Moondancer took Sunset to the last place she would have expected, one she’d hoped never to set foot in again: the original Beanis headquarters. Now abandoned, it had deteriorated back into the state Twilight had first discovered it years ago, that of a seedy, derelict warehouse. This had been the turning point, her first time here. The moment when she’d originally realized there was no stopping the madness. Being supporting, clinging to those five girls who had been the lifeline that hoisted her out of her own folly. At the time, it had seemed the only option. But, well, look how that turned out. So, it was with trepidation that Sunset stepped out of the SUV, trailing behind everyone else.
“We’re back here? Why?” Applejack asked, her foot tapping impatiently, almost anxiously. “There’s nothing left, I helped move it all out!” Sunset joined the others in echoing her confusion.
“Not exactly. Now, this is our base of operations,” Moondancer explained, already walking inside at a brisk pace. Her arms were crossed behind her back. “After our initial plan was thwarted, I and the rest of the New Pythagorians merely wished to uncover any further clues which might lead to the total destruction of all Twilight had built. Instead, we found something which allowed for a more… direct approach.”
When she didn’t elaborate, Sunset kept silent, figuring what she’d meant would become apparent soon enough. However, when they arrived at the room which contained The Couch, still unclean and untouched, she couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in scepticism.
Pinkie, however, giggled uncertainty, tugging at her shirt. “Not that I wouldn’t mind a quickie, but how is having sex going to help us get Twilight back to her usual level of crazy?”
“It won’t,” Moondancer said, bravely pushing it aside to reveal an honest to god secret hatch. Why was Sunset not surprised? “What’s down here, though, will,” Moondancer finished.
“Oh, duh, the evil lair!” Pinkie exclaimed with a facepalm. “I should’ve thought of that first!”
Beneath the hatch was a laboratory of the concealed variety, the tables emptied. Moondancer revealed an elevator hidden in the far wall, and they all crammed inside like sardines to fit, Spike jumping onto Sunset’s shoulder to avoid being trampled. Despite the ongoing catastrophe outside, four of the couples present - Flutterdash, Wallshadow, Raria, and Startrix - couldn’t help but blush to various degrees at the physical contact, murmuring reassurances to their significant others. Meanwhile, Somnambula just laughed, hovering above Flash. Sunset, for her part, rolled her eyes, bending a hand up to pet Spike. It was weirdly pleasant, having him sitting there. Reassuring. Maybe because he basically hadn't changed at all since they’d met. Maybe she could fix this after all. Though it would take a miracle.
Then the elevator doors opened back up, and Sunset’s jaw fell open as she stumbled into a massive underground bunker. Turns out, there were several miracles. And they’d arrived in the form of what could only be described as fifty foot tall weaponized robots, no two alike. The sight of them prompted a chorus of gasps, not the least of which came from Sunset’s lips.
“Okay, now I know this world can’t be real,” Starlight declared.
Aria whistled, eyeing the shiny new toys. “Now I no longer regret not taking a nail bat.”
“This is a joke, right? Nobody else here has seen Eva, right?” Fluttershy tentatively asked, blinking rapidly.
“I don’t think so, Fluttershy. This is actually happening,” answered Flash, tentatively. “I’m banging a ghost chick who is possibly my distant ancestor on the regular. Anything goes at this point.”
Moondancer simply stepped forwards, turning around to face her gawking audience. “These mecha were here when I discovered this chamber, in an unfinished state. Using the organization's pooled resources and my technical expertise, I managed to complete them mere days ago. Now, they are our best chance at ending Beanos,” she proclaimed, her expression grim with vengeful intent. “And, since you people are partially responsible for this, you’re going to pilot them.”
“We get to drive those? How novel!” Somnambula beamed. “I suppose I could possess one rather easily, like an especially large golem, skeleton, or fleshlight.”
“Yeah, alright, but why are they here?” Sunset asked. “Twilight and I were pretty close, and she never told me about this. Why hide it? This seems more sane than what she ended up devoting herself to instead.”
Moondancer faced Sunset and shrugged. “I’m not sure. The only thing left with them were barely annotated blueprints. The closest thing to a reason I found in writing was ‘chicks dig giant robots’.”
“They say that? ‘Cause I dunno about all this,” said Dash, looking between Moondancer and the assembled mecha sceptically. “They’re cool and all, but I think we’re still better off ponying up and going at it the old fashioned way.” With a smirk, Rainbow punched her opposite palm for emphasis.
