//------------------------------// // The Battle of the Centur-! Week. // Story: Half-Life: Pastel Paradise // by I aint no damn brownie //------------------------------// “Hey, Gordon?” Spike squeaked out. “Yeah?” I replied. “What do we do?” He asked, gulping. I pulled out my Glock, and raised it up with shaking hands. BANG! The bullet struck one of its face tentacles, and.. “skKRRRRAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” It squealed, and began charging at a million miles per hour. “FUCK!” I yelled, quickly jump-boosting away from the charging bullsquid. Spike followed suit, going in the opposite direction. It ran to where we were and flipped up its head like it was trying to pierce us with horns or something, or maybe use its head as a blunt weapon. Like a.. bull. Ohhhhh.... I landed roughly on my back, rolling backwards a couple feet. I tilted to roll over onto my legs and stood straight when they landed. I put out my arms to balance myself and waited for all movement to cease. When it did, I looked over at the giant beast. I pulled out the Glock and shot it’s body. It stayed where it was, but began turning around. So.. shooting it’s tentacles made it yell and charge. But maybe that was because it saw us. And.. a body shot did nothing. Except maybe make it a little annoyed. Hold on.. I pulled out my crossbow and looked into the scope. I calculate the distance with the scope lines, and fired at one of its more ‘stationary’ tentacles. “SKREAAHHH!!” There’s our answer. It turned towards me and charged, which I quickly jumped out of the way of. Once I landed on my damn feet, I began running in the opposite direction. It instantly turned though, and began chasing me. Fuck. I only have limited boosts before this thing has to charge up again, and the boosts are the only way to stay out of the path of this bastard for long enough to even have a CHANCE! These two things combined make for a combination that most likely leaves me dead in a ditch somewhere. Or maybe bleeding out on top of a crystal. “Hey, ugly!” Spike yelled. Spike? Spike shot his crossbow at the beast, and barely scraped one of its swinging tentacles. But it was enough to get it to notice him. “Yeah! Over here!” He yelled, waving his arms. It squealed, and charged again. I kneeled down to allow myself to both catch my breath, and wait for the boosts to recharge. Okay... so what’s the best plan of action here? We can’t just play a game of cat and mouse the whole time. Spike dodged and shot it again, causing it to get even more angered. But.. it was getting hurt. Those tentacles must be an incredibly sensitive spot. Okay.. maybe a game of cat and mouse WOULD work. My suit pinged, signifying fully charged boosters. I stood back up, took a deep breath, and ran to where they were. No time to lose. “Spike!” I yelled, watching him boost out of the way again. “Yeah??” He yelled back, dodging a- holy shit! That’s a lot of mucus! I shook off my surprise and raised my voice again. “Shoot it’s tentacles! The body doesn’t do anything!” “O-okay! Thanks but I kinda figured that out already!” He yelled, barely rolling out of the way of a tail swipe. Damn, guess he’s right. He DID figure that out already. Oh well. I took aim with the crossbow, and shot another tentacle. The beast squealed again and focused its attention back on me, giving Spike time to rest. Quickly, I pulled back the string and fired again. And again. I dodged out of the way and fired while flying through the air. As expected, I completely missed. Damn. I rolled a little bit, but gained traction faster than the previous time. I pressed the button to drop the magazine out of the chamber and pulled out a new one. I shoved it in and pulled back the string, loading the weapon. I took aim, and fired again. It stomped its feet twice and charged way faster than it did before. I didn’t have time to move before it crashed it’s head into me.. and threw me hundreds of feet into the air. Major fracture detected. Seek medical attention. HEALTH: 12 ... ...I froze, as my ascent began to slow, and I reached my peak. My body weight shifted, and everything fell into my stomach. I began falling, feeling the wind whip past my ears and deafening me from the pressure. Well.. I think this is it. How can I survive this? There’s N. O. feasible way. I’m boned. The ground was rapidly approaching, and I could see Spike still fighting the thing. He didn’t have any more boosts, though. He was resorting to just rolling out of the way. Ope, no. He just boosted. ..These things do charge rather fast. And there’s the ground. PSSSSSSHHHHHHH... Landing Jets Engaged Huh? ...Landing