I want you to cut yourself.
The cut should be far from nonfatal. Accidents and panic can happen the first time, when you are inexperienced. So be careful.
You don’t need a very big cut. A small cut is okay. Even just a paper cut. The intention is what matters.
You have to feel the blade press against you. And make the conscious decision to move one centimeter along that axis. Imagine that as you bleed, your pain and troubles are literally oozing out of your body. Your life is disproportionately full of pain, and this will balance it out. Or, imagine that you are breaking a shackle, binding you. And with each cut, you set yourself free.
Of course the shackle doesn’t exist. They're both stupid fantasies. But it will help you justify why you’re even cutting yourself in the first place.
Prepare as much as you can for the actual event. Sit in a comfortable chair. Set your razor blade nicely on the counter, lining it with a paper towel. Pour yourself a refreshing drink. If you’re not too depressed, you can play your favorite song on a Bluetooth speaker. The one that makes you feel like you actually mean something. The one that motivates you for 3 whole minutes to become the greatest, most relevant person that ever lived.
Do not tell anyone, under any circumstances. You cannot have a pity party. That makes you an attention whore. And Mommy taught you better than to be a whore. Respect Mommy. She is a fine woman. She taught you well. Just like how she taught you well about the blue whale.
Moreover, you do not exist. Even Pinkie Pie will admit that you can't hold a party in honor of someone who doesn't exist.
And you hate parties. You hate them.
So, in short, just keep cutting.
As you cut more and more, you will find the experience becomes more and more mundane. The anticipation prior to the cut will turn from terror to a trembling hand. The thrill of the cut will turn from euphoria to a little pinch that feels weird.
Nonetheless, it is always good to try to make your first experience feel as sacred as possible.
Send me a Youtube video of the song you listened to, if any. I’ll add it to my special playlist.