“Moreover, how do we even know we can trust you?” Rarity asked, staring imperiously down her nose. “You threatened my girlfriend before, Moondancer, and you operate out of a Beanis Inc building. For all I know, you could be working with Beanos, those robots being elaborate booby traps. And not the fun kind.”
Before Moondancer could reply, Wallflower cleared her throat, powering through the resulting attention. “Well, I trust her. I remember seeing her here once. From what I saw… her heart is in the right place, I think.”
Tempest nodded firmly. “I’m with Wallflower. If she trusts you, I do too.” Her eyes narrowed menacingly. “Plus, we need these robots if we’re going to stop what happened to my future from happening again.”
“Indeed.”
Sunset’s head whipped around towards the source of the new voice, one that she vaguely recalled from a lifetime ago. But there was only a shadow, cast by the harsh fluorescent lights shining above the mecha. Until there wasn’t, a commanding blue silhouette stepping forwards. Sunset’s eyes widened. There was face she hadn’t thought she’d see again.
Pinkie inhaled in suitably overblown fashion. “Vice-Principal Luna? What are you doing here?”
“I’m here too!” went a second voice. A splotchy-skinned boy who had to still be in high school judging from his waifish appearance leaned out from behind one robot’s leg. He shared a friendly wave.
Luna ignored them all, her mouth in a line, arms crossed. “Beanos is launching her assault on mankind from the bridge of her Fathership, currently in geosynchronous orbit above our heads. These machines are safe enough, and, more importantly, spaceworthy. This truly is the only path to salvation.”
While Sunset was busy processing the fact that Twilight had apparently built a god damn spaceship, Moondancer shot Luna and the schoolboy displeased scowls before sighing. “The intruder is right. You cannot oppose Beanos with whatever ‘magic’ you possess; hers is far greater, now. Even if you can fly, you would never survive in the vacuum of space.”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to retort before slowly closing it with a grumble.
“Then it seems our course of action is decided,” Rarity said, hips cocked, hand pointed to the heavens. “We charge into battle head-on, no obstacle—”
“People are dying, probably! We ain’t got no time for theatrics!” Applejack exclaimed. “Let’s get strapped in an’ get moving!”
Sonata bounced in place, clapping her hands. “Ooh, I can’t wait! This is gonna be more wild than that decade I spent as a rampagey murder viking!”
At this, Gloriosa balked, Sonata not helping to calm her clearly rattled nerves. “For once, I’m not sure I’ve got this.”
“These are complex devices; each requires two pilots,” Moondancer interjected. “So pair up, pick a robot, and get inside. I will be joining you, of course. Like hell I’m missing the chance to destroy everything that witch has built.”
“Let’s go!” Tempest proclaimed, already marching forwards, Wallflower trailing off behind her with a quieter “Wait up!”
Meanwhile, Trixie huffed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not approve of this particular development. How is she supposed to prove her unrivaled magnificence in the arena of combat if she is saddled with a copilot?”
Starlight smirked and shook her head. “If you help save the world, I think people will appreciate you regardless. But if it helps, I can’t stay in the aftermath to take credit anyway. How’s that sound?”
Trixie grabbed her hand and shook it. “Deal!”
In short order, everyone was scoping out their mecha of choice among the mostly humanoid options. Tempest led Wallflower to the most practical-seeming of the bunch, a squat, army green robot with heavy armor plating and an arsenal of firearms hooked onto its side and back for later use. Its three head-mounted scope lenses stood out. Trixie and Starlight quickly settled on a more flamboyant mecha in yellow, complete with a giant star on its chest and spiralling silver trim.
Hand in hand, Rarity and Aria approached a tall, amethyst robot, its sharp edged, lithe frame equal parts elegant and foreboding. As they did, a reluctant Flash was pushed by Somnambula towards the one shaped like a black and tan sphinx with shoulder mounted machine guns, the matching aesthetic almost too convenient.
Fluttershy looked like she wanted to go with her baby daddy, judging by the lingering looks sent Dash’s way, but acquiesced to Pinkie’s pleading eyes. They climbed into the most comically tragic ‘bot, in that it looked like the centuries-old masks of comedy and tragedy fused side by side, but with legs and painted two shades of pink. Applejack and Gloriosa were drawn towards a specimen that looked more like a treefolk from out of a fantasy novel, plucked from its forest in mid-autumn, than anything artificial. Even Luna and her tag-along got kitted out, taking a mecha that looked like a vampire bat crossed with a bright blue supersonic jet, plus a pair of scythe arms thrown on for good measure.
