Ponies Go Paintballing

by Trials

Balloon Battle

The 60 second whistle blew.

Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her team moved quickly into the big room next to the starting area. She surveyed her surroundings, trying to memorise the sight for tactics. Most notably was the floating boat in front of her. With normal, boat-like features, the ship had a steering wheel and a lower deck with several windows on each side. Rather abnormally, however, it had a huge, red balloon instead of a sail. It was only at this precise moment that Twilight understood the name 'balloon battle.'

Beside the red boat was a giant, metal grille spanning across the entire hangar. As the unicorn studied the wall, she noticed the blue team staring back at her. They all made silly gestures at her, either sticking out their tongues or slapping their flanks cheekily. Twilight silently noted the equal teams. Both had the same amount of races: two pegasi, two unicorns and two earth ponies. Each side had exactly the same guns, which allegedly made both evenly matched...

“Hey, Twilight! Get over here or they're gonna wipe the floor with us!”

Snapping back into reality, the purple mare walked across the wooden plank to join her team on the ship. As the captain of the team, it only seemed right that she drove the boat. Twilight placed her normal paintball gun beside her on the deck before gripping the steering wheel. Another shrill whistle echoed through the speakers above her, indicating the 45 second start.

Only a small amount of time left to discuss tactics with her team-mates.

“Right, listen up, girls.” The captain turned to face her group with an encouraging smile. If looks could kill, let's just say that Twilight would be at least fatally wounded. Her team looked upon her with disdain and anger, each one of them narrowing their eyes at her. Well, at least the majority of them. Pinkie Pie wore a full-face gas mask, so it prevented the team leader from viewing her look of pure, unbridled hate.

“Uh, girls, I know it's been a long and hard day and all, but no hard feelings, r-right?”

Her 'team-mates' remained silent - something that shook Twilight to her very core. Despite their obvious lack of response, the expressions on each one of their faces held the answer to her answer. No matter how tough this day already was, it was about to get a whole lot tougher.

“Uh, Doctor Hooves-”

“Please, Colgate, just call me Hooves.” The brown colt shot the unicorn a friendly smile, hoping she would return it. As Colgate's face remained as emotionless as ever, however, he knew that his attempt had failed. Back to the drawing board, it seemed.

“Oh, okay then. Hooves, what exactly are we doing on this round?”

“Hey, guys, circle around, please.” The doctor called out to the rest of his team, indicating for them to gather with the beckoning of his hoof. When every one of them surrounded him, the colt was happy enough to give an explanation.

“The objective of this game is fairly simple. As a group, we have to steer this boat we're currently standing on around an area. In about...30 seconds, that metal barrier there is going to disappear, allowing the other team to attack us,” Doctor Hooves pointed directly at the large grille in the middle of the room before speaking again.

“They'll be doing exactly the same thing as us - attempting to move their own ship around the map to finally arrive at the finish line. Now, there are absolutely no rules in this round. You can get shot all you like, and you can still stay in the game. If you perhaps fall off the side of the boat, there is a teleportation device that will send you back on-board.”

“But why would we fall off?”

“Well, they have exactly the same weapons as we do. What do you have there, Colgate?”

“I'm not exactly sure, but it kinda looks like some sort of rocket-propelled grenade launcher...” The unicorn looked down quizzically at her weapon. “So, you're saying one of them has an RPG?”

“That's precisely what I'm saying! Very astute observation, there.” Hooves gave another warm-hearted smile, but to no avail. He let out an inward sigh before continuing, “Say that that nice, young mare over there shoots one of those paint rockets at us. You won't exactly be staying still, now will you? So, when that happens, you'll be absolutely fine. Well, I say 'fine,' but...”

“Ten.”

“Alright, blue team, masks on. Get ready for that final whistle. This is it!”

“Nine.”

“Hey, Horsepower, you feeling pumped?”

“Eight.”

“HELL, YEAH,” The monster of a pony replied strongly, raising his paintball minigun with ease.

“Seven.”

