her table manners were a bit better.
“How’s your risotto?”
Pinkie brought her face out of the bowl and swallowed once before smiling. “Delicious! I can’t believe I’ve never been to this place before!”
I gave her a strained smile and motioned to her face. It took a second or two to realize what I meant, but Pinkie caught on and gave a bashful smile before cleaning her face.
“You know, you’ll have to clean less if you use utensils,” I said before digging into my own dish. It had a complicated name, but it was essentially spaghetti in a creamy ricotta sauce.
Pinkie gave a nod and started eating again with a spoon this time. “You gotta tell me Daymos… What happened?”
That gave me a bit of a start.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what happened. Like, seriously. You’re like a whole different pony now,” Pinkie explained. As if worried I’d react negatively, she put up her hooves in defense. “Not that I’m complaining. I like it. It’s nice. I’m just… really surprised.”
For a moment, I thought she meant something else entirely. Now that I knew what she meant, I smiled and shrugged.
“Some things got put into perspective lately,” I said. “And I realized I’m not as made as stone as I thought.”
I think I resented Pinkie for so long because on some level, I was jealous. She was always just so happy and without a care in the world. I honestly thought that her happy demeanor was an act at first. But no, it’s actually her.
Well, after Pinkamena, it’s all her.
Pinkie gave me a long look before nodding slowly. “As long as you’re happy, then I’m happy.”
I gave her a smile. “Same.”
From there, we started swapping stories. I’d talk about how I handled life after my parents, she’d tell some anecdote that got her into trouble as a filly.
Those would get me laughing.
I tried my best to hold in a laugh as I paid the waiter. “You’re lying.”
“I’m serious!” Pinkie cried. “I tried making my own bubblegum to sell on the side a week after moving in with the Cakes and it blew up!”
“How does bubblegum ‘blow up’?”
The waiter paid us no mind as she rang us up and we continued our conversation into the streets of Ponyville.
“I still don’t know but I must have messed up the recipe,” she said. “All I remember was turning back to the oven and seeing a big pink bubble ready to burst.”
“And did it?”
Pinkie looked away bashfully. “I was stuck to the ceiling for an hour.”
That got an honest laugh out of me. It was just so silly and absurd and…
Well, Pinkie.
For all her foils, Pinkie Pie knew how to make me laugh.
We kept talking all the way to Sugarcube Corner and stood outside the door.
“Thank you Daymos.”
“It’s just dinner, you don’t-”
“No,” she said firmly. “Thank you for letting me in.”
That caught me off guard.
“You’re a handsome stallion, you’re smart, you’re kind, but you keep everypony at hoof’s length. You smiled to convince everypony that things were okay and for the longest time, I didn’t think you actually knew how to smile,” she said. “Like really, really smile.”
I had no clue what she meant and went to ask, but she just kept going.
“When you walk in a room, it’s like you’re smiling for everyone else, not for yourself,” she explained. “But I saw you really smile when I made breakfast. And tonight when we were talking. And I don’t think I ever would have seen that if you didn’t let me into your life. So thank you. You have a nice smile.”
Pinkie held up a hoof and stopped me short before I could find my voice. “I don’t know why you smile like that for everypony else but you don’t have to tell me. Just know that I’ll be here if you ever need me. ‘Kay?”
This side of Pinkie really took me by surprise so after a few seconds of fumbling to find my voice, I spoke.
“Thank you, Pinkie.”
It was all I could muster. She saw through me. She always saw through me and knew I was hiding something but it didn’t matter. She still liked me.
She smiled from ear to ear and leaned in, placing a quick kiss on my lips. “Just remember, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you.”
Again, it’s all I could say. This mare knew how to hurt me.
I watched her walk into Sugarcube Corner and disappear, leaving me on the front step for a few minutes before I finally started to walk home.
She was right. I kept ponies at a hoof’s length. My smile was for them, not me. And she knew something was wrong about me.
For a brief, sputtering moment I thought about telling her everything. About who I really was, what I really did.
But when I learn a lesson, I learn it down to the bone.
Pinkamena ended with heartbreak.
I’d never share that side of me with another soul, never again.
But I could stop calling it a mask.
Daymos was two ponies now, not just a pony wearing a mask.
There was the Daymos who actually cared for a little filly living in his home and the mare who wanted him to smile more.
And then there was the Daymos that would send them both screaming if they knew what he liked to do in his off-hours. But that Daymos served an important job and he couldn’t just retire, could he?
Things were more complicated than ever. I now had to juggle being a father-figure and a coltfriend.
And to top it all off, I still had an audience with the Princess.
Scootaloo was up in her room and from the sound of things, studying for an upcoming test if all the grumbling and cursing had anything to say.
