//------------------------------// // By A Campfire On The Trail // Story: Queen Of The Wasteland // by Jest //------------------------------// Twilight huddled tight into a narrow corner of the cave, her head in her monstrous hands, horns brushing against the stone walls. It made her feel small, more pony like, and less like the monster she had become after arriving in this terrible place. She wasn't sure how long she had remained like that, but it had to have been quite a while, as the former alicorn was certain that she had dozed off at least once. Wave after wave of guilt, and sadness had washed over her, leaving the deathclaw feeling cold and empty for a long while. Despite it being pitch black Twilight could see perfectly, and not only that but she could also hear the padding of pawed feet from behind her. The former pony didn't bother even looking at the coyotes she knew were waiting only a few feet away from her, at least not initially. One got a little too close, and Twilight felt her instincts rise within her once more, forcing her to move. Lurching upward, the deathclaw turned, eying the coyote which glared up at her, teeth exposed and hackles raised. Twilight barely even recognized the small animal as a threat to her, though her moreo bestial side certainly did. The first thing the former pony felt was an intense murderous urge, one that was hard to hold back. She very nearly gave into that desire before she caught a glimpse of the coyote pups peering up at her from between their mother’s legs. Funneling all that anger into her voice Twilight took a deep breathe before roaring as loud as she possibly could. The coyote didn't even wait for the deathclaw to finish bellowing, and ran after only a second of hesitation, her pups following close behind. With the small canines gone, Twilight stood there panting, her instincts clashing with her more logical side over what to do next. One part of her wanted to search the cave for a quick meal and anything which she could construct a nest out of. Ignoring that more primal part of her being, Twilight merely fell to the ground with a dull thump. Looking down, Twilight realized that her claws were still covered with now dried blood, making the deathclaw wince. Looking around, Twilight found a small puddle of water that had likely served as the coyote’s drinking source. Crawling awkwardly over to the pool, Twilight was about to dip her hands into it when she caught a glimpse of herself in the water’s calm surface. Some stray strand of light illuminated the pool just enough for Twilight to see her twisted features, making her shirk away from the sight. The blood didn't end at her claws, she realized as the deathclaw could see that it also covered her face in splotches as well as her upper body. Memories of the slaughter she had run from quickly surged back into the forefront of her mind, prompting adrenline to start pumping through her veins. Yet despite how horrifying the memories and how awful peering into the water made her feel, Twilight couldn't look away. This was her, no longer an alicorn, nor even a pony, she was this creature, this animal, this blood thirsty monster. “N-no this isn't me. I’m not this thing,” Twilight murmured, yet her growling voice told her otherwise, reminding the former pony that she was indeed the beast looking back at her. Her hands trembled, sweat began to drip from the deathclaw’s forehead, and the former alicorn felt her breathe draw short. Her heart pounded in her chest, and for a moment it felt like the whole world was spinning around her while her stomach flip flopped inside of her. All at once it felt not like she was looking down into her own reflection, but rather that of a stranger, only somehow even worse than just a stranger. This creature wasn't another pony, or even a human, it was a terrifying monster, one that had killed before, and would likely kill again. Her blood turned to ice in her veins, and the ex pony suddenly felt like she was standing atop the edge of an incredibly tall tower. In a panic she slammed her massive fist into the water, causing it to splash all over herself, dismissing the image. Closing her eyes, Twilight recalled what she had used to look like. “This is me, that thing is not me,” Twilight murmured to herself, the pony imagining that she was speaking normally, and not like the monster did. “That thing is not me. I am a pony, an alicorn, and a princess,” she continued. “I saved Equestria a dozen times and always managed to find a way to do so without needing to kill anyone.” Her lips curled into a snarl while her eyes remained closed tightly. “That thing is not me. It is a monster, I am a pony. It is a monster, I am a pony.” Over and over she repeated this mantra for what felt like hours, slowly pushing away the memory of what she had done. Until finally it felt like the actions of someone else, some darker part of herself that she had to keep tight control over. Thus she didn't have to feel bad about what she had done, because that was just her id so to speak and that wasn't truly her. After repeating a familiar breathing exercise several times, Twilight felt better, lighter even, and when she opened her eyes she did not panic. Her heart rate rose slightly, and the chills returned, but she managed to resist the urge to hit the pond again. Dipping her clawed hands into the