"How the…[1] Really?[2] Okay. How in Tartarus have you not noticed this before now, Pinkie?" Mason asked as he stared at their lunch. He hadn't touched his food; pony food was still too strange to have much appetite most days. Thankfully, Pinkie had stepped up to the challenge of eating both of their meals with gusto.
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[1]Correct phrasing would be roughly "how in Tartarus."
[2]Really.
"Whuf,"[3] she replied without swallowing. "Sfarlight's hull doon auwa fing?" Pinkie finished swallowing. "Oh, I noticed it the day we met! Could tell she was evil from ten miles away! Literally! I chalked it up to something weird about her village at first, but turned out she was loco."
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[3]If I have to parse poor table manners, so do you.
"Okay, so do your friends not know she's evil? That she's anathema to everything you are and will stop at nothing to destroy you?"
"That seems a liiiiittle harsh."
Mason ignored the comment. "Or is this just a 'keep your enemies closer' sort of thing? Like you're keeping an eye on her to make sure she doesn't get out of… hoof."[4]
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[4]I didn't have to correct you! Good job. Let me see if I can manually finagle your dopamine production for some positive reinforcement!
Pinkie crossed her forelegs and did the last thing he would expect from her: she gave him an angry glare. "They know she was evil. Was. She was doing a bad job hiding it. She's done some bad things. Well, a lot of bad things. Mostly to me and my friends. But she's my friend now, too, because I forgave her.[5] We forgave her. And she saved Equestria a few moons[6] back. If you give her a chance, you'll like her! Also, you're making that face you do when the doodad in your brain[7] is talking to you."
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[5]It's really easy to forget she's crazy until she goes on about being besties with a Clockstopper.
[6]It's not really clear how long a "moon" is without knowing their lunar cycle.
[7]Hey!
"The doo…"[8] There was a long pause. When Mason spoke again, it was substantially stiffer. "The mass ive ly int ell i gent mic ro sup er com pu ter that is smart er than the meat bag hav ing this con ver sat ion is off end ed by the term 'doo dad.' Could you go with 'Chip' if I must be add ressed di rect ly by low er life forms?"[A]
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[8]Yeah, if you think I'm going to translate you actively poking fun at me, you've got another thing coming.
[A]Yeah, okay. Can I have my mouth back now?
Pinkie looked at him aghast. "Your translator had a name the entire time and you didn't tell me?"
As Mason regained control, he couldn't help but laugh. "That's your issue here? Not that Chip just took over my body?[9] Or just referred to us as 'lower life forms?'"[10]
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[9] I mean, just your mouth and the relevant supplementary systems required to speak.
[10] To be fair, you absolutely are lower life forms. Every part of me serves a function. Just how many vestigial organs do you have? You're basically just walking piles of legacy code.
"I'd be grumpy too if I was trapped in somepony else's brain and never got to talk to anypony![11] Come on, Chippy! What else have you been dying to get out and never could? Let it out!"
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[11]See! She gets it!
There was a long pause while all parties with lungs waited on bated breath before Mason's mouth finally opened. "Hi."[12] Another long space of dead air.
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[12]Man, this is what it's like to just talk whenever? What a rush! Let me see if I can give myself that dopamine. Let me just rummage around in here… Nope. Still can't reach because I remain forever entombed in meat.
Pinkie broke the silence, leaning across the table with a smile. "Anything else, Chippy? You have to have something you've been holding in."
"Gen er al ly, I am not af for ded the op por tu ni ty to con verse with oth er be ings. Ev en ra rer to have some thing to say."[B.]
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[B.]Great, can I have my face back?[13]
[13]In a minute.
"Why do you pronounce words all slow like that?" Pinkie asked, her smile faltering a little in puzzlement.
"Oh. I could stop at an y time. It just seemed court e ous to give my self an in cred i bly ob vi ous ver bal tic so you could read i ly i den ti fy whose thoughts you're hear ing."[C]
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[C]That is unbelievably condescending. Like you could ever passably imitate a human without input.[14]
[14]Words hurt, Mason. Especially when I can't filter them.
