//------------------------------//
// Session 4 
// Story: Project Rita 
// by Muggonny 
//------------------------------//

I bow my head over the plate, slurping up the rest of the spaghetti. Doctor Gonzo brought me out of the machine after Tavi’s big reveal, saying I needed to eat something and that he never had a patient over for this long.

I wanted to go back into the Foresight Zone, but my stomach was growling. I went with him willingly to the dinner table and devoured my food almost as quickly as it was brought out.

I finished with a belch and blushed when I realized the griffon was staring at me. His plate remained untouched, although he finished the wine in his glass. Now he was just sitting there, staring blankly at… me? No, at nothing.

I held my hoof in front of my mouth and made a sound as if to clear my throat. Doctor Gonzo broke out of his trance and looked at me awkwardly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.”

I gave him an understanding nod.

The air between us grew silent. Doctor Gonzo’s seemed to resettle back onto nothing, but they flicked and his pupils shot in my direction. Pointing to his beak, he said, “You might want to wash up. You have a bit of sauce on you.”

Embarrassed, I took the napkin from beneath my plate and wiped myself clean. I wasn’t sure where all I was dirty, so I did the best I could. 

When I placed the pasta sauce-riddled napkin on my empty plate, it was Doctor Gonzo’s turn to clear his throat. “We are about to enter the final session. I’ll need to ask if you noticed anything peculiar in the previous one.”

I nod. “Who’s Rita?”

The griffon’s eyes widened. I guess I did recognize her. “How do you know that name?” he said.

I gave him an awkward shrug. “She appeared in the Zone.” 

“And what was she doing?” Doctor Gonzo leaned in, invested with my every word. 

“Swimming.”

“Swimming? Was there someone with her?”

I swallowed, not feeling comfortable with the twenty-one questions. But the more I answered, the happier he sounded. “Yeah, a younger griffon.”

“A younger griffon. Good! And what were they swimming in?” 

I shrugged again. “A pond. Although, the younger griffon said it was a fountain.” 

“Oh.” He leaned back in his chair, eyes wide. For several seconds, he stared at the ceiling above me, looking like he was trying to fight back tears. After almost a minute, he swallowed and looked down at the table. “Right. Fantastic. We’re really making progress.”

Silence fell between us. I didn’t know what to say — I don’t know how to say much, for that matter. It would be stupid of me to not guess that Rita was once someone he fell in love with, but why was she appearing in the Foresight Zone?

“You’re probably wondering why Rita appeared in the Foresight Zone?” he asked, looking back up at me.

I nod, letting him know that I was listening.

He said nothing for a moment. I could tell he was mulling over what was worth saying. After a placebo century passed, he opened his beak. “I think that we should start the next session.”


»»»


I was twenty-five, and it was nearing Euphonia’s fourth birthday. 

I got a job as a baker down at Sugardrop Emporium. My old job as a DJ at the Frisky Rabbit was taken by someone younger and who probably got paid more, too. I still took freelance work, although Sugardrop (“It’s Sugarpop, Sugardrop is my dad.”) has been thinking of moving me into full-time, which would make cruising early nighttime streets a struggle. 

Tavi and I never had to worry about leaving Euphonia at home in the evening because we hired a babysitter that was willing to work for long hours, so I still had some leeway into my passion. 

I’ve been thinking about getting Ephonia a cassette player. I know: her ears are still underdeveloped for a high decibel audiated headphones. I’d have to get her the kind with the low-functioning speakers…

Geez, I’m running through these sessions like they were real. I’m really impressed with Doctor Gonzo’s work. Each event I somehow had the knowledge of everything going on in my alternate life, including the knowledge of what I was planning. In some ways, I think I’m beginning to confuse some of this reality with my own.

Realizing that tore something inside of me. I didn’t want to think of this reality as anything different — even if my DJ career was going wrong (hey it will pick up eventually). I want to recognize it as something present in my life. I want Tavi and I to be living together again. More importantly… what is more important?

“Mommy, I did it!”

I blinked, not realizing that I had been staring at a wall for almost two minutes. I look down at the kitchen table, my daughter next to me, to see that she had finished the twenty-five piece puzzle of a house that we started together.

“Wow sweety, good job!” I exclaim. 

