>Attempt to convince Killjoy to rob the city treasury and withdraw from Dragonfall.
I gallop through Dragonfall's south wall fortress with a breathless urgency. I hadn't expected to be back here so soon after the lieutenants' meeting, but at least with how recent that visit was, the route from the Mining District was fresh in my mind, and I managed not to get lost this time. Now I rush through the narrow stone corridors, my hooves echoing behind me as I go, hoping I made it in time.
There are no guards posted outside the meeting room, but I spot a pair of Dynamite's ponies guarding a door further along the corridor, and know I've found my mark.
"Out of my way! I need to see the Captain!" I scream, madly charging towards them.
They know better than to stop me, and just barely dive out of the way before I crash through.
The door slams against the wall, kicking up a cloud of dust in the disused office. Behind a shabby old desk, Killjoy yelps and drops the stack of papers she was working on. I do not stop, instead charging forward and leaping toward her, wings outstretched
"Killjooooooooooy!"
I barrel into her, and we both tumble to the floor. Killjoy grunts as her back hits the stone, a faceful of vermillion mane caught in her mouth. I stand over her, eyes wide and manic.
"Killjoy! Killjoy!" I gasp, wildly gesturing behind me.
She spits out her mane and glares up at me while the guards peep around the door with concerned looks. I keep making hoof motions, trying to explain, but all that comes out is a babble of subsonic noises.
"Ags," Killjoy says sharply. "Use words. I don't speak batsqueak."
I take a deep breath and sit down, calming myself, and making Killjoy grunt again for some reason. Breathe in, breathe out. I always have to remind myself of this. Breathe in, breathe out. This time, I add the calming hoof motions my sixth therapist taught me to the routine, trying to center myself. Breathe in, breathe out. I place a hoof to my chest, then I draw it away as I exhale.
After a few of these, I'm able to speak again.
"We have a problem," I say, on my last exhale.
"Oh, do we now?" Killjoy gives me a strained and falsely sweet smile, the kind she reserves for when she's annoyed. "Well, why don't we just sit here and have a nice little chat about it?"
"This is serious!" I lean in closer. "If we don't act now, we are doomed! This city is going to eat us! Possibly literally!"
"Hey, Captain?" says one of the guards by the door. "Do you need us?"
"Noooo, I'm fine," Killjoy says in a sarcastically airy tone. "Just havin' a nice friendly talk with my good friend, Lieutenant Agony. You can close the door now."
They reluctantly do so, leaving us alone in the cold grey office. I turn back to Killjoy, and almost falter when I notice the way the edge of her mouth is twitching.
"Comfortable, Ags?" she asks.
I look down, and finally notice that I'm sitting on top of her.
"...Ah."
"Mhmm." Killjoy nods
Before I can react, she grabs me by the neck and rolls us over, pinning me. I struggle and gasp for air, feebly attempting to push her off. She continues to smile at me as she crushes my windpipe.
"Now, what was it you wanted to tell me again, Ags?" she gently coos. "You said it was important?"
My limbs flail about. I tap the floor in a gesture of surrender, but she doesn't let up. I'm beginning to feel lightheaded, but she just leans in, turning an ear to me.
"What was that? I couldn't quite hear ya."
I gasp with the last of my air. "You know... this is only... giving me an erection... right?"
She lets me go, and I suck in another breath. My head is swimming as lights dance before my eyes. I prop myself up against the desk, while Killjoy now stands over me with an imperious look.
"I know. But if I tried to kick you in that lonely little pebble you call a testicle, you'd only feel it half as much as you deserve. Now, would you like to tell me what the fuck that was all about?"
"The donkey," I wheeze, gently massaging my throat.
"What donkey?"
"Him! The treasury guy! The banker!"
"Ags, I have no idea who the fuck you're talking about."
"Jack!" I cry. "All Trades! Whatever! Some donkey! He's in charge of Dragonfall's finance, and he's feeding the city's entire treasury to the slime monster as we speak!"
Killjoy's eyes widen. "He's what?!"
Finally, she's taking me seriously.
"I just got back to the Mining District, and found him and some cultists feeding the city's gold and jewels to the slime monster by the cartload! They say they're doing it to calm the thing down, but Dragonfall's gonna be bankrupt by tomorrow if we don't do something!"
Killjoy stares at me. Her mouth hangs open for a second, before she closes it and blinks.
"Ah, shit," she mutters, shaking her head as she begins her habitual pacing.
