As the months continued, Fluttershy always looked forward to her time with Discord. She even felt, in some uncanny way, that they were friends, or at least trying to be. Celestia had allowed Fluttershy to send him monthly letters, which seemed to give him some comfort, as he often brought them up when they met.
Over the next year, they told each other about their lives. Discord spoke of his earliest memories and all of the terrible things he’d done. Fluttershy regaled him with stories of Ponyville and her battles alongside Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her friends. She told him of her parents and her brother. He told her of other worlds and creatures. She told him of Nightmare Night and Hearth’s Warming.
And so it was, one such week just before Hearth’s Warming, when Fluttershy was called again to visit him. She'd been more than thrilled, and even her friends guessed what the bright occasion was, and she did not deny it.
Discord was his usual morose self when she entered his cell, but she was at his side in moments.
“Your hair," she said, "it’s always so long. Aren’t you cutting it?”
Discord cleared his throat. “Celestia took my scissors away. Contraband. Hello."
“Hello," she smiled. "I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
"Can't be helped. The buzzard's got it in for me."
Fluttershy laughed, only feeling slightly guilty, and Discord looked her over. "You've recovered from that fight with... Thimble, was it?"
"Tirek," Fluttershy snorted. "No more stitches." She held up her arms so he could see them, smooth and unblemished.
Discord whistled, looking at the ceiling. "I still sometimes have trouble believing you save the world."
"Not the world." She sat next to him on the floor. "Just Equestria. And I don't really do much of anything; my friends are the fighters."
"Oh?" He eyed her sideways, smiling. "I disagree."
"It's been dull for a few months now," she said humbly. "Everything's busy enough as it is."
Discord reached beneath his shirt and held the doll out to her. She looked at it and to him and back again.
“For you,” he said, trying to help her figure it out.
She took the doll and looked over it. It was highly detailed and looked exactly like Angel, with only a few obvious mistakes here and there. “You made this?”
“Of course I made it,” he said, annoyed. “D’you think Celestia gave it to me to give to you? D’you think Celestia gives me anything, ever?”
“I only mean… your hand…”
“I can do a smidgen of magic if I try now. I do have almost two hands again. And you left those knitting needles for me last time."
She kissed its nose. “It could be his twin. I wonder what he'd think of that.”
Discord stretched his neck. “It’d better; you talked enough about him. Well? Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do for your Hearth’s Warming, or whatever?”
“Mhm.” She was unable to say any words and only looked at him. She felt a tumultuous mix of emotions within her and was frozen still.
“Well,” he coughed. “Don’t you look thrilled.”
Fluttershy bit her lower lip, hesitating, then leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I love it.”
Discord had not anticipated the kiss, as his eyes were nearly always closed, but when he felt her his eyes snapped open and he leaned away from her. “The hell are you doing?”
Her smile faltered. “I’m sorry. I’m just happy. I wasn’t expecting anything from you."
“Yeah, and that’s where you mess up,” he grumbled, rubbing his cheek with his shoulder.
Her cheeks grew pink, but she did her best to hide them by pulling out her green and red hair ribbon and holding it out for him. He was still leaning away from her, his eyes slightly narrowed.
“To keep your hair out of your face, when it gets too long,” she explained, holding it closer to him. “I’m sorry Celestia took your scissors."
Discord used his fingernails to gold the edge of the ribbon and lift it from Fluttershy’s hand. “Won’t she take this away, too?”
“What harm can you do with a ribbon?” She leaned forward again, pointing out the details. “See the little Hearth’s Warming trees and rosettes? My friend Rarity made it for me.”
He held it out to her. “Then it’s yours.”
“No, no; I want you to have it. I have plenty.”
“She made it for you.”
“And I’m giving it to you.” She stepped back, hands on her hips, almost frowning. “You can’t refuse a gift. It’s not polite.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Then you can get rid of it after I leave. Just don’t tell me what you do with it and I won’t be sad.”
“Sad?” he scoffed, but turned the ribbon in his fingers before hiding it in his fist.
"Never." She link her hands behind her back. “Have you thought any more what you'll do when you get out? And don’t say something scary like last time.”
“Scary?” He lifted his head just enough so they could look at each other, and their gazes held until Discord dropped his head again. “I’m not scary.”
“I know.”
“Then why did you ask me not to be?”
“I want to hear your honest answer.”
He rubbed his chin. “I’d… go to the beach.”
“The one you made?” Her eyes drifted to the crystal walls.