Doctor Hooves took this number as his cue. He placed his paintball rifle down on the wooden planks beside him. Rubbing his hooves together in preparation, he finally took the steering wheel in his grasp. The colt gave his team one last look for checking. All of them were making crude signs at the other team, further boosting their own morale. As it happened, it wasn't entirely a bad tactic. Red team didn't look too happy, so it seemed to be working to some extent.

“Two.”

Every pony in the hangar raised their own guns.

“One.”

“FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.”

With a high-pitched scraping sound, the metal grille disappeared into the wall. The hangar doors opened in the same fashion, revealing the landscape ahead. In front of the two teams was a massive lake, spanning as far as any of them could see. No grass or land could be seen. Giant, sandy cliffs surrounded the water, creating a type of canyon. Before anyone could begin shooting, a surge of magical energy entered both airships, sending them accelerating through the air. As a result, every single pony in the room lost their balance and subsequently fell to the deck hard.

They quickly adjusted, however, picking themselves and most importantly their guns up from the wooden planks. Both captains fought the sudden burst of speed to grab the steering wheels once more. Steering seemed aimless at this point, considering that the path was as straight as an arrow. For now, at least.

The first pony to fire was Bon Bon. Below the deck, she extended the bipod of her .50 cal paintball sniper rifle on the window ledge. She placed the stock of the gun on her neck, looked through the scope and finally squeezed the trigger gently, thus sending the .50 cal paintball flying through the air. Bearing in mind that the boats were only a few metres away in distance, and that the projectile in question was ridiculously large compared to normal-sized paintballs, it made a fairly large impact on Rarity's precious mane.

Bon Bon tutted to herself, disappointed in the knowledge that she missed an easy headshot.

Rarity wasn't exactly ecstatic, either. She threw back her paint-splattered head and released a noise somewhere between a shriek of rage and a war cry. It was so loud, in fact, that the rest of her team had to cover their ears for protection – even from behind their masks. With her patented, multicolour paint-thrower in hoof, Rarity suddenly jumped over the body of water between the two ships. As if by magic, she landed gracefully on the deck before aiming her weapon at the nearest pony.

“WHO SHOT ME?!” Rarity yelled at Colgate, scaring her beyond comprehension. Her voice was so deafening that it stunned the entire blue team into silence. Not a single pony acted, which only infuriated the unicorn further. “I SAID, SHOT ME?!” When no one responded once more, Rarity simply tightened her grip on the trigger.

“Hey, unicorn, your mane looks like shit. Why don't you take a bath?”

Doctor Hooves let loose the paintball minigun in his hooves. Seeing as though Horsepower was in no condition to argue, and obviously no one else was going to take action, it only seemed right that he picked up the closest weapon next to him. The multiple paintballs found their way onto Rarity's mask and body. Unable to stop the steady flow of projectiles, Rarity snarled viciously before the overwhelming force pushed her over the side of the boat.

As Hooves had mentioned before, the bad-tempered mare was teleported back up to the boat. Dripping wet, Rarity shot the doctor a look of absolute hatred. That was going to become a problem.

“Thanks, Hooves...you saved my plot, back there.” The dark blue unicorn spoke with gratitude, and perhaps even a dash of compassion. Which was rare for a mare such as Colgate.

“Anytime,” Doctor responded coolly. He feared his crush could see his cheeks blushing furiously, so he decided to turn back around. Before he could finish his full circulation, however, a gruff noise emanated from a particularly buff pegasus beside him. He stared down at the smaller colt, seemingly searching or looking for something.

“Oh, right! Sorry about that, chap.” Hooves handed the bulky weapon back to its owner, only then realising the actual weight of the object. Horsepower gave an approving nod before firing upon the enemy boat. As he did so, he began chanting an odd song or ditty, which went perfectly with the rate he was shooting.

Applejack had to duck to avoid the incoming fire. Her head safely hidden below the side of the ship, she looked back at her own team to see the ongoing carnage. Unable to defend herself, Twilight Sparkle could only raise a hoof to protect her face. The blue paint soon covered every inch of her body, all apart from the mask she was covering. As happy as it made Applejack to see her enemy in such distress, they were going to lose the match unless she did anything. Twilight wasn't the only victim, as it seemed. Practically the entire red team was caught out, too.