"Yeah, that was my reaction too!" I struggle onto my hooves, still massaging my neck. "Listen, we cannot let this happen! This shitheap of a city's not gonna be able to feed itself in a couple months, let alone pay us! We need to seize whatever gold they've got left before this thing eats it all, and get the hell out of here!"
Killjoy stops.
"We can't do that," she says gravely.
"Killjoy, we have to!" I lean over the desk. "Dragonfall is a meat grinder already, and this is peacetime! Can you even imagine how bad it's going to be in a few months? Food riots from a starving public, coupled with disgruntled mercenaries who aren't being paid? It'll be a bloodbath!"
"No, no, no..." Killjoy whispers, shaking her head. "That can't happen. That wouldn't happen. This is the Heartland! Canterlot would intervene before it gets that bad! Celestia wouldn't just let a whole city of ponies starve like that..."
"Killjoy, open your eyes!" I sweep my hoof across the office. "Look at this place! If Celestia were willing or able to intervene, she would've done it a long time ago! This city is a sinking ship, and we need to bail out before we all drown!"
"I'm not arguing that point, Agony, but we can't just rob the treasury and skedaddle!"
"Why not?!"
"Because then nobody will ever hire us again, dingus!" Killjoy shouts. "The Sunheart Company's name is already mud! We're just barely scraping by as is, and that's with the crappy jobs like this one! Do you really think we can survive a reputation for contract-breaking and robbing clients on top of that? That kinda shit is exactly what landed us in Dragonfall in the first place!"
I think I feel a migraine building, so I sit back down to close my eyes and massage my forehead.
Damnit, she's right. I don't want her to be right, but she is. The Sunheart Company are not the kind of mercenaries people hire if things are going well. We're the choice for desperate clients, the ones who give not one shit about collateral damage or civilian casualties and just need the job done. And that's already a vanishingly small pool on this side of the globe, what with international laws and Equestrian peacekeeping efforts. Being reasonably reliable and working dirt cheap is pretty much all we have going for us. But add in a reputation for disloyalty...
"...Okay, forget robbing them then!" I say, sitting up. "At the very least, we can use this as an excuse to withdraw, can't we? If the city's breaking the contract by not paying us, our end of the deal is void, right?"
"Ags, they paid us for the first three months upfront!"
I pause.
"They did?"
"Yes! Don't you remember? Tax Day went over it when we reviewed the contract! It was our last meeting before coming to Dragonfall! You were there!"
I tilt my head and squint. "Who in Celestia's name is Tax Day?"
Killjoy smacks a hoof against her face and groans.
"Look, it doesn't matter. The point is we can't just bail, dude. If we can't talk our way out of the contract, we at least have to ride out the three months first."
"They'll probably scrape together just enough by then to keep us here for a fourth month," I grumble. "Draw out our misery a little longer. Assuming we're not all dead by then."
"None of us are gonna die if I can help it." She pauses. "Well, not anybody worthwhile anyway. Can't say I'd miss certain coworkers of ours..."
"But is the company's reputation even worth those extra three or four months of suffering? If that's what it's going to cost us, why are we even bothering?"
"Because I like getting paid," Killjoy says flatly. "Ruining our future prospects ain't good for that."
"We've already been paid, though, haven't we? Three months, upfront." A thought starts to germinate in my mind. "And you said it yourself. Our name's already in the gutter. Almost half the company is made up of the lowest scum that Blackheart could scrape out from the hole underneath the bottom of the barrel. I mean, if we hadn't already lost all claim to legitimacy after recruiting Candy and Bonepick's people, we definitely did after they both made lieutenant."
"So we finish things here, cut the rot out our ranks, and start fresh. No Candy, no Bonepick, no Hoofler. We build a reputation as a legitimate company."
"If you want to start with a clean slate, then I can do you one better." I grin. "We leave the Sunheart Company behind."
Killjoy purses her lips. Her eyes flick to the door for a second, then back to me, reminding me of the guards posted just outside. She spins a forehoof in the air, silently telling me to continue.
"If the city paid us three months upfront, then that's all company money, right?" I say in a lower voice. "What's stopping us from just running off with it? We give ourselves a fat bonus, give Hoofler and the other degenerates our resignations, and then leave the company to them. They and Dragonfall deserve each other anyway. It doesn't have to be our problem."
She raises an eyebrow. "Meanwhile, we do... what, exactly?"
