Soldier in Equestria

by robberrito


The Soldier stepped into the clearing, the sunlight beating down on his cap, and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked around, observing the grasslands and village and wondering where in the world he was. He wanted to get back into combat and put the Sniper and Engineer in their place. Moving forward, the Soldier began to wonder about the locals and what he should do to approach them. Then the Soldier remembered, if he wanted to find out what to do, he needed to do reconnaissance. He was going to sneak into the village and observe the locals in secret. Then, when he found out what the locals considered acceptable or what was taboo, he would approach them directly and ask for directions to the nearest Mann Co. facility. Following this line of thought, Soldier set his plan in motion.

Now that he was extremely close to the town, the Soldier took note of many things, most of which he hated. For one, EVERYTHING was colorful. All the buildings nearby had bright colors that hurt the Soldier's eyes. Secondly, the village did not appear to have anything that resembled modern technology. All the buildings were made of wood and he saw no signs of electricity. Thirdly, there seemed to be an... aura surrounded the village that Soldier did not recognize. The only thing he could compare it to is Merasmus's magic aura that he naturally generated.

"Am I in a village full of Merasmus clones?!" The Soldier screamed inside his own mind, resulting in a loss of many of his braincells for a quick moment. Luckily, he was able to retain whatever was left of his former intelligence as he calmed himself down. He was not about to let his guard down and leave himself open to an attack. Tightening his grip on his shotgun, he advanced into an alley ahead of himself and turned the next corner. Before he was able to advance further, he saw something that he would never have guessed he would have ever seen in his whole life.

Ponies. Bright, colorful, cheerful, and seemingly conscious ponies walking around acting like they were human. Soldier dared not believe his eyes. Perhaps they were robots built by Gray Mann that were trying to deceive him and ambush him? Soldier no longer knew. Soldier began to rethink his original plan.

"Okay Soldier, you're stuck in a land filled with robot ponies with magic that want to capture and torture you for Gray Mann's nefarious schemes, what do you do?" The only thing he could think of at the moment was direct combat but he was heavily outnumbered and would likely be captured as soon as he tried to advance and destroy the enemy, so that was a no-go. The Soldier walked back and forth in the alley, still lost in thought. Perhaps he could sneak in and steal their intel and warn Mann Co.? However, even that option seemed out of the question, as the opposing group had access to magic as well as superior firepower and manpower. It was clear at that moment that Soldier would need to do some major thinking, more than he thought possible, so he sat down and started to think long and hard.

Lyra was currently wandering the streets of Ponyville and heading toward the supermarket, in order to get groceries for her and Bon Bon. She had procrastinated and said that she would do it later, and eventually her laziness caught up with her, as Bon Bon demanded she get her groceries at that exact moment. So, here she was, trudging through the dirt road of Ponyville toward the place she hated the most, the supermarket. It was always full of ponies in need of various things for their day-to-day lives and travelling through it was simply Tartarus. Ponies were always pushing each other out of their way and getting through without getting caught up in an argument was, at times, impossible.

However, her expedition for food was halted by the sound of a male stallion with a very deep voice whispering to himself. As she walked further toward her destination, she could hear the sound a bit clearer now, as it came from the alleyway directly to her left. Turning in the alley, Lyra walked in on not the sight of a stallion, but a strange, bipedal creature that resembled a monkey much more than a stallion. Shocked, Lyra could not help but stare as the creature continued whispering to itself. This would not last, as the creature turned its head and stared directly at Lyra. Both continued to stare at each other for an awkward moment before the creature yelled, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lyra returned the favor with a higher-pitched scream, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" As they both screamed, they also turned and ran in the opposite direction from each other, still screaming the whole way.

Meanwhile, things were not going well at 2fort, as the match had been ended prematurely when the announcer informed both teams that the RED Soldier had gone missing in an incident involving urine and the BLU Engineer's teleporter. The administrator had called on both teams to halt all attacks until further instruction and the BLU team was currently working out what happened.

The BLU Engineer was currently interrogating the BLU Sniper on what he saw, "...and what happened when he stepped onto the teleporter?"

The Sniper gave a simple answer, "You teleported right as he stepped onto it, and I think you exploded. A portal the size of a man appeared right on Soldier and he was sucked in."

The Engineer pondered this as he thought about his own gear, "Okay, so Ah was using the Pompson 9000 at that moment plus the Short Circuit, both which have highly explosive reactions when mixed with urine. Combinin' these two reactions would create... a bigger explosion. Damn it, this makes no sense! Why did a portal appear in that moment? Ugh, looks like we have an anomaly on our hands."

The Engineer began to walk away to inform the rest of the team on his new revelation, while the Sniper had a question on his mind.

"Hey Engineer!" He called out.

The Engineer turned and faced the Sniper right before he had exited the room. He replied, "Yeah?"

The Sniper gave a simpler question than he was expecting, "Why did you have a teleporter exit in the intelligence when you didn't even have a nest down there?"

The Engineer pondered this question for a moment before answering, "I, uh, don't know."

The Engineer quickly left the room after that, with the Sniper left staring at the exit.

"What the bloody hell just happened?"