Teleportation is, frankly, the same as how I would imagine a drug trip. That’s the best analogy I can give. There’s swirling colours – some of them psychedelic, while most are just different shades of purple. I would imagine that the colour changes along with the unicorn who casts the spell.
My skin feels amazingly taught. It’s like I’m being pinched all over my body by Twilight’s spell – and I can thankfully say that I am most certainly not freaking out. In fact, this is rather enjoyable. I’m sure that for as long as I live, I will never forget this half-second of swirling colours and strange sensations.
It lasts such a short time, and yet in this moment, I’m exposed to more colours than I could ever have imagined. It’s a good thing I’m not susceptible to seizures, because this is the sort of thing that would get me foaming at the mouth if I was.
Twilight and I re-materialize in my hospital room with a purple flash, accompanied by a magical ‘bang’. I already miss the sensation of teleporting. Fifty milliseconds of stimulating colours and an inability to feel your body delivers a real adrenaline kick. I wouldn’t call it hallucinogenic by any means, but still.
I shake my head and look around, before finally returning my attention to Twilight.
“Is that what it’s always like?” I ask incredulously. My skin is covered in goosebumps from the strange sensations. It’s a wonder she doesn’t teleport everywhere, just for the little rush it gives.
“You get used to it.” She replies modestly – something the lavender mare has never been in short supply of.
“I don’t see how you could.” I glance around the room, making sure that it was actually mine – the only way I can do that is by either noting whether or not the bedside table is covered in get-well cards, or checking to see what kind of clothes are in my drawers.
The table is indeed covered in cards, and I’m far too lazy to check in the drawers, so I’ll just take a ‘big’ guess and say that Twilight managed to successfully complete a task I already know she is good at.
I sit down on my bed, resting my cane across my knees.
“Ugh… tired.” I mumble the words. “I didn’t think I was… this weak.”
“You haven’t really been doing anything too strenuous.” Twilight explains, walking over to the curtains and pulling them shut. "So you probably just overestimated your stamina."
“Yeah, but I thought that…” I yawn, which is quite unexpected. I think my readiness to sleep has the habit of increasing with my proximity to a bed. “I thought that I was okay enough to go for a walk without… needing to sleep…”
Twilight smiles gently in the semi darkness, catching my cane as I slowly roll onto my side, unwittingly pushing it off in the process.
“Whoops.” I mumble. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” Twilight replies, returning the cane to its resting place.
“I won’t.” I murmur good-naturedly, closing my eyes as the lavender mare turns away.
***
I don’t think I’ve been sleeping for that long. Less than an hour, I’d say. Of course, that probably isn’t accurate, as most of what I’m using to measure that is how utterly pissed-off I am right now.
And the reason I’m pissed-off is – of course – because I’ve just been woken up. More than that, what is so intent on waking me up would appear to be a rather persistent hoof, which insists on poking me in the nose once every three seconds.
I don’t need to say that it’s impossible to sleep when somepony is poking you in the nose. All I can think is that whatever it is that has merited this, it better be damn important.
With a grunt of irritation, my eyes flicker open, and I find myself staring at a pink hoof, which is connected to a pink leg, which leads up to a certain pink earth pony.
Pinkie’s face is pressed up right close to mine, leaving barely any room for the hoof that roused me from my sleep. As the show tells, this is a fairly standard way to be awoken by the pink mare in question.
“What.” I grumble. It isn’t even a question, more of a command. As loveable as Pinkie is, I find it hard to appreciate her when she’s waking me up from my much needed sleep – and poking me in the nose, no less.
“Were you sleeping?” She asks in a stage-whisper.
“No, Pinkie.” I grumble, slowly reaching out and pushing the offending mare's head back a few more centimeters. “My eyes were misbehaving, so I was just putting them in a time-out.”
I of course know that the sarcasm will be lost on her. Pinkie has never been good with sarcasm. Ever.
“That’s silly!” Pinkie exclaims. Rearing up on her hind legs and grinning. “Everypony knows that the only way to treat misbehaving eyes is with cupcakes!”
“It’s sarcasm, Pinkie.” I try to close my eyes, sleepily hoping that she would just go away and come back later.
No such luck.
“Oh, I know that.” Pinkie gushes, and I can just imagine the exaggerated eye-roll she must have just performed. “But you know, it’s always polite to ask! Aren’t you happy to see me?”
I crack one of my eyes open.
“It’s always nice to see you.” I mumble. “But I really need to sleep.”
“Pssh.” Pinkie waves a hoof derisively. “Nopony really needs sleep!”
“Yes they do, Pinkie.” I sigh. “We all need our sleep.”
“Not me!” The pink mare declares proudly, pushing her face closer to mine. “Because I have too much to do! Mostly singing, but still!”
I nod in agreement. Pinkie will sing about anything. She sang a three part musical about my breakfast yesterday – although I have to agree with her that the ballad of Lord Waffle was extremely moving, and the hospital cutlery makes an excellent dance troop.
“So.” I shut my eyes again – although only briefly. “What do you want, Pinkie?”