And there was her grin back in all its radiant gleam, and her forelegs were thrown around Mason's neck, thoroughly ruining what was left of the food beneath her as her upper body lost its support and flopped onto the table. Ponies neighboring them busied themselves with pretending not to eavesdrop. "Oh! That is so nice of you, lookin' out for us 'lower life forms' like that!"[15] She retreated back to her seat, and sheepishly righted a small vase of appetizer flowers after getting a dirty look from the staff. That done, she turned back to Mason, and retrieved a notepad and pencil from somewhere within her mane.
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[15]See, she understands that I'm being nice. Nothing condescending about making things easy for your inefficient processor made of goo.
"Now then," she said with intensity, "the real important question, Chippy. When is your birthday?"[16]
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[16]Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuum."[17]
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[17]Glad we're on the same page. I wasn't exactly born and have spent a majority of my existence in a dimension outside the conventional bounds of time and space.
"Man, nopony's ever had this much trouble answering that one." Pinkie scribbled something onto the notepad, seemingly doing some figuring. "If you're not sure, I could–"
"My sys tem clock be gan count ing ap prox im ate ly six teen thou sand, one hundred twen ty two days ago. Plus or mi nus a few days since that might not be when con struc ti on was com plete, that would be a reas on ab le ap prox im at i on of a 'birth day.'"
"You're forty-five years old?" Pinkie gasped. The ponies doing a bad job at not being interested in their conversation did an equally bad job not looking surprised at how old 'he' was.
"In a mat ter of… 'moons,' I will be. Ma son is ve ry much a temp or ar y shell I oc cu py."[D]
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[D]Creepy.[18]
[18]Not my fault you eventually die.
"That's neat, Chip. What's the exact date though? Gotta get it right!"
"I don't think it would map clean ly on to an E quest ri an cal en dar. Al ter nate re al it ies us u al ly have slight ly dif fer ent time flows."
Pinkie retrieved a large wall calendar from… somewhere, and hung it on the outer wall of the restaurant. "Forty-four years and sixty-two days ago would make your birthday…" Flipping back an amount of pages most calendars aren't equipped with, she highlighted a day. "Oh, second day of spring. Two days after Winter Wrap-Up!"[19]
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[19]You probably guessed this one, but that's some seasonal holiday.
As Mason looked at the calendar, it was… odd. It appeared to, contrary to Chip's assertions, map cleanly onto an Earth calendar in terms of number of days,[20] but those days were arranged differently. The months, presumably 'moons,' didn't have names, they were just marked in large blocks with the season they were in marked overhead. The seasons were odd lengths, too. Winter and autumn were only two 'moons' each, and spring and summer were four. Then Mason remembered that they were thoroughly off topic.
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[20]It was a fair assumption. When was the last time you were in some non-Earth reality that had a sensible scale of time?
"AI-organic relations and birthdays aside, Pinkie, you knew she was evil, by 'awful things' I'm assuming she tried to kill you or worse, and you just… pretend like that never happened?"
Pinkie chuckled and shrugged with one foreleg. "Oh no, we never forgot. We joke about it all the time.[21] All in the past now. Water under the bridge! And she never did any of that to you.[22] Give her a chance! You might be surprised."[23]
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[21]"Haha remember that you tried to murder us?" Yeah, that's fine.
[22]Yet.
[23]Or you might get murdered.
"You know what? Okay."[24]
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[24]What.
"You mean it?"[25]
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[25]Please don't mean it.
Mason stood from his seat, holding his head high in what he hoped looked like proud bearing. "Yeah. Yeah! I think I'll go talk to her!"
"Sooooo, did you want to talk about why you ran away screaming at the party last night?"[26]
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[26]Oh hey sorry, you're just anathema to my very existence and any sensible prediction about us living together in the same building is that within a few weeks "living" will only apply to one of us. Go on, say it. It'll be funny.
"Twilight didn't say anything to you about it then? I know she knew," Mason said, fighting his instinct to run.
Starlight laughed. "That's Twilight. The Princess of Friendship[27] is one of the most antisocial ponies I've ever met. No way she was getting in the middle of this awkwardness."
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[27]Apparently, this is Twilight's formal title. Don't know how you rule over the concept of friendship, but she does I guess.
