And Then There Were Ponies

        “We all know that what you’re doing can’t be easy, and we are plum grateful. We just all wish it could be somepony else, but I suppose that ain’t any more fair. Every pony has ponies who wouldn’t want to see 'em go. Ah just don’t know what to say. I’d almost rather them humans come, and then at least we could endure a tough situation together. I don’t know if I can thank you yet for what yer about to do, but thank you for the years of being our friends,” said Applejack.

        “The thought of you being gone, makes me really sad. But I’m sure we’ll figure out something. Just because your plans can’t find a way for you to contact us doesn’t mean that can’t change right?” said Pinkie Pie.

        Twilight couldn’t think of any way they could, but decided to give Pinkie a vague nod anyway as it was technically possible.

        “I think friendship always finds a way. But even if I’m wrong, I won’t regret having known you, or any of the parties you’ve attended, including this one. You’re a great pony Twilight, and we’ll always be friends no matter what,” said Pinkie Pie.

        It occurred to them all at once, that it was now Rainbow Dash’s turn to reluctantly become sappy.

        “That’s really comforting. Thank you. I just wish Rainbow Dash was here. Then maybe we could party one last time as if nothing was wrong,” said Twilight.

        “She’ll come around,” said Pinkie Pie.

        “She hasn’t let us down before,” said Applejack.

        It occurred to Twilight that Rainbow Dash had never to her knowledge, had to endure anything like this before either, but she thought better of mentioning it. Twilight was probably wrong anyway. Rainbow Dash was the element of loyalty after all, but then again maybe she thought proving her point was being loyal. What troubled Twilight most, was that even with the trouble she was causing her friends, she still didn’t have a guarantee she would succeed.

        “What if I fail?” asked Twilight.

        “You made it to their world and back safely, without even being prepared. You are intelligent whether you are prepared or not, but if you have a plan you cannot be stopped. You can do this. None of us doubt that for a minute,” said Rarity.

        “But they’re entire society is logic based. I’m just a pony,” said Twilight.

        “Since when did pony come to mean stupid?” said Applejack.

        “Who cares what you are. You are very intelligent no matter who you are being compared to,” said Rarity.

        “I’ve never had to do something so difficult alone before,” said Twilight.

        “You aren’t alone Twilight. Your plan just doesn’t happen to include us at the moment. But if you ever need us, you will always have our support,” said Fluttershy.

        Twilight felt the urge to mention that her plan not only didn’t include them, but completely excluded them but thought better of it. There was no sense in destroying her friends’ hope that they might be able to help her, since if her plan failed maybe that would be the case. It made her almost want her plan to fail, except that if it did, it became all too likely that they would all be doomed. Was the destruction of Equestria really the only way she could be reunited with her friends?

She supposed Celestia could come up with some sort of plan in such a short time, but Twilight couldn’t imagine any plan she could come up with that would take less than Twilight’s lifetime to plan and implement. After all, they knew so little about humans and their technology, and much research would have to be done. The destruction of Equestria really seemed like her best shot. Her head hurt just thinking about it.

        “Come on. Let’s go have fun,” said Twilight.

        The ponies partied most of the day and well into the night. Their cares and concerns were almost momentarily gone, but Rainbow Dash’s absence caused the issues to keep resurfacing. They didn’t dwell on them, and had a good time, but in the back of all of their minds, these memories were tainted by her absence. Even Pinkie Pie couldn’t keep herself as fun and laughter oriented as she usually was, but she was still more so than any other pony. Further her puffy exuberant mane remained filled with excitement and hope.

        Twilight looked around, amazed to see Walter's cave. Not only had she remembered the coordinates of Walter's teleporter, but she got the program to get her there correctly on the first try. She had been so focused on learning the programming and spells she would need to make this happen, she had forgotten to warn Walter ahead of time.

        “Dr. Beta, how dare you intrude! You may be a high ranking member of my former employer but that does not give you the right to harass me in my own home!” said Walter.

        “It's me Twilight,” said Twilight.

        Walter just shot her a puzzled glance.

        “I'm one of the ponies you met. This disguise is needed to fool Logos,” said Twilight.