“Oh!” Pinkie gasps, shoving her face up against mine. “I just wanted to say…”
“SURPRISE!” A collection of voices shout – which does indeed surprise me far more than it should. I really should have seen this coming.
The lights in the room come on, hurting my eyes with the sudden intensity.
“What…” I blink twice, sitting up in bed and shielding my eyes.
Almost instantly, my eyes adjust to the light change, and I see five mares standing in the room, most of them wearing large grins.
Of course. A cast party – well, almost.
Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy. No Twilight, though.
“Do ya like it?!” Pinkie practically screams in my ear, bouncing up and down on the spot. “It’s your ‘We’re-really-sorry-that-you-got-turned-into-a-slave-so-here’s-a-great-party-to-make-up-for-it’ party!”
I laugh. A Pinkie party. Awesome!
“Yeah. I like it!” I slowly ease myself off the bed, glad that I didn’t actually get into bed, or take off my clothes. “Screw sleep!”
I grope around for my cane, quickly finding it and standing up while Pinkie Pie continues to get more and more excited.
“Great!” Pinkie hollers, turning on the spot and bouncing away from me. “He likes it! He likes it!”
I grin in response, leaning on my walking stick.
“Best way to end this day. Seriously.”
I look around the room, noting the presence of several streamers, a record-player in one corner of the room which has inexplicably started playing music, despite the fact that it has not been touched, and a fold-away table laden with cake and different goodies – including a tiny bowl of what look like meatballs, which is set a good distance away from the rest of the food.
“Oh…” I mumble under my breath.
Pinkie… provided… meat…
Pushing the many different Cupcakes-related thoughts from my mind, I look back to the other mares.
“I, uh… thanks.” I push the words out awkwardly, before managing to compose myself. “This is great.”
“Don’t worry about it!” Rainbow puffs out her chest. She showboats like it was her that put the party together – even though it was definitely Pinkie.
“Oh Dash, hush.” Rarity confirms my thoughts, walking over with a very reluctant looking Fluttershy.
Pinkie completes her bounce-lap, returning from the other side of the bed.
“Yay!” She cries jubilantly. “Let’s eat!”
And with that line, she turns around once more, and once again bounces away, this time angled towards the snack-table.
I smile, but decide to delay following the pink mare for a little while.
Instead, I turn back to the three ponies standing near me.
“I suppose you’d all be back at Ponyville by now, if it wasn’t for me.” I bite my lip instantly, realizing that what I just said flaunts a little bit of my Brony-Knowledge.
Thankfully, none of the mares seemed to notice, so I continued to speak.
“So… I’m not sure whether to apologize for the delay, or just say that I’m glad you’re all here.” I blink twice, realizing how corny that sounds.
“Well!” Rarity’s horn lit up as she fetched a glass of punch from the table – which Pinkie was already summing up in the same manner with which a hawk sums up a field mouse. “I myself just love Canterlot. I should thank you for giving me a reason to stay.”
She took a sip of her punch, and then suddenly did a double-take – nearly choking on the beverage in the process.
I grinned sheepishly as Rarity spluttered, putting a hoof to her mouth before returning my sheepish smile.
“Of c-course, I wish it was under better circumstances! My apologies.”
“It’s fine.” I look over at Pinkie. “Uh, maybe we should get some food… before…”
“Yes!” Rarity and Dash say together, both of them eager to get away from the admittedly touchy subject.
Everypony seems to think that if they so much as hint at it, I’ll throw a fit. I will say that I’m not comfortable with talking about the area, and do indeed feel some odd emotions every time it comes up, but it isn’t like I’m about to rip somepony’s head off.
The two mares quickly turn-tail and trot over to where Pinkie is busily scoffing cupcakes and marshmallows, leaving me to follow behind with Fluttershy – who is keeping her face hidden in her mane.
“Is something wrong?” I ask suddenly, which makes the yellow Pegasus start, drawing a sharp ‘eep’ from her mouth.
I frown. Something about me scares Fluttershy, although whether it’s her natural shyness, or something about me in particular, I have no idea.
I’m about to ask again, when a cheery peach-coloured earth pony cuts me off.
“Well howdy, partner!” Applejack exclaims, shoving her hoof into my hand and shaking it vigorously – something she also did the first time we met. I get the feeling Applejack is almost as interested in my hands as Twilight. “Good to hear that ya got out fer a stroll!”
I smile uneasily, noting that Fluttershy quickly makes her escape over to the snack table as Applejack continues her efforts to tear my arm off.
“How are ya feelin’ partner?” Applejack exclaims boisterously as she finally allows me to reclaim my hand. “Better, ah hope.”
“Yes, thanks.” I roll my shoulder. Applejack takes ‘southern hospitality’ to a whole new level. “The doctors know what they’re doing.”
“Ah bet.” Applejack grins widely. “Now come on! Let’s get some o’ that there food.”
I nod, following her over to where the others are hoeing into the snacks.