So, it was up to her.

Applejack suddenly stood up on her two hind legs, raising her paint RPG and aiming it straight at the perpetrator. “SUPRESSING!” She yelled, firing the missile directly at the enemy. Just as his prey before him, the mingun-toting enemy couldn't do a thing to prevent the attack. Applejack had hit him well.

Horsepower was sent flying off the deck of the ship. The orange mare could only see his pathetically-small wings trying to fly, but to no avail – the momentum was just too strong. He simply plunged into the blue water beneath him before being teleported back up to his ship.

With an exclamation of success, the earth pony fished out another missile from the belt around her waist. She proceeded to fit the end of the explosive into the chamber, and then rotated it to the right until it clicked loudly.

When Appeljack lifted her head above the side once more, however, she didn't expect to see the enemy so close.

Lyra had to focus on more than one thing at a time. Most importantly: the whole levitation thingy. Without being airborne, the unicorn wouldn't be able to concentrate on the second factor: the enemy. As the power consuming her entire body kept her in flight, she began to fire her weapon. 15 different colours of fully biodegradable paint spurted out from her paint-thrower, completely covering the orange pony nearest to her. As it turned out she wasn't that orange for much longer.

Feeling that the earth pony had had her fair share, Lyra moved onto other targets. First of all, she fired upon the driver. Not expecting the sudden onslaught, Twilight Sparkle was unable to defend herself as she did before. The multi-coloured paint layered her entire mask, coating it in various, different colours. Lyra could see the unicorn suffering, clearly blinded by the plentiful paint. When she tried to wipe away the vibrant mess of colours, more just seemed to appear. It was like an endless supply of entertainment, and the member of blue team didn't feel like letting up for anything.

Of course, being unable to see also meant that the unicorn was unable to steer. Unbeknownst to both Lyra and the Twilight, the distance between the boats was closing. The frantic efforts of Doctor Hooves trying to shift away failed, thus ending in the red boat scraping along the side of the blue boat. Lyra lost her focus, stopping the levitation spell just as suddenly as the airships colliding. She plunged to the deck of the red boat.

The unicorn hit the wood hard, forcing her to drop the weapon upon impact. Winded from the incident, Lyra was only capable of staring down the yellow, automatic shotgun-toting pegasus standing above her. “Why don't we take a walk? Hmm?” Fluttershy spoke menacingly, picking the temporarily paralysed mare up off the deck. Wrapping a hoof around her victim's neck, the mare pointed the weapon at Lyra's head.

“Everybody, freeze! Or the bitch loses her head!” Fluttershy yelled over the noises of gunfire. Being in the state that she was, Lyra was unable to stop the psychotic attacker. She merely looked on as she saw her own team recoil in shock. Noticing the sudden silence, the yellow pegasus glared back at her own team before speaking in a loud tone. “Not you, idiots! Go get their weapons, double time!”

Both sides simply did nothing. The surprise both shocked and surprised them, pushing them into a stationary state. No weapons were fired, and certainly no weapons were taken. Angered by her team's obvious stupidity, the mare yelled once more, “Why aren't you doing anything?! Did I fucking stutte-”

“Boom. Headshot.” Bon Bon smiled at her fortune, finally achieving her goal for the game.

A .50 paintball ended the pony's rage-induced speech mid-sentence. Lyra could see the faint splatter of blue paint on her own mask, only then realising her assailant's fate. She looked back at the diabolical mare, whose protective mask was now completely filled with paint. Using this surprise to her advantage, the unicorn grabbed the weapon previously pointed at her face. Instead of taking Fluttershy hostage, like she did to her only moments before, Lyra simply shot. She kept firing directly at the pegasus' plot until the ammunition ran out, letting out all the rage that had built up inside her.

Stepping back for a second, Lyra looked at her work. The yellow pegasus was no longer yellow, and was actually no longer standing. For all she cared, the bitch could've just fainted. What sort of rational pony points an automatic shotgun at someone's face? Even if it was only paint...

