//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: Studying Schooling and SCIENCE! 
// Story: Hazy Days and Magical Ways 
// by Dogger807 
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The retching sound that reverberated through the elegant throne room was generally associated with a more vitreous throne. For the six who tumbled from the owl's pouch, this was familiar territory. The first time around, it had come as a complete shock to find that they had arrived in a formal reception amidst a gaggle of gaily-colored ponies. This time, they were much better prepared, arriving in forms that were complementary to those of their hosts.

The peculiarly rainbow-coated unicorn looked decidedly greener than normal when she single-hoofedly scuttled whatever formal greeting that had been planned for their return. With her telekinesis, she wrenched the helmet from the nearest guard and dragged it to her. Fortunately, the stallion had the presence of mind to unbuckle the strap before his head went with it.

“Pardon me!” Nymphadora cried out as she shoved her muzzle into her newly acquired receptacle. The rainbow-coated unicorn then proceeded to generate a technicolor yawn.

The locals struggled to mask their disgust as they debated internally whether she or the pouch were more cringeworthy.

Princess Celestia broke the awkward silence that followed. "I see that owl travel lacks certain amenities."

With her voice muffled by the bowl of the helmet, Nymphadora replied, "That's not it." Absently waving a hoof toward Clementine and Jason, she said, "Seriously, you two need to get a room without the rest of us in it."

Defensively, Clementine said, "We can't help it if we spent most of the holiday apart. The second Jason's engineering professors learned why he had vanished for an entire term, they insisted on making sure that he could competently represent the profession."

“I even got some credits for all of the four-on-one tutoring I received,” Jason said happily. “With summer classes, I should still be able to earn my degree in a couple years.”

"My, your industriousness is impressive," said Princess Celestia with a gentle smile. "I am certain that Jury Rigged is going to pick your brain for all of that new knowledge you have acquired."

“That’s a given,” Jason agreed.

“I was going to give a small speech on how fruitful this exchange has been for everypony, but I think you summed it up nicely.” Princess Celestia chuckled. “It is good to have you all back. I’ve heard nothing but positive things from the ponies you have been interacting with.”

“Nothing but positive things?” the Hufflepuff who had designated himself as their representative asked.

“Well, there have been a few complaints that Clementine won’t share Jason,” Princess Celestia admitted, “but otherwise, all good.”

The apprentices shuddered at the calculating gleam in the princess's gaze.

Clementine grimaced. “They are out of luck,” she said defiantly. “He’s mine.”

“And what of Tonks?’” Princess Celestia lightly pressed. "There have been concerns that you have been repressing her by keeping Jason entirely for yourself."

“Wait,” said the Hufflepuff representative. “They can tell?”

“The nose knows.” Princess Celestia nodded.

“So, they aren’t upset that Clementine isn’t sharing with them. They’re miffed that she’s not sharing with Tonks,” stated the other Hufflepuff.

“In a nutshell,” said Princess Celestia. “There are concerns that Tonks isn’t getting her fair share as part of the herd.” She eyed all of the apprentices in turn. “I assume by the lack of apprehension that there is a human explanation for the discrepancy.”

“I can’t believe our love lives are drawing so much attention.” Nymphadora sighed, floating a half-filled helmet to her left side.

“Cutting off a mare in a herd is a serious matter.” Princess Celestia said. “There have been suggestions of counseling, and I admit I was unsure how to broach the subject, even knowing that humans do not normally form herds.” She studied the apprentices one more time. “However, the subject could not in good conscience be ignored. I am sorry if I have made you uncomfortable.”

“We just told everyone that we were a herd to give Clementine some breathing room.” Jason sighed. “We didn’t think it would cause a stir.”

“Besides,” Clementine piped up. “Nymphadora has her eyes on Gordon.”

“I do not!”

“Your mother does love to talk, you know.”