I guessed talking to my daughter was different than talking to anypony in general. Hey, the kid would never judge me. She is my kid after all… somewhat. She is a pegasus and has Tavi’s DNA (along with a gray coat and violet irises, but I take pride in her dark blue mane), but I still paid to help support her, and that was really all the legal binding I needed to say that she is mine.

“Can we start another one?” 

“It’s time for your nap, sweetie.”

“Okay, mommy.”

I kneeled down so that she could clamber over my back, and together we went up stairs. After tucking her in and telling her to have a good sleep, I went back downstairs and threw myself on the couch, facedown, against the cushions.

I was tired. That much I could gather. I didn’t understand why. I’m happily married, have a kid, and a full-time job even if it’s not the job that I want. If anything, I should have been full of energy. So why am I taking a nap in the middle of the day at the same time as my three year old daughter? 

I felt like there was information I didn’t have. Information that didn’t add up. Something about Tavia. Something about something she told me. And like that it clicked: “This was a long time coming.” A long time for what coming? The clock we kept just above the antique display ticked away as I thought about this.


»»» »»»


The front door opens, and Tavi walks in with two saddlebags full of groceries. She didn’t say anything, but I sat up, looking her way. 

“D-do you need help putting those away?” I say. Geez, I still had anxiety problems in the future? I could very well hear the nervousness in my voice. 

“No. Thank you,” she muttered sternly. 

Okay. This is something else.

I lean back against the cushions, closing my eyes, body heavy. Even to the sound of Tavi putting away groceries in the kitchen, I tuned it out and drifted off to sleep as I listened to the sound of the clock tick-tick-ticking away.

“Where is our daughter?”

My eyes shot back open, and I was looking back at Tavi, who was giving me a stern glare. 

Sluggishly, I say, “She’s at Dewdrop’s house.” 

Wait, what? Why did I say that? Did I not remember that I just put her to bed?

“Right, and you didn’t confide with me before letting our daughter roam freely into the world? She’s only fifteen!” 

Fifteen! What bizarre time jump was this? If she was fifteen that means I’m at least thirty-seven or thirty-eight right now. What a weird time to be thirty-nine!

Information flashed through my brain. Euphonia didn’t want Tavi to help her get ready for prom because she knew that Tavi would get overly detailed. At some point during the day, I had brought her into my room and showed her the dress I wore at mine. She was excited when she saw it and put it on, to my maternal delight.

“I just wanted her to have a good time at the prom,” I said. 

“And you let her wear that dress of yours? It’s so… exposing. You cannot expect our daughter to come home on time wearing a dress like that!”

“She’s home now. Can we talk about this in the morning?”

Tavi huffed, her eyelids clenching. “Fine.” She managed to breathe out, as constipated that she looked. “Just help me with the rest of the groceries.”

I nod, not saying anything. I wasn’t sure if this time it was out of shyness or out of the knowledge that saying anything further might make her angrier. I get off the couch and follow her into the kitchen.

Euphonia was sitting at the table, her headphones off and set in front of her. Inwardly, I took a confused picture of the scene. There were no groceries insight, and there was daylight filtering in through the window even though I had previously said that it was late. 

We sat down at the table opposite from our daughter, Tavi putting on a sterner glare than ever. “So where were you last night, missy?” 

Euphonia’s brilliant violet eyes looked down at her headphones, clearly trying to avoid contact. “I was out with my friends.”

“Do their parents know that they were out late, as well?”

Euphonia perked her head back up, revealing some confidence. “Dewdrop’s dad knew that she was out!” 

“And how about Inkheart’s? Did his father know that he was out?” 

Euphonia’s confident face fell, some dread seeping through. She saved it at the last second by nodding quickly. “Yeah, I’m sure his dad knew.” I noticed a stutter in her voice and that she was shaking.

“Right. Splendid. Wonderful. So where did you and your friends go after the dance was over?”

“To the park.” Euphonia’s voice quivered.

“Okay, so why were you at Inkheart’s house?”

Euphonia blinked. It looked like the air she breathed just came back and kicked her in the throat. “I’m — sorry?”

“Why were you in Inkheart’s home? Were your friends there, too?” 

She swallowed. “Um, yeah. Yeah, why?” 

“Why?” Tavia tilted her head in mock confusion. “You just said you were at the park. Were you trying to imply that the park isn’t the only place you went?” 

