Dear Diary,
I'm writing to you today because I want to take some time to fully collect my thoughts here on my third day in Equestria. With the hectic nature of the the previous two days, I haven't had time to fully comprehend the things I'm feeling that have been brewing in my mind. They keep getting drowned out.
I still think back to these times, so I guess we'll start at the beginning.
I remember, it came on so suddenly and unexpectedly. I had wanted to go to Equestria for nearly as long as I had been in the fandom, but never did the desire feel as tenacious as it did on that fateful day of Saturday, June 11, 2016. (or 11 June 2016, as they seem to prefer in Equestria.)
It's honestly not explainable why this occurred. It was randomly, simply on that day that I just so happened to want to go there really badly. It was no longer a "Oh yeah, that would be nice." More like a "All I want in life right now is to travel to the land of my pony heroes."
But of course, it appeared that I had a 100% probability of being disappointed. Nobody on Earth thinks that the show is real; we on that planet know the ponies as computer simulations that appear nowhere but our screens and our minds.
Now, what makes things interesting here, and this is something I haven't realized until now. I guess I'll number the new things I've been thinking, so I'll call this "new thought #1":
Under normal circumstances, I would have "accepted" the supposed reality, if you will. In fact, this was a durable component of my long history in this fandom; any time I had fun thoughts about myself going to Equestria, making myself happy in the process, the switch would quickly flick to unhappiness, as I would follow along with the consensus on planet Earth. I always plopped back down to either my desk chair or my bed, and tried to tell myself,
"Look at you, such a crybaby. Getting sad that you can't go to the world of an obviously fictional show."
And the next time, that same old routine happened again... and again. Rinse and repeat.
But on June 11, things were different. When the time arrived for me to "snap back into reality", I wasn't having that reality. This time, my thought process was "Well, what if there's an even vague possibility? I mean, you can't just rule it out."
I have utterly no way of explaining why this was the case. Why my attitude was suddenly so different compared to every other time. It just was. Unlike on those days, I did honestly start to believe that I could possibly, actually go there, and that I might as well give it some research.
A decision that we of course all know what led to, given I am in Equestria right now as I write this entry. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
This brings me to new thought #2: what if I had not decided to do the research? What if the "give up because of sheer reality" streak had continued? How would these past two days, and the portions of this day that have now passed by, have looked like? It's just interesting to think about, seeing as how this Equestrian adventure is such a huge game-changer in my life.
When such an event happens to you, it's only natural that we wonder what would have been if the status quo had kept itself going, don't we? I sure do, every time. Maybe there's some science behind it. I could go explore the librar...
Am I still getting ahead of myself?
Uh, yeah, I am. Let's get back on track.
What was I saying before? Oh yes, so my urge to go to Equestria was so fiery-hot at this point that I concluded I should at least try to see if the place was real. The two phrases that really pushed me into action were "Science has surprised us many times before" and "Well, the probability isn't zero, is it?"
Right. And there I went.
Inside the research project, it was only about ten minutes after I looked up "Could cartoons exist?" that I started to sense a good chunk of progress. The first result I stumbled upon was an article, with a document attached, by somebody who believed in answering "yes" to that question. I read their long, science-filled paper thoroughly, and the author made plenty of convincing cases. The basic premise of their argument was how other universes more likely than not exist, and how those universes behave in a cartoon-enabling way.
After reaching the end of that paper, I clearly knew I had a wide-open gateway. Of course, I crossed into it. For the next phase, I began searching for more articles about how alternate universes repeat infinitely, and how bubble universes with different laws of physics get created due to inflation. Those two puzzle pieces of information clicked together to create the consensus that Equestria has to exist, because if there is never-ending expansion of alternate universes, then nothing could not exist.
I started the project at about 12:30, and when the research was complete, the clock at the right of my desk read 13:27. It really only took close to an hour to figure out that yes, my dreamland did exist, and it was possible to go there, by virtue of it being a place we could view. If something physically exists, you can get to it. It's a law of the multiverse.
My reaction at this point, needless to say, was to breathe heavily, shiver, and pace around my room. There was still that small part of me that wanted to disbelieve it, seeing as how we get told our whole lives that the shows we love aren't real... time and time again. So that was somewhat still activated, but I shut it down by referring back to my completed research paper. Every time I looked at it carefully and found absolutely no holes in what it said, no credible evidence that it was wrong. No possible doubt was left.
I continued with the pacing for a bit, but then stopped myself as I remembered Step 2 was still not complete. I not only needed to figure out that Equestria was real, but I also had to figure out how to even get there.
To get back on track, it only took a small amount of talking with my crazy-science buddies for me to find the way. The process of extracting a scene from the show's binary code and attaching it to its place of origin in the multiverse, through sending it on a light ride.
So now, there were no tasks left to do other than carrying out that process. Here was the perfect amount of fuel for me to get extremely excited, which I did.