“I see,” Princess Celestia said. “A herd that isn’t a herd. I confess that your current forms sometimes make me forget that you are not, in fact, ponies. I am at a loss on how to proceed with this conversation. However, I can tell that you find nothing unusual in this arrangement. Were you actually ponies, I would be making recommendations for equitable sharing. I fear, however, that this would be inappropriate for humans."

"I cannot believe our love lives are part of a conversation with a princess,” Nymphadora groaned.

“Or lack thereof,” Clementine added, looking at Nymphadora.

“You’re worse than my mother,” Nymphadora growled through gritted teeth.

“We are sorry for causing you such problems,” said the Hufflepuff representative.

"There is no need for apologies," replied Princess Celestia. "This conversation has been very enlightening. Despite all of the attention I have given the subject, I still feel as though I have yet to get a hoof on the basics of human herd dynamics."

The shanghaied ex-barmaid asked, "Does that mean you're not trying to get everyone married?"

Princess Celestia tittered. "That's Cadance's specialty, not mine. I am merely trying to head off any major complications. Even with my centuries of experience, I still find that relationships between the sexes are confounding."

Nymphadora floated the helmet she had been holding to peer into it. “Um, I’m going to derail that train of thought and make a quick trip to the loo. I’m sure your guard would appreciate his headgear back.”

“Is that love honey?” Princess Celestia visibly perked up. “May I?” she asked as she took the helmet in her own magic and floated it over for inspection. “Yes, this is exactly how Twilight described it.

“Sorry about the mess.” Nymphadora shuffled her hooves self-consciously.

“Were you just going to dispose of this?” Princess Celestia asked as she took a sniff.

“Yes,” Nymphadora admitted.

“That would be a waste,” Princess Celestia admonished. “I can already think of a plethora of uses for this, not the least of which is a midday snack. Normally I’d be skeptical if it were just Spike claiming that it was delicious, but Twilight has good things to say about it over crackers.”

Nymphadora sighed. “My Aunt Nissy has been storing it in jars.” She admitted, “She’s been giving it out as gifts to her friends.” The unicorn gave a drawn-out sigh. “She and Remus have been getting lovey-dovey in my presence just so I’ll puke more.” She sighed again. “Sirius and Twilight think it’s hilarious to help it along with their own interactions.” With yet another sigh, she said, “Pinkie even made love-flavored cupcakes.”

“Twilight mentioned those.” There was a small frown on the princess’s muzzle. “She was going to send me a couple, but she says they didn’t survive the trip to the packing box.” An almost imperceptible huff escaped her nostrils. “I’m going to have to have a small talk with Rainbow Dash about that.”





The harried mare sat behind her tidy desk as she tried not to cringe at what was sure to follow. As principal of the most prestigious primary school in Equestria, almost every school day started in the same way. There would be a small herd trying to persuade her to admit their darling foal prodigy into the academy, regardless of how far they were into the term. Most had attempted bribery, intimidation, seduction, or a combination of the three, and the mare's normal response to the more persistent was to schedule a meeting in the following week so that she could evaluate the request with due diligence, even though she was certain that she would be denying the request out of hoof. The harsh reality of the situation was that the number of applicants far exceeded the school's capacity.

The herd that sat before her ordinarily would not have merited any special consideration. Mother and foal both bore exquisite golden fur, but appearances were hardly a deciding factor. The fact that the other mare was Knight Elemental, Generosity would have barely been enough to warrant a follow-up meeting. It was the third mare, who had introduced herself as merely an interested third party, who had secured their position at the head of the queue.

To be blunt, despite the princess's insistence that she did not want her presence to influence the decision, the principal knew that rather few ponies could prompt a princess of the realm to simply tag along. All of the mares had insisted that they simply sought the same opportunity as everypony else, and they had beseeched the principal to make her decision solely on the merits of their application. Regardless, the pink pony princess calmly sitting beside the other mares tipped the scales like a boulder.

It was the principal's habit to go over every point in an application with midterm hopefuls. She took perverse pleasure in ferreting out all of the exaggerations, omissions, and outright lies that were always present. However, her sense of self-preservation far outweighed any pleasure that intense interrogation might have brought.

