Auntie Tia's Matchmaking Service

by Shaslan


Chapter 17

After a little agonising and several drafts, Zap Apple dutifully sent his letter to Leaftail. Upon receiving a rather terse reply, he was in the Hayseed Diner at the appointed time. He waited impatiently, his hooves tapping a brisk rhythm against the table. It had been impossible to tell from that brief missive what sort of reception he would be met with. Just a simple “I’ll see you there” gave him nothing to work with.

But when she walked in, her brown tail swishing alluringly from side to side as she came, he couldn’t help but hope a little. Leaftail was a pony as laid back as himself. They both loved adventure, they both wanted to explore the world they lived in, and neither of them were in a rush. And last night had been wonderful, whatever Princess Celestia’s opinion might be. Surely things couldn’t go too wrong.

He wasn’t sure he could take another “You’re not right for me.” Dust Devil’s words still wounded him.

But Leaftail kept her gaze firmly on the table, and waited until the waiter arrived to take their orders before she spoke at all. “I’ll have a jasmine chai latte, please.”

When she still didn’t say anything to begin the conversation Celestia had demanded that they have, Zap Apple’s hopes began to wilt.

Doing his best to swallow his nerves, he reached across the table for her hoof. “It’s good to see you again.”

Her cloven hoof lay in his like a dead thing, and she said nothing.

Feeling bitterly disappointed at something he couldn’t quite quantify, Zap Apple released his grip. “It seems like we…messed up.”

Leaftail didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah.”

Zap Apple tried for a little humour. “Auntie Tia come down on you like a ton of bricks too?”

The corners of Leaftail’s mouth lifted slightly. “Yeah.”

Zap Apple worked his jaw. Princesses, it hadn’t been this awkward last night, had it? Why wouldn’t she look him in the face?

“So — ah — are you interested in — maybe meeting up again? Going on another date?” He had thought he really liked her. Now he was beginning to doubt it. It certainly didn’t seem like she liked him all that much anymore. “I mean — Auntie Tia said I should clear up any misunderstandings, make it clear where we both stand—”

Leaftail finally looked up, her eyes a flash of amber. “She said the same to me.”

Zap Apple struggled to read the meaning in her expression. “A-and?”

Leaftail hooded her eyes again. Zap Apple wanted to scream. Why wouldn’t she talk to him?

“Leaftail?” he tried again, reaching across the tabletop once more.

She snatched her hoof away, and Zaps flushed crimson. The rejection stung.

“And I think Auntie Tia’s right,” she said finally. “I think we did make a mistake, and I don’t think it’s a good start to a process that might end in…” she paused, but there was no tiptoeing around the word, “Might end in marriage.”

Zap Apple looked at his hooves. Scuffed the carpet beneath the table. Leaftail had seemed so perfect for him, so similar to his own personality. He had liked Leaftail the most out of anypony he’d met with, aside from Dust Devil. She…this was worth one more try. “I think…I think that we could start it however we liked. Couldn’t we?”

Leaftail shook her head, the movement short and abrupt. “I’m sorry, Zap Apple. I’m sure you’re the right mate for somepony — but not for me. I just don’t want to take this any further.”

Zap Apple felt the air leave his body. He felt as though he’d been kicked in the stomach. He searched for words, but found he had none. She hadn’t even told him why. She had looked at him, assessed him as coldly as a pony buying bread at the market, and found him wanting. He had been tossed back onto the stall without even a word of explanation.

Seeing his expression closing up like a turtle receding into its shell, Leaftail tossed him one more scrap of information.

“I’m pulling out of the whole thing.”

Looking up again, Zap Apple blinked. “I — what?”

She shrugged. “I’m done. Nothing my Grandpop wants is worth this kind of pressure. It might work for some ponies — my friend Lustre Dawn is obsessed with the pony Celestia gave her — but I just can’t take having a literal princess of Equestria barge into my private caving tour groups demanding to know why I did or didn’t bang a certain pony.”

“I’m sorry,” Zap Apple whispered. “I didn’t know she’d done that.”

A grim smile flashed across Leaftail’s muzzle. “Yeah, well. Never mind the impact that’s gonna have on my business — it’s just not worth it any more. No offence, Zap Apple, I had fun on our date — sorta — but you’re just not worth this sort of hassle. Nopony is.”

The thudding of his heart faltered and stuttered, and Zap Apple’s ribs felt like a cage around his lungs.

Suddenly all he wanted was to get out of that oppressive little room. Away from the mare who had trampled all over the fragile little white flag that he had tried to offer.

He jumped to his hooves and started for the door. Leaftail made a little noise of surprise, but he didn’t look back. There were too many tears prickling in his eyes for that. “Don’t worry. I won’t bother you again.”

He let the door slam behind him and leaned against it for a moment, breathing hard. He was back to square one. No, worse that square one. Before he’d embarked on this horrendous journey, he’d had a reasonable life. He’d gone every week to Appleoosa, done his job, found pleasure in the thrill of his work and the fleeting companionship of his squadmates, and then come home every weekend to bask in the soothing embrace of his family. He had thought he was happy.

But the brief flashes of companionship that had been shown to him had made him realise an awful, sinking truth. Zap Apple was lonely — deeply, secretly, heartrendingly lonely.

And now another chance at happiness had been snatched away. He’d have to go back to his mothers, face their disappointment, their concern, and worst of all, their compassion. And then he would have to go back to Auntie Tia, cap in hoof, and ask her to begin the whole nightmare process all over again.