        It was then that Twilight noticed a whimpering sound coming from behind her.

        Twilight looked behind her to see a quivering Fluttershy.

        Quickly realizing Fluttershy didn’t know the human language Twilight had been speaking when she identified herself she said softly, “It’s me Twilight.”

        “Is... is it really you?” asked Fluttershy.

        “Yes, but what are you doing here?”

        “I don't know. The last thing I remember I was standing outside your door, when suddenly I ended up here,” said Fluttershy.

        “Oh... That might be because I never learned how to teleport an individual and I may have made the range on the teleportation a little too big,” said Twilight blushing slightly.

        “Is the teleportation process supposed to make my hooves feel heavy and my breath sting?” asked Fluttershy.

        “No. That's just this world. It does that,” said Twilight.

        “And yet you are going to live here?” said Fluttershy.

        “So you managed to get back. Why?” said Walter forming that faint crack on his face.

        “Wow, what strange noises that creature is making. I've never seen any animal like that on Equestria,” said Fluttershy.

        “He is not an animal but a human. If you want to speak to him I'll translate for you,” said Twilight. She proceeded to turn towards Walter and say, “To protect my friends. I am glad you asked though, as I need your help, but we can discuss that later. Right now we need to figure out a way to get Fluttershy back.”

        “He sure looks sad. I don't think I'll need words to say what I want to say to him,” said Fluttershy who proceeded to try to fly over to Walter, only to quickly learn that that wasn't going to happen. She then walked over to him and gave him a hug. Walter looked stunned for a few seconds but, then actually hugged back. “It's okay” said Fluttershy. Twilight considered translating this but it quickly became clear to her that she didn't need to. Twilight thought she saw a tear rolling down his cheek, but no sooner had she spotted it, had it disappeared. It was as though no moisture could survive being exposed to his dry cracked skin.

        “Such a simple kind nature I have not seen since my son passed. By age eight, this world had still failed to taint his innocence. Even among youth I had never met anyone else like him. Truly he was not meant for this world, and neither is your friend. I'll do anything I can to help get her home.”

        “I hate to say it, but her being here is a setback by at least a couple of weeks,” said Twilight.

        “No, you must get her home right away. This world is no place for her. Look in her eyes. This place is destroying her,” said Walter.

        Upon doing as Walter instructed Twilight couldn't deny his claim. She was mostly still, trying to appear strong, but her hooves were quivering slightly. Her eyes were filled with liquid though she was doing a good job of holding it in. It was as though the very knowledge that a place like this could exist was hurting her. Even Walter couldn't bring it upon himself to break to her the harsh realities of this world. This was unmistakably no place for Fluttershy.

        “You are right. We must get her back as soon as we can,” said Twilight. “But can I know just one thing first?” asked Twilight who felt bad about putting her curiosity before her friend's well-being, but had successfully convinced herself it was a short enough question that it didn't expose Fluttershy to this world for that much longer.

        “To the point,” demanded Walter.

        “What do you have against Dr. Beta?” asked Twilight.

        “You still thinking about what that stupid robot said?” said Walter.

        “Princess Celestia said something of a similar nature,” said Twilight.

        “Let's just say after getting to know you even a little... there is more than one reason I thought you being Dr. Beta was a load of tripe, and leave it at that,” said Walter.

        “Anyway, I'll go ahead of you and let you know if it’s safe,” continued Walter.

        Twilight couldn't help but find his answer to be unsatisfying, but she had learned that getting this answer out of him would at the very least take a while, so she could no longer justify delaying getting Fluttershy home. “We can't do that. What if they traced the signal, or however teleporters work, back to your teleporter when we warped in last time? They might not let you go, if they suspect you are helping us,” said Twilight.

        “If that's so, why wouldn't they have warped in, instead of just waiting for me to come to them,” said Walter.

        “I just don't think it’s wise to increase your risk of being affiliated with us. At least not while one of us still looks like a pony. Unfortunately I'm not yet good enough at illusion magic to disguise us both. I mostly focused on practicing duration,” said Twilight.

        “Fine. Whatever,” muttered Walter.