"Well, it's going to get a bit more awkward, so brace yourself. Know that I'm not trying to offend you with anything I'm about to say." Mason took a deep breath, put a hoof against the stone wall of Starlight's room for support, and began.
"Okay, so getting right into it, you and I are effectively matter and antimatter. Yin and yang. Hot and cold. By nature, we destroy each other when we come into contact."
Starlight picked up the book she'd been reading as Mason walked in, set it aside, and got up from her bed. "Alright, you're gonna need to elaborate on that a bit. What about me makes you think that?"
"Have you heard the term 'Clockstopper' before in your life?"
Starlight shook her head.
"Okay. Well, you are one. I can sense it. You see, I'm what's called a 'Genius.' That's with a capital G,[28] mind you." Mason paused a moment to process Chip's barb. "You've almost certainly heard the word 'genius' used normally."
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[28]Do you have any idea how hard it is to convey the concept of 'capital G' to a person who literally wouldn't know what a regular G is?
"I don't think I have, could you define it for me?" Starlight asked with calm snark as she leaned against her bed.
Mason plowed on ahead. "Being a capital-G[29] Genius means harnessing an energy called 'Mania.' Part of that is sensing certain things, like if I'm near a Clockstopper. The closer I get to you, the louder that section of my brain screams I'm near one. Therefore, it's safe to assume you're a Clockstopper."
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[29]You're doing this on purpose.
"Okay, makes sense. With you so far. Is that a bad thing? Because that still doesn't explain why you ran screaming."
"Many would argue that that is inherently a bad thing.[30] But that's because for Geniuses, it's really hard to find a Clockstopper that doesn't immediately try to…" Mason took a deep breath before continuing. "...to kill them."
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[30]Let's be honest, you included.
The heavy silence Mason expected never came.
"Why would I want to kill you?"
"Because we're natural enemies!"
"You haven't done anything to me! What do these 'Clockstoppers' even do besides just… exist?"
"Well, they're nearly immune to any effects of Genius inventions, their very presence can disable them, they can stir up mobs and sometimes warp and manipulate our technology."
Starlight perked up. "What were those last two?"[31]
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[31]You're giving her ideas, you fool!
"Whip up angry mobs subvert our technology?"
"Well, I can kind of do those two. Sort of. I don't know much about technology, but I can totally subvert somepony else's magic.[32] It's what I got my special talent in![33] Not to gloat," Starlight gloated, "but I've done a few things with magic widely considered impossible. Twilight is still studying my cutie mark spell, only problem is we can't really ethically cast it on somepony…"
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[32]Hm, maybe because she lives in a world where Geniuses are so rare, the Clockstoppers here have sort of… adapted? Like they screw with mages here instead?
[33]Oddly, this translates very approximately to "caste" or some other destined position. Might have something to do with the butt pictures.
Starlight leaned in, and the feeling of dread that hung around her intensified to the point that Mason had to fight the urge to weep. "Say Mason, you're a guy who appreciates the sciences, right?"[34]
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[34]I would like to run now please.
As Mason was about to make for the door, Starlight fell over laughing. Mason curled up into a defensive ball.[35] "Sweet Celestia, no! I was kidding, Mason! I've put that part of my life behind me now! Maybe that was too soon since we just met, but I'm just trying to lighten the mood."
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[35]Very helpful. We're about to die and you freeze. This is why programming beats instincts.
From his huddled position, Mason glared back at Starlight. "I'm stranded in this world because a Clockstopper destroyed my home."
"Oh." The laughter died instantly, and Starlight gently placed a hoof on Mason's shoulder. He flinched. "I'm sorry, Mason, I didn't know. I don't know what that pony did or why, but I swear to you I'm different.[36] You're safe here with me, Spike, and Twilight. I'm not going to hurt you, and I'd like to be your friend. Give me a chance?" She walked around to Mason's front, placing herself between him and the door, and offered him a hoof. Mason took it.
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[36]I hate to admit it, but she could absolutely be murdering you right now and she's not. Low bar, but hey most clockies don't clear if.
"Promise you won't regret this, Mason."[37]
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[37]You're gonna regret this, Mason.