Lastly, Moondancer walked purposefully towards a rotund mecha made of what looked like glass but was certainly stronger, the transparent material exposing complex mechanisms within. Shrugging, Sonata skipped after her.
But Sunset didn’t move from her spot. She stared at the towering weapons with hesitance. She didn’t mind the violence. Heck, she reigned as the uncontested champion of the blood dome for months. The thought of using them to fight Twilight, though, the very girl she’d liberated from a malevolent state, with lethal force…
Sunset jolted as Spike suddenly spoke up, resting a paw on her cheek. “We’re going to get Twilight back. You saved her before, and you’ll save her again,” he declared. There wasn’t a trace of doubt in his voice.
Sunset wasn’t sure she still deserved such faith, but smiled nonetheless. “Thanks, Spike.”
Taking a deep breath, Sunset returned her focus to the present. The only other face left on the concrete floor was Rainbow’s, and hers happened to be scrunched up in annoyance.
“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.
“None of these robots really speak to me, ya know? They aren’t sexy enough,” Rainbow huffed.
Actually, as Sunset looked again, she realized that all of the mecha appeared to be taken. The ones posed in the center of the room, at least. However, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something, a large grey shape hunched up against the side wall between piles of loose parts. She pointed. “What about that one?”
Moondancer’s ears must have been sharp, as she heard her question from halfway up to the cockpit and paused, shouting back. “That one? I built it to spec, but it doesn’t work. It didn’t call for a nuclear power core like the others, and I couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to run. If you can get it started, be my guest. Otherwise, I suppose you two’ll have to join back up with the militia.”
Never one to back down from a technological challenge, Sunset nodded, already walking over to it. “Sure.”
“Wait, really? But it’s scuffed up and not even painted!” Dash protested.
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, just come on.”
Rainbow grumbled, but trailed after Sunset anyway as she moved to examine the grey mecha. She pried open both hatches after some finagling and applied force, the two pilot seats in the head and lower torso. Rainbow immediately called dibs on the head, but as Sunset looked them over, she spied a notable difference which called that into question. The torso seat featured a conspicuous circular slot right in front of the chair, ringed by bands of unlit LEDs. She had a theory. It was completely ridiculous, and in no way sensible. In short, exactly the sort of thing a bean-addled Twilight would come up with. And testing it wouldn’t take much.
As she pushed past a protesting Rainbow to make for the head, Sunset called out. “Hey, Fluttershy? Could you come over here for a sec?”
From across the room, Fluttershy blinked owlishly. “Oh. Okay, sure?”
Sunset was strapped in by the time Fluttershy reached them, idly rubbing Dash’s shoulders as she looked up at Sunset in confusion. “Do you need something?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” Sunset confirmed. She couldn’t believe she was about to say this, but… “I need you to make Dash horny. Shouldn’t be hard.”
“What?” they both exclaimed.
Sunset smirked a bit. “Yes, you heard correctly. I’ve got a stupid hunch.”
They stared, first at Sunset, then at eachother. Eventually, Fluttershy shrugged, addressing Rainbow. “Alright, honey. So, um, I know I’ve been keeping our activities below the belt since Fizzlepop was born. Which means it’s been a while since you’ve seen these, right?” she rhetorically asked, already unbuttoning her blouse. “They’ve gotten a bit bigger, I think.”
Sunset averted her eyes, but could still hear Rainbow’s overjoyed cry and the accompanying straining zipper once Fluttershy had fully bared herself. “Great! Now then, go stick it in that hole over there.”
There was a pause. “In Fluttershy?” went Rainbow.
Sunset sighed. “No, in the robot.”
She could almost taste Rainbow’s disappointment as the dick-toting woman sighed and did as instructed, taking a seat. Then, lining her crotch up with the mysterious hole, she thrust forwards.
There was a sudden blast of light, and the mecha burst to life. As the LEDs shone like a rainbow, it shot to its feet, legs extending with a snap as they transformed into their full glory, sparks crackling between the joints. Then came the arms, one after the other, aerodynamic lines springing forth. Cyan armor plates emerged on the shoulders in the shape of lightning bolts, everything else suddenly gleaming crimson. Abs harder than steel flexed into being. Sculpted facial features grew bolder, now surrounded by a corona of back-pointed, prismatic spikes.
