//------------------------------// // Intermissionary position // Story: Twilight's Movie Night // by MrNumbers //------------------------------// "Why hello there, Cutie Markers three, it appears that tonight you'll be staying with me." "Looks like it, Zecora." Scootaloo grumbled. Zecora was a pretty rockin' pony, even if she was a zebra and not actually a pony. That just made her being a rockin' pony even more rockin'. The problem was how they had arrived. -- "Greetings, dearest Applejack, what have you in that sack? It appears unstill, and I'll have you know that I shalt not kill. Just because I am not squeamish does not mean that I'm fiendish." "What? Kill? Heavens to Betsy, no!" Applejack blinked at Zecora, wondering where the zebra had gotten that from. "Sorry, Applejack, I meant no offense, but I hear untruth 'bout my self-defense." Zecora smiled warmly at Applejack, glad not every pony had accepted those untruths at face value. "That's fine, Zecora, ya'-” Applejack paused and considered what she'd just heard. “Wait, what kinda self defense are we talkin' about here?" "Why, in fact, just over there, I was set upon by a grizzly bear.” Zecora pointed at a spot just off to the side of her home. “Curse my luck and all to heck, I accidentally snapped its neck..." Applejack whistled softly, impressed. "Yer telling me that you could, single-hoofedly, take on a brute like that, win, and still do better?" Zecora sighed and looked at the ground ruefully. "Indeed I can, I am afraid, but the results cannot be unmade..." "Tha's all ah need to hear!" With that, Applejack threw down the sack slung across her shoulders and turned for the door, bolting at a speed only achieved by professional athletes in a life-threatening situation, like being chased by a lion... Or escaping the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Inside the bag, as the writhing finally achieved some semblance of co-ordination, three fillies gradually emerged. Inside the sack was a reasonable sum of bits and a note with a piece of simple advice: "In case of emergency, just leg it!" -- "So, Zecora," Applebloom jumped forward from the three, "What can we get our cutie marks in 'round here? Potion brewin'? Findin' herbs? Speakin' in rhymes?" "Hey," Sweetie raised an eyebrow skeptically, "What would a rhyming cutie mark look like anyway?" "I 'unno, only one way to find out, we better get started, no muckin' about!" Applebloom grinned and shrugged her shoulders. Scootaloo just deadpanned. "No. No way. Sweetie Belle is already close enough to getting one of the dictionary for my tastes." Sweetie Belle's eyes widened in shock as she imagined life with that as her super special talent. It wasn't a pleasant mental image. "Alright, ladies, listen up!” Sweetie Belle's face crunched up with determination. “I am not, I repeat, not going to risk getting a book for a cutie mark. Not even Twilight mother-bucking Sparkle got one that lame. You keep her distracted whilst I think of a way to get us off the premises!" "Premises?” Scootaloo growled. “I thought your sisters were the ones that got us here in the first place!" "No, premises, it's a noun that means area of property-" Sweetie's eyes widened in shock as she clamped a hoof over her mouth. Applebloom recognized the dire implications. A really lame cutie mark was at stake, here! As Sweetie stood, stock still, and Scootaloo poked her immobile form, the third crusader sprung into action, though perhaps springing would be a bad description for the polite way Applebloom trotted up to Zecora. "Hey, Zecora,” she asked softly, “how'd you get your cutie mark? I can't tell what it is!" Zecora smiled warmly at the girl's curiosity, trying to hide her concern that her house might be obliterated by the three Crusaders as she replied, as always, in rhyme. "That's a good question, little filly, but the story is somewhat silly. My cutie mark is in medicine, in Zebra lands where I begin, I was collecting herbs and spices, but our land holds so many surprises, I was ravaged by an angry beast, but I did not make an easy feast, I took my forage to the apothecary, near to a great monastery, It was there that I learned to brew potions and salves that can help you, A kind man taught me how to make the potions with the plants I'd take And when he fell ill I finally made the elixir with his life I saved and on that day I got my mark, so to Equestria I did embark So that I may find plants so rare that in my homeland won't grow there and I make my home in the Everfree and send my work to family." "Wow, Zecora, that's so cool!" Scootaloo stopped poking and prodding her unicorn friend. "Weren't you disappointed when you didn't get your mark in wrastlin' animals?" Applebloom asked. She had to admit, that would be a pretty awesome cutie mark. "I prefer to work some good than to hurt things that think me food." Zecora replied sagely. Scootaloo stared at Zecora's flank, admiring the cutie mark. "So, what does