Half-Life: Pastel Paradise

by I aint no damn brownie


I’m not Paralyzed, But I Seem to be Struck by You.

“Come on!” I yelled, stomping my foot on the ground.

I can understand being afraid. But this is fucking ridiculous!

“No! I won’t make it!” Spike yelled, standing on the main island.

“Yes, you will! I made it!” I yelled, trying in vain to reason with him.

“You had that jump enhancer!”

“I used it for style points! STYLE POINTS! I didn’t need it!” I replied, getting more and more pissed off.

“I don’t believe you!” Spike yelled back.

“Why would I lie-! Spike get your ass over here or so help me..!” I threatened. I know this seems like I’m being insensitive, but come on! We don’t have all the time in the world! People depend on us!

Wait.. that’s it!

“Spike!”

“What?!” He yelled back, obviously not very happy.

“Look, I understand your fear. I really, really do! But this isn’t the time for it! Before I jumped in the portal, before I arrived here. Celestia gave us all a message.” I started to explain.

His look changed from anger to confusion. “She did?”

“Yes.” I replied, “And you know what the last words she said were?” I asked, motioning for him to guess.

“Uh.. no?”

“She said she was counting on us, Spike. The Princess of Equestria. She’s counting on us. We’re the only ones that can do this, and we can’t continue on if you let something like this hold you back.” I explained, trying to get him to man up and face his fears.

Spike looked conflicted. On one hand, painful agonizing failure. On the other hand, painful agonizing failure.. for all of Equestria. And on the final hand.. painful, agonizing.. victory.

Spike exhaled softly, turning to look at Gordon. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

I grinned. “You got this, man!”

He nodded. “I got this.” He whispered to himself.

He took a few steps back, and began sprinting. At the last possible second, he took a giant leap. A leap.. towards me.

I wasn’t able to move away in time before he crashed directly into me, causing us both to go tumbling over the edge.

We both fell.

Into a never ending void..

Well, we would have, had I not used quick reflexes and stuck the sharp end of my crowbar into the island. Spike held onto my legs and whimpered.

I simply sat in stunned silence for a bit, processing what had just occurred. It all happened so fast.

Yet.. once again, Freeman cheats death.

I looked down at Spike, “Well.. uh.”

“Celestia damn it, Freeman. You’ve done it again. You told Death to go sit on a cactus.” He smiled.

I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

My smile faded as the situation set in, and I slowly began to climb up the crowbar. My upper body strength was incredibly lacking, though, so it was a rough task. Thankfully, Spike caught on and pulled himself up onto the island before me. He gave me his claw and pulled me up with minimal effort.

“You’re really friggin’ strong.” I commented, slightly out of breath.

“Eh, it’s a dragon thing.” He replied, doing a dismissive hand gesture.

“Is it?” I asked, squinting.

“I spent my whole life reading books. It’s a dragon thing.” He snorted.

Hey!

I resemble that remark!

“Books are cool..” I muttered, exaggerating a frown.

“Nerd.”

“Shuddup!”

I frowned again, but stopped when I noticed a red light. Something was glowing.

When I got a full look at it, my frown was replaced with a hopeful smile.

“Hey, hey!” I yelled, rushing over to the thing in question.

“What?! What is it?!” Spike yelled in a panic.

I knelt down next to the HEV-clad dead body, and flipped him over. There it sat. The holy grail.

A Glock 17.

I grabbed the firearm and pulled the slider in order to give me access to the chamber. I poured out the bullets, counting five.

I popped out the magazine, put the bullets back in the mag, put it in the gun, and pulled back the slider. It snapped into place and I had a loaded firearm.

I opened up the ammunition pocket on the suit and found two more magazines, which I pocketed for myself.

I put the gun on one of the quick-access hooks, and looked to Spike.

“So, uh.. what was that?” He asked.

My eyes widened as I realized. “Oh, yeah. You guys don’t have guns, do you?”

He shook his head.

I pulled it off the hook and presented it on my hands. “This is a Glock 17. It is a firearm manufactured.. somewhere, and it uses 9mm bullets. Bullets are tiny metal caps. The Glock, known as a ‘gun’ or if you want to be more specific, a ‘pistol’ is the machine used to fire these bullets. It uses a tiny explosion as a method of propulsion.”

I turned and pointed the weapon at one of those light bulb plants. “Watch.”

I looked down the iron-sights, and fired. It hit the bulb dead on, causing it to explode into a mess of green blood.

“Woah!” Spike yelled, covering his ears. “You didn’t tell me it was that loud!”

“Well, I told you it exploded.” I said.

Spike glared at me.

“Well, anyway, that’s besides the point. All you really need to know is that it can kill things quickly.”

I pulled my crossbow off of its hook, and handed it to Spike. “I won’t need this anymore.”