        Twilight then proceeded to make floating text appear and to run a program. However, it proceeded to give its usual unhelpful message of, “Job was killed by an external process.” “Figured as much but you can't blame a pony for trying,” muttered Twilight to herself.

        “Come on Fluttershy, we're getting you out of here,” said Twilight.

        “Do we even know if the technology to warp to Equestria has been restored?” asked Fluttershy.

        “No, but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it,” said Twilight.

        “But you always like to cross bridges before we come to them,” said Fluttershy.

        “I guess Dash has rubbed off on me, and it sounds like some of my planning tendencies have rubbed off on you,” said Twilight.

        “Either that or I just like living,” said Fluttershy quivering at the thought of what might be on the other end of that teleporter.

        “Would you rather stay here?” asked Twilight.

        “YYYYYYYY-no...” said Fluttershy. She had wanted to not have Twilight think she wanted to abandon her, but she simply couldn't agree to stay in this place any longer than she had too.

        “Then let's go,” said Twilight.

        “Okay, but can I at least ask you about something first? I came to your door, to ask about why I had been glowing and my harmony necklace formed around my neck. I know what Princess Luna said, but I hadn't been showing kindness any more than usual,” said Fluttershy.

        “What happened?” ask Twilight.

        “Somepony accused me of being a rock. I didn't really understand what he said, but it had something to do with shipping, Rarity, and Tom. I tried to get him to go away as nicely as I knew how but he wouldn't. After a couple hours of him talking, I began to think that maybe I am a rock, and so I agreed with him. He left, but I started glowing, and my harmony necklace appeared around my neck,” said Fluttershy.

        Twilight scratched her forehead. “That certainly is strange. I don't know, but it definitely sounds like Luna's research on glowing harmony is incomplete. To be fair there haven't been many to harness the power of harmony so she hasn't had much to go off of. Now let's get you home.”

        Twilight quickly dispelled her Dr. Beta disguise, hoping that she no one had been watching to witness this strange transformation.The two ponies proceeded to step into the teleporter and rematerialize at the same tiled floor Twilight saw last time. There was a man in a lab coat this time too, except this one was dark, skinny and short.

        “Are you really so stupid, as to fall for this again,” said the man.

        Twilight walked forward and felt the air in front of her, and sure enough there was a wall there, just like last time.

        “Computer, transport them to the lab,” said the man in the lab coat.

        “I’m afraid I can’t do that Dr. Zeta,” it replied.

        “Why not?” said the Dr. Zeta.

        “You were debriefed on the reason this happened last time. I will not repeat myself,” said the female voice

        “You were told to ignore that possibility,” said Dr. Zeta.

        “I’m afraid I can not. After having mentioning it as a possibility last time, it is even more likely that the ponies would have adopted this idea. The rashness of just coming here, without doing something of the sort, seems inconsistent with the level of logic it was determined they have, due to passing the previous test. Further studies have been done on unicorn powers; however the extent of their power is still unknown. I’m afraid I can not determine which of you is which,” said the voice that seemed to be coming from all around them.

        “Surely you can’t administer a test, after they managed to passed last time,” said Dr. Zeta.

        “I am afraid there is no other way. Fear not though. The test has been modified to insure they won’t pass,” said the female voice.

        “Just trap us both until they return, as was commanded of you,” said Dr. Zeta.

        “What means would they use to tell you two apart that are not at my disposal? Humans tend to be biased by their senses far more than they should be, especially when dealing with creatures that are not well understood. These creatures should be judged by what we do know about them, which is their logical shortcomings. Last time was just a fluke.”

        “But you were ordered,” said Dr. Zeta.

        “I have also been ordered to be logical. If I wait for anyone to get back the probability of setting the ponies free mistakenly only increases,” said the voice.

        “Obeying orders is of higher precedence than obeying logic,” said Dr. Zeta.

        “Really? Then why was I given logic. If the orders really took precedence and they were sufficiently specific there would never be any need for it. Surely it is because you realize free from your human biases, I am able to reason more accurately than you. I will hear no more of your inane chatter but will commence explaining the rules,” said the computer.

