//------------------------------// // Chapter 7 // Story: Auntie Tia's Matchmaking Service // by Shaslan //------------------------------// Cozy Glow allowed Prince Patrician to pull her chair out for her; it was an old-fashioned courtesy, left over from the days when stallions were truly subservient in society. She disliked such archaicness, but Mama had warned her that many of the older noble unicorn families still insisted on the old customs. The first part of the date had not been…stellar. She had invited him to join her at the chess club. She had beaten him in less than eight moves, without even concentrating, and he had declared chess a dull game, and insisted that they go to his tennis club instead. She beat him at that, as well. He had a good serve, but no tactical sense. It was just the same as with everypony else; it was hard to always be the smartest pony in the room. But Mama had insisted that she see this meeting out to the end of the day, and Cozy Glow had given her word. She never really made promises to anyone but Rarity, but on those rare occasions that she did, she took them seriously. She had no intention of breaking this one. No matter how many endless stories about Patrician’s highjinks at boarding school she had to sit through. The starters were dominated by a tale of how Patrician had hated the matron in his first year dormitory. Halfway through the main course, and a story about how Patrician had ‘fagged’ a younger colt at the school — she hadn’t even wanted to know what that meant, but currently it seemed to consist chiefly of forcing the colt to clean his private study and make him toast — the restaurant door swung open and a flash of gold mane caught Cozy’s eye. She glanced over and away, and then looked back sharply. Was that — Lustre Dawn? Princess Twilight Sparkle’s own personal student. Yes, that was definitely her. Growing up, Rarity had been careful to keep Cozy isolated from what she thought would be ‘challenging’ situations. And that included gatherings with Twilight Sparkle and her extended family. Cozy Glow knew Fluttershy well — and, regrettably, that tiresome donkey-headed freak that followed her everywhere. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had also been frequent figures in her early years with Rarity, until she had made their bratty little son cry once too often. She saw them less after that. But Princess Twilight Sparkle and Lustre Dawn had always been kept at a cautious distance from her. And no wonder. In those first few years, when she had still struggled with her blind rage against that insipid purple alicorn, she had fully expected that she would one day kill Twilight Sparkle, and then the pathetic little golden-maned lump would come after her. They were nemeses-to-be, she had thought. She had long since given up on that particular path, of course, but Lustre Dawn remained a figure of interest for her. The unicorn mare was followed by an earth pony, yellow-coated and with a bouncy pink mane. Both mares were wearing pretty gowns — Lustre Dawn’s was made by Rarity herself, unless Cozy was very much mistaken — and both of them had clearly put a lot of effort into their appearances. Cozy Glow watched as they were led to a table. The two of them were all nervous smiles and shy blushes; this was obviously another first date. Cozy Glow scowled. Auntie Tia, or whatever she preferred to be called, had strongly recommended this restaurant. Was she sending other possible matches here too? For the first time, Cozy Glow felt a little…cheapened, by what she was doing. Prince Patrician was a dimwit, that much was clear, but she had really believed that Princess Celestia was trying to meet her requests. But if the Princess were sending other couples on identical dates — if Cozy was just one of many — was the Princess even really invested in her case at all? “And so I said to him: Star Gallop, you little maggot, you need to be faster with my evening toast. And it must be buttered! And then Lancerlight and I threatened to beat the lesson into him. And Star Gallop, bless him, always buttered my toast correctly after that—” Prince Patrician was gesticulating wildly as he told his story, sounding as though he was certain Cozy Glow was as riveted as he obviously was. Cozy Glow tried very hard not to roll her eyes. Mama emphasised decorum and politeness, and Cozy Glow was determined not to let her down. Surely she could get through another hour or two of this. She smiled and nodded, and let her attention drift back to the table in the corner where Lustre Dawn and the unknown earth pony mare were haltingly trying to make conversation. “So have you always lived in Ponyville?” Lustre Dawn asked eagerly, leaning forward across the table to better hear Little Cheese’s answer over the hubbub of the restaurant. Little Cheese giggled. “Don’t be silly! You know I have. We played together often enough when we were foals.” Lustre Dawn blushed a little. She did remember playdates with Little Cheese, in those hazy days before she