She inquired, "This will be the beginning of her formal education?"

The golden mare, who, except for her coat's color, would have been completely forgettable, replied, "Yes. Until recently, she had a medical condition that had necessitated home schooling."

The principal said, "It is far from ideal to introduce such a student into a classroom environment with the year half gone. However, we are more than capable of handling such a situation, if the student puts in the requisite work." Looking at the foal, she said, "Little one, do you understand that you will be expected to learn three months of material in one month and keep up with your current studies as well?"

Nervously, the golden foal nodded.

Looking back at the mother, the principal said, "So long as she can keep up with her studies, I am happy to accommodate you. The secretary can provide you with a list of tutors who can help her get up to speed."

“We are so grateful that you are willing to accommodate such an irregularity,” the knight elemental cooed.

“Think nothing of it.” The principle stopped levitating the application and set it down on her desk. “Though I must admit, I am not familiar with most of the signatory references you have listed.”

“I apologize,” said the golden mare. “They are well established in the society we come from, but it stands to reason they wouldn’t be well known here. If it would help, I have a signed recommendation from the princess.”

Princess Cadance joined the conversation when she felt the eyes of the principal land on her. “Oh no, not me. It’s from Auntie Celestia. I could write one as well, if you like.”

“That won’t be necessary,” the principal said. “Will Astoria be starting tomorrow or did you have another date in mind?”

The three mares beamed triumphant smiles, as if there had been any doubt on how this interview was destined to end.

Shyly, the golden foal left a small packet on the principal's desk. "S-sorry. I d-didn't have an apple."

The Knight Elemental said, "Don't worry dear. It may be a trifle, but it is the thought that counts." With that, the entourage left, closing the door behind them.

The principal laid her head on her desk, feeling unclean. How could the princesses sponsor such an obvious fraud? She looked at the gift that Astoria had left. It was something that only a unicorn could be expected to open. The name on the label was unfamiliar, but she was quite intimate with chewing gum.

Curious, she used her telekinesis to pull the small strip to open the package. She gasped when she saw that the outer cover was lined with a very thin layer of aluminum. The end on each of the five sticks showed the soft glint of aluminum. There was enough of the metal to buy Hearth's Warming dinner for the entire school on each individual piece of gum. The principal whispered, "A trifle? They must really be from a different world."





In the dingy house, several men rushed down the rickety stairs, only to be greeted by the most surreal scene they had ever encountered. On the living room table, a green bonfire was merrily burning with no discernable effect on the furniture. What they found most disturbing was that the flames were fueled by one-kilogram bundles that should have been safely stowed in the cellar. With little prompting, they turned their anger on the lone blonde woman who stood before the table with her back to them.

“This stuff smells horrible.” The woman’s voice came over her shoulder.

“Oy!” barked the leader as he gestured for two of his mates to put out the flames. “Who the bloody hell are you? Do you have any idea how much profit you're turning into smoke? Not that you're going to care about that, or anything else, in a few seconds.” He held a heavy-framed revolver in both hands and pointed it at her head.

The woman half-turned to address the man. “Do you have any idea how many families this stuff has broken in just the short time we’ve been here?” Looking at the weapon, she raised an eyebrow. "Overcompensating? Do you realize how useless that is to you now?"

Snarling, the man pulled the trigger. A metallic click could be heard throughout the room. He pulled seven more times. The results were identical.

"See?" said the woman. "I bet that's not the only thing here that's impotent."

"Bint!" the man growled as he stalked toward her. "I can still use it to beat that pretty face of yours to a pulp."

“I’m sure that you could.” The woman turned back towards the flames, warming her hands as she watched the men's futile efforts to save their livelihood.

The man took three more threatening steps forward when something flew over his head only to burst into flames as it joined the bonfire already in progress. He gasped when he looked up and saw the origin of the projectile.

“That’s the last of it, OB. They were upstairs breaking it down into smaller packages.”