“I’m back and going to turn in early,” I called out from down the hall. “Have a nice night.”
“Night Daymos!” Scootaloo called back.
Throwing off my tie, I made my way into bed and settled down. I hoped sleep came quickly.
I didn’t like where my mind was wandering.
* * *
It was like I never left.
There I was, back again at the table with Princess Luna. A cup of tea sat in front of me, smelling the same as it did when I first found myself before the princess of the night.
Looking up, I found the princess staring at me.
Well, more glaring than anything.
I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, but she wouldn’t let me.
“What’s your intention with Laughter? With Pinkie Pie?”
I floundered for a moment, trying to figure out the right thing to say. But I reminded myself that truth was the best option here with a pony that held my life in her hooves.
“I originally started dating her as cover,” I said. “Being a bachelor in Ponyville is rare. Then things changed when Pinkamena came into the picture. And I was in a relationship with her.”
“And now that she’s dead?”
I tried not to let it show that it still hurt.
“I realized I wasn’t being fair to Pinkie Pie and I’m giving an honest relationship a chance,” I said firmly. “She deserves to be happy.”
“Are you sure you’re not doing it out of guilt?”
I paused. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. Why do you care?”
Princess Luna gave me a long look before sighing. “She is the Element of Laughter. The physical embodiment of true, unbridled joy and merriment. An Element of Harmony. And she fell in love with you, didn’t she?”
It took a second for everything to click into place. I had heard stories about the Elements. But I didn’t know.
I had no idea.
“I… Yeah, she did,” I said numbly, trying to process everything.
“Than this makes things more complicated,” Luna said. “You may very well have to break her heart if you misstep.”
The dream realm is an odd place. In the blink of an eye, I went from a plain room to an office building, with Luna sitting at a desk with all manner of papers.
I gave her a confused look as I looked around the office. “What…”
“I’ve had to adjust to the bureaucracy of this new age. If you’re going to be working for me, we need to make it official,” she paused. “Official and off the books. Hence the fact we’re doing this here and not in the flesh.”
I felt my eyes nearly pop out of my sockets. “...Work?”
Luna nodded as she started pulling out reams of paper a hoof thick, making notations on some pages and stamping others.
“Yes,” she said curtly. “You will work under the crown. You’ve been murdering creatures for years and you have yet to be caught. That kind of skill set is useful.”
Everything felt like it was spinning. There was no way she was offering what I thought she was offering.
“You… want me to be an assassin.”
The writing stopped and she looked up. “In so many words? Yes.”
She went back to writing and I expected her to explain, but Luna just kept me at the edge of my seat.
I had to ask.
“Why?”
I wished in an instance to cut out my traitorous tongue for asking that question. I had always dreamed of being given carte blanche to do what I did. I tried to stumble out a reason for my question, but Luna held up a hoof and after a minute more of furious penwork, presented me with a packet of documents.
“My sister likes to pretend that Equestria is a land of peace and wonder — nothing like it was 1,000 years ago.” Luna scoffed. “You and I both know not all monsters live in the Everfree. You’ve slain quite a few of them, after all.”
I started to flip through it, catching words here and there. Clandestine. Operation. Removal.
“The contract you hold stipulates that you are employed by the crown. It works around under what purpose you’re employed, but the job title you’ll be listed under officially is ‘cleaner’.” That got a laugh out of me and Luna smiled. “I thought you’d like that.”
Her face hardened.
“In no small terms, I will be your master,” she said. “You killed an innocent pony and your life belongs me to now. You will work for me for the betterment of Equestria or die for her safety.”
The finality of that statement made my face go pale. I knew I wasn’t out of the woods but to here my death talked about so plainly made me shiver.
“You will need to confirm any extracurricular kills with me at least one week prior to the act,” Luna continued. “You’ll need to submit reports after the fact detailing everything that you did and felt. You and I will then conduct an after-action report.”
My mouth felt so dry and I kicked myself for not taking a swig of tea when I had the chance.
“And what about my actual… work?”
Luna’s smile grew slowly and she leaned in ever so slightly, waiting for the question.
“Will I get paid?”
That wasn’t the question she was expecting and it got a start out of Luna. “Really? Did the prospect of being an assassin for the crown really bring about a hidden greed?”
“No, but I do have a day job, a growing filly to look after, and a marefriend. I’m going to need a stable income.”
“If you look at page seven, it outlines your commission per mission carried out in the name of the crown,” she said.
I found the number listed and felt my eyes boggled.
“That’s… a lot,” I said dumbly.
“And there is much work to do,” Luna said, offering a pen.
I took it and started signing where the princess had marked. I didn’t have much say in the matter but at the very least, I was alive and being paid well for a very dangerous job that I once only considered a hobby.
“Now, about your first job…”