//------------------------------// // 25. - Tantabus // Story: Pregnant Noses Know // by Irrespective //------------------------------// Princess Luna, Most Eternal Mare of the Eventide and Keeper of Dreams, shuffled a bit and groaned when she felt a few stray beams of light on the nape of her neck. Hers was a reluctant trip back from the realm of dreams this morning, but for the first time in what felt like forever, there was no gasping panic, no cold chills, no haunting echoes of her nightmare’s parting words.  In fact, Luna could not think of a more peaceful place to find upon waking. The friendly scent of cinnamon tickled her nose, mixed with the familiar redolence of deeply loved books, all neatly organized and eager to be of service. The comforting aromas ever-so-slowly enticed her away from her delightful dream of nothing in particular, and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards as she gently cracked one eye. Luna drew in a deep and satisfied breath while soaking in the ambiance of Twilight’s guest room, which was filled with the quiet and yet definitive peace that always came with victory over a vicious foe. It was a welcome peace from the endless torments of the Tantabus, and in a way, it was also the peace that came with the victory over her own suppressed frustrations and anger over her former life.    Her gaze slowly drifted to a nearby window, and she idly noted that the sun was high in the bright blue sky above her. This meant that she would be off-work for some time yet, and had no real reason to go anywhere, or to leave her comfortable position.  But a further study of the room revealed a few new details for her consideration. While she had fallen asleep on the floor of the guest bedroom after the battle, she was now in a plush, oversized bed with silk sheets and a soft, fuzzy comforter to keep her cozy and content. To her immediate left was Twilight Sparkle, who was quietly reading a book to herself, and Luna felt a small twinge of joy that the young alicorn was engrossed in the seminal Pony Dreams and What It All Means by Fluffed Pillow. There was an awkward pause as Luna debated for several long moments on how to best extract herself from this situation, or even if she wanted to. Before her sleep-fogged mind could settle on any vague inklings of a plan, however, Princess Twilight levitated a bookmark over from the end table and stuck it in her current position. “So…” Young Twilight’s eyes did not reflect anger or disapproval as she expected, but only trust. “Tantabus?” she simply asked.  Luna offered an uncertain nod, and she reluctantly leaned away from Twilight and her comforting warmth.  “Would you like to talk about it?” The question had deep merit, and for several more moments, Luna considered her response. There was no urgency in the matter, so she gave it her best effort, considering the problem from all angles before answering with “Yes.” There was another long and awkward pause, filled with the kind of silence that only a library in a nearly empty castle could provide. A single mote of dust floated through a nearby sunbeam, making a slow but stately passage to a shelf where sometime soon an industrious dragon would detain it for trespassing. Twilight’s book likewise floated through the air in a slow path to the nearby end table and settled down with a faint rustling noise. She really did not want to look back at Twilight Sparkle. Every time she did, her own Twilight seemed so close behind those alert eyes, despite being centuries gone. This Twilight had an evaluating expression that Luna found herself evaluating back in turn, hoping to get an idea of what Equestria’s youngest princess was thinking. “Perhaps later?” Twilight slowly offered. “No. Some things should not be delayed,” Luna replied with a deep frown. “Although, there is little wisdom in rushing carelessly about, without fully contemplating the full weight and scope of your decisions…”  “You’re not comfortable sharing with me.” Twilight offered the sentence as a statement, not a question or a rebuke. “I understand. But you need to share with somepony.” “Celly.” Luna let out a long breath and laid her head back onto the pillow that Twilight had provided earlier, coincidentally moving closer to the warm form of the other princess as she closed her eyes once more. “Perhaps… after a little while longer.”  