that mean anyway? I mean, it's a swirly sun, that's not really potion-y at all!" Sweetie Belle finally blinked and shook her head, snapped out of her daydreaming nightmare. "I think it's a swirl because you stir right? It's mixing! And... And the sun motif-" Scootaloo stared again getting a good look at it. "is because the sun represents life and rejuvenation, like your medicine does!" Sweetie Belle butted in. Zecora beamed with pride, nodding softly. "That's exactly right, Sweetie Belle, how you guessed, I'll never tell." "Oh, it's easy! It was as obvious to me as the colour of my mane is to you! Pink and, er, something." Zecora raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Sweetie Belle your mane is purple, how you forgot this-" Zecora stopped as if someone had just flicked a convenient self destruct switch in her brain. Her eyes crossed, her mouth silently opened and closed a few times as she gaped like a fish out of water. A few occasional gasping wheezes were the only sound she made. Applebloom and Scootaloo stared in confusion until a little white blur shot past and yanked them both out the door with a bang. "What did you just do Sweetie?" Applebloom stammered in amazement. "I just tricked her into saying purple. There isn't a single word that rhymes with purple or orange!" Sweetie beamed with pride, "Now we can go get our cutie marks in something cool like-" Sweetie bit her tongue. She was cut short by the look of horror on the sprinting Applebloom's face and Scootaloo's raucous laughter. Sweetie turned as she ran, twisting her neck. On her flank was a leather bound book with a single word title. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" -- "Oh, dear me!" A screen far away from Ponyville displayed the same images in almost perfect synchronization for its royal audience of one. Its royal audience of one mare, all alone, in the big, dark, empty Canterlot castle. "G-g-guards?" Celestia managed to force out between the chattering of her teeth. There was no reply, save for the echoing down the dim marble corridors. "Sergeant... Sargent Steadfast?" Maybe... Maybe he's just out playing with his Privates... Private Parts, Private Places and Private Time all at the same time? No... Something is amiss... The almighty Alicorn had good reason to be nervous. Despite rumors of her power, her immense solar system moving, artisan grilled cheese sandwich making, can-stare-directly-at-the-sun-forever levels of power, Celestia seemed to get trumped on nearly a daily basis now. First was her own little sister, as embarrassing as a foal, far more so as rulers of the sky domain itself as well as the lands below. Ponies tend to notice that sort of thing. Then there was Discord. She had lasted a whole, what, three seconds under his influence before sending for the bearers of the elements, mere children before her. Hey, they were sort of expendable at least. Thoughts like that are probably why they don't respond to us anymore, Celly! Gasp! Conscience! Celestia's mind squealed. I thought I drowned you out with cake years ago! Fool! You've been on a diet for at least a week, now, and I have risen from- What are you doing? A loud, high-pitched popping sound marked Celestia's answer to this latest emotional conflict. – A loud, high-pitched popping sound emanated out from under the snack table, as though the table itself was summoning more treats, which was entirely possible given how it never seemed to empty. "Girls... Who just went to the snack table?" Rainbow murmured. The five other ponies in the room, and one plush toy, turned to see the still-immensely packed snack table before them. It was still packed, sure, but it was no longer bowing under the weight of all the sugar. Then, fast enough to give Applejack whiplash, they snapped their heads back towards Rarity. "Wha'? Wha' you aw 'ookin' ah me fer?" Rarity attempted to enunciate through a mouthful of deep-fried-cookie-dough-eclair. -- DIE! DIE! DIE! Celestia thought, quite viciously, as she scarfed down 2.2 giggle joules worth of caloric energy, all from confectionery stolen from a party at Sweet Apple Acres. Having dealt with her repressed emotions by gorging herself on an unmentionable amount of sugary delights once more(*), she went back to musing. Then there was Chrysalis. That Changeling Queen was the equivalent of a bug, and Celestia a giant magnifying glass. How could she have lost to that?! How did the bug squash HER?! That cocoon thing was a little too kinky for her tastes, too. All in all, if something big and mean came around the corner, Celestia was usually the first casualty. That sucked. Celestia took a deep breath, counted to ten, and called upon her dignified royal nature and legendary composure for this crisis. “TWILIGHT!” (*This is also the reason Nightmare Night was started. When Celestia began feeling the most guilty about banishing her sister, on the anniversary of the 'incident', she turned to an excuse to have