The sea of eyes staring down put an abrupt halt to the other men’s futile attempts at fire control.

“Thanks Snatches,” acknowledged the woman, not taking her eyes off the flames. “Let’s finish up here; we’ve four other targets to hit today.”

“W-w-w-what are you going to do to us?” stammered the leader.

“Don’t worry, gentlemen,” said the woman. “Compound has been practicing obliviate for just such occasions. I'm sure she'll leave enough of you to earn an honest living.”





The headmaster sighed with contentment as he settled behind his office desk in Hogwarts. The initial trials of the morning had finally passed, and he had managed to mollify the faculty into accepting the absence of their headmaster during a critical planning phase as a minor inconvenience. He was sure that there was still some unease among the professors, but not nearly enough for anyone to raise any objections. It would do. He had enough of a reputation left to weather this minor storm.

There was a tingle from the castle wards as they sought to gain his attention. Humming slightly to himself, he closed his eyes to concentrate on the sensation. It looked like there was a group of parents at the main gates requesting entrance. A frown crossed his lips as he recognized several of them. His personal list of individuals to avoid at all costs had most of them at the very top.

Perhaps it was time to extend his holiday for a few hours, or failing that, there was bound to be a significant amount of paperwork that urgently needed his attention. Paper cuts and all, that assuredly promised to be less painful.

It was time to invoke one of the privileges of being the headmaster and request the aid of his deputy. She had good relations with the visitors, after all. Besides, she was currently socializing with the other professors in the teacher’s lounge, so some excitement would most likely be appreciated.

Taking a pinch of green powder, he activated the floo. "Minerva, this is Albus. Please attend our guests at the front gate. I, unfortunately, shall be otherwise occupied."





An earth pony, a pegasus, and a unicorn waited at the front gate in human form. Minerva frowned. With the destructive potential of those three, the reformed werewolf, the animagus, and the the auror were almost an afterthought. When she saw the expressions they wore, she almost wished that they had been carrying pitchforks and torches instead. Once she reached them, she said, "Good morning. What brings you here today?"

Mad-Eye Moody growled, "Need to go inside. Too many eyes and ears out here."

Sirius Black added, "It's something that concerns everyone here."

Minerva replied, "Let me bring the heads of house together. Please, follow me."

As they walked, Pinkie Pie asked with far too much enthusiasm, "Will Dumbledore be there, too? His is the big cheese and all."

Shaking her head, Minerva replied, "I'm afraid he is still unavailable."

"Aw, I have a trick I wanted to show him." She reached into her hair and withdrew what looked like two small wooden balls. As she casually closed her fist, a loud crunch filled the air. She opened her fist, revealing the delectable morsels that had been hidden by the shells. "Macadamias. Want one?"

The men in the group cringed.

Once they were inside the teachers' lounge, Snape, Sprout, and Flitwick joined the group. Moody cast a security charm to thwart eavesdroppers. Twilight Sparkle-Black cast one of her own. She then said, "I have recently learned of a potential threat to those within the castle. I would like your permission to set up countermeasures. I promise it will bring no harm to students or staff."

Snape sneered. "And what is the nature of this threat?"

Rainbow Dash replied, "Hey! That's a huge secret. How do we know one of you isn't really a spy?"

Flitwick said, "We can cast the fidelus charm."

"We don't have that sort of time," growled Moody.

Vibrating excitedly, Pinkie Pie said, "We can just have everyone Pinkie Promise!"

"Pinkie Promise?" asked Sprout.

Sometime later, the four heads of house kept an eye on the proceedings as Twilight assembled a complex contraption in an isolated storeroom with a sturdy oak door. They fidgeted with their eye patches as Moody began creating a ward against unauthorized entry, intentional or otherwise.

"So," Sirius said nonchalantly as he watched his wife work. "Has Dumbledore submitted his resignation to the board yet?"

Minerva blinked before setting an accusatory glare on her former student. “How did you come across such privileged information?”

“Privileged?” Sirius snorted. “Whose idea do you think it was? It'll keep him from preying on our children.”