Although Luna could not see, she could feel Twilight scoot closer, and the faint rustle of pages as she returned to her reading. “No rush?” she asked after a blissful period of silence. Luna simply nodded and remained where she was for a very long while. There was certainly no need for haste. * * ✹ * * “Luna! Oh, thank Harmony you’re back!” Celestia cried out, and the nocturnal diarch was swept off her hooves and into the larger alicorn’s embrace. “What happened? Are you all right? I was so worried when you didn’t show up this morning and I had to lower the moon for you, and...” “I am fine, Celly,” Luna gasped, and she pushed against Celestia’s chest so she wouldn’t be crushed. “I am sorry I worried you, but I assure you that nothing is amiss. Or, at least nothing is now.” “Now?” Celestia repeated, and she begrudgingly let her sister go. “Luna, what happened?” “I, um…” Luna lost the ability to speak. She knew she had to tell Celestia everything about the tantabus, and what had happened last night in Ponyville, but at the moment, she felt like she’d rather banish herself back to the moon. “I need to talk to you about… about something I did. I do not think you will be pleased once you hear it.” “I don’t care what you did,” Celestia quickly stated. “And I promise I will not be upset. Please, just tell me. I am here for you.” “Luna?” Bean’s voice cut in, and the two of them turned to him. “Hey, you’re back! We were getting worried. I’ve got some rhubarb pies that just came out of the oven and a bunch of vanilla ice cream, if you’d like.” There were certain advantages to having a brother-in law who cooked when he was concerned. “Thank you, Bean, and yes. I think I would like something to eat,” Luna said.  “Come, we can talk everything over in our drawing room.” Celestia motioned to the doorway. “Unless you’d like to go somewhere else?” “No, that will be fine.” Baked Bean entered the drawing room with no minor amount of trepidation, and he took a moment to glance the situation over as he pushed the trolley in with the pies and ice cream. A large pile of pillows had been placed on the floor, with two alicorns lying comfortably on the surface that had been created. Celestia gave him a sad smile while he entered, and once he had placed the tray of treats on the short table by the large bay window, he settled in under his wife’s wing without a word. The awkward silence continued for a few minutes more as everypony took a few bites of pie, with Luna being unable to maintain eye contact with her sister or her brother-in-law. Every time their eyes met hers, she would quickly glance away to either the bassinet in the room or her own plate of pie. Though Bean desperately wanted Luna to tell them what was wrong—and he was pretty extra sure that Celestia felt the same way he did, but by several more degrees of anxiousness—he knew that he needed to let Luna confess in her own way. Besides, whatever it was, it couldn’t be that bad. There had been no reports of anything unusual happening last night, other than Luna’s unexpected trip to Ponyville, so it wasn’t like she had turned back into Nightmare Moon or something. He hoped.   “I suppose the best place to start is at the beginning,” Luna said, once her plate had been cleared. “Bean, when I returned from my exile and was purged of Nightmare Moon, I found a world that was completely unfamiliar. Life had gone on for a thousand years without me, and everything from the Kingdom I had betrayed to the very language I spoke was completely different, in just about every possible way that I could imagine.  “Celestia, however…” Luna trailed off, snorted as she blinked back the tears, then cleared her throat. “Celestia was right by my side, and she vowed to remain there until I was fully acclimated to the new normal that surrounded me. For months, Celly taught me everything that I needed to know: geography, history, politics, and so on. She helped me to understand modern turns of phrase and—after one rather interesting Nightmare Night—how the relationships between Us and our little ponies had changed. “In all of this, there was never anything less than her full support and her unconditional love. Celly welcomed me back with a full and grateful heart, and I vowed to never betray that love again, no matter the cost. “But I had fallen once, so to me, there was the very real possibility that I could be swayed by my darker side once more. My past actions proved how easy it is for one to forget all that one has been given, and to focus only on slights and injustices. I could not—I would not—let that happen, so I resolved upon a course of action that would prevent me from ever forgetting what I had done.” “Sister?” Celestia asked, her tone heavy with concern. “What did you do?” Luna hesitated, then drew in a long, deep breath. “A tantabus, Celly. I created a creature of nightmares, and I instructed it to torture me, every night, with the memories of Nightmare Moon. Since then, the tantabus has plagued me with some variation of the same theme—the unholy evils that only I could create as that foul creature of the night. With the memory of my treachery replayed every evening, I was assured that I would never forget the exquisite pains that I had inflicted upon you and upon our little ponies. “However, unbeknownst to me, the tantabus grew in power with each successive night. Little by little, my abominable creation became stronger, until finally, it was able to escape and infect other ponies’ dreams. Do you recall the nightmare you had a few months ago, right before Bean came down with the flu? That was the tantabus’ first escape. I managed to contain it then, but over the last week, it grew powerful enough to free itself from my bounds, and it began to taint the dreams of the Element Bearers. From there, it infected the dreams of Ponyville, and had I not intervened, my creation would have escaped into the waking world and turned it into a nightmare.” Bean’s eyes went wide, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what he could say to all of that. “Luna,” Celly whispered, a hoof on her mouth in horrified shock. “Why… You didn’t need to…” “I know,” Luna cut her off, and she stood. “Thanks to Twilight Sparkle and her friends, I have come to peace with what I have done, and the tantabus is no more. I was absent last night because of the severe strain that I took upon myself to link the dreams of Ponyville together, and I simply had no energy left. I am well enough now, however, so you need not worry about me.”   “Lulu…” “Now, if you will excuse me, I think I need some time alone.” Luna moved towards the door, her head hanging low in apparent embarrassment. “I will speak with you both later.” And with no further fanfare, Luna left the drawing room, leaving Bean and Celestia to share a conflicted, anguished glance with each other.       * * ✹ * * “Luna?” Baked Bean hesitated for a moment, but he slowly advanced when the nocturnal princess met his gaze and gave him a small nod. “Mind if I join you?” “I do not,” Luna slowly said, her eyes going to the foam cup he held in a hoof. “What is that?” “A medium caramel frappuccino in a large cup with an extra pump of frap roast, double shot affogato, and caramel drizzle.” He shrugged, and held out the offering to the Princess of the Night. “I thought you might like something caffeinated.” “Thank you, Bean. Modern coffees are a sort of alchemy that still confounds me, but the results speak for themselves.” Luna took the offering in her magic, and she took a gentle sip. “Perfect, as always. I shall have to thank Mister Dry Roast the next time I see him.” Bean nodded, and the two of them slipped into a comfortable silence on Luna’s balcony. The moon, heavy and full, cast a cool silver glow over Canterlot and the few ponies who were still awake at this hour, and Bean allowed himself to breathe out, letting the tension in his shoulders flow away on the evening breeze. It was a shame that Luna had not been able to enjoy the same peace since her return. He shuddered as he thought about Luna tormenting herself, night after night, with a horrible creature of her own making.  Both he and Celestia had been shocked when she had finally broken the truth to them after arriving back well into the afternoon. For his part, he had felt a great swell of sadness and remorse for her, and it was obvious that Celestia had felt the same way. The rest of what remained of that day had been filled with anxious pacing and worried whispers about how to best help her, and now, he hoped that he would know what to say. “You must think I am the biggest fool in Equestria,” Luna broke the silence at length. Bean glanced up to his sister-in-law, but found her expression to be totally unreadable. “Why would I think that?” “I allow myself to be corrupted into Nightmare Moon, and then when I am freed, I immediately inflict grievous nightmares upon myself.” She shook her head, and her gaze dipped downward. “A normal pony would not try to torture herself as I have, nor would they allow themselves to be blinded by something so trivial as the amount of love they receive.” “Oh, see, now you’ve done it,” Bean remarked with a playful smile. “You forgot who you’re talking to, and now you’re going to get it.” Luna glanced at him with one eyebrow sliding upwards. “Oh?” “Yup. You wanna talk about normal ponies?” Bean gestured to himself. “You’re talking to one of the most normal ponies in the whole of Equestria. By all rights and reason, I should be some washed-up chef living in an unremarkable town, doing unremarkable things like flipping hayburger patties and asking if you’d like to Celestia-size your order. The only reason I’m not is because of your sister, and to a degree, you.” Luna snorted, but a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I suppose I did forget, but you must admit that a normal pony would not try to attack Tirek with fireworks and pieapults.” Bean shrugged. “Love makes you crazy. Blame your sister for that. Take her out of my life, and I would have been running for the hills. But all of that is besides the point. My point is that what you did isn’t foolish at all in my eyes. I’m afraid it makes too much sense to me.” Luna rolled her eyes. “I appreciate what you are trying to do, Bean, but the folly is mine and mine alone.” “Maybe, but I still say I understand why you did it. The fact that you were willing to torture yourself with that tantabus thing tells me that you love your little ponies just as much as Celestia does, if not more. You wanted a way to make amends for your betrayal, since Celly didn’t ask for any sort of reprimand of restitution. Your sins were as black as pitch, so why should you ever be forgiven, and especially so freely and willingly? No, you had to do something; there had to be a punishment for such a vile act. Am I close?” Luna nodded, but said