I mean, how could I not be? I was actually going to get to go to Equestria! I was so goshdarn happy, my mate.
It's a good thing, though, that I remembered to tie up the loose ends after I finished spawning the portal. I used what would be my final moments on Earth for a while to notify my coworkers and family members that I was going away for some time. But this was no easy, ordinary vacation announcement. In fact, there was a gaping hole: I couldn't tell them where I was going. I mean, I could; I did write in the letter to my parents that I was going to MLP land, but I thought for sure they'd laugh in the face of it and go looking for me. So would my coworkers outside of the science group in that they'd spend time talking about how I just made up a silly excuse to go on vacation from work, my thinking went.
This meant I was leaving out crucial info, in that my coworkers and loved ones don't have any way of knowing for sure where I am. I mean, when someone's gone, it's hard not to worry if you don't know where they're located, right?
Not to mention there's no telling when I'll be back. Science cannot be on a timeline. Who knows when Twilight will be finished with the two-way portal.
We all know how this realization manifested; on my first night here, I was worried sick about my parents possibly (or likely, rather) being worried sick.
...And I'm getting ahead of myself again. Let's stay on the timeline here, yes?
Back to my Earth bedroom: So I carried out the successful process of spawning my portal, said my goodbyes to my room, then after a inter-dimensional space ride, found myself in the dreamland known as Equestria. Specifically, I landed in Sweet Apple Acres; the rustic country home of Applejack and Co.
Now, the fact that I landed in this place specifically; this brings me to new thought #3: Here on day 3 (ironically enough), I might have made an interesting afterwards discovery with regards to portal transportation. The way I got to Equestria was extracting the binary code of a scene from the show into an SD card, which I then sent on a light ride through space, causing the code to attach itself to its point of origin, and explode into a portal because it could not escape from the card. I thought the location of my landing would be completely random; I don't get to choose.
But now that I think about it, might I have ended up here because the screenshot I put into the SD card was displaying Sweet Apple Acres? On top of that, was the center of the screen on the exact spot I landed? Is that how it's determined?
I mean, the way I got here was to use code information from a screenshot of the show, after all. It does make sense to me that the screenshot I took would match up to where the portal would connect to. So is that way I got put there? My memory on what was on my screen at the time is foggy, but from what I do remember, I consider it more likely than not that it was showing Sweet Apple Acres!
And I thought the studying of my entry was over!
So that's surely something to go to the library for! But again, let's go back to the timeline.
As I arrived in Equestria, the first pony to notice my presence was Applejack, who treated me with top-tier care right off the bat. She not only spoke to me in a calm, friendly tone and reassured me that I didn't look like a threat, but also took time out of her busy work day to sit down next to me and explain how she already possesses knowledge about my species. Her demeanor was just... something special. I felt my nerves calm down in an absolute jiffy.
She then proceeded to expand on this process by walking me around Sweet Apple Acres, giving me time to comprehend the thrill of my dream coming true by giving a tour of the peaceful place. After that came a very successful meet-up with her family members, which further led into me having a delicious dinner with them, being graciously offered to stay with them at the farm in the meantime, and even applying for a job at the farm! Yes, really! I applied for a job on my first day of being there; in fact, I had only been there for a couple of hours! Crazy, right?
Now, this segways into the big, primary thing that's really thriving in my mind right now, the all-mighty new thought #4. New thought #4 is this question: Could I, maybe, be forming a close friendship with Applejack? Will I become a new best friend forever of hers? Someone comparable to other Mane Six in that regard?
The thing is, I don't recall a time where I've called AJ a friend out loud as of yet. (Notice the word "yet.") But I know I have thought of it in my head, for example, the time where I went back to her after first meeting Lyra, I remember having the sentence "Alright, now let's get back to my friend" in my head.
As I look back on these past days and examine it, I think it might be true.
Going in order, take a massive note that I clicked with Applejack right from the very start. We were already equipped with the ability to have smooth conversation with each other. Applejack listened to my worries effectively; never downplaying them at all. No "not a big deal"s from her. Oh, and remember what happened in (TK.) Even just a few minutes in, Applejack practically stopped an anxiety attack from festering in me... before it even started! To me, anyone who can do that is high potential for a friend.
For something that applies to the entire day, note that she didn't pressure or force me to jump into anything. She let me decide when I was ready to lift up off the ground, start moving my legs, say hello to her family members, everything. Never once was she pushy.
After that, at dinner, we discovered a common interest; our work lives. Then, at bedtime, which is when things really started to tumble downhill for me, AJ did help to roll it back up quite a lot. She took time to think of the correct response to my vents, and eventually found a way all the things I was worrying about would get cleared away, and she was correct.
Already, my bond with Applejack is clearly meeting many of the hallmarks of a good friendship. I enjoy being around her. She's always there for me; whenever I talk about the struggles I've been facing, she listens closely, and offers up help. She clearly cares about me. We get along. We have activities we can share together.