“Well, yeah, we went other places.” 

“Okay, so did Dewdrop go home before or after you went to Inkeart’s house?” 

Euphonia blinked. “After… why?” 

“Well, the kind stallion dropped your headphones off this morning. You did leave them on his nightstand, afterall. He said something about last night being fun and that he wished Dewdrop could have made it. Which confuses me, because you say you went to the park as a group, but Dewdrop went home, and if Inkheart was at his home before all of you went, his father probably would have known. So tell me Euphonia: were you or were you not at the park last night?”

I sat there in silence, the heaviness of disappointment weighing against the back of my neck. Inwardly, I was looking on in shock. Outwardly, I felt my whole world crashing.

Euphonia looked back down at the table, her face growing red and trying to hide the tears swelling up in her eyes. Wow, she really is my daughter. Too afraid to show her emotions to someone, even if it means revealing them to someone important in her life. “No,” she choked. 

Tavi breathed in through her nostrils. “And what were you doing at Inkheart’s house?”

“We…”

She stopped. The air felt still. I nodded letting her know that I was listening. When I realized Euphonia wasn’t blinking, however, I looked toward Tavia to see if she had something to say. 

Tavia wasn’t blinking either. I could infer that she was angry, but to not want to comfort her own daughter on a pressing matter such as this? I leaned in toward Euphonia, ready to say something, I dunno, anything to comfort her. Then she opened her mouth.

She screamed. Not a tear-jerking, I’m-so-sorry-I-did-it scream, but a bloodcurdling, rip-your-intestines-out deathly cry. 

I threw both hooves to my ears, wishing Tavi hadn’t thrown my old headset out. I looked to her for guidance. I had no control over a situation like this. I didn’t have the confidence to stop it, but she does.

“It’ll all be over soon,” she said. Or… he. A masculine voice came out of Tavi’s mouth.

“What?” I hear myself yell over the screaming.

“You need to push harder.” It was Doctor Gonzo’s voice. Doctor Gonzo’s voice was coming out of Tavi’s mouth. Considering I got to have a relationship with the love of my life, I can officially say that I had seen everything and a half.

My body was shaking all over. Her screams were like shards of broken glass screeching along a chalkboard. 

“You have to push!” 

I threw my forelegs around Tavi, shaking her. “Snap out of it!”

She turned to me, her brilliant purple eyes locking with mine behind my sunglasses. “Really, Vinyl, I expected you to act your age. If I had known you were going to be this way, I wouldn’t have bothered telling you myself.” 

Wait, what?

My eyelids fluttered. The screaming had stopped, and I looked back to my daughter... she wasn’t there. Sitting on the table where her headphones should have been was a stack of papers. At the top of the first page, in big bold letters, were the words I least expected to see in the Foresight Zone.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I hear myself say. 

There were gray streaks running through Tavi’s hair. Few in number, but enough, along with some crows feet, for me to tell that she was nearing her fifties.

“Just sign the forms, and I’ll agree to split the property proceedings fifty-fifty.”

Information began to flash in my head. There we were, in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for our new granddaughter. There we were, two years later, visiting our daughter in her new apartment. There we were, some time afterward: arguing. One particular sentence from Tavi came to mind long before any of this happened:

“This was a long time coming.”

And she was right. Now fifty-two years old, working full-time at the Sugardrop Emporium (“It’s Sugarpop. Sugardrop died with my dad.”), and dusting off old vinyl records in my free time, I was also about to get divorced from the one pony I loved too much to see go away.

I wanted to scream to her. I wanted to yell something corny like, “No, I’ll never leave you!” This is the stuff I would have done if I were in control of my own body. 

Instead, I nodded. Turning my head down toward the paperwork, I floated a quill out of an inkwell sitting next to the sheets and began signing.


»»» »»» »»» »»»


I moved into an apartment on 113 Freeside Street. It was good for its price — a whopping six hundred bits a month, not counting utilities. 

Tavi did as she said she would and split the profits of the property fifty-fifty, so I had money to fall back on in case working at Sugarpop Emporium (“It’s Sugarpop Corner. At least, that’s what they changed the name to when the Cakes’ bought it.”) didn’t work out. 