“I hate to burst your bubble,” Minerva said, “but he has decided to retain his post as headmaster at the expense of his other positions.”

“You can’t be serious,” snarled Black.

The heads of house stared at him, struck by the venom in his voice.

"Of course not," said Rainbow Dash. "You're the one who's Sirius."

“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie bounced with unrestrained enthusiasm, momentarily distracting all of the men. “I wanna say it! I wanna say it!”

“Okay Pinkie,” Twilight sighed. “We might as well get this over with.”

“Yay!” Pinkie cheered before taking an impressively deep breath and transforming back to her native form. In a raspy voice, she said. “Excuse me, I’m just a little hoarse.”

Disbelieving stares met her statement.

“What?” Remus asked.

“It needed to be said.” Pinkie shrugged as she answered in her normal voice while instantaneously taking on human form. “I figured it was my turn.”

“What?” Pomona asked.

“I just wanted to get in on the fun,” Pinkie replied.

“Pinkie Pie, you are so random,” said Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t know, Dashie, I’m sure everypony saw that one coming.” Pinkie smirked.

“Rrrrrrright,” Rainbow said. “Twilight are you almost finished?”

“Almost,” said Twilight. “I just need to make a few more tweaks.”

“Just what is it that you are tweaking?” Filius asked, unable to contain his curiosity any further.

“Well,” said Twilight, “it’s a matter of accounting for all the mutations and permutations our target can exhibit. Originally, it started as a brute force disruptor, but it soon became apparent that we only had enough power to target a relatively small set of magical signatures. Fortunately, my experiments showed that the phenomenon from which this all originated defined a family of signatures against which we had to defend. Then, we realized that our original idea required nearly instantaneous tracking, so that drove us to develop a spherical shield that would reflect an inverse spell back at the caster if they were outside and deharmonize magic if it were inside. Discord was actually a great help with that part. This led to the relatively easy process of continuously generating a background inversion routine that uses the target magic to power its amplification. That was almost too obvious, but Princess Celestia has repeatedly told me that the simplest answers can be the most efficient way to handle problems and should not be discarded out of hoof. Anyway, breaking down the solution to its basics rewarded us with a fifty-seven point two nine five percent increase in the diameter of our sphere of influence as well as an eighty-four point one two percent increase in dampening potential. With numbers this encouraging, imagine our surprise when we stumbled across another relic that contained not only the magic signature in question but also a piece of the soul of the caster. After a cringeworthy encounter with a house elf, we were able to secure the object, and it was almost a joke to bypass the defenses laid on it, as the protective magic was being scrambled, which in turn allowed us to extract the soul fragment and use it to amplify the defense broadcast by at least another seven point nine seven percent. I was unable to be more accurate than that since we were running short on time. We did want to get this here before the foals arrived, and here we are.”

There was more than one slack jaw in the room as she drew a breath.

“Wow! What a wall of words!” Pinkie said. “Just look; Dashie failed her saving throw against glassy-eyed comas.”

“Why do you think I normally stop her before she gets started?” Rainbow Dash drooled slightly.

“I’m just saying that another hundred words of meaningful content are owed after that blatant word count padding,” Pinkie groused.

“Please, don’t get her started again,” Nissy pleaded. “I’m sure she could manage another hundred thousand words and still not make any sense to the rest of us.”

“Actually, that was quite informative,” Filius said. “Who, exactly, is this device supposed to counter?”

“Voldemort,” Sirius growled.

The professors in the room all visibly flinched at the name.

“He’s dead,” Pomona informed the visitors.

“As far as we can tell . . .” Twilight shook her head. “. . . he’s only mostly dead.”

“Your saying he survived that night years ago?” Filius asked. “That’s inconceivable.”

“Unfortunately,” Severus said dryly, “there are several vile magics that would ensure that the Dark Lord could survive the destruction of his body. None of which are appropriate to mention in polite company. The fact that Mrs. Black mentioned happening across a piece of his soul leads me to believe he has succeeded in accomplishing one of the most disturbing methods.”