the entire kingdom bring her candy. Costumes were not enough to hide her shame. A mountain of lollipops deep enough to swim in, though, was rather sufficient.) -- Sargent Steadfast looked up from his Monopony game with the Princess. "Hey, Princess, you hear something? That sounded like Celestia!" "Do not worry, my little pony, she is merely wound up. She deserves some rest, and relaxation, for all that she has given me." Luna smiled benevolently. Nopony heard her mutter "Like the thousand year vacation she gave me." under her breath, fortunately. "Well, that might be so,” the Sargent replied, “but are you sure she doesn't just need some Private Time?" Luna cocked her eyebrow. "Isn't that what we are giving her now, guard stallion?" "Err... No, he meant me." Private Time replied as he thought his next move. Luna glared in response. "No, soldier, you are not going anywhere, come Tartarus or chocolate milk flooding, until you sell me that railroad of yours." "Yes, Princess..." -- "No." The little unicorn said with finality. "Wha' do you mean no?" The yellow earth filly replied. "I said no. I am not getting a dictionary for a cutie mark! You hear me?!" "Looks like you're stuck with it though." Scootaloo chuckled, earning her a buck to the shoulder from Applebloom. "No, carpal rhymes with purple. I was wrong! You hear me, cutie mark, I didn't earn you, I was wrong!" She snatched up some bleach and began to rub the offending cutie mark vigorously, hoping that would be enough to wipe away her shame. “Carpal isn't a word though!" Scootaloo moaned, disappointed. "Yes it is, it's a noun for a bone part of a wrist, like those things Spike has for his claws. It's derived from-" Her two friends proceeded to giggle under their breaths, trying not to look too obvious as they reveled in Sweetie Belle's misfortune. Sweetie Belle let out a defeated sigh. Applebloom was a good friend and gave Sweetie a sympathetic hug. "Hey, you can still crusade with us for our cutie marks,” the yellow earth pony offered, “maybe we can get you a better one." Scootaloo, who was not as good a friend, fell to the ground rolling in laughter. -- The six bearers of the elements of harmony were enjoying the movie so far, a movie that was the physical embodiment of all that was not harmonious in the world. "Oh, I've been there!" Twilight pointed a hoof at the screen, "There's a great library ri-" Twilight suddenly vanished, leaving every pony to wonder what she was about to say. It actually sounded interesting. -- Twilight was engulfed in a sea of white plumage, muffling her.. Strangely, the movie was still on. Great. Looks like I fell into a wormhole to a parallel dimension, again. I really thought last time we took care of that... Better talk to Time Turner again. "Twilight!" Oh, that explained so much yet raised so, so many more questions, "Defend your princess!" "Dnnt- Ptui - Don't you have guards for that, Princess?” Twilight asked. “Like, all of them?" "Err, not at the moment I don't, no. I can't go look for some either, it's the night shift..." Celestia trailed off. "What does the night shift have to do with any- Oh. Luna. Right." Twilight simply shook her head and rolled her eyes. Celestia nodded slowly, gravely. "So, what am I defending you from, exactly, princess? You can count on me!" Twilight put on her war face from inside the larger Alicorn's engulfing snuggle. Celestia, in response, raised a single, trembling hoof to point at the screen. "Err, Princess? Why do you want me to protect you from Gem Lance?” Now Twilight was just confused. “I thought you liked him?" Celestia snapped her head down to Twilight. Then up to the movie. Then down to Twilight. Back to the movie. This took about a second to accomplish. She would have made a great chess player. "Wait, wait, that's Gem?” Celestia squealed girlishly. “He was so sweet! What's he doing in... This?!" "I think it's sort of a cool movie, but Rarity said the same thing..." Twilight mumbled. "You- you watched this movie? For pleasure? With your friends?" Celestia blurted out with the flawless royal grace that came so naturally to her. "Actually, we were all watching it right then, before you err... Whatever it is you're doing, Princess." Twilight responded humbly, twiddling her hooves uncomfortably under the Princess's bewildered gaze. "By my flaming nipples!" Celestia blurted out, "Your friends must need you now more than I do!" With that, Celestia popped Twilight back to where she had been. She then glanced left, then right, then left again. Nodding to herself in thanks that she was alone, she made herself comfortable and started ogling Gem Lance's gorgeous flanks. Twilight's so precious... She deserves a special somepony like- Thin bead of drool escaped her lips - that. A special somepony exactly like that... Her scheming was interrupted, however, by the latest gruesome murder on screen. Arrghh, kill it with fire! Her mind screamed. I'LL DROP THE SUN ON IT, I SWEAR TO ME!