Now obviously, there's no way in Eqqus that a super-close friendship could complete a development into such a stage in only three days, and I don't know yet if AJ reciprocates these friendship feelings. But I'm calculating by chance here. Out of all the ponies I have so far interacted with, based the amount of common interests shared, how much time I've spent with them, and how much happiness I feel when around them, I have to believe, from a data perspective, that if I am going to find a #1 best friend forever here in Equestria, it will most likely be Applejack.
Which sequences into new thought #6, another one I just have to talk about: What does my future here in Equestria hold?
If a BFF friendship between Applejack and I does happen, and, for a double, if I also get into a job I love and want to remain in, will I ever feel a desire to return to my old home? I mean, yes, I will want to see my family again, 100%, but what if my life in Equestria gets to the point where I've become highly fond of it, and in full-time terms, genuinely don't want to go back?
Then there's something else that fits under the job topic: How would me being close-heart friends with Applejack affect our lives career-wise? Even if I do land a Sweet Apple Acres job, I don't intend to have that as my long-term thing. My ultimate dream is to play music, full stop. But of course, that's not Applejack's first-and-foremost life passion. We all know what hers is.
But then with that, the thing is, note that "first-and-foremost." I know Applejack does play music as well. Despite seemingly being short on time for practicing enough, she is a highly proficient multi-instrumentalist in the country and bluegrass genres, which I enjoy too, and she even sings on occasion. That's really useful for me, because I don't sing.
That "me" and "I" there; am I getting at something? Yes, I am. One day, I'm definitely going to tell Applejack that I want to start a country duo with her.
And now, here's where my thinking gets ocean-deep; what if this country band of ours blows up? Consider a scenario in which we decide to release one of our songs as a single, and it ends up becoming a smash hit. What will happen to Applejack's career then? How will she possibly juggle both farm work and music work? Will a band that could have potentially become a national sensation get squashed because both members didn't want to give up their other careers?
When I say "both members" there, I do mean it. I don't want a country band to go full-time for me either. I work primarily with the rock genre.
And that leads me to another new thought, numbered #7: If I end up in a rock band that becomes huge-stadium popular, like I intend, and let's say I hold a job at Sweet Apple Acres by this point, how will I possibly break the news that I have to leave? I don't think I can juggle both at once, and what if I've been working at the farm for so long and have provided so much great work that the Apple family has become pleasingly accustomed to my presence and would hurt to see me leave? Like, what if I end up doing something revolutionary within the apple business? That would act as a big roadblock to my music career.
Or, can I do both at once? I don't know!
I guess the overarching theme of this diary entry is that I have a habit of cooking up these "what if"s. Things that I know we'll have to simply wait and see, but I just can't block this stuff from thriving in my head. Whether I will stay here permanently, how my career choices and results could impact mine and Applejack's lives; overall, how my future in Equestria will look; there are practically endless possibilities. It's hard to not start diving into the realm of endless possibilities.
But, I know the correct thing to do is to take everything one day at a time. When you do that, the amount of progress you've been making will fly over you until directly look up at it. All these questions will be answered when it's their time to go free.
In the timeline of this diary entry, we have now reached the present. It's still morning, and I even have something I know I will be doing today; checking my schedule. Yesterday, I agreed to have one-on-one meetings with several ponies, so, yeah, I need to go arrange those right about... now.
Talk to you later, diary!
I set my black pen down and close up the notebook.
The notebook that I had asked the Apple family of its existence (the first thing I did today, in fact), following the night where my mind started to generate all these thoughts.
Which didn't occur until I woke up in the middle of the night. The events of yesterday were occupying my mind too much previously. I fell asleep really happy, not thinking about potential friendships, the future, etc. at all.
But that all changed when I did wake up in the dead of night later on. Nighttime awakeness possesses fiery fuel to give me a racing mind, with everything being quiet. Not much noise, no potentially-distracting awake activities going on. So it went into full gear. Everything I had just finished writing down in my diary started smoking up... all in very short succession! I did eventually fall asleep for the home stretch of the night, but it was difficult to do so.
There was such a frenzy going on in my mind that I really needed a diary to write in. I needed time to catch up with myself. So today, I asked the Apple family, whom I'm staying with, if they had any random notebooks I could use. Luckily, they did. And so I used it to carry out the perfect method of clearing out your mind; writing it all down.
Let me tell you, it definitely did work, perfectly! By writing them, I moved all these thoughts out of my head and onto the paper. If I try to race about them again, it doesn't work, because they've moved. The paper is their home now. That's where I must refer to if I need to look back on any of the thoughts.
Thanks to that, I was cleared to focus on the rest of today. Now that I've gotten out all of those probably-distractions from the previous night, I need to, as I said at the end of the entry, check my schedule. Well, actually, not check it, because, funnily enough, I haven't actually put anything on the schedule yet!
Let's do that, shall we?