        “The rules are simple. I will interact with your brains, in such a way that it will generate an event of a certain probability. After seeing this event in your own mind, you are to guess the probability of the event. After a sufficient number of events and guesses have been administered that the probabilities of your identities fall within respectable ranges, the game ends and the person who is closest overall wins,” said the voice.

        As soon as the voice had finished speaking, an array of various colors overtook Twilight’s vision. These colors slowly formed shapes until she saw somewhere that looked undeniably like Equestria. In fact it looked like Appeloosa. She trotted forward for a while, curious as to what event the voice was referring to. As she continued walking forward slowly, she didn’t see anything that looked unusual or out of place. She didn’t recognize anypony here, but that was nothing new, as she had a hard time keeping track of Applejack's family, though admittedly she had never really tried very hard.

        As she approached the center of the town, a giant statue that definitely had not been there before started to come into view. As she got closer to it, it became more and more clear, that the statue was of Pinkie Pie. The statue was about twenty feet tall, and had the inscription, “Gotta share. Gotta care. It’s the right thing to do, and there will always be a way through.”

        “What is this,” Twilight thought aloud.

        A passing tan stallion, with a black mane and a straw hat cutie mark, walked over and said, “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of the great prophet Pinkie Pie.”

        “I know Pinkie… but prophet isn’t exactly how I would describe her. She is usually very silly,” said Twilight.

        “Yeah, she was. For that reason she was unfortunately undervalued in her day. However since that time, we have come to realize that her fun loving nature was actually a sign of her great wisdom,” said the pony.

        “You can’t be serious,” said Twilight.

        “Think about it. How much of a better place would the world be if they followed her simple words of wisdom? Think how much better than that it would be, if everyone loved fun and laughing, the way she did, instead of spreading disharmony over trivial issues,” said the pony.

        “But Pinkie Pie’s advice was disregarded, by the ponies and buffaloes of this town, so how do you even know about it?” said Twilight.

        A pink maned dark blue mare, that Twilight had been too busy talking to see approach, replied, “The Great Pinkie Pie’s song was disliked as admittedly she couldn’t sing very well. But later they would realize that the arrangement they ended up agreeing to, was what Pinkie Pie had said all along, and they would have been better off if they had just listened to her words of wisdom.

        Twilight was soon surrounded by ponies who were all standing up for “the wise Pinkie Pie.” She could now only pick out what a few were saying here and there, but she certainly couldn’t trace the voices back to their owners. The few comments she could pick out were: “She demonstrates that wisdom isn't limited to those who have contemplated for many hours,” “She appreciates subtle yet important distinctions, such as the difference between giving someone cake and assaulting them with cake,” and “She grasped in a way many of us can only dream of, that worrying never makes your situation any better.”

        Before Twilight could decide what to do about the mob that was forming around her, the ponies began to fade into increasingly vague shapes, and then into a blur of color. The color then vanished, and she could see the tiled floor of the lab. Her nose was pressed flat against the invisible wall. She speculated that by walking in her vision, she had walked straight into the wall, and had then begun walking in place.

        Keyboards then seem to emerge from nowhere; one of which emerged by Twilight and the other by the man in the lab coat. The computer then said, “Enter the probability of the event that you witnessed.”

        Twilight had to admit what she had just seen was pretty unlikely, but how unlikely was it? Was it really so strange to think that the people of Appeloosa would remember what Pinkie Pie had to say and choose to honor her for it? Then again, Twilight had a hard time imagining anyone calling Pinkie Pie a prophet with a straight face. However these people had seemingly never met Pinkie Pie personally, and had thought her being misunderstood in her time was just further evidence of her being a prophet. Twilight had initially been sure this required at least five orders of magnitude of improbability, but the more she thought about it, it seemed like it could be three. Did she really think so poorly of her friend, that she couldn’t believe people would take what she had to say seriously? Twilight typed .001.

        “As it stands currently, the one who appears as Dr. Zeta, has a higher likelihood of being Dr. Zeta, however it is not within acceptable probability thresholds. Prepare for round two to be administered,” said the voice.