pool, Twilight did her best to clean herself of the blood, an action that was quite difficult given her new biology. She was patient, and kind, and would never give up just because she met a small boundary though. She was Twilight Sparkle after all, not some evil monster willing to use violence on anything that opposed her. That was someone else entirely and definitely not something Twilight Sparkle, hero of equestria, would do. Cleaning herself up, the deathclaw wondered what possible course of action she should take at this point. Returning to Janey was right out, and though Twilight wished to go to the town she had seen earlier, she pushed that notion away. Without an interpreter there was a distinct possibility that no one in the area understood morse code. Not only that but Twilight worried that the beast may emerge in the sight of humans though the pony put that thought away. She wouldn't let herself be ruled by her instincts, not unless she absolutely needed to use that part of her in order to survive. The possibility of loosing the beast when needed, were considerations for the future and now cleansed of blood, Twilight looked down at the murky pool. Cupping her hands she tossed the crimson tinged water across the room until the pool was empty, destroying all evidence of what had happened. Once all traces of the terrible deed were gone, Twilight rose, her joints creaking audibly as she did so. Looking down at herself, Twilight almost felt whole, as if this were all some horrible dream that she would soon wake from. The sound of boots hitting stone shattered that illusion, and Twilight turned towards the source of the sound, half expecting to see more gang members. What she saw instead was the familiar sight of Janey, her clothes now sporting a thin layer of what looked like soot. Her pipboy light had been activated, revealing the area in a green light and in her right hand she held her revolver tightly. The second their eyes met, Twilight saw a primal bolt of fear course through the human and for a single terrible moment the alicorn thought she was about to be shot. Then Janey breathed out, and lowered her weapon slightly, but not completely, pointing the weapon away from Twilight. “There you are. How are you feeling?” Janey hesitantly asked, the girl standing a good twenty feet away near the entrance of this section of cave. Twilight blinked several times before kneeling down. “Good, I think,” she tapped. The alicorn was surprised when she heard a computerized voice repeat what she had just ‘said’. “Well that's good, and before you ask I had a little program whipped up to help us communicate a little better. Oh and don't worry, I invested your half of the loot in essentials as well as someone to come by to fix up the school a little bit.” Twilight cocked her head. “Loot?” “Stuff those guys had on them,” Janey replied, lifting a hand placatingly. “Don't worry though. I burnt that place down after I brought all the good stuff back to town and bought some gas.” Twilight wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, though a small part of her was happy that all evidence truly was gone now. “How did you know where I was?” Twilight inquired. Janey chuckled, holstering her weapon. “I just followed the piss scared coyotes. Plus lets be honest, your tracks werent exactly difficult to find.” Twilight nodded slowly, her gaze falling to the floor as regret coursed through her. “So. Why are you here?” “What do you mean, why am I here? We hardly even started our adventure!” Janey replied with a chuckle. “I can't rightly get back on the trail without my partner now can I?” Twilight smiled, or at least, she assumed she was smiling. “That's a nice sentiment, but how can you even think of doing something like that given what I-it did?” Twilight tapped out, hesitating briefly near the end. Janey sighed, and strode forward. “Look. I don't know how it is where you come from, but if you had narrowly survived being attacked by a bunch of crazy gang members you’d be a hero.” “Not if I killed them all,” Twilight added pointedly. “Here you would,” Janey corrected, shrugging. “When it's you or them, it's not wrong to choose yourself.” “Where I come from you would be one of the worst mass murderers in our entire history,” Twilight replied, her response coming after a long pause. Janey blinked, and fixed the former pony with an odd look. “What are you talking about? I know there were a bunch of powder gangers there but the worst in history? Now that's a long shot.” Twilight chuckled awkwardly. “It's true. There hasn't been a murder in two hundred years, and the worst killer in our history only had seven victims.” Janey’s eyes narrowed. “Bull,” spat the human. “Either you lot are fresh out of the stone age, or you are being fed a heaping helping of lies.” Twilight shook her head and quickly tapped out her response. “Its true. Death is reserved almost exclusively for old age, or happenstance, though that's rare due to how proficient most unicorns are with healing magic.” “Thats… crazy,” Janey muttered, clearly not convinced. The deathclaw shrugged. “Believe it or not that's just how it is. I should know, I’m a princess.” “Well here things are a might bit different, if you haven't noticed,” Janey waved a hand in the general direction of the previous fight. “If you hadn't killed those men, many more people