He nodded, and took it. “I’ll use it to the best of my ability, Sensei.”

I chuckled at his joke, “That’s all I can really ask.”

After that conversation, I decided to take a more thorough look around. There’s the dead guy, but I don’t want to spend too much time on him.

There were these little pods around that contained goodies. One of them contained an extra glock magazine and some shotgun shells (here’s hoping I find a damn shotgun), while another one contained an HEV battery. I told Spike to keep his eyes peeled for any more of them.

But, after a few minutes, there wasn’t much use left for this island. I would have just gone to the next one and continued the TIME-SENSITIVE journey.. but the closest island was one that I couldn’t make it to without the jump enhancer. This isn’t a problem for me.

It is, however, a problem for Spike.

So we brainstormed ideas.

“Maybe we can build a bridge?” He asked.

“With what bridge-building materials?” I asked, upturning a desk.

“Maybe if you jump over to the island.. you can take off the suit and toss it to me. I put it on, and then I can use the jump thingies.” Spike hypothesized. I put some fingers on my chin to signify thought.

“Wait, why don’t you just use that guy’s suit?” I asked, pointing to the dead body.

Spike put a fist to his forehead and groaned. “I forgot about him.”

smacksmack

“HEUGH”

PSSSSHHHHEWWWW

“UGH”

“Okay, Spike! All you have to do is run, jump, and then clench your toes! The suit does the rest!” I called out to him.

Man, lemme tell you. Spike looks goofy as hell in that thing. The helmet didn’t fit him; so he’s just like me in that regard. And before you ask, I didn’t take his helmet because my glasses don’t fit inside.

I am blind as a bat without those things. I had to skip on the helmet. Unfortunate, but oh well.

“Okay..” Spike breathed. “Run, jump..” He began sprinting.

He jumped off the island. “Toes!”

He clenched his toes, and the suit shot him across the distance. His eyes widened as he gained speed, but then he focused.

He landed on the island with grace, slowing to a stop right after.

I stared in disbelief at the display, but then slowly clapped. “Bravo. That was really impressive!”

He blushed slightly at the praise, and looked down. “Yeah, yeah. I guess..”

I slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Cut that shit. Take compliments.”

He nodded. “Fine.”

“Alright, next island.”

I ran, jumped, and flew. Repeated this process a couple more times until I landed on.. a strange one.

Only after taking a dip in the electric blue liquid, did I find out what it was. It was a healing pool. My health meter was going up quickly, and I felt more revitalized by the second.

I felt utter bliss.. until I bellyflopped into the next pool, after going down the waterfall.

How was I supposed to know it was a current?

I stood up, spit the liquid out of my mouth, and looked around the area. This island was small, only really consisting of the pool.

But I had my fill. I wanted out. Suit was at 100 health. I don’t like getting wet, and it can’t possibly be good for the suit.

The next floating island we have to go to is humongous, so maybe we’ll be set on an adventure for the next few hours.

“Come on, Spike. Let’s get going.” I muttered.

“But I’m not done!”

“What do you mean you’re not done? There’s nothing to be ‘done’ with.” I turned to look at him. He groaned, stood up, and walked to the edge of the island.

“Now.. let’s go.”

Run, jump, toes.

I landed rather roughly on the island, not having calculated the distance well. I barely made it, and I had started to panic midair, which caused me to be less coordinated.

“You okay?” Spike asked, running over to me. I put out a hand to stop him in his tracks.

“I’m fine.” I whispered. My chest hurt a little bit, but I’ll heal.

I dusted off my knees and scratched my nose. This island was rather interesting. The aquatic theme is kept, but there was also a cave theme going on.

And that was amplified by the fact that we had to actually climb through a cave.

“I’m getting real sick and tired of tight spaces.” Spike said, dusting some cobwebs off. Something tells me they weren’t made by a spider.

“You and me both.” I replied, spitting out some dirt.

When we exited on the other side, we both stood, awestruck at what we saw. It was.. beautiful, again.

This place is amazing.

It was a giant lake. There was a big tree in the middle, with looping branches that we could climb. There were little stalagmites sticking up from the water, along with some aesthetic bullsquids.

I was happy to pop a cap in a few of them.

The lighting, though, was one of the most beautiful things. It was a soft blue glow, yet it was a contrast to the soft red of the sky. The tree had glowing, almost neon leaves, while the tree itself was the color of nature.

After sitting still for a few seconds, I shook my head and tapped Spike’s shoulder. He jumped and looked at me.

“I think we have to climb that tree.” I said, pointing to it.

He nodded, and jumped across the lake. I followed suit.

I shot a nearby houndeye, but my gun clicked, while the slider moved back; signifying an empty magazine. I dropped the magazine, put a new one in, and pulled back the slider. It clicked into place and I started firing once more.