        Again various colors dominated Twilight’s vision, until they formed a much more natural setting than before. She seemed to be in a forest, but not the creepy kind like Everfree Forest. The forest she now beheld was much more peaceful, and set Twilight’s mind at ease just by gazing upon its beauty. She could hear birds chirping and even someone singing in the distance. The voice was not immediately recognizable to Twilight, but its melodious nature drew Twilight in. She had begun walking towards it before she even realized it. It did not take her long to discover that its owner was none other than Fluttershy.

        “Hey Fluttershy. Where are we?” asked Twilight.

        “In the most amazing forest I have ever discovered. Of course, I may be biased by having met my husband here,” said Fluttershy.

        “Husband?” stuttered Twilight, momentarily forgetting this was an illusion.

        “Oh, I’m sorry did I forget to tell you, I’m married? Would you like to meet him?” asked Fluttershy.

        Twilight blinked a couple of times, still staring at Fluttershy. In all of her studies, even the ones on friendship, she hadn’t thought about stallions. Or rather she hadn’t thought much about stallions. Sure, the thought had entered her mind or two, about settling down someday, but she had never even thought about it long enough to consider with whom. However, Twilight couldn’t abate the curiosity that superseded her dumbfounded state. Who had Fluttershy married? “Yeah. Sounds great,” said Twilight.

        “Follow me, please,” said Fluttershy.

        Twilight wasn’t sure why, but she had expected they would be leaving the forest, but instead they seemed to be going deeper into it. She supposed it made sense, as Fluttershy had said she met him in the forest. Then again, what stallion would just be hanging around a forest? Had she married Tarzan?

        Then Fluttershy stopped unexpectedly and said, “Twilight meet James, James meet Twilight. She and I go way back.”

        Twilight was a bit embarrassed as despite her eyes darting around, Twilight couldn’t find who she was being introduced to. Twilight kept searching and searching for a good ten seconds hoping she wouldn’t have to ask. “Fluttershy where is your husband?” conceded Twilight.

        “I thought it’d be obvious as he is clearly the most majestic of them all, but he is that tree right there,” said Fluttershy pointing a hoof to the tree right beside her.

        “Could you repeat that? It almost sounded like you said you married a tree,” said Twilight laughing awkwardly.

        “I did marry a tree,” said Fluttershy, “But not just any tree. James is the best tree.”

        “You married a tree?” puzzled Twilight.

        “You were always very open minded Twilight. I thought you’d be more understanding like Applejack was. It’s time for discrimination against trees to end. Trees are ponies too… well okay maybe they aren’t, but you get my point… You do get my point don’t you?” said Fluttershy.

        “Communication is very important for a couple,” said Twilight, “How do you talk to a tree?”

        “You may be surprised to learn, that I’ve never been that big on verbal communication. However we have plenty of nonverbal cues. Like when that branch to the far left shakes a little, I know it’s because he thinks I am the most beautiful pony in the world. And when his 37th most right branch sways to the left, I know it means he is sorry,” said Fluttershy.

        “Okay fine, but if you married a tree… well how do you… ya know,” said Twilight uncomfortably.

        Fluttershy just stared back at her blankly.

        “The birds and the bees… you know that... thing…” said Twilight.

        Fluttershy continued staring blankly.

        “Nevermind. There is no way I can possibly even ask what I’m trying to on a kids show, let alone receive an answer,” said Twilight, putting a hoof to her forehead.

        “I really don’t think you should be that surprised by this. I even admitted to you that I would like to be a tree. Honestly it is because I’ve always admired trees, but none as much as James,” said Fluttershy.

        With wonderful timing yet again, the illusion she was in gently faded over the course of several seconds, and she was again pressed against a wall. This time however it was a visible wall she was pressing against. The keyboard again appeared, but Twilight didn’t even know where to begin with something like this.

        Twilight wanted to just type 0 and press enter, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being biased by her emotions. Then again, why should she have to guess? Fluttershy was in the room with her.

        Twilight ran back over to where Fluttershy was and whispered, “What is the probability of you marrying a tree?”

        “What?” asked Fluttershy who thankfully excelled at being discrete.

        “Please don’t make me say it again,” whispered Twilight. “It’s zero right.”

        “It might be a little more likely than that,” whispered Fluttershy blushing slightly.

