Sunset punched Exenn through the skies faster than any pegasus, desperate to protect those she could from whatever terrible things Beanos had planned for them. Rainbow Dash whooped with excitement as they cut through the clouds, beelining towards the green ovoid craft which still hovered above the city, slowly spreading outwards.
Behind them, the others began to ready their weapons, Sunset watching in her peripheral vision. Blazing Lady drew a long, thin blade with a flourish, its edge shining with white-hot plasma. Memgaryen snapped a magazine into an oversized sniper rifle, the lenses on its head rotating into alignment. Actually, that begged the question: what did Exenn have up its sleeves?
Pressing on a trigger, the logical place, she watched in surprise as a huge metal rod just sprung out of Exenn’s hand. It was certainly big enough to— aaand it was a cock. A big, solid cock, for thrusting. Sunset groaned.
“Woah, we get to fight with dicks? Talk about something I didn’t know I needed!” Dash exclaimed.
Taking a long, languid blink, Sunset supposed it could have been worse. As long as she disregarded the shape, Exenn could effectively generate its own supply of baseball bats. And Sunset happened to have plenty of practice brutalizing people with those. Yeah, she could work with this.
“So, what’s our strategy?” Tempest asked. “Phalanx, pincer attack, cavalry charge?”
“Too late, we’re coming in hot!” Applejack shouted.
“Split up and take down as many beanships and Curd Grunts as you can!” added Flash, now emboldened with uncommon certainty. “For Canterlot!”
Exenn and the other mecha were almost on top of Beanos’ forces now, and they definitely took notice, multiple beanships already angling their own artillery to intercept. Sunset guessed she was listening to Flash for once. With a collective battle cry, they reached the enemy lines, scattering up, down, left and right on jetfire contrails. But all rushed headlong into the fray.
Rainbow and Sunset were in subconscious agreement: save the civilians from the droids and their brainwashing first. Exenn dove towards the first cluster of white-armored ranks they saw, chasing a group of fleeing people as they shot ahead of them. Only a smattering of abandoned cars provided cover on the straight roadways, some Curd Grunts breaking off from their ranks to pursue those who tried fleeing down alleyways. None had yet been hit as Sunset watched.
She wouldn’t wait for that to change. They crashed to earth with a mighty boom, sticking a three point landing directly on top of a few unlucky grunts, splattering them to greenish-white paste beneath Exenn’s legs. “If you want to get to them, you’ll have to go through us!” Sunset declared, external speakers projecting her voice.
“Come get some!” Rainbow grinned wickedly. “Though I doubt you can take us.”
Sunset couldn’t see their expressions through their helmets as the Curd Grunts scattered for cover, weapons pointed at the new target. Exenn leapt forwards in pursuit, knocking aside lampposts, mailboxes, and anything else between it and Sunset’s foes. She swung to the side, smashing a grunt to pieces with a crunch. The others were firing on them now, but their bullets did little more than scratch the paint, the thin stems of the ensuing plant growth doing little more than slow Exenn down slightly.
“Like this’ll stop us!” Dash declared, and Sunset certainly agreed, not letting up as adrenaline flooded her veins. The world fell away: it was just her, the weapon, and her targets. Lunge forwards, stab. Twist, kick, backhanded slam. Two down, four, six, more. Protect, win.
A few bystanders stopped running and turned to stare in awe as Sunset cathartically pulverized dozens of the beandroids at a time, sending them flying into bricks or through windows with each swing of her steel phallus. Sunset distantly recognized a lamentful Lyra’s voice as she called after them. “No fair! Let me drive!”
She ignored her, totally in the zone, not allowing a single abominable soldier to escape her wrath. Soon, Sunset was dual-wielding her smashing cocks, crushing beandroids beneath her vengeful strikes left and right, the metal rapidly being coated in ooze.
Just as she was about to kill the last of them, though, Dash dropped Exenn into a dive roll, turning the momentum into movement. An instant later, an explosion went off right where they’d been standing, a large beanstalk already growing from the crater. Sunset gulped, turning Exenn’s head towards the source. A dropship had them in its sights, its cannon still smoking.
“Would’ve shouted a warning when I saw, but, well, you know,” Rainbow quipped. “No need to thank me.”
Yeah, that could have been bad, Sunset realized. At the same time, she was impressed Rainbow’s reflexes and awareness were both still so high, what with the constant stimulation to her junk. It was probably the frequent practice.