Throughout this process, Sunset’s smile slowly grew, her hands gripping the controls, pulled by a primal thrill. The freshly galvanized robot clicked like an extension of her body. Sunset couldn’t help but pose dramatically, alloy arms wide, and shout for all to hear: “Rise up! Exenn Om Fetrum!”
As the spectacle resonated in all directions - along with flying mechanical parts from the pile - it took a moment for anyone else to speak, the first to do so being Spike. Everyone else was unable, as their jaws hung open. “Woah, cool! Is that this guy’s name? What’s it mean?”
“It’s Old Ponish for ‘maximum kickass’.”
“Really?”
Sunset laughed. “No, it just came to me. I like the sound of it, though.”
“Holy shit,” Aria stated matter-of-factly, dumbfounded. “That’s no magic I’ve ever seen.”
“Woo! Go Sunset and Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed, all smiles.
“I almost wish we were still dating…” Flash muttered, breathless.
“No wonder I never managed to get it working, with a power source like that.” Moondancer noted.
Starlight doubled over in a fit of laughter. “It - haha - actually runs on Rainbow’s big dick energy!”
Gloriosa hummed. “Yeah, I buy that. She certainly knew how to get my motor running.”
“Not that I mind this topic of discussion,” began Tempest, “but can we please get back to stopping armageddon?”
This prompted a chorus of agreement, and all present recentered to the task at hand, Fluttershy also covering herself back up, settling into their own controls. Sunset took a moment to examine hers more carefully. The solid metal in front of her had concealed a large screen, with a nearly all-around view of her surroundings. If somebody else spoke, a small view of their cockpit popped up in her peripheral vision, allowing for easy audiovisual communication. Suddenly, Sunset remembered she should probably check on Dash. “Uh, hey, are you okay down there, Rainbow?”
Currently, the eyes of the most beddable woman alive were rolled back in bliss. Being addressed directly, however, snapped her out of it a tad. “Mmm, what? Oh, uh, right, battle stuff. Give me a bit to get used to this; it’s like I’m b-being milked on a whole ‘nother level. Then I’ll be ready for action, totally.”
Luna coughed politely, turning aside in her seat. “Well, while we wait, it would probably be prudent to establish callsigns. You two - er, three - can be Exenn.”
“An excellent idea!” Trixie proclaimed. “This chariot shall have a name almost as magnificent as mine!”
Once everybody was fully prepared, both to drive their respective mecha and with a name, they took turns sounding off.
“Twin Pink, all systems pink!” Pinkie confirmed, prompting a chuckle from Fluttershy.
Somnambula, fused into the circuitry, went next. “Sharuum is eager to pounce.” Flash gave a thumbs-up.
“Nightreach, standing by,” said Luna, composed as a soldier. The kid with her just looked happy to be included.
“The Hittin’ Tree is ripe,” said Applejack, as Gloriosa fidgeted a little.
Wallflower, meanwhile, was the opposite of hesitant, to Tempest’s delight. “Memgaryen’s gonna pound those abominations into the dirt!”
As Aria cracked her knuckles, Rarity grinned. “Let the curtains rise for Blazing Lady’s debut!”
“Well, you’ll make a fine opening act for the Great Star-Trizer!” Trixie added. Starlight remained amused.
“BTG, comin’ at ya!” went Sonata, as Moondancer pressed a button on a small remote, triggering a rumble on the far end of the ceiling, sunlight spilling through as the path to the outside slowly opened.
This was it: no holds barred, no turning back, all or nothing, do or die. Nine titans of thunder versus Celestia knows how many bean-based adversaries. Sunset would not, could not fail. For Twilight. Mouth set in a line, she looked to Rainbow, who just smirked and nodded, before declaring “Exenn Om Fetrum, ready!”
With a collective shout of “Let’s go!”, everyone activated their machine’s rocket thrusters, back mounted engines roaring to life. One after another, they jetted through the fully opened ceiling gate, coming out over the parking lot. Forming up in the open air, Exenn took the lead, angling straight for the city center, and the bean-shaped craft assaulting it, smoke and greenery billowing upwards. Sunset and Rainbow punched it, and their ragtag squad zoomed into the fray.