jets? .. I’m not dead? The suit has landing gears? Since fucking when? I never had these in Black Mesa! I took way too many falls over there. I sure could’ve used these back then! Oh, wait. The bullsquid is charging again. Shit! I immediately boosted out of the way, and landed hard on my back. I rolled a little bit and smashed my head into a protruding crystal. OW! ALL of that hurt WAY more than it should have! ..wait. I have 12 health. My eyes widened, and I turned to that healing island. The bullsquid is blocking my access to it. He’s teasing me. I snapped my fingers, and boosted right under it and through it’s legs. It tried to fall to the floor and crush me, but Freeman was faster. I took one more jump and boosted all the way over to the island. I slammed right into one of the crystals and fell face first into the glorified puddle. But I could see my counter going up, and I slowly felt my vitality returning. A lot of numbed injuries were less noticeable, and my wrist didn’t feel loose and gross anymore. I had dislocated it, I think. BSHWHEEEEWMMMM.. PING! PSHEEWWWW... That’s the sound of something teleporting, something pinging, and air-pressure being released. The top to one of those pods smacked me directly on the cranium, causing me to clench my teeth in slight pain. I lifted my head out of the water and stared at the pod. I got up on my knees and crawled over to it, looking inside. ...Cupcakes? Really? I raised an eyebrow, grabbed one out, and began to examine it. Chocolate with.. mint frosting. Didn’t seem poisonous. Smelled fine. Didn’t seem TOO radiated.. I pulled back the paper and took a bite. Mmm! That’s really good. I picked up the note that came with it and read over it. “Dear Gordon.. Hey! It’s Pinkie Pie! Sorry I couldn’t come on your adventure :( but I had a lot of work I needed to do! I had been putting it off so I could bake cupcakes, but the job I had been putting off was baking cupcakes so in the end it didn’t really matter but then Mrs. Cake got mad at me for making the wrong cupcakes and- Skipping that.. Anyway, enjoy the cupcakes! Love, Pinkie Pie” Oh, how nice of her. “AGHHH!!” Spike yelled, catching my attention. I looked over to where he was and saw him flying through the air, presumably having been headbutt by the squid. As I was. And there he goes.. All the way up. I swallowed my cupcake, and took in a deep breath. “SPIKE! LAND ON YOUR FEET!” “What?!” “JUST DO IT!” I sat back down in the water and noticed that my health was at 100. Alright! I ran and jumped off the island, clenching my toes to boost me. I landed back on the main island and pulled out my crossbow. “Hey, ugly!” I yelled, and fired at one of it’s exposed tentacles. It squealed and turned to me. It began running very fast, and I dodged. “aaaaahhhhHHHHHH!!!” Someone yelled, and then I heard the signature noise of air being forced out of a tight space. A little ‘Pshew’ you know? “W-wha-?” Spike asked. “‘Landing Gears’?” He muttered, seemingly not believing that he was still alive. By all means, he should be a pancake on the floor. He snapped his claws, “That’s how you survived your first faAalll!!” His voice changed octaves in surprise and fear at that last part as he had to jump over a giant swinging tail. He seemed to remember that I was currently being chased, though, and had an idea. “Gordon! Keep it still!” He yelled out, beginning to concentrate. I groaned. How am I gonna do that? I ceased my own movement, and in surprise, the bullsquid stopped too. It moved forward a step, and all I did was force my feet further into the ground; strengthening my power stance. It then tilted it’s head like a lost puppy. I heard a loud ‘Click!’ As the bullsquid was suddenly set ablaze in a burst of green flames. It stood for a few seconds in shock, but then squealed in agony and began to ran away. It slammed into a nearby cave wall, destroying part of it. The hole revealed itself to be a deeper cave. The bullsquid shook its head and ran deep inside the opening path. I turned to look at Spike, knowing he had been the one to set it on fire. He wasn’t even standing. He didn’t even look ALIVE! I instantly dropped my train of thought and ran over to him, worried that the latter option might’ve been true. Could that much magic use kill him? That probably could happen. But why would he go that far? Surely he would know the risk. But Spike is an idiot. Right. I stopped next to him, and knelt down. I then put my ear to his chest to listen for a heartbeat. Oh, wait. The suit. I put a finger on his neck and worked to locate the pulse. At first I was worried his pulse had stopped, but then I