Still, now Sunset could set her sights higher, one step closer. Narrowing her eyes at the ship, she grunted an acknowledgement. Words could come later, now was the time for action. She and Rainbow launched Exenn upwards once more to meet the new threat.
Meanwhile, the others were busy fighting their own battles. Nightreach zoomed through the air with fluidity, aileron rolling around the attacks of a beanship as it closed in, slashing with its scythes as it passed. Smoke poured from the gashes, Nightreach already looping back for another pass. “I deal with teenagers for a living; this is nothing,” Luna quipped.
Blazing Lady was also airborne, squaring off against another ship. “Time to give this tacky legume-shaped thing a makeover!” Rarity exclaimed, blade outstretched.
As they charged, Blazing Lady was always one step ahead of the seed-shells, curving forwards at insane speeds. “You can’t hurt what you can’t hit,” Aria said, her smirk almost malicious. “Learned that from playing Tirek’s Revenge. Get rekt, noobs.”
But a single mighty slash, faster than the eye could follow, wasn’t enough to finish the job. Before Blazing Lady could return for another strike, a small, colorful shape zoomed right into the scar in the metal, detonating with a brilliant flash. The ship burst into flames as its engines died, plummeting to earth.
Floating off to the side, at the origin of the explosive’s arc, was the Great Star-Trizer, hands on its hips. “Trixie’s bombs are no longer mere items of illusion!” she laughed.
“Yes they are, Trixie,” Starlight deadpanned. Then, Star-Trizer turned, facing down another beanship. Hatches on its arms opened, and two more bombs rolled into its waiting palms. “Alright, Blazing Lady,” Starlight continued, “let’s go fuck up some more of these things!”
While those four eagerly resumed their efforts, Memgaryen went for the cautious approach, taking cover behind a skyscraper. Leaning around the side, Wallflower and Tempest took careful aim at the front viewport of the closest enemy craft. It wasn’t easy, especially mid flight, but they eventually got it in their sights, and let loose. With a loud thoom, the oversized bullet fired, shattering the hardened glass and the beandroid pilots behind it.
“We did it!” Wallflower exclaimed.
“Don’t get too excited,” Tempest said, reloading as she searched for their next target. “The fight’s only just begun.”
Down below, Sharuum pounced upon another group of Curd Grunts, literally. Its paws slashed back and forth as it leapt about, making mincetofu of the things like a cat in a rat’s nest.
“Sometimes, the best way to inspire hope in one’s allies is to instill fear in your foes,” Somnambula recited. “On that note: cower before me, pathetic worms!”
“Not you guys!” Flash added, addressing the citizens. “Just run! Though, actually, that could apply to the soldiers too…”
Nearby, the Pythagorean militia was locked in a firefight with more grunts outside a shopping mall, the two groups of fighters at a standstill. Adagio’s orange hair stood out like a beacon, drawing fire away from the others, the bullets passing through her afro harmlessly as she unleashed her regained siren powers on the Curd Grunts, the visible sound waves of her piercing screeches sending them flying. But for each one knocked away, more closed in.
And then BTG dropped smack dab in the middle, knocking aside a food truck. “Do not worry, my brothers and sisters; I have returned!” Moondancer exclaimed, drawing a cheer from the militiamen and militiawomen.
“Oh, there’s Dagi! Hi, Dagi!” Sonata greeted, waving BTG’s arm.
“Sonata? Who the hell let you in that thing?” Adagio asked, simultaneously baffled and a tad scared. “Eh, screw it, we needed the help.”
Sonata didn’t bother replying, as she was too busy making short work of the droids, BTG stomping them to bits. “Die, die, die!” she cackled. Moondancer wisely chose to ignore her.
Back in the sky, Hitting Tree looked woefully out of place, but nevertheless held its own against the beanships, alternating between throwing leaf-shaped laser shuriken and flying in to straight-up to clobber the hostile legumes with strong blows from its heavy arms.
Applejack barked out a laugh as they caved in the armor of their third vessel. “Shoot, this is just like weedin’ back at the greenhouse, but in reverse. And with robots. Not that hard, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Gloriosa nodded. “What a rush! It’s like having all the power I did at camp with none of the insanity!”
Returning to the present, Exenn Om Fetrum closed in on the ship above them, banking to avoid alignment with its gun barrels. Sunset cocked Exenn’s cock, swinging it against the green-painted alloy with a shout. The sound of metal on metal resonated through the air, a major dent forming in the ship. But it wasn’t enough, the Curd Grunt pilots spinning away as the gunners let loose a wild shot that nearly clipped Exenn’s shoulder.