But more and more came. A few red ones, too. They exploded upon being hit. After seeing that, I turned to Spike.

“Run?” He asked.

“Run.”

I turned and jumped onto the tree, grabbing hold of a curved branch. I began climbing as if it was a ladder, up until I reached the largest branch. I jumped on and began running up the curvy surface, until it split off and went right into the wall. The wall opened up at the end, allowing us to go to the next area.

The branch immediately cut off, and I fell for a few seconds until I was plunged into water.

I quickly swam to the surface and took in a deep breath. Spike surfaced at the same time as me.

“Okay, so what now-?” He began to ask, but was quickly pulled underwater.

I began to panic as I looked underwater for what had taken him.

Upon seeing it, my eyes widened. Damn it, they have those here too! Those fucking.. eel things from Black Mesa!

I aimed my pistol and fired. It hit the thing, but it kept its hold on Spike. He was losing air fast; that I could tell. Bubbles escaped his mouth rapidly.

I began firing faster and faster. The thing wouldn’t stop moving!

But eventually, after I put, like, ten bullets into it; it floated to the surface, Spike in its teeth.

I swam over quickly and grabbed his arm. I wrenched him free, and swam to the shoreline. I tossed him up there and climbed on myself. I allowed myself a few seconds to rest, but had to sit back up when I heard a WHIRRRR..

BANG

BANG

Whimper..

Serves you right.

Spike began coughing, spitting up water. He sat up quickly, and looked out to the lake. “Jeez.. thanks- cough Gordon.” He said, looking over at me.

“Don’t mention it. Let’s just.. avoid the water from now on.” I said, chuckling slightly.

After a few more minutes of rest, I looked back over to him. “You ready to get moving again?”

He nodded.

I stood up, and gave him my hand. He took it and stood.

I turned to look at the area we found ourselves in. Rather basic, but.. there was a room. A compound, actually. A BASE.

Black Mesa headquarters, it seems. I recognize the door.

“Hey.. think they’ve got anything good in there?” Spike asked.

“Well, there’s that, but I also don’t know of any other way outta here. It’s the base, or its nothing.” I said, looking around more.

Yeah.. it’s a dead end on every side but here.

I stretched my legs, and walked up the door. I tilted the dial and it flashed green before opening up.

“Woah..” Spike muttered.

“Yep. Automatic doors.” I explained.

I smiled to myself. Man, he’s never seen ANY of this..

I walked inside, and instantly noticed just how.. disheveled this place was. Papers flew around like snow on Christmas, the lights were out and/or flickering, a bunch of desks and chairs were THRASHED, and- that’s a zombie.

I shot it in the head, and it died. The slider popped backwards and I reloaded.

Right as I pulled back the slider, a headcrab jumped at me. I shot it midair, causing it to fly into a nearby wall, dead.

“That was sick.” I commented.

“Buck yeah it was.” Spike said, and pulled out his crossbow.

We walked to the end of the hallway, and stopped at another door. I turned the dial and it opened up, allowing us access into the next room.

It was pointless to tell you that, wasn’t it? Anyway,

It seemed to be a laboratory. A trashed one, yes, but a laboratory nonetheless. Several of those crystals sat around, while the lights flickered, showing dead bodies. It was like something out of a horror movie.

And that was only amplified when a zombie in an HEV suit came charging at us.

W-w-war- use- imminent. See- attenti-att-“ Its suit said, clearly fucked up beyond belief.

What the hell! This really is a god damn horror movie!

I aimed down the iron-sights, and fired.

From experience, I knew that the bullets wouldn’t do anything to the suit. So I chose to fire at the head. It was moving all over the place, but I was able to get a clear shot. Two more hits and it fell.

We continued on through the lab, but found that the door was locked. Or, well, the door had no power.

I looked to where the wires moved and found them connected to a battery. A dead one, though.

I unplugged it, and plugged it into a different battery. The door had power again, and I opened it.

Next room was another hallway. Boring and thrashed. Next!

Next room was another hallway, but it had HEV stations. Stations with zombies in them. Cool!

I just used my crowbar. Might as well not waste ammo.

Next room was another lab. Sadly, the door was once again lacking power.

Only problem?

Every battery is fucking dead!

I was 2 seconds away from an aneurysm before Spike called out, “Hey, look at this! The crystal has a place you can plug a cord into!”

My eyes widened and I slid over a desk to get to where he was. I grabbed the cord on my way over and stood next to him. “Show me.”

He pointed to a hole with three smaller holes. I smiled, and shoved the outlet in there.

The door powered up, and I was able to open it.

That’s incredible! Those crystals have electricity?? I didn’t know this until now!

Interesting. Really interesting.