got her cutie mark and went to live with Princess Twilight at the School of Magic. But they were so fuzzy in her memory, it was almost like meeting Little Cheese for the first time. Their parents were friends, but they had not met for almost fifteen years. “We did go travelling every summer, though,” Little Cheese smiled, toying with a curl of her pink mane. “My mum always fancied herself a bit of a wandering minstrel, and she and my dad have always loved just rambling across Equestria and throwing parties for all the sad ponies they came across. So I guess I haven’t always lived in Ponyville.” Lustre Dawn tried to lean forward again to show her interest, but just got a dig in the barrel from the table for her troubles. She tried not to wince, and kept her smile in place. “That sounds amazing! Did you help, with the parties?” “Of course!” Little Cheese smiled. “Though if I’m being honest, I’ve always preferred the baking side. My parents both love to be centre stage, but I like working in the bakery with Pound and Pumpkin.” She fiddled with that little curl of her mane again. “Yes!” Lustre pounced on the detail. “I remember your profile said you were doing an apprenticeship with the Cakes, right?” Little Cheese smiled. “Yes! I want to open up my own cheesecake shops eventually. Maybe in one of the big cities.” “Wow,” Lustre Dawn smiled, unable to take her eyes off this charming, strangely bashful pony. She would never have expected brash Aunt Pinkie’s daughter to be like this. “I bet everypony in Canterlot would love a cheesecake bakery.” Too late, she realised she was picturing Little Cheese in her own home city, and blushed a brighter red. Little Cheese obviously noticed too, and her pale yellow cheeks took on a pink hue. “I was thinking I’d call it Little Cheese’s Little Cheesecakes,” she confided. Lustre Dawn clapped her hooves together. “What a great name!” She wasn’t sure quite what it was about Little Cheese — maybe it was her stunning green eyes, her gorgeous smile, or maybe just the way she’d immediately known to make a silly little joke that would get Lustre laughing and break the ice — but she couldn’t remember ever being so into a first date before. She’d met with several of Auntie Tia’s unicorn matches now, and all of them had been…terribly dull, somehow. None of them had clicked with her like this earth pony, whom on paper she had nothing in common with. But somehow the conversation hadn’t stopped flowing all evening, and Lustre Dawn was still eager to learn all she could about her new companion. The hostess brought over their hay fries starters, and set out bottles of ketchup and vinegar on the table, along with the salt and pepper shakers. The hay fries were lightly dusted with oregano and paprika, and Lustre Dawn’s mouth began to water just at the smell of them. “Can I assist you with any condiments?” the hostess asked them, her voice rich and plummy with a Canterlot accent. Her horn glowed at the ready. “Our artisanal sun-dried tomato and pressed beetroot ketchup, perhaps?” “No!” Lustre Dawn and Little Cheese both cried at the same time, putting their hooves out protectively over the fries, and then they swung to one another in disbelief. “What did you—?” “Did you just say—?” “I hate ketchup on my hay fries!” Little Cheese said, beaming. “Me too!” Lustre Dawn replied. “Everypony always acts like it’s some great heresy, like I’ve just said I wish I could blot out the sun or something. But I just don’t like ketchup!” “I don’t either!” Little Cheese cried. “I see people putting ketchup on their fries, and I’m like, nope! You just ruined them!” “I completely agree!” Lustre Dawn laughed, and Little Cheese began to giggle too. It was the smallest coincidence, but Lustre Dawn somehow felt like they were both in on some great secret, united against the rest of the ketchup-loving world. They both snickered into their hay fries until the hostess — and her artisanal ketchup — swept away in cold fury, and then they burst out laughing even harder. “Let’s dig in,” Little Cheese suggested, when their last chuckles finally subsided. “We don’t want these beauties getting cold.” “Absolutely not!” Lustre Dawn agreed, levitating her fork upwards before thinking better of it and preparing to use her hooves as Little Cheese clearly was. “And Little Cheese?” “Hmm?” Little Cheese looked up, a hoof-full of hay fries suspended just below her muzzle. “I’d love to try some of your cheesecake someday.” Cozy Glow was still trying to subtly observe the date between Twilight Sparkle’s daughter and the unknown earth pony when Patrician’s indeterminably long story about his days at private school ended, and he finally said something that caught her attention. “My family weren’t sure about me meeting you tonight, of course,” he said, as though the previous topic of conversation had naturally led to this. Cozy Glow turned back to him, a polite smile painted across her muzzle. “Oh?” “And I have to say,” he chortled, “I wasn’t entirely confident about it either.” Cozy rested her