“Woah, that was close,” Spike said, still clinging to Sunset’s shoulder despite all the movement. “I may be getting old in dog years, but that doesn’t mean I’ve made my peace yet.”
Rainbow Dash was already gleefully angling Exenn in for another attack, throbbing with anticipation and ecstasy. “Doesn’t matter, a couple more hits from us, and these guys are toast.”
“I mean, a pinch of caution couldn’t hurt, though,” Sunset pointed out.
“Don’t worry ‘bout a thing! We’ve got your back!”
That was Pinkie’s voice, Sunset would recognize it anywhere. And there she was, alongside Fluttershy in Twin Pink, moving in for the assist. She smiled. There was nothing quite as satisfying as a tag-team smackdown, and her diet had been lacking such a delight for a while. “Alright!”
Twin Pink’s mouths both opened, the happy one disgorging a hail of multicolored balls of light, the sad one a volley of homing missiles. Ducking under the return fire, Twin Pink’s projectiles made contact, splitting open a gaping wound in the beanship, though it wasn’t totally disabled yet.
That task went to Exenn, as it lined up with the hole before lancing forwards at full speed, hand-dick first. This time, at Sunset and Dash’s command, it flew straight through the craft like a hot knife through butter, splitting the whole thing in half as Exenn burst out the other side. Retracting the damaged phallus with a pose, the remains of the beanship behind them ignited into enormous fireballs.
“Woah,” Fluttershy woahed.
“Bet you’re glad my regular cock doesn’t do that,” Rainbow said with a wink.
“I’m glad your regular cock doesn’t do that. For many reasons,” Sunset replied. “Still, that was pretty boss.”
“Then let’s do it again! Lemme at ‘em!” Dash exclaimed.
“Actually, you might have a bit of an issue with that, hun,” Fluttershy said.
“Huh?”
Curious as to what she meant herself, Sunset looked around. She couldn’t see much of anything nearby, save for plumes of smoke and cloud contrails. Which was exactly the point: all of Beanos’ ships were gone. They’d taken them all out!
Letting out a breath, Sunset recentered as the other mecha finished up and converged on their position, all various states of banged up but functionally intact. Congratulations were being exchanged as Sunset’s assembled friends and acquaintances patted eachother on the back for a job well done. Somebody was even slow clapping.
Wait. Slow clapping?
Sunset’s eyes darted across the various screens overlaid on the side of her chair before locking onto the one that didn’t belong. A chill ran down her spine as Sunset once more beheld the malevolent features of Beanos, the woman’s own glowing eyes rimmed with eldritch bean magic. Her bulbous chin was raised condescendingly. “Beanos!”
Thus alerted, the others all quieted down, the atmosphere suddenly tense, though some let loose expletives first. Caught up in the thrill of battle, the stakes had slipped Sunset’s mind: not anymore. Brows narrowed with dire seriousness, Sunset waited.
“Well done, my little interlopers,” Beanos began, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’ve managed to thoroughly wipe the floor with my forces in Canterlot. I’m impressed. Or, I would be, if they had actually been designed to combat non-civilians in the first place. This world is already mine: you fools simply cannot see it, cannot fathom the power at my command.”
“It doesn’t matter what you have in store for us!” Sunset declared. “We’ll beat everything you can muster! No matter what it takes, magic or no, I’ll stop you, Twilight!”
At the use of her old name, Beanos’ smirk faded. “I highly doubt that. I’d honestly forgotten about those silly old side projects you’ve commandeered until now. Compared to the full glory of beans, all else is meaningless. But if you think you can mount some meager challenge, then go ahead, join me in orbit. I’ll gladly turn you into fertilizer.”
“I’d like to see you try! We’ve saved the world before, and we’ll do it again!” Dash declared, similar sentiments echoed all around, from Fluttershy to Flash.
“My Twilight taught me everything she knows. You won’t surprise me,” Starlight taunted.
“Failure is not an option,” Tempest added, gripping Memgaryen’s controls so hard her knuckles went pale.
“You will pay tenfold for what you’ve done, Sparkle!” Moondancer snarled.
“My, how feisty. Well?” Beanos posed, crossing her arms beneath her ample assets. “I’m waiting.”
“On this, we are in agreement,” Luna said. “Once more, to arms!”
