Pinkie glared out over the battlefield through her oversized dark glasses, face set in a grim line and a lollipop clenched tightly between her teeth. The glare was important. Rainbow Dash has said so. Ponies would respect her if she glared and didn’t smile, and even if Pinkie didn’t normally like being a meanie pants this time it was super-duper important that she have the attention and respect of her soldiers. This battle was vital and - even if she felt kinda mean for saying it – getting them to focus on anything for more than a few seconds was really, really tough even at the very bestest of times.
And this was not the very bestestest of times.
She turned to stare at her loyal soldiers, the ones she had fought with, died with, partied with and written at least four musicals with. They stared back – one pair of ferocious purple eyes and one blank, emotionless face. Neither betrayed a hint of fear. The party pony smiled. Neither the alligator nor the small pile of rocks smiled back. But that was okay, she could tell they were excited.
“Rocky! Bob! The time has come! The moment is now! The hour of triumph is at hoof!” She paused and poked out her tongue for just a moment, chewing it thoughtfully. “Well I mean the moment isn’t now as in that moment back there it’s now as in real soon as in we gotta hurry and get ready! Now, I’m afraid I have some bad news.” She fixed them with her best solemn expression and sighed softly, letting the very real disappointment she felt seep into her words, “General-Super-Amazing-Danger-Dash of the Wonderbolts won’t be joining us today. She says Fluttershy’s friend Sam had chicks, and that helping Fluttershy with eagles sounded more awesome than helping us with bugs.” She paused, waiting for the disappointed groans. Gummy blinked up at her, anguish burning in his eyes, well Rocky managed to remain stone-faced.
She giggled at her own joke, and then continued, “Ants have infested Sugarcube Corner, and since Mrs Cake thinks it’s all my fault even though it totally isn’t because I never leave sugar open because there’s never any left by the time I’m done baking we have to eradicate this menace once and for all!”
She leaned down close to Rocky and poked her gently, “You got that, soldier?”
“Yeah, sure thing Pinks. But I –“
“That’s GENERAL PINKIE! But it’s okay if you call me Pinks. I mean, we’re friends right?”
“…Uh, yeah. Sure thing, Pinks. But anyways, I was thinkin’ that this seems kinda…not your style. You don’t usually do the whole violence thing. What’s the deal?”
Pinkie snorted and patted Rocky on the head. Top rock. She was pretty sure it amounted to the same thing. “We’re not using violence, silly! We’re using food. Each of you has been equipped with two cookie crumb launchers. Using the delicious devices, we’re going to create a tantalising trail too tempting to pass up! Those cute little ants will march right out of the bakery! Fluttershy’s coming over later to help us with ant proofing! Isn’t that exciting!?”
Rocky stared at Gummy. Gummy stared at Rocky. No words were needed. They both knew that they would rather be somewhere – anywhere – but here. But neither of them even considered turning their back on the pink pony they both loved so much.
Rocky gazed up at Pinkie with a smirk, and snapped off a salute. Gummy stared into space, tail wiggling slightly, as he contemplated doubtless magnificent strategies that would assure them victory.
They charged as one – Pony, gator and rock. One again, just as they had always been.
-----