Suddenly, the gunfire returned.

Lyra had to move quickly, else she would become a target. Dropping the spent shotgun, she picked up her own paint-thrower. Several ponies tried to get in her way, but she quickly changed their minds by spraying them over a couple of times. Lyra finally dove off the side of the ship, teleporting back to her own. Mission complete.

Twilight Sparkle had to rub her own mask vigorously to remove the layers of paint drying on it. When she realised the her ship had crashed into the other, she quickly swung the steering wheel to the left. No longer stuck in a heap, both ships returned to their previous speed. They had both made it past the water by now, and as Twilight looked on to see the new area, her jaw dropped to the wooden deck. Had it not been for the protective helmet, it probably would've the complete journey.

There was no ground. Well, for at least a long way down, anyway. The airship continued to hover at the same altitude, despite the new revelation. Fear found its way into Twilight's heart. It was just so high – how was this even safe?

“Twilight, please move. I would like to steer for a bit.” Rarity spoke in her usual, whiny tone.

“But, I'm captain. I've got us this far, haven't I?”

“Well, you haven't done a very good job doing it, have you?” Rarity snapped, flipping her mane back in one, smooth motion.

“It's only because you guys haven't defended me well enough!” Twilight Sparkle shot back. She knew she was skating on thin ice, and that tensions were high, but it had to be said. Her team was just plain sloppy.

By now, the rest of her team had turned their attention to the debate, regardless of the incoming projectiles. They all circled around the unicorn on the steering wheel, nodding their heads and agreeing with Rarity.

“I beg your pardon?! Are you suggesting that we, as defenders, are not doing a good enough job?” Twilight knew where this was going. Rarity was a dab hoof at manipulating the crowd to her own use, and this crowd didn't need a whole lot of convincing. She had to pick her next words carefully – her fate hung in the balance.

“No, just saying...”

“I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions. Come on, mares, let us apprehend the witch!”

The now hostile audience began to move forward on Twilight Sparkle. All of their weapons trained on her, she was unable to do anything but watch. Her own gun was simply too far away to grab, and would only make matters worse under the circumstances. Twilight's only weapon now was her words.

“But...This is mutiny! They won't let you-”

“Yeah, we know.” Dash said casually.

Well, that was that.

The group picked up the unicorn as one. They rotated her to the left slightly and then placed her on the plank. Rarity spoke up, making her voice heard. "Darling, must you make this so difficult on ourselves? Why not just...take a stroll? It'll be over much quicker than you think, trust me."

She didn't know how to respond to that one. Did they really want her to kill herself, so they didn't have to themselves? Well, if she was going out, she was going to go out with some fight still left in her. Twilight stood still on the plank, refusing to budge an inch. She quietly tried to think of a spell that could repel all of them in one fell swoop. No way, were they going to take her down-

And then Fluttershy gave her a big push.

As Twilight Sparkle fell, she tried desperately to cast a teleportation spell. The rushing wind and noise put off her concentration, however, and only succeeded in wasting energy. She began to panic. The ground was coming ever closer - the speed at which she was falling made her eyes water.

This was the end for her. Through every trial and tribulation in her life, it had to be her own friends who bumped her off. Not Nightmare Moon, Discord or even Queen Chrysalis – her friends. Twilight felt no bitterness, only sadness. Her best friends had betrayed her without even batting an eyelid, and that was it. The earth was rushing up to meet her now, and there was not a thing she could do about it. This was it...

And then she was back on-board the ship.

Twilight Sparkle looked down at her own hooves, confused beyond her own understanding. A bemused frown replaced the fearful one, still puzzled by the recent events. Multiple paintballs continued hitting her at the same time, but it didn't matter. A miracle had just happened, and Twilight simply couldn't believe it.

“What is it, sweetie, didn't someone get the memo?” Rarity looked back on her from the steering wheel, an amused smile etched across her entire face. Until an incoming paintball splattered against her mask, that is. Then, Twilight couldn't see it at all. “There's a teleport down there, but I suppose no one told you...”