realized I was just in the wrong spot. bmp... .. bmp.... Oh thank god. The man lives! Dragon? The dragon lives! “Hey, Spike?” I asked, smacking his face lightly. “You awake there buddy?” I asked. Yeah, that was kinda an almost tragedy and stuff, but we gotta keep going. Nothing. “Come on, man. The bullsquid ran away. We gotta follow it! I had to follow Gonarch to get out of that Xen, I think we have to do the same thing with this guy.” Nada. No response. “You’re a real winner, you know that?” I asked, and groaned. I stood up, bent down, and picked him up. Ignoring the fact that he was incredibly heavy, I was able to somewhat put him on my shoulder. This.. sucks. “You know what? Nobody is around.” I realized, snapping the fingers on my free hand. “That dickhead Smith can’t call me ‘Gay-don Freeman’ anymore.” I muttered, and shifted Spike’s weight. I moved his body around and into a bette holding position. I was now holding him bridal style, which is much easier on my limbs. Onward! “Okay, Kid. We gotta get back to the safe-house, so I can get medical attention, and YOU can be.. well, safe.” I explained, walking down the street with Moonlight. “What?? But, but I wanna stay out here! With you!” Moonlight begged, surprised that I didn’t want her out here for some reason. What did you expect? “What? Why? It’s horrible out here.” I said, dodging a headcrab as I said that. After ducking under it, I thwacked it out of the air with a tree branch. Why did I use a branch for that? Well, I lost my baton. ...Rest In Peace, Tonfa. “Well,” Oh wait she’s speaking again, “I just.. wanna stay out here and fight bad stallions with you. I wanna protect the town! This is my home!” She explained, extending her hooves for emphasis. “Please, just let-“ I sighed, “Look, Moonlight. I know this is your home. I know you want to protect everypony. But you can’t. If you really do want to protect people and help out, they need some more nurses down at the safe-house. And from what I’ve seen.. you’re a pretty accomplished nurse.” I finished, and looked back to my flank. The bandages were well done, the wound was cleaned.. A good nurse, indeed. She sighed in disappointment. “Okay.. but let me know if you change your mind.” I chuckled, “Sure, dude.” “Okay, what else?” Celestia asked, standing outside of the spire door. “Uh.. maybe they could use some of these!” Luna said, and pulled out a bunch of little gemstones. Some red, some blue, basically just the whole rainbow. “What are those?” Celestia asked, raising an.. eyebrow. Luna instantly lost her excited smile. “Really, Tia?” Luna sighed in exasperation. “What??” Celestia asked, kinda offended. “You ordered the production of these!” Luna said, not believing that her sister could be this much of a buffoon. How could you forget something like that? “You invented these!” Celestia’s cheeks turned slightly red and she looked away. “Oh.. uh, did I? Well.. do YOU know what they are?” Celestia asked, turning it around on her. “Yes, Tia, I do. I was the one who brought them out.” Luna facehoofed. “Well, tell me. What do they mean?” Celestia asked, putting on a mask of understanding. “You really don’t know, do you?” Celestia deflated, causing Luna to once again facehoof. “These are crystals charged with individual spells. You throw one at a wall, and..” Luna chucked a red crystal at a nearby wall, and upon impact, it shattered. A tiny explosion then went off. Like someone had thrown a small bomb. No real damage was done to the wall, but it was scorched. “Woah!” Celestia yelped, surprise at the loud explosion. An artificial explosion, seemingly meant to do harm.. but not to inanimate objects? Luna nodded, and smiled. “Yep! So, should we give them some of these?” Luna asked, looking over the small pile. “Uh, yes, we should. Definitely!” Luna brought over one of the recently created ‘pods’. They worried that the boxes they were using could be destroyed by the radiation; so they quickly crafted these things. They could withstand a ton of radiation, which made them perfect for transport. She popped off the top, put the crystals inside, wrote a note, and sealed the top. She set the tripwire of flares, and stepped back as she flung the door to the spire open with her magic. She tossed the pod inside, and the ever-growing teleporter sucked it inside. She quickly closed the door, lest they all get sucked inside. That thing was like a black hole. And it was.. well, growing! Sooner or later, all of Equestria would be sucked inside! Well, maybe not. That’s kind of an exaggeration. Celestia looked over at her sister. “Aren’t you a little worried about that?” She asked. “Very.”