I got a new twin mattress to sleep in, although I spent the first few nights in the tub in case I ever felt like drowning. However, the water didn’t work for the first week, so I could only drown in depression. That was okay, though, because it meant I had something to keep my mind busy. Fighting the depression with depression to counteract the postmodern depression of being alive and not being able to be there for it.

The experience was surreal. Not only was I seeing what it was like to be middle-aged, but the experience was the exact feelings I had when I was alone — with a dash of existentialism. For the first time since entering the Foresight Zone, my reality had been forsaken by reality itself.

I came out of my apartment for the first time two weeks later, and only because I was out of food. I felt lousy, but I didn’t want to feel lousy on an empty stomach. I was thinking of frozen food tonight. Wait, was tonight tonight, or was tonight yesterday night? Damn, I was beginning to lose track of time here.

Sugarpop Corner (“It’s not Sugarpop Corner. It’s now discontinued!”) closed down, so I was out of work. Luckily, the profits I made off the divorce settlement were enough to keep me supported until I was able to cash in on social security. 

I spent my free time reading whatever I could get my hooves on. Books, magazines, comics, vinyls — I had an entire room dedicated to everything I had read and listened to. 

My life became the exact loop of what it became when Tavi left: spend a night in the tub, spend a night on the floor and eat all the food in the house because why not. Read a book, and get upset because I don’t read enough books. Listen to some music. Maybe that will help? Get sad because music makes me really emotional, and I get even sadder when I realize that all my hopes and dreams are now dead. Not even nostalgia from listening to the same mixes that I played in my prime gave me any hope because the very idea of nostalgia reminded me of a time that was better.

Then, one day while I was scrubbing the lightwood floors for the umpteenth time because why not, I heard a knock at the door. Tavi came to visit and to give some great news. 

“Euphonia is getting married.”

“Hm?” I wasn’t quite sure if I heard that correctly. Well, I was, but I was not. 

“Euphonia.” Tavi gave me an annoyed look. “Euphonia is getting married.”

My — I mean our… Tavi's own daughter was getting married. After getting pregnant at the age of sixteen, after being a single mother for the next ten years of her life, and after living in an apartment with no one but her daughter to keep herself company, our daughter was finally getting married. I wanted to feel excited, but for some reason I only had a pang of jealousy.

“Okay, cool,” I hear myself say.

She scowled. “You don’t have anything you want to say?”

I shrug. “I hope she’s happy.”

“She is. Very much so.”

The room grew silent. I had brought tea out for the both of us, and both cups were getting cold. I could tell that I hated Tavi for some reason. Only, I don’t hate her, but I did hate her, so how could I hate her?

At almost thirty years old, my daughter was finally getting married. At almost sixty years old, my daughter was getting married. At almost sixty years old, I was divorced. At almost sixty years old, here was the love of my life, and I hated her. At almost sixty years old —

“You could spiffy up the place a bit. Really, you’re almost sixty years old. You should know how to keep a place clean by now.”

Way to remind me of my age. 

“Oh, come on, you have to say something!”

I had been staring at my tea the entire time. When she said that, I finally looked up at her. The air between us remained silent as all I had to give her was a simple shrug. 

Tavi sighed. “You can spend an entire relationship without saying much of anything, but you can’t even spend three words to say, ‘I love you?’ Here, I’ll make this easier for you. Say, ‘Thank you, Tavi. I will make it to my technically daughter’s wedding.’” 

“Okay, thanks Tavi. I will make it to your daughter’s wedding.”

Tavi gave me a frustrated sigh and got off the couch. “I’m leaving,” she said. I got up and followed her to the door. She didn’t even spare a glance in my direction as I held it open, and I didn’t even try sparing one back. 

I thought I was about to close the door on her rear-end when instead I turned in toward the doorway and walked through. Instead of walking into the hall of my complex, I stepped onto an aisle. 

It was a wedding, as I could tell from the frilly white banners hanging from the ceiling and the arbor ahead of me. The room was filled with ponies, all looking forward and watching the ceremony. Rather than seeing my daughter on the dias ahead, however, I saw myself. 

I was wearing the tux I wore back at my and Tavi's ceremony. I still wore my signature sunglasses, but as I got closer I could see that I didn’t have a mouth.