The finish line came into view.

Doctor Hooves shouted over the gunfire, trying to insert some order into the chaos. All ponies able to move had to distract the enemy team as much as possible. Anyone else had to attempt to stay on-board for as long as possible, either to defend their own captain, or to attack the other. Both ships were tied – thus unable to win individually without assistance. There had to be an obstacle.

Derpy Hooves took the skies rather haphazardly, her wings barely able to keep up with the speed of the ships. Holding the smallish automatic shotgun in her hooves, she began to locate easy targets. The captain said something about attacking the captain, but that didn't make much sense. Why would he want Derpy to shoot him?

The grey mare forgot all about the predicament she was in when a large, incoming paintball just grazed the tip of her helmet. She looked around for the suspect, and finally found her best friend, Rainbow Dash flying beside her, only mere metres away.

“Hey, Dash! Did you see a sniper anywhere?” Derpy Hooves spoke without care, not knowing that the pony she was looking for was right before of her eyes. Dash almost felt sorry for the pegasus. Had it not been for that irrational, insatiable urge to win, she probably would've complied to her emotions.

Without feeling the need to drag the awkward moment on longer than necessary, the multi-coloured mare just pulled the trigger. They were so close, there just wasn't even any point in aiming. Derpy's expression immediately turned from one of friendliness to one of betrayal. Dash just decided to look on as she saw her friend descend rapidly...towards her own ship.

Oh, shit.

Rainbow Dash immediately regretted her decision. Derpy Hooves was well known for her 'Iron Arse', and it was now aiming directly for the wooden deck. The cyan mare tried to catch up with the falling menace, but there was simply no hope. Just as before, Dash could only watch as the chaos enfolded.

As expected, Derpy went straight through one side of the boat, and out the other. A giant, butt-shaped hole replaced the mare, sending the latter soaring through the sky underneath the boat, no doubt to go through the teleport. Dash could only sigh as her remaining team-mates looked up at her disappointedly. Not only was the hole a hazard to everyone's health, it actually reduced the speed of the airship by quite a lot. As in, the enemy team were now in front by metres – not inches, any longer.

There was only thing that called for this.

“Applejack, get on Fluttershy's back, and Pinkie, do the same with Dash!” The ponies in a circle around Twilight Sparkle looked at her as if she was insane. “Girls, do you want to win, or not?” That seemed to do the trick. With a small shrug, Pinkie Pie got on Fluttershy's back with her Minigun in hoof. Applejack clambered on Dash in much the same fashion, with her RPG primed and ready. Neither pegasi struggled nor buckled under the heavy weight - most likely due to the close scent of victory.

“Now, go cause some havoc...” Twilight grinned menacingly. Time for some payback. Avoiding the hole in the middle of the deck, the unicorn returned to Rarity's side once more. They both stared at the checkered finish line in the distance. Despite all that had happened today, it was a most beautiful sight.

Following their orders, the two pegasi and earth ponies quickly crossed over to the blue boat. Hovering just above the balloon itself, the pegasi gave their riders the perfect view for shooting. They began firing immediately, trying to disturb the ship as much as possible. Attempting to cause as much mayhem and chaos as they could in the hopes of victory. They had the element of surprise on their hands, making their work a lot easier.

After reloading for the third time, Applejack aimed directly at the captain, who could only look up in horror. Pinkie got the same idea, and began firing her impossibly fast paintballs at the poor colt.

His team-mates incapable of doing anything, Doctor Hooves simply stood there and took it. He wouldn't risk his allies for any kind of punishment he couldn't take himself, so he continued to stand and steer the boat. When the sixth missile hit him once more, however, his opinion quickly changed. The minigun he could shrug off, but the rockets were just too strong.

Hooves could hear the seventh missile fire. He closed his eyes and prepared for impact...but it never came. The explosion certainly did, but where was the missile? Looking around, he noticed a giant paint splatter on the middle of the deck. Perhaps that pony had missed, or someone had the misfortune of getting right in the way.

“Eurgh...Someone...please, help me.”