“No. A real one.”
“What’s the difference?”
“You haven’t seen my beach, so you wouldn’t know. Red sand. Silver water. Pink and black seagulls.”
“Well, I’d like to see it.”
Discord leaned back, his eyes closed. “Too bad.”
“You’ll take me there someday, won’t you?”
Again he was quiet; he always was when she really wanted to hear an answer. She kneeled next to his throne. “Won’t you?”
“How should I know? You might be a hundred years old and can’t walk.”
She gave a small laugh and set her chin on the arm of the throne. “Then you’ll have to carry me.”
Discord had not anticipated her answer and looked disoriented. “I don’t carry.”
“I’m not that heavy.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s the principle.”
“You can't do it?"
He let out a disgusted noise. “I’m a god. I can hold anything I want to, except... “
“Except?”
“... What I don’t want.”
Fluttershy was satisfied and brought out her cards so they could play Go Fish. For an immortal god, Discord was not a very good player, but she let him win one game after she'd won five.
"Leaving already?" he asked when she gathered her belongings.
"It's been at least an hour. I don't like it when the guards clamor in. It scares me." She returned to him once more and squeezed his hand before returning to the door.
“All right,” he said as she turned the knob. “Let’s go together. The beach.”
She turned back to him, the tension in her body releasing at last. She smiled and nodded once before realizing she held a small bouquet of pink and red roses in her hand. When she glanced up, his head was down and his eyes closed, and she opened the door, stepping into the light from the balcony.
Celestia was leaning against the balcony railing, dreamy-eyed and lost in thought; Fluttershy was afraid to disturb her.
"Ah," Celestia smiled turning around. "That time already?"
"I suppose."
Celestia smoothed Fluttershy's hair. "Go home and stay in bed. Promise me."
"I promise," she said, though a part of her didn't want to. She bowed and paused in the doorway to the stairwell out of the tower. "Oh, and princess? I'm sorry about the scissors."
"Scissors?"
The door shut and Fluttershy worked her way through the castle to the train station. She looked over her flowers on the ride back to Ponyville and as she dawdled home and did not immediately notice the raindrops falling around her. As her hair began to flatten, something covered her, protecting her from the droplets. She looked up to see a sky blue umbrella held over her by a young man.
“Where are you headed?” the man asked her.
“H-home.”
“I’ll walk you.”
***
Celestia stood just inside the cell door, the palms of her hands flat against it. “You can’t keep doing this to her, Discord.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I won’t allow it.”
“Oh, piss off.”
“She’s miserable.” Celestia slammed the door shut. “Three weeks, she’s been lying in her house. Her friends can’t even talk to her.”
Discord jerked his head to the side. “She doesn’t seem so bad, when she’s here with me.”
“Stop manipulating her. Let the girl have her own life.”
“I’m not doing anything. You know I can’t.” He leaned forward as much as he was able. “She actually wants to spend time with me, you know. I don’t suppose that ever occurred to you.”
“Leave her be."
“She’s not like you. She cares about others.”
Celestia was already shaking her head the moment Discord began speaking. “She’s quiet and gentle, and spending time with you is turning her hard. I hardly think you need her now, with both your hands almost freed.”
“What a hypocrite you are. You forced her into this and now everything’s my fault. If she suffers so much, why let her come back at all?”
“Exactly. She was crying with me when I told her. You do know what crying is, don’t you? You’ve had years of experience causing it for others, and here you get to do it again.”
“I’m not making her cry,” he seethed, straightening as much as he could. “You are. She wants to be with me.”
“She doesn’t know what she wants,” Celestia yelled. “You’re not human! I will never trust you, and neither will she. All you have to do is get out of there. Grow up and figure it out on your own.”
“You won’t keep her from me.”
“I will.”
“You won’t. I never do anything to her. I never hurt her.”
The air around them sparkled and burned and Celestia flinched. “You do. You’re selfish enough to believe it’s not true, but it is. You’re already hurting me.”
“I don’t care about you.”
“You lose your temper and then end up back where you always do, fighting your way out of it; but they’re your mistakes. Why would I let her come back here? She hates it.”
“Because you want me out of here. Or is it ‘need’? You won’t let her stop.”
Celestia’s upper lip twitched. “Then once a year is what it is from right now, and what it will be. No letters. No exceptions. You’ll have to get used to her not being around.”
Discord smiled at her, but only from his lips. “Fuck you, Celestia.”
The princess, unblinking, turned around and walked out.