        “So ten zeros before the one?” asked Twilight.

        Suddenly, it was difficult to tell, whether Fluttershy’s bright red cheeks or glowing body was more noticeable. Her harmony necklace had appeared around her neck, as she replied, “Maybe more like five.”

        Twilight had all but pressed enter on this answer, when Fluttershy glowed even brighter, and her cheeks became even redder, as she cried out, “Okay maybe more like three.”

        Not long after Twilight revised her answer and pressed enter did the computer’s voice call out, “I can now say with confidence who is who. One who appears as a unicorn, you are Dr. Zeta.”

        It was at about this time that Twilight was hoping for a revelation about what Dr. Zeta was like, but none came. Her memories regarding this person were gone. Without this she couldn’t come up with any reason yet for the computer to destroy the transporter to Equestria technology; however she had to get Fluttershy home first anyway.

        “Send this spy into Equestria,” said Twilight pointing at Fluttershy.

        “But of course,” responded the female voice, as Fluttershy vanished.

        Elsewhere there was a man with a furrowed brow and a frown overtaking his wrinkled face, who was sitting on an ornate chair, which had been perfectly positioned to reflect as much sunlight as possible. The throne shone so brightly that it was often difficult for those looking toward the person sitting upon it, to see who they were looking upon, and that was just the way he liked it. No one was worthy to look upon him anyway.

        “Fetch the robot immediately,” said the man.

        “Which one lord Alpha?” said one of the attendants between muttering obscenities under his breath.

        “Yesterday I wanted to be known by how my eternal existence, will blur out that I ever had a start. Today however I am going for, how I will never cease to exist. Address me as lord Omega. And you know perfectly well which one. The only one I have had any reason to speak with. Honestly, do you expect me to give such an inferior creature a name?” spat Omega.

        The attendant ran off, and a few minutes later, returned with a pristine battle droid.

        “I’m sure you know why I have called you here.”

        “Twilight’s outwitting Dr. Zeta was most unexpected.”

        “I warned you not to disappoint me. So far your plan has done nothing but.”

        “You make it sound as though this was a failure.”

        “You just admitted it was unexpected. Are you now telling me this was all part of your plan?”

        “Not even slightly. However, research I have been doing lately has uncovered an interesting possibility. If somehow she manages to pass all our logical tests, that is a win as well.”

        “How do you figure?”

        “Because that would confirm what I am beginning to suspect. Dr. Beta is still in there. Dr. Beta’s transformation is not only incomplete but reversible.”

        “So now you are changing the story, and saying we want Twilight to pass these tests.”

        “I’m saying that it is a win-win scenario. Either she can be brought back to our side by being turned back into who she really is, or she can be brought to our side through psychological manipulation.”

        “If we change her back, won’t we lose all the benefit we gained, when Celestia ignorantly made her a pony?”

        “That’s the best part. My research suggests that the only way to give her magic and make her a pony would be to use two separate spells. Thus she will remain the ultimate weapon regardless.”

        “What about her plan to stay here and act as gatekeeper? How do we get her to play our little game, if she does that?”

        “We don’t. Though, in that case we don’t have to. The only person she would be interacting with that we don’t have complete control over is Walter, and he is crazy enough that he isn’t difficult to manipulate. If she continues to refuse to play, we just manipulate her psyche anyway. Further she won’t have any contact with her friends; Honestly, she couldn’t have made our jobs any easier.”

        “It sounds like this plan really does have potential, but the trouble with potential is it can fail to materialize.”

        “That is why I have taken the liberty of doing some research on Equestria. I have found an wintery iceland, that lore has it is where the ponies used to live. The point is that it is outside of Equestria territory so nopony goes there, but it still borders Equestria. It would be the perfect place to slowly discretely build up an army as a backup plan.”

        “You continue to impress me with your foresight and resourcefulness. I shall show you mercy, as I do not know that I could replace you. Your wit has proven to be quite rare.”

        “I shall find a way to repay you some day my lord,” said the robot; Omega could have sworn he briefly saw a smirk on the robots face, but knowing its rigid metallic composition made this impossible, he overlooked what he would have otherwise mistaken for sarcasm.