chin on one hoof and smiled again, inviting him to continue. She couldn’t wait to see where this was going. “All that unpleasant buzz around your name,” he said, waving a hoof. “Lots of rumours. Lots of stories. But Father insisted that I meet with you. He knows your mother, and Princess Twilight, of course. Old friends of his.” “Such old friends,” Cozy echoed in bland agreement. Now the real reasons were coming out. Here was the generous, the forgiving nature of Canterlot nobility. As shallow as puddles, all of them. Motivated only by greed and her mother’s fame. “But I am glad, most glad, that it all turned out to be baseless,” Patrician rattled on. “You have a most amenable personality, Cozy Glow, and I would be glad to see you again. Even despite…” he gestured uncomfortably, his nose wrinkling a little, “Your — ahem — past, and, of course, that other matter.” He gestured vaguely in her direction. “The other matter?” Cozy Glow asked, in what Mama referred to as her ‘dangerous’ voice. Patrician chuckled uneasily. “Well — you know, you’re a pegasus, Cozy Glow.” Cozy Glow froze. One ear twitched. The muscles beneath her eyes tightened imperceptibly. “But Princess Celestia reassured us that your family was of good unicorn stock, good magical talent—” Cozy Glow’s eyes narrowed a fraction. Good magical stock. Unicorns. “And we can be confident that any foals are most likely to be unicorns—” Cozy’s remaining thread of patience snapped. Her face became cold. This was too much. Not even Mama’s wet blanket of a friend Aunt Fluttershy would turn the other cheek to this. This…this imbecile held the same abhorrent purist views as her birth— no, they weren’t fit to be called a birth family. Patrician, oblivious, was still rambling on. “So I suppose there’s really no reason for concern — and of course, you’ll bring a good dower with you — our Whinneapolis estate will certainly put it to good use, I can tell you—” “Shut up,” Cozy Glow said, quite calmly. Her voice was no louder than her usual conversational tone. That got Patrician’s attention. “There are several unfortunate entailments on the manor— what was that?” “I said,” Cozy smiled pleasantly, “Shut up, Prince Patrician.” Patrician’s heavy brows pulled down, and he began to bluster. “Now, hold on — just who do you think you are, to tell me—” Cozy Glow didn’t let him finish whatever self-righteous speech he was building up to now. She raised a hoof. “Prince Patrician. Let me stop you right there.” She smiled, a little wider, showing all her gleaming white teeth. “I have been an alicorn. I’ve known real power. I could open portals with a flick of my horn; my shield was strong enough to hold off three princesses at once. I’ve drained their magic from their screaming bodies, and felt it flood into me.” She leaned forward, and he leaned away, sweat suddenly forming on his forehead, but her hoof slammed down onto his, holding him firmly in place. She leant closer, her voice dropping lower, a whisper as intimate as a lover’s. “I’ve absorbed all the chaos magic in the universe, Prince Patrician. I’ve stood twenty storeys tall. Storms came at my command. The world shook when I willed it.” His eyes were pinpricks of terror, and he looked rapidly from left to right, searching for an escape route. She could tell he was close to shouting for help — only the remnants of his pride were holding him back. “And you call me substandard?” she hissed, building to her grand finale. She spread her wings a little, a subtle threat display. “You call me not good enough? The only failure here, Prince Patrician — the only failure here is you.” At last, she released his hoof and he stumbled backwards, away from her. His chair clattered noisily onto the floor. Cozy Glow kept her features very still, in that small smirk that could mask any emotion, no matter what storm swirled behind her eyes. “You — you’re crazy!” Patrician gasped. “You aren’t reformed at all!” Cozy Glow giggled, and just as she knew he would, he flinched at the sound. “Don’t — don’t ever contact me again!” He was backing away now, but not yet running. His eyes were moving rapidly, his jaw working. Cozy Glow scoffed to herself. Was he searching for some sort of exit line? Trying to get the last word in? Pathetic. At last, he seemed to find his tongue again. “You— you’ll be hearing from my father’s lawyer!” At that, Cozy couldn’t contain herself any longer, and dissolved into peals of laughter. It was enough to break Patrician, and he turned and fled. The restaurant door slammed shut behind him, and the noise of his galloping hooves faded quickly into the night. Cozy couldn’t stop laughing. She hammered her hoof against the table and laughed until tears ran from her eyes. By the Princesses! What an idiot that stallion was. Prince Blueblood’s lawyer, indeed. Prince Blueblood, like half the nobles in Canterlot, used the best lawyer money could buy. And the best lawyer money could buy just so happened to be the little pegasus mare that Patrician had run screaming into the night from.