A quiet voice spoke from the side of the ship. Slightly curious, the doctor poked his head over the barricade to get a better look. There she was – Colgate, hanging on for dear life on the edge of the boat. Only Doctor Hooves knew of her fear of heights. It was him that knew her fear reduced Colgate to uselessness. Someone had to rescue her, and it couldn't be him.

Or, could it?

No, no, it just couldn't. Steering the ship was just too important to forsake over petty fears - no matter how...heroic he would look like in front of his crush. But, surely, someone could save her? Doctor Hooves looked back at the empty deck, which had obviously been abandoned. How could he tell? Well, there were various, multi-coloured hoof prints leading down to the lower deck. So, it was all up to him. It wasn't like this match mattered that much to him, anyway. Paintball had never really been his thing.

Leaving the steering wheel in a predicted trajectory of the finish line, Hooves quickly galloped over to the edge of the boat. The enemy followed him constantly, their paint attempting to get in the way. He had to be light on his hooves, just in case of any slipping. Slipping hurt, and-

Colgate, Hooves, think Colgate.

With his legs outstretched, the colt leaned over the side of the boat rather precariously. Hooves found the mare dangling just to the right of him. He could see the eyes of Colgate literally light up as she noticed his presence. Her beautiful, hypnotic...

More important issues at hoof, Hooves.

The brown colt grabbed the mare's hooves firmly before attempting to pull her up. As Hooves did, however, he looked back into Colgate's deep eyes and saw fear. She wasn't exactly looking at him – more like something behind him. Her mouth formed words, but he could not hear. Turning around, Hooves noticed the yellow pegasus standing still with a paint-covered knife in her hoof. She began to advance on the vulnerable colt, whose fate was just assured. No matter how hard he tried, the final hurdle would always be there to trip him up. This would cost him the game, and possibly even the respect that Colgate had for him. Well, this was it...

Suddenly, a pink blur appeared from nowhere. It moved over to Fluttershy, seemingly consuming her in...whatever it was. It must have sentient, because Hooves could've sworn he heard the words: “My knife, you dirty thief.” At least, something along those lines. And then it had vanished as soon as it had appeared, taking the yellow pegasus with it.

No longer cautious, Doctor Hooves pulled Colgate the rest of the way over the barricade. He then asked repeatedly if she was all right, to which she replied profusely that she was perfectly fine. For the moment, at least, she added quickly, giving him a subtle wink.

“Game over, folks! Red team has won!” The cheery voice of the announcer echoed through the speakers of both ships. “Better luck next time, blues!” Then a slightly hushed tone replaced it, as if by accident. “Those idiot ponies breaking a hole in the boat...send it over to maintenance straight away.”

The thing was: Hooves didn't even mind. It had ultimately given him a chance to get closer to his crush, whose face was positively beaming despite the obvious failure. She wasn't the only one, however - the entire blue team were smiling happily. Even if they hadn't been victorious, they still had oodles of fun losing. Hooves began to smile himself, feeling that Colgate's own was infectious.The doctor wondered why Colgate didn't smile more often. With amazing teeth like that, who-

And then she kissed him.

So, that was that.

Red team had won, Twilight Sparkle had won, and by the looks of things on the other boat, just about everyone won. The purple unicorn looked back at her allies. None of them were smiling as such, but none of them were exactly frowning, either. It had been a long day, so she wasn't surprised, really. Would probably take some time to restore their friendship to what it had been before, but it didn't matter. Time wasn't exactly going anywhere any time soon, so it simply just didn't matter.

Now, it was all over. Home was calling.

Twilight swore to herself that she would never go paintballing again.

-END-

A/N: So, this is the end. Why, aren't you surprised? There's always an end to everything, and the end to this story just so happens to be here. I know - I may have hinted at another chapter, but it just won't be done. Want to write different stuff, you know?

Anyway, this has been a hell of a ride. Fun to write, and fun to hear everyone's comments. On the matter of that, if you haven't already, please do. It's nice hearing feedback and such. I sincerely hope you've enjoyed reading this. See you on the...uh...paint-field? Until then.