nothing. “I totally get that, Lulu.” Bean came to a sudden halt at the realization of where his unrestrained mouth had gone, but there was no immediate divine retribution, so he continued more slowly, “You’re not the only one with regrets, who has stayed up late into the night wondering why you got off the hook so easily and others didn’t. If there had been a way for me to create a tantabus for myself after Swift Hoof’s death, I would have done the exact same thing. Since I couldn’t, I did the next best thing: I declared myself guilty and put myself in jail as a fitting punishment for my crimes. I’d still be there if the track team hadn’t come forward and exposed their part in the whole thing.” “Swift Hoof? You refer to your friend who died in the hazing incident during your youth, correct?” Luna asked, and Bean nodded. “Mm. With no offense intended, the magnitude of our misdeeds is vastly different.” “Maybe, but we reacted the same way. We both tried to punish ourselves as a way to claim some sort of absolution, to equalize the scales as it were. No amount of ‘I’m sorry’ feels like it would ever be enough. “But in the end, we didn’t need to punish ourselves, much as we might want to. Swift Hoof’s parents forgave me, and the ponies of Equestria have forgiven you.” Bean put a hoof on Luna’s shoulder and offered her a comforting smile. “We’re all here to help support you, from Celestia all the way down to regular ponies like me. Your past is not today, and you are not who you once were. You’ve suffered enough for what you did. I don’t think Star Struck and Twilight Starbright would want you to suffer anymore, either.” Luna grinned and reached out with one wing to pull her brother-in-law into a hug. “You speak the truth, Bean. My Star would not want me to suffer. Of course, he would have expressed his opinion on the matter a bit more forcefully than you have. And he probably would have tried to cuff me over the back of my head for creating the tantabus in the first place,” she said with a chuckle. “I can just imagine him standing there, his face turning beet red and his tail lashing at his haunches. ‘Augh, you daft numpty! What’ve ah told ye about being a eejit?’” Luna dropped her voice an octave to properly imitate her late husband’s tone. “‘Ah ‘taint about to let anypony hurt my precious lass, and that includes you!’” “If memory serves me correctly, I believe he would then hug you until dawn,” Celestia’s voice drifted over them, and she gently touched down on the balcony with a worried frown. “But since he is not here, may Bean and I fill in for him?” Celestia peered under her sister’s wing. “Perhaps, with slightly less enthusiasm?” “Urk!” managed Bean weakly from beneath dark feathers. “I’m fine!” Luna relaxed her wing grip slightly and reached out to her sister with a smile. “I would greatly appreciate that, Celly.” A gentle three-way hug ensued, but Bean squeezed just a little tighter when he felt teardrops hitting his nose. A small part of him marvelled at the fact that he, Baked Bean, was the one who was allowed to share these intimate and emotional moments with the rulers of Equestria, but the larger part of him was deeply grateful for the opportunity. Had he never crossed paths with Celestia, he never would have known—nor would he have ever guessed—that his diarchs could be so vulnerable, so tender. In a way, it made these moments all the more precious, all the more valuable.  He wouldn’t trade them for anything in the whole world.  “Thank you, Bean,” Luna whispered with a slight hitch in her voice. “And thank you, dear Celly. I would have been lost without you.” “That’s what sisters are for,” Celestia whispered back. * * ✹ * * “Prince Bean, sir!” Corporal Larkspur snapped to attention as the Prince slowly exited his chambers with a wince.  “Corporal.” Bean paused for a moment, and decided to go ahead anyway. “Lark, you and Princess Luna haven’t been... umm...” Both of Larkspur’s ears went straight up and his eyes widened until Bean thought he might lose his eyebrows. “No!” he squeaked, sounding very un-guardly. “Not that,” scoffed Bean. “I mean... you’ve been talking with her, right? And just talking,” he continued at Lark’s rapid nodding. “No hugging?” “Um... no sir,” said Larkspur, sounding much more calm and reasonable, or at least he was blinking again. “The Princess and I have had no physical contact whatsoever, Sir, excepting the one dance at the Grand Galloping Gala.” “Well, in the event there ever is hugging involved,” continued Bean slowly and with as much compassion as he could muster, “make sure you are wearing your armor. She’s got a really good grip.” Lark nodded once, then gave Bean a longer look as realization cascaded in. “Infirmary?” he asked. “Infirmary,” confirmed Bean, moving down the corridor at a slow walk with a touch more limp than normal. “Not sure if I cracked a rib or dislocated a disc. And I’d rather neither of them knew later.” “Of course, sir. My lips are sealed,” lied Larkspur. “Let’s see if Doctor Horsenpfeffer can get Prince Pillow fluffed back into proper shape.” * * ✹ * *