Seeing no reason to delay any further, Sunset pointed Exenn’s head skywards, gunning its rocket thrusters hard. If a fight was what Beanos wanted, Sunset was more than happy to oblige. They accelerated rapidly, the strong g-force pressing her and Rainbow into their seats, the other mecha hot on their heels. Higher and higher they flew, past the uppermost layers of clouds, the sky slowly darkening from blue to navy and then finally to black as the star-studded majesty of outer space fanned out before Sunset’s eyes. Combined with the swirling blues, greens, and whites of the fragile planet below, it was a beautiful sight, the likes of which she’d never seen.
But there was no time to marvel, for there was work to be done. She squinted at a reflective shape that floated in the distance above Exenn, clearly nothing natural. Sunset’s determination spurred her onwards, and she led the others straight towards it without hesitation.
At least, until she got close enough to tell what she was looking at. Then, the blood drained from her face in shock and dread.
Beanos laughed maniacally onscreen, spreading her wings wide. “Behold my Fathership and despair!”
It was the new Beanis building, in all its penile glory. The thing had apparently been built as a fucking starship in disguise the whole time. The actual building part was but a small fraction of the Fathership, however, as its main bulk was comprised of an enormous nutsack, proportionally and objectively, that had been kept hidden underground. Its great engines were nearly the size of city blocks, and multiple huge hanger doors, gun emplacements, and enigmatic devices littered the scrotal surface. None present had any words, dumbstruck by the sheer overwhelming nature of the sight.
Extending an arm dramatically, Beanos cut through the stunned silence with a shout. “Acer squadrons one through four, deploy! Leave no survivors!”
Sunset watched as one of the aforementioned doors slid open, and great throngs of small, agile fighter ships poured forth like hornets from a hive. There must have been hundreds of the light green and white ‘Acers’ sailing towards them in formation, each resembling one of those propeller seeds that spun down from certain trees, or perhaps sperm cells with especially wide, winglike tails. Sunset wasn’t much of a fan either way, being thoroughly sick of both plants and gametes at this stage.
“Oh! They’re named after the species of maple with seeds of that shape,” Wallflower pointed out.
“I don’t care what they’re called! With so many, they’re going to kill us for sure!” Trixie wailed, her previous bravado totally wiped away in the face of such overwhelming odds.
“Not me,” Somnambula pointed out. “I’m already dead. But yes, that is quite a large number of foes.”
“It’s nothin’ we can’t handle if we work together,” Applejack said, tightening her hat to her head. “Come on girls, time to get serious.”
Taking a firm breath, brows narrowed, Sunset once more brandished Exenn’s solid snake. The Acers were coming in hot, and she’d show them a rough time. With a war cry, she dove into the fray, Rainbow Dash with her every step of the way in body and spirit. Neither Exenn nor the starfighters held back, the latter opening fire with salvos of dual laser bursts the second they could get a bead on Exenn. Sunset deflected the beams with Exenn’s phallus as Dash cut a path through the void like a daredevil, the lack of air resistance allowing for truly wild mobility. They intercepted multiple Acers on their course, the small, mass produced craft shredded instantly the second Exenn’s weapon made contact.
And Exenn was not alone in pitched melee, the remaining eight bots diving in with zeal and desperation. Sharuum’s shoulder guns roared to life, barrels spinning as they unleashed a hail of lead into the oncoming throng. Memgaryen traded its rifle for a shotgun, sweeping away Acers with curtains of death. Behind them, the Great Star-Trizer and Twin Pink provided covering fire, flinging explosives at any ships that threatened to encircle the group.
Here, BTG showcased its true power, a shining light beneath its transparent armor firing laser beams that were directed along a network of perfect mirrors before breaching out of whatever spot on the mecha they needed to to strike those in its crosshairs. Subscribing to the philosophy of ‘the best defense is a good offense’, Nightreach, Blazing Lady, and Hitting Tree dove into the thick of it, doling out blows up close and personal, then weathering the resulting shrapnel as the beandroid pilots spilled out frozen into the vacuum.
But for each Acer a mecha destroyed, two more took its place, slowly boxing them in from all sides with a grid of violent laser fire. Some were already taking damage, Hitting Tree, Sharuum, and Twin Pink already bearing multiple scorch marks on limbs and armor. No vital systems had been broken, at least not yet, but keeping this up would inevitably take its toll, one unlucky shot all it would take to spell doom. Sunset knew they had to cut them off at the source, her eyes homing in on the ever-present backdrop of Beanos’ Fathership.
However, just as she’d began looking for an opening to break away from the dogfight, Sunset noticed a menacing orb of white light building in intensity at the Fathership’s very tip. “Oh shit. Everyone, look out!”