"I don't know, Killjoy. We could go somewhere else, for starters. Anywhere's better than here, right? We could form our own company, or find a new line of work that doesn't involve wholesale slaughter. There must be something you and I could be good at. And I mean just you and I. The two of us."
Killjoy blinks and leans slightly back. "Are you... asking me to run away with you?"
"Yes? No? Maybe?" I rub my still sore throat again. "I mean, would it really be so bad? All these years we've spent killing and looting and putting ourselves through hell, and what do we have to show for it? A missing testicle and a drinking problem."
"I've been in and out of rehab since I was thirteen, dude."
"Then you're long overdue for something to go in your favor!" I hop onto my hind legs and catch Killjoy's face between my forehooves, mooshing her cheeks slightly. "Look, maybe we were stuck with the Sunhearts before, but now that you're in charge, that's all changed! We could just live somewhere again, like normal ponies."
"Ags—"
"No more being shot at by insurgents. No more staring at Hoofler's stupid moustache! Perhaps ever again!"
She starts to say my name again, but clams up when I mention the possible dearth of Hoofler we could both enjoy. That, more than anything else, makes her think.
"Please, Killjoy, think about it." I smile. "I can brush my teeth more if it really bothers you that—"
"Wha— No!" She abruptly pulls free from my hooves. "That's not what— Okay, yes, please do, but that's not what I'm worried about, dude! I don't want to just abandon everything!"
"Why not?" I frown. "What's left that's worth staying for?"
Killjoy groans again. "Listen, Ags, I like you, in spite of my better judgement, but Tax Day was right; you're a gigantic asshole sometimes."
I frown in confusion; I still have no idea who she's talking about.
"You're right," she continues. "Bonepick and Candy make my skin crawl, and Hoofler somehow manages to be even less likeable. But that doesn't mean the other platoons deserve to crash and burn with them. Just 'cause you have no other friends in the company doesn't mean I don't."
"Hey, I have other friends!" I give an indignant stomp. "I have hundreds of friends!"
Killjoy sighs. "Ags, we've been over this; they don't count as friends unless they also like you non-sexually."
"Well... Well... " I stutter. "I've still got... uh... Breakspear! And... And, uh... Dynamite, sometimes!"
"Uh-huh. You're a real social butterfly." Killjoy rolls her eyes. "Look, if we can get outta here alive, and we can do this in a way that doesn't leave Hoofler in charge, then... maybe, alright? Maybe we can talk about bailing again."
"Bailing is supposed to be an alternative to sorting out this mess," I mutter.
"Yeah, well, it ain't going down like that. You made me the captain of this 'sinking ship,' and now ol' Captain Treadwater's got responsibilities. Besides, you're only ready to give up now because your little coup backfired. I bet you wouldn't be so eager to retire if it were you in charge."
"I'd probably be moreso, if anything." I shrug. "But what does it matter now anyway? I'm never going to be captain, and you don't want to be captain. Either we retire and find something better together, or we keep doing these jobs until the day we die."
Killjoy snorts. "It's a nice dream. Not sure the reality would be so peaceful. Pretty sure the two of us cohabiting for any significant time would just end with a lot of domestic violence."
"You could always just stop hitting me all the time," I suggest.
"You could always stop pulling the kind of shit that requires me to hit you."
I sigh. "Yes, honey."
Her hoof stings as it clips the back of my head.
Come to think of it, maybe she has a point.
Absent the option of looting the treasury and/or running for the hills, I can see no other recourse but to hunker down for the next three months and prepare for the worst. Fortunately, I was at least able to get some concessions from Killjoy after making her aware of the full extent of the Mining District situation. I am not looking forward to whatever's coming next, but at least my platoon and I won't have to sleep in literal ruins for the duration.
It's completely dark by the time I return to the northwest barracks ruins, though several floating orbs of light conjured by our mages still illuminate the scene. The rain is coming down hard, and the horrible slime thing continues to jiggle melodically to the sound of the Smooze cult's chanting. It looks... somewhat smaller now, I think? It's hard to tell in the low light.
Close by, my platoon still stand between Dynamite's and Candy's, maintaining the shield wall. A few carry burning torches with them, flames struggling in the heavy rainfall, and I notice several in the line who are missing their armour or wielding makeshift weapons like shovels or rolling pins. One or two of them give me dirty looks as I fly over, inspecting them. I suspect that these ones are among the ranks of the recently resurrected. I'm at least pleased by their commitment to duty; dying is no excuse to not do your job.