I joined myself in front of everypony and looked back at the crowd. Instead of seeing a vast group of diverse ponies, all I saw was Tavi. Tavi was everywhere.

Turning back toward myself, I looked at my reflection against the sunglasses. Something was compelling me to remove them from my face. Enveloping them in my magic, I slowly slid them from the other me. 

They were now floating next to my head, and I was staring at a blank slate — literally. I did not have a face. No eyes, no mouth, not even a nostril. Yet somehow, this twisted version of myself was piercing into my soul with an ominous stare. 

I was horrified. Mystified. Electrified. This was everything I felt observing this, but physically I felt calm. But mostly tired. I was really tired.

“Mommy, I did it!”

I realized that I had been staring at the whitewashed walls of our kitchen this entire time. Looking down, I could see that my daughter had finished half a puzzle of a house. There were still more pieces scattered across the table, so I leaned in and said, “But there are other pieces still left, sweety.”

Euphonia shook her head. “It’s finished.”

I pointed to the scattered remnants. “Well, what about all these other pieces?” I say, picking one up with my magic and forcing the prong into a slot.

“It’s finished,” she said again. 

I looked back up from the puzzle, ready to argue, when I saw that Euphonia was no longer there. Instead, it was me again with no mouth, but my sunglasses were back.

“It’s finished,” I said in Tavi's voice.

“But there are other pieces that are—” I looked back down at the table and it was gone. I was staring down at the lightwood floorboards of the house. “Gone.” I muttered. I lifted my head up and the other me was gone too. Along with the other half of the room. 

I was in our old house back in Ponyville again. Well, her half of the old house. My half had been eaten by a black void of nonexistence. 

“Good. You’re here. We can talk.” 

Tavi was next to me, a beautiful sound emitting through her cello as she played it. 

“Where are we?” I say. 

“You’re in the Foresight Zone. Well, you’re a bit outside of the Foresight Zone. A small part of your mind is still lingering on me and is trying to co-exist with the reality you created. That’s why we’re here.”

I turn to her as she still plays with her instrument. “So you’re not the real Tavi?”

She shakes her head. “I’m afraid not. I’m simply a manifestation of something you must settle.”

“Huh,” I said simply. “So… here we are, I guess.”

Tavi nodded. “Indeed. We are here. But where are you?”

I blink. “Huh?” 

“We are here. But where are you?”

“I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m right in front of you.”

Tavi shook her head. “Where are you?”

Confused, I look around the room, or Tavi’s half of it. I look down at the lightwood floors, and I look at the black void that had consumed my previous life. 

“I don’t know.” I say. “Lost.” 

“Why are you lost?” 

I blink. I tried to pinpoint the exact reason. I was tired. Very tired. Most of all, I was disappointed. 

“Because this isn’t the life I wanted with you.” 

“What life did you want?” 

I rub the back of my head, feeling gradually more uncomfortable as we went on. “The storybook kind, I guess.”

“And what did you think you would find in me?” 

That question rang silence. What did I think I would find in Octavia other than happiness? The entire time she was gone, I had yearned for her to return. Some part of myself believed that if I thought hard enough, she would have magically appeared before me. Even if I did have the satisfaction of being with her, however, what then?

Would we go down this same road? It is an alternate reality, afterall. If she were back, could we dodge all the warning signs and make it work? Or would we be griefed to remain opposites our entire lives: her and her controlling attitude; me and my silent consent to follow along.

I realized that I had spent the latter portion of my life in the Foresight Zone hating Octavia for that. She had used my silence for her own gain, and eventually, she got bored of me. Especially when I finally caught onto what she was doing, and especially when I began connecting to our daughter more than her. That could even be the reason why I was so mad at Euphonia all this time: she was only a reminder of the mistakes I made when I was younger, and that she was also a product of Octavia herself. 

We stood in that half of the room for minutes that could go on for hours. However, I knew exactly what had to be done now. I couldn’t spend my life lingering on the What Could Have Been. I didn’t need Octavia in my life to feel happy. I needed to find that happiness within myself.

So, I said the thing that made the most sense to me at that moment. “Goodbye.”

A smile wrinkled Octavia’s face, a single teardrop rolling down her cheek. “Goodbye, old friend.”

Walking to the edge of the floor, I let myself freefall into the darkness.


Epilogue