“The end has come!” Beanos exclaimed. “Special Bean Cannon!”
An enormous wave of plasma erupted, barreling straight towards them, the width of a truck. Only this shot would destroy life on contact. It flashed through the cloud of war machines, sweeping across everything and vaporizing some of Beanos’ own Acers in its path. Sunset stared at her viewscreens with rapt fixation, hoping for no changes.
It was not to be. “I’m hit!” Moondancer cried out, her cockpit lights flashing a dire orange as her controls popped and fizzled. “BTG lost an arm, upper hull integrity compromised! Damn shitty reflexes… I’ve got seconds before my air runs out.” Moondancer shut her eyes, leaning back in acceptance as the console lights around her slowly went dark. “Carry *gasp* on without me. I’ll be with you again soon… Garbanzo.”
All were stunned silent, the lapse in focus nearly costing a few pairs their own lives as her screen winked out for good. Sunset had only just met the hardened woman, and now she’d never get the chance to know her for real. Her heart went cold in that instant, the chance of death now a hard fact.
The first to recover was actually Sonata, still inside the intact lower half of BTG, her usually carefree expression a cold mask. “Aw, shit. Watching people die never gets easier. But now… I’ve got nothing stopping me from going all-out.”
As Blazing Lady fended off a trio of Acers with adept bladework, Aria tensed. “Wait, sis? What are you—?”
With a magically enhanced war cry, Sonata took the reins of BTG with reckless fervor, bursting away straight towards the Fathership, a fierce determination in her eyes. Laser energy bounced erratically in her mecha’s fists, as if she meant to literally beat the huge vessel out of commission.
And then, out of nowhere, Sonata was gone, BTG colliding with a previously invisible spherical barrier of energy around the ship and exploding in a huge ball of irradiated gas and shattered plating.
“Sonata!” Aria cried out, her voice cracking. “I-Is she really dead this time?”
Rarity pursed her lips, breath hitching. “Immortal or no, I can’t fathom how anybody could be intact after that,” she whispered.
Beanos shattered the suddenly sorrowful mood with another peal of laughter. “Fool! My Reverse Condom energy shield is impenetrable! Accept your fates, and let the beans consume you, body and mind!”
“Like that’ll ever happen!” Dash scoffed.
“Yeah, no chance,” added Tempest, as Memgaryen made short work of two more Acers. “I don’t care how strong you are, I’ll resist your tyranny with every bone in my body!”
Even Gloriosa threw out a rebuke. “As long as people have things they want to protect, you’ll never win!”
“Of course,” Fluttershy said, keeping a frantic watch on all sides of Twin Pink. “But we won’t get anywhere if somebody doesn’t take the fight to Beanos. And I think we all know who it needs to be.”
Starlight shared a salute. “Kick her ass for us, Sunset, RD!”
Sharuum narrowly dodged more lasers, already moving to retaliate. “We’ll do what we do best and support you,” Flash said. “Just go! We’ll mop up these guys.”
Sunset nodded in acknowledgement, free to set her sights towards salvation, hers and Twilight’s. She would not be swayed, not before, and certainly not now. People would die, already had died. And they would not die in vain, as long as there were those remaining to stand and resist. Friendship is always worth fighting for, and with everyone there to buoy her heavenward, she would fight with every last drop of her strength! “We won’t give up! I’ll shatter all the walls around your heart!”
“No more holding back, we’re pushing through to you, Twi, with all our power!” Rainbow Dash added, equally firm, totally in sync with Sunset.
As one, they traced Sonata’s path, Rainbow thrusting against the console with all her might, the colored lights dazzling in their intensity.
“ULTIMATE MOVE!” they began, raising Exenn Om Fetrum’s fist above its head as they accelerated through the darkness. “GIGA…”
A new metal dick burst atop Exenn’s hand, except this one was five times the size of Exenn. “CUNT…”
Energy overflowed, shining licks of technicolored magic streaming off Exenn as it rocketed forth at unfathomable speed, “BREAKER!!!”
Sunset and Rainbow were transformed into a missile propelled by the flames of hope, obliterating any Acers in their way. They let out primal screams as Exenn’s weapon made contact with the Reverse Condom, pressing inexorably against it. Beanos’ confident smile fell as cracks appeared at the barrier at the point of contact, one after the other. “I-Impossible!”
And then Exenn broke through, everyone else letting out cheers of triumph as they continued on, forcefully smashing into and through the Fathership’s scrotum, where Beanos was assuredly waiting for them.