I pass by Breakspear at the other end, standing stoically beside Googlymoo, and also Sergeants Yellowbelly and Coldsteel. My resurrected sergeants, at least, seem to have found themselves some spare armour, though they look no more pleased to see me. I don't feel up to the task of speaking with any of them right now, so I give them all a curt nod and proceed over to Dynamite's platoon. I find him near the edge of the Smooze, chatting with a green-robed cultist, though Jack and Free Candy are nowhere to be seen.
Dynamite looks over and breaks into a smile as I approach.
"Hi, Agony!"
I let out a long-suffering sigh.
"Hi, Dynamite. I suppose that blasted donkey is already gone?"
"Yeah, he left like an hour ago." Dynamite shrugs. "I've just been holding down the fort, talking to the cult. They seem like pretty chill guys."
"What fort?" I say, gesturing to the rubble. "This godsforsaken thing ate my fort!"
"Do not disparage the Mighty One!" The nearby cultist rears up to hold both forelegs to the sky, water dripping from his soaking wet robes. "He has come, the echo of the world now gone, awaiting the sacrifice that will bring his message of salvation! We are unworthy to be in his presence! Unworthy to hear his gospel!"
"We have sacrificed enough already," I growl. "First soldiers, now gold. Do you ponies have any idea just how badly you've screwed us all?"
"Lo, but the final sacrifice awaits!" the cultist wails. "As the prophecy foretold, the pieces are assembled, and soon comes... the revelation!"
The cultist grins at me, his hood clouding his face in darkness and lending it a sinister aura. I very slowly back away, feeling like I already know where this is going.
Glaring, I grip a hoof around my dagger and slowly draw it from its sheath.
"If you want your final sacrifice... then you can come and take it."
The stallion grins wider. I take a step forward, only for Dynamite to shove his way between us, holding out a hoof both ways.
"Woah, woah, guys, let's not be too hasty here," he says. "We can work this out..."
Ahead of me, I see some of the Smooze cultists stop their chanting and turn our way. They stand from their kneeling positions, and begin to approach. I chance a look behind us, and find some of Dynamite's subordinates giving us wary looks, weapons drawn and ready. If it comes down to a fight, I'm pretty sure we can take these guys, but I do not like those rumbling noises the slime monster is making.
"Sir?" one of the soldiers behind calls out. "Orders?"
Dynamite gives the creature a worried glance. The cultist nearest us throws his head back and laughs, hood falling back to reveal a shock of red mane upon a face as green as his robes.
"The time has come!" he shouts to the sky. "Let the Great One be born anew!"
"SMOOZE!" the approaching cultists shout back in unison. "SMOOZE! SMOOZE! SMOOZE!"
"Yes!" the first cultist screams. "FOR NOTHING! CAN STOP! THE—"
To hell with all of this. I do what I do best and rush at him, dagger flying out in front of me as I aim for his throat. All too late, I hear Dynamite cry out again.
"Agony, wait!"
He jumps in and grabs me, perhaps intending to hold me back. Instead, we both stumble. I trip and fall to the muddy ground, while Dynamite topples over my fallen body and lands on the other side of me. He rolls, and I see a magical field grip around him and throw him further forward on his trajectory. He sails past the cultist standing over me, and falls into the now rapidly vibrating blob they call the Smooze with a loud splash.
I watch him sink, and vanish, a surprisingly pronounced hollow feeling spreading inside of me.
"Damnit!"
I roll to get away from the cultists, who continue to sing their chants. Angry shouts and thundering hooves come from behind me as Dynamite's platoon advance to avenge their commander. Across the ground, my own are already squared up and ready for battle, drawn to the signs of a tussle like hobos to a trash fire.
"You'll pay for that!" I shout, jumping to my hooves.
The cultist meets my gaze, and answers my fury with one last maniacal grin.
Then, a slimy green tentacle bursts through his chest.
His grin vanishes, and he looks down at the protruding goop with some degree of shock, perhaps even betrayal. I blink, even more surprised than he is. He opens his mouth, probably wanting to scream, but he never gets the chance; his whole body instantly melts into formless green sludge before my very eyes, just like what happened to my soldiers before.
Dynamite's cavalry charge stops and turns to run with calls of "Retreat! Retreat!" Even I'm caught uncharacteristically flat-footed for a moment before I spread my wings and take to the air.