***
Fluttershy had not slept at all the night before she was to see Discord again. It had been an entire year, and she missed him terribly. It had been a strange year for her in so many ways, and there was a part of her that bore the hurt of Discord not being in it.
Unlike her own changing life, Discord always looked the same when she saw him. His hair and beard were overgrown, his eyes were red and purple and swollen, and he looked exhausted and weak and angry. Her heart sank when she took him in, waiting for the cell door to close and lock behind her.
“And here she is," Discord said without ceremony. "How many years has it been?”
“Only one,” she said quietly. “I’m sor-”
“I bet you are.”
“I am. I missed you. Celestia keeps changing her mind. I can’t go against her wishes, Discord. I want to.”
He sat his chin in his hand, resting his elbow on the arm of the throne. “I make you miserable, do I?”
“Of course not. You don't think that, do you?" She dropped her cushion and sewing basket in the middle of the floor, but kept walking.
“Celestia told me. And she never lies.”
He started when he felt Fluttershy’s hand on his. “It’s not your fault. Please don’t worry about me.”
Discord was incredulous. “Don’t worry? Too late.”
“You let me... be me. I hardly deserve it.”
“You deserve it.”
She let go of his hand and bent down to hug him; he was too surprised to come up with a suitable reaction, but didn’t push her away.
“I know it’s rough,” she said when she let him go. “I don’t know what you think or… but I know that.”
“Are you crying?”
Fluttershy touched her cheek and felt a tear trickling down it. “I'm sorry.”
“... Celestia wasn’t lying. Huh.”
“I don’t like seeing you in here.”
“Hell’s sake, don’t cry.”
She wiped her eyes. “I’m not.”
“Do you really feel that bad?”
“No, I…” She returned to her cushion and kneeled on it, forcing a smile. “Never mind. Let’s not talk about me. I’m here to see you.”
“Shit, Fluttershy-”
“Please. Please. I want to talk about you.”
"I have nothing else to say. I've told you my life story. Shall I tell you of my ruminations in here over the past year?"
"Then, I don't know... you can just express yourself. How do you feel?"
"Feel. How I feel. I'm angry, Fluttershy. I'd strangle Celestia if I could, but she never gets close enough. Joke's on me."
Fluttershy had no interest in sewing or knitting; her eyes never left him. “Is something wrong?”
"Nothing's ever wrong."
Fluttershy again felt the heaviness in the air, compressing and tightening like a vice around her body. She had long ago gotten over her fear of Discord, but now that fear came rushing back and she made her way to the door. She felt behind her for the doorknob, just in case.
Discord was so enraged he fought against his restraints to stand up. “Who cares if something's wrong? I certainly don't, and neither do you. I'm a monster and a criminal. I belong here. Don't you agree? Well? Answer me."
“Discord, stop,” she whispered.
“Stop what? You told me to express my feelings. I am expressing them.”
“I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me. I thought we’d been getting along all right.”
Discord slumped in his throne. “When are you getting me out of here?”
Fluttershy was confused. “You know I can’t get you out."
“Celestia said I needed you. So why aren’t you here?”
“I am-“
“You come here once a year. For minutes, only.”
“Discord-“
“What is this hold she has over you?”
“Th- there is no hold. She says I’m being hurt.”
Discord scowled at her, violent and tense. He dug the nails of his free hand into the arm of his throne, scarring it. “And are you?”
She shook her head. “No, you’d…” She bit her lip, shaking her head again.
Discord grimaced. “Go on, then.”
“What?”
“Go. You’re about to leave; just do it now.”
She looked from him to the crystal walls and back again, then turned around to grab the doorknob, but hesitated. “Discord…”
“Get out of here.”
“I won't. I won't go." She strode back to him. "Not when you're yelling at me."
Discord's voice was strained and rough, and his eyes glistened. "Whatever you're trying to do to me, I don't feel it. You say nice things, but I don't hear them. I'll just give up right now for the both of us. I'm tired of fighting."
“No. I won’t let you.” She wrapped her arms around him, buried her face in his shoulder, and began crying.
“Stop.”
“No.”
“Get lost,” he roared. “Celestia still gets what she wants. Screw her and screw you."
“I don’t care about Celestia,” she cried, holding him tighter. “I want so much for you. And I want you to stay you.”
Discord, nonplussed, hesitated before trying to pry her fingers from him. “Let go of me.”
“No. You can beg me to and beg me to, and I won’t.”