“Wow.” I raise an eyebrow at the huge amount of food laid out on the small table, picking out a bowl of marshmallows, hay fries, and quite a bit of chocolate – along with a well sized banana cake. “That’s a lot for just six.”
I pause, once again recalling my earlier thought. “Wait a second, where is Twilight, anyway?”
“Not here!” Pinkie chortles from behind me – managing to perform one of her amazing and extremely confusing little teleports. She never ceases to amaze me with her ability to appear anywhere whenever she wants – provided it’s in the same room.
“And… why not?” I motion for Pinkie to explain.
“Well, when I asked Twilight last night about throwing a party, she said it was a terrible idea!”
“Ah. Well then tha-”
“Like, a really, really bad idea.” Pinkie continued, thoughtfully putting a hoof to her chin. “She kept talking how bad an idea it was, so I got really really bored.”
“Right.” I can feel a Pinkie-rant coming on.
“And so I while Twilight was talking about stomachs, I was thinking ‘Hey! You know what would be fun? If we had a party!’, so then I decided to throw this!”
Pinkie beamed at me for a second, before suddenly putting a hoof to her head. “Oh no! I forgot to invite Twilight!”
“I…” I stare at Pinkie. I don’t even know where to being pointing out problems with that. She went to ask Twilight about throwing a party, and when the mare in question was telling her why it was a bad idea, she had the exact same idea all over again?
“Pinkie, you do realize that…” I look at the pink pony in disbelief. “I mean…”
“Dude, it’s Pinkie.” Dash steps in. “If she wants a party, there’s gonna be a party.”
“Right.” I catch myself. Of course, I shouldn’t be trying to rationalize Pinkie. I’d get better results trying to divide by zero. “Pinkie is Pinkie.”
“Indeed, darling.” Rarity dabs at her mouth with a napkin. “Now, do try something. You must be starving!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie’s head and neck popped out from underneath the table. “Eat something! We can’t have all of this to ourselves. It’s you party, after all!”
As much as I like Pinkie, I have to admit that she really is tiresome. It’s impossible to relax around somepony who has the ability to hide in the light-shade and talk to you through mirrors – although when I’m in the right mood, it can be pretty damn fun.
With a little shrug, I pick up a knife from the table, deftly cutting the banana cake into multiple pieces, before taking one for myself.
I move to take a bite, when I notice – out of the corner of my eye – Pinkie and Applejack both staring at me.
“Uh…” I turn to look at them, and see that all of the ponies present are staring at me with surprised expressions on their faces, Fluttershy included. “Did I… do something… wrong?”
“Dearie,” Rarity says in bewilderment. “You needn’t refrain from eating meat on our behalf.”
I do a double take. “What? But…” I glance at the small amount of meatballs. “Oh! No!” I step away from the table. “No! You’ve got it all wrong!”
“I’m… sorry?” Rainbow raises one eyebrow, while squinting with the other eye. “Didn’t you say that humans eat meat?”
“Y-yeah!” I whip my head back to the bowl of meatballs, and then to the collected ponies. “But we don’t just eat it… with everything! We eat stuff like chips, and fruit, and biscuits for snacks.”
I’m desperate to get my point across. I don’t want these ponies to think I’m some sort of monster that shovels dead animal into my mouth at every possible opportunity.
“Meat is… Just a food, for us.” I manage to lower my voice. “We eat a lot of other stuff.”
The room falls into an awkward silence – well, except for the little record-player in the corner, which continues to quietly warble generic party music.
The five ponies still look surprised, although it is Applejack that is the first to recover her wits.
“Well shoot, ah’m sorry sugarcube.” She grinned sheepishly. “Ah guess we… overreacted a little.”
“Uh, yeah.” Rainbow grimaces, running a hoof through her mane. “We – uh – probably should have guessed that.”
Rarity looks like she’s about to say something, when suddenly Pinkie lets out a little ‘Ooh!’
We all turn to see her rubbing intensely at her chest area.
“Uhh… Pinkie?” I raise an eyebrow, imagining all the terrible ways the cloppers would interpret this.
“My chest hurts! Do you know what that means?” She giggles, jumping once on the spot.
“Uhh... Heart attack?” I offer immediately, before chuckling slightly – although the worried expression on the other ponies’ faces quickly . “Or… What?”
Pinkie giggles again. “No! It means that Twilight’s about to get mad!”
“Oh.” I sigh. ‘Okay, so it isn’t a heart attack.’
“Wait, what?”
Every head in the room suddenly turn as the door-latch clicks, and the door itself quietly swings open.
Twilight slips into the room, hunched over in an over-exaggerated display of tiptoeing, before her expression suddenly morphs into confusion as she realizes the lights are on.
I understand what happened. Twilight has heard me shouting in my sleep before, so she must have heard me shouting about the meat, and come to check on me.
It doesn’t really matter why she came in. What’s important is that things are about to get very... ‘shouty’.
The lavender mare stands up straight, looking around the room at us for a second, before suddenly scowling. I myself cringe mentally at what I'm sure is going to follow.
“Pinkie!”