From above, under the glow of the magelights, I can see my own platoon and Candy's making ready to withdraw as well. Meanwhile the cultists futilely attempt to run or fly away, while the Smooze creature lets out an unearthly wail. Dozens of pseudopods shoot out, aiming straight for them. I narrowly dodge past one as I fly away, looking back over my shoulder as the Smooze grabs and consumes its servants.
"Fall back!" I shout once in range of my soldiers. "Fall back right now!"
This situation is deteriorating too rapidly for me to contain it. Last time, it was all I could do to stay alive against this thing. I have no plan whatsoever to actually fight it.
The last of the cultists melts away into the Smooze, and its whole mass shakes again as one. Its tentacles point to the sky, writhing in the rain, and then the slime swirls, forming a whirlpool in its centre. Whatever it's about to do, I don't want to find out, but I suspect there's no escaping it. I make the choice to abandon my platoon and fly as high up as possible to get some distance on it, despite the threat of the thunderclouds above. A few other pegasi in the vicinity apparently had the same idea, as I see a few other figures rising in the night sky.
The monster's tentacles withdraw back into its form, and its body continues to swirl. It no longer vibrates or bobs up and down, but instead settles into a fixed shape, even as it rapidly spins in place. Apparently safe for the moment, I stop and hover, watching grimly. It's only after a moment that I realise it seems to be... shrinking.
The process begins gradually, but quickly picks up speed. It's as if the Smooze is draining down a giant plughole somewhere in the ruins. Against my better judgement, I fly a little lower, closer to the magelights. The platoons have all backed a healthy distance away now, my own troops still maintaining their shield wall.
Closer to ground level, I can clearly see the centrepoint of the swirling. It's very close to where I was standing, and where the first cultist was absorbed. A blob of significantly darker Smooze seems to be drawing the rest in. I land on the ground, still well out of its reach, or at least I hope so. I stare as the last of the Smooze drains away into that thicker glob in the centre.
Finally, it finishes. In a matter of minutes, the once enormous mass is gone, and what's left is a single lump no bigger than a pony. In fact, as I stand there staring, it begins to take the shape of a pony, just like before. It shifts its centre mass upwards, leaving it standing on four legs, and then slowly forms its other features, leaving it looking vaguely equine. Its green form darkens and solidifies, and then finally, it stops moving.
Silence falls over the ruins. Three platoons of the Sunheart Company hold their breath, weapons pointed uselessly towards the unmoving statue in the middle of it all.
It wobbles.
A few sergeants somewhere bark some orders.
My heart stops for a second.
And then the dark green coating flakes away, and Lieutenant Dynamite stumbles out of it.
"Waah...!" he cries, almost tripping over his hooves.
Immediately I feel a burst of elation, and gallop over to him.
"Dynamite!" I yell, grinning ear to ear. "You crazy bastard! What the hell did you just do?!"
He blinks as I rush up to him.
"What...? Huh?" he says, looking around him rapidly. "Who...? What?"
My smile dies away slightly.
"Dynamite? You alright?"
His eyes snap back to me.
"Dynamite? No, no, I'm not..." He looks around at his surroundings again, particularly the Sunheart platoons cautiously inching closer to us. "Where am I? This isn't the Harmonite temple... What happened to...?"
His eyes widen suddenly.
"Shit!" he shouts, stomping at the ground. "The time cops! We all got shot by time cops!"
"Umm..." I back away slowly. "Dynamite, are you okay? You're kinda... not talking sense right now..."
He again seems to only just notice me.
"Sorry, ah..." He rubs his forehead and sighs. "Just... sorry. I think you have me confused with somepony else."
I frown slightly.
"No, I'm pretty sure you're Lieutenant Dynamite."
"Lieutenant?" he says, before shaking his head. "No, I'm definitely not him. My name is Explodey. Explodey McGee. I'm a... sludge monster, I think...? Smooze? I think somepony called me Smooze..."
Several other Sunhearts have come nearer now. I recognise Breakspear and a few of Dynamite's troops in the crowd, though they all keep their distance for now. Every single one of us stares at the lieutenant, completely unsure how to respond to anything he just said.
I'm pretty sure I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
WHAT NEXT?:
1. Order tests on Lieutenant Dynamite to figure out what happened to him the scientific way.
2. Put Dynamite back in charge of his platoon and hope that this situation resolves itself somehow.
3. Convert to Smooze worship and embrace the Eldritch Truth.