His shirt was getting wet and he tried pulling his arm from under her body, but she would not move. “The hell is wrong with you?”
“You’re always alone,” she whispered through her tears. “And it makes me sad. I want you out.”
“I make you sad.”
She shook her head. “You don’t.”
“You’re crying on me.”
“Because you’re mine. You’re mine, and I won’t abandon you. You can’t fight and push me away; I will never stop trying to see you.”
He had not expected anything like this and gave up fighting. Parts of his shirt were soaking, and he let her sob on him until she was too tired to hold onto him.
“Just go,” he said, tired, when she let go.
“Discord…” Though she tried to hide it, he could hear the hurt in her voice.
“You should never have come at all.”
She tripped off the dais, almost falling. With one last imploring look, she ran past her sewing kit and cushion and stumbled out the door, sobbing, into Celestia’s waiting arms.
***
After a week of mostly crying in bed, Fluttershy joined her friends in Canterlot for their monthly meeting, and although her eyes were dry, her heart still ached. Twilight and the others, at least, were chipper.
"How was it catching up with him?" Twilight asked her when they had settled themselves around the table. "It must have been nice."
Fluttershy couldn't look at her. "Oh, you know... he had a lot to say."
“Hah,” Rainbow Dash laughed. “I bet. What’d he think of your being married?”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
Fluttershy shrugged. “We were talking about him; not me.”
“And your baby?”
Fluttershy instinctively touched her belly, which had not yet begun to show. She shook her head.
“Probably better that way.”
“Why?”
“He seems like the kind of… guy that’d hurt a kid. He’d hurt whatever he can’t have so no one else can have it either.”
“Not at all,” Rarity admonished. “She’s so sweet, I’m sure he’d want her for himself. Hypothetically,” she added when Fluttershy looked at her. “Who wouldn’t want to be with you?”
"Well, he's too late now."
Fluttershy fiddled with the little Angel doll in her hands and started when Twilight held out an apple muffin for her.
“Sorry,” Twilight murmured. Fluttershy could hardly look at her for the way she was eyeing her. “You don’t seem so stressed this time. Is it getting easier?”
Fluttershy had not noticed any change and merely shrugged.
“Maybe you could see him more often now.” Twilight smiled encouragingly.
She glanced from Twilight and through the others so quickly she found herself looking at a tree. She nibbled the muffin and covered her mouth as she said, “I’m not sure how much good I’ve been. It’s been four years already.”
“I’m sure you’ve done a lot; Celestia still asks for you. Aren’t his hands free now?”
“Almost.”
“By the way,” said Pinkie, “Lil' Cheese just loved the sweater you knit him for Hearth’s Warming. You’re so good at it now.”
“It took a long time,” Fluttershy said, relieved to be on a different subject. “I was afraid it’d be too small for him by the time I finished.”
“Fits him like a glove!”
"You must be knitting a lot for you own, eh, Fluttershy?" Rainbow asked. "I'm afraid to ask how many booties and sweaters you've made already."
"Oh, just a few," Fluttershy told her, blushing. "I sleep a lot more."
"Better to get it in now," Pinkie said, nodding. "In a few more months, you won't be able to sleep. I can give you some of Lil' Cheese's old things, anyway; the ones still intact."
She smiled, biting her thumbnail. She wasn't entirely sure why she hadn't told Discord about her marriage or her pregnancy. She supposed the truth was that she hadn’t really thought about telling him or not telling him before her visit, but while she was with him she realized she could not bring herself to do so.
She loved her husband. She was happy with him and thrilled to start a family with him. But Discord sometimes haunted the back of her mind. What had she expected his reaction to be? Sad? Angry? Happy? Maybe he wouldn’t have cared at all. But why did a part of her feel like she’d abandoned him?
In the next moment, she wanted to be home, to be safe, warm, and with her husband who loved her. Sitting through the next hour discussing Equestria with her friends was so agonizing she could barely keep up with their words, and when the meeting concluded, she rushed home without so much as a good-bye to anyone.
She grabbed Angel, who was asleep on the windowsill in a spot of sun, but he hardly made protest. She couldn't talk about Discord much to anyone, not even her husband, except for Angel. Somehow Angel always knew what she was feeling, and he did not judge her.
"I miss him," she hiccuped through her fresh tears as she held Angel. "What am I supposed to do? What can I do for him?"
Angel squeaked and curled against her chest where she held him. She lay on her side, eyes tightly shut, with him wrapped in her arms as more tears squeezed out. "I love him."