“It’s exactly as bad as you think,” Moody growled, “He’s done it at least twice successfully, as far as we can tell.”

“Twice?” Severus frowned. “He’s even more deranged than I would have guessed.”

“Three times actually.” Sirius said.

“That was a botched attempt.” Moody corrected.

“Harry had a piece of the wanker’s soul in his scar.” Sirius growled. “Botched or not, it was there.”

“And when exactly where you planning on sharing that tidbit?”  Minerva asked in a terse no-nonsense voice.

“If you think that was bad; imagine learning about it over cocktails in an upscale lounge,” Nissy complained.

“We really are going to have to hold that class pertaining to the dissemination of critical information,” Remus added.

Minerva's stern gaze pierced each individual in the room. “What other  secrets are you holding out on us?” she asked. Years of classroom  experience added the promise of dire consequences to her words.

A tense silence followed as everyone did a quick mental inventory.

“All right!” Pinkie finally wailed. “You got me! I admit it! I used to wet the bed as a filly!”

“Me too,” Twilight whimpered.

“Guilty here, as well,” Nissy sighed.

“What can I say, even an awesome filly sometimes enhances the clouds.” Rainbow wilted.

“I think we can all affirm that deficiency,” Minerva said. “It is a natural part of growing up.”

“Aren’t you men going to say anything?” asked Pomona.

“No!” all of the men in the room, minus Moody, said.

“Never admit to weakness,” Sirius said. “It’s a bloke thing.”

“Let's get back to the business at hand,” Moody demanded.

“There’s nothing else important that I can think of right now,” Remus said. “Though I would like to swap notes with Severus to see if we can come up with anything pivotal.”

A pouch-wearing owl flew into the room from an orthogonal dimension, interrupting the conversation.

“You’ve got mail,” Rainbow said smugly as the avian landed on the table with Twilight’s project. The owl then held out a scroll towards her. “Oh wait, it looks like it’s for me.”

“It’s from the princesses.” Twilight noted the crest on the owl’s pouch.

“They probably want me for a super-secret important spy mission.” Rainbow unrolled the missive and began reading. “Hah! I was right; Princess Celestia wants to have a word with me. and she’s in such a hurry that she’s suggesting I ride this owl back.”

“Just a minute, Dashie,” Pinkie said, pulling a set of saddlebags from her hair which she handed to Rainbow.

“What’s this?” Rainbow asked. “Hurry up Pinkie; I don’t want to keep the princess waiting.”

“You're going to need these,” Pinkie said, pulling a large white box from her hair next. This was placed in the undersized saddle bags in short order.

“What was that?” Rainbow asked skeptically.

“Those were some love-flavored cupcakes I’ve been sitting on,” Pinkie said. “Well, not really. I don’t have a tail in this form. It’s more like they’ve been sitting on me.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Rainbow said. “I don’t have the time for a snack.”

“You’re going to need them.” Pinkie said. “Pinkie Promise you won't eat them.”

“Oooookay,” Rainbow said, climbing into the owl’s pouch. “See ya all later.”

“Can we get back on topic?” Moody growled as the owl took off.

“I’m done.” Twilight announced; she had been working during the conversation.

“Good timing,” Sirius said. “Go ahead and turn it on.”

“Hurry up Twilight,” Remus prodded. “The atmosphere is getting heavy in here.”

“Here we go!” Twilight intoned. “Time for the practical application of SCIENCE!” With those words she dramatically threw the switch.

“Still no kaboom,” Pinkie said in a voice heavy with disappointment.

“I have to agree,” Nissy said. “A few flashing lights wouldn’t be amiss, either.”

“It will be worth it if it protects the children.” Pomona dissented.

“How will we know if it works?” asked Filius.

As a master of occlumency, Severus Snape was a master of his emotions. He was a stoic without equal. It fell on him to provide the answer. His screams were sure to induce nightmares for months to come.