would have died or suffered a fate worse than death. In my opinion if you aren't willing to get a little bloody and stop fuckers like that, then you might as well be the one doing that evil shit.” Twilight was taken aback by the force in her friend’s voice, and after a moment of consideration Twilight couldn't help but agree, if only slightly. “You are quite passionate about this,” Twilight tapped out. “Choosing to do nothing is a choice, and leaves you complacent in whatever act you’ve chosen to ignore,” Janey declared. “That's just how life is out here. It's tough, and if you aren't strong enough to make it better then your working against those who are. That's all there is to it.” Twilight nodded. “I suppose there is some truth to that,” Twilight paused, letting out a long breath. “Does it ever get easier?” Janey raised an eyebrow after her pip boy had finished translating. “What? The killing?” Twilight nodded. The human snorted. “Oh I could tell you that it doesn't and that the first is as hard as the thirty first but to be honest it gets right easy. The first time I killed someone I was thirteen years old, and it hasn't even been seven years since then and already I’ve forgotten everything about him.” Twilight’s jaw hung open. “Thirteen?” She tapped out, her finger carving out a chunk of stone. “Yup. Can't even recall what he looks like or even his name to be honest. The mind just kinda goes numb to it after a while,” Janey chuckled darkly. “Sure some folk might give ya some hogwash about seeing the faces of who they killed in their dreams but that only happens if you kill good people. If the only people you do away with were bloodthirsty monsters then the guilt just kinda rolls off ya.” I wonder. If you had killed me when we first met or back at that office, would it even bother you? Twilight thought to herself, remembering the bloodthirsty monster she had become only a few hours earlier. Janey hummed thoughtfully. “Its like this, just make sure the folk your killin are the worst of the worst and it wont come back to haunt ya. Hell, I couldn't even tell you a lick about the people I killed other than the awful shit they did in life and that's the way you gotta think about it.” Twilight stared long and hard at the woman standing across from her, mind churning with this new information. Everything Twilight had assumed about the young woman was being mentally tossed aside, and within a few moments Twilight saw her friend in a different light. This human was not some babe that had stumbled through life, barely managing to hold onto their innocence in a cruel world. Rather she was a cold, and calculating individual who seemed perfectly alright with killing when she needed to. Sure she dressed up the act, and only killed terrible people but Twilight had known terrible people in her life. Discord had been horrible to her, even going so far as to invade their minds and pervert her and her friends' very nature. And that was without thinking about all the down right horrific things Starlight Glimmer had done. Yet, both had become some of the best friends Twilight had ever had, and now their loyalty was beyond reproach. If Twilight and Janey’s positions were reversed would Discord and Starlight still be alive? Would Twilight have been able to do what supposedly needed to be done? Twilight couldn't think of an answer, nor did she really want to imagine one anyway. All she knew was that this young woman had gone through things Twilight wouldn't wish on anyone. Not only that, but something had changed within Twilight herself, as her opinion on Janey had changed as well. “So, you just gonna stare at me all day or are you joining back up?” Janey inquired. Twilight nodded slowly. “Just one question. Why do you feel so strongly about your stance on inaction?” Janey breathed out slowly, turning away from the deathclaw. “Lets just say that someone important to me got hurt while the powers that be watched and did nothing. I will never be that person, will you?” “No,” Twilight replied instantly. The human flashed her friend a knowing smile. “That's what I like to hear. Now just sit tight a sec, I’m gonna go make sure the coast is clear.” Twilight knelt down, watching as her friend slipped away into the dark, the glow of her pipboy vanishing around the corner. In the darkness Twilight was left to ponder Janey’s words for herself and consider what they meant for her future in this world. Clearly this was a dark place, that much Twilight knew before, but what she had not considered was just how truly dark it was. For example, she had also never thought that murder would be a neccessity, or required so often either. Glancing down, Twilight noticed that there was a tiny bit of crimson water left in the pool, reflecting her strange features back at her in an uncomfortable light. Frowning, Twilight was about to throw aside the last of the liquid, but was interrupted when she heard a shout. “Twilight! It's all clear, we are ready to go!” Janey yelled. Twilight stood and was about to turn when she noticed something move in the pool. Quickly turning back to it, Twilight found that it looked normal. Shrugging off the strange occurrence, Twilight made her best affirmation sounding growl before padding away. Silently doing her best to pretend like she had not been on the verge of a mental breakdown only a few minutes ago.