Before I could geek out more, Spike spike up.

“Hey, wait.” He said. I stopped, and turned to look at him.

He put a claw up to the crystal and chipped off a tiny piece. I watched on in horror as he popped it in his mouth and began chewing. I sat there, stunned. What was I supposed to do? Why did he do that? Was I supposed to get him go spit it out? He probably knew what he was doing. But.. why??

He swallowed it, and turned to me. “Eh. Kinda tastes like citrus, but it’s not anywhere near as good as normal gems.”

I rubbed my eyes just to make sure they haven’t completely failed. “As.. normal gems?” I asked, exasperated.

Spike took notice of my general demeanor and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. Dragons can eat gems and crystals. It’s kinda like hard candy! I prefer rubies and sapphires, but the others are good too.”

I slowly nodded.

“I guess that makes sense..” I muttered, and turned towards the door. It didn’t. It really, really didn’t.

I twisted the dial and the door opened up effortlessly. The next room we were in was another hallway. These guys sure do love their hallways!

But, thankfully, at the end of it, it opened back up into Xen.

I heard the loud ‘clang’ of the metal as I walked down the path, towards a cooler landscape. I’m disappointed that the base was so small; but I’m also kind of glad it wasn’t a huge maze.

I turned to look off in the distance. What looked like birds flew in front of a giant island with a statue on it.

But sadly, it didn’t look like we had anywhere to go except into another base.

I climbed the set of stairs and up to the door. I turned the dial and it opened up, allowing us access.

“How many of these things are we gonna have to go through? I’d much rather be out here, despite all the.. aliens.” Spike admitted, looking out into the vast expanse of land.

“You and me both.” I whispered.

This.. wasn’t another base.

It was just a.. walkthrough? Straight into another part of Xen. Why.. what’s the point? Why do that?

“Well that solves that problem.” I muttered.

I walked through the door and out into this new area. And lemme tell you.. wow. It’s beautiful. Again! This place never fails to heighten expectations.

There was another tree in the middle, that of which was surrounded by little water currents. There was some Black Mesa gear visible; but not that much that it took away from the overall look. Giant tree leaves sat in the air, while little bio-luminescent bulbs lined the grassy pathway. Crystal stalactites hung from a cave ceiling, while plenty of those pincer trees sat around looking.. menacing.

I stepped off the overhang we stood on and began walking around. I noticed the metal pathway on top of a small cliff, and upon reaching it, found that it was a jump platform. A painted arrow told me so.

I ran, and jumped to one of the giant luminescent tree leaves. It bounced slightly, but was able to support my weight.

I continued on the path of these tree leaves, Spike following close behind. I hopped onto an actual, solid branch, and began walking up the length of it; admiring the scenery all the while. The wildlife here was beautiful.

“Jesus..” I whispered. I can’t get enough of this!

Well, not those guys.

I slammed my crowbar into a houndeye and it died quickly.

I continued walking, noticing that it gradually turned into a less aquatic-themed landscape.. and more into a jungle type. I welcome this change with open arms!

We walked into a tiny little cave opening, and I instantly shot the weird orange bulb. The scientific way of going about things. Toss shit at the wall until it sticks!

When I saw that it exploded and killed a bullsquid, I decided that I would no longer fire at those bulbs. Lest I kill us both.

The cave opened up, and we once again found ourselves in a tree lake area. The last one was cool.. but again? Really?

Well, no time to dilly-dally. There doesn’t seem to be a clear way out, so I have to look for one.

I pointed to the monster swimming in the water. “Spike, think you can take care of that guy for me? I’m going to take a look around on the other side of the lake.” I said, preparing to jump across.

Spike nodded, and pulled out his crossbow. As he did that, I jumped to a nearby lily pad. I quickly jumped to real land, and was also quick to curbstomp a bullsquid.

“Damn, these things are everywhere.” I muttered. I shot it to make sure it was dead.

I slowly walked towards the next island, but had to dodge to avoid the radioactive mucus.

I wasn’t able to get fully out of the way, so some hit me. The suit beeped, signifying a loss of health.

Wonderful.

I aimed at the bullsquid and fired two shots. That seemed to do the job. It quickly hit the floor, dead.

I jumped to the island across from me, and had to dodge more mucus. I groaned, and fired three more shots. Two hit, and one missed. Cool.

But it seems that two bullets is actually just enough to take these things out, and that wasn’t a total fluke. Good to know!

I turned to the next island on my list, and looked down the iron sights.

BANG

BANG

Two shots, one kill.

I blew on my gun to seem cool, despite the gun not actually smoking.

“Gordon! He’s dealt with!” Spike yelled from across the lake.

“Good! Come over here!” I yelled back.

I could HEAR him nod his head, the goof.