Thousands of years ago, deep within the darkest of cave, surrounded by a pit of lava. I was making my escape from the afterlife. Thanks to some insane cultists with a confusing cheese fetish, I wasn't really paying attention to their demands while I was killing them; I had regained my freedom in the world of the living. "Ha, ha, ha, burn!!" I mocked their screams of agony. However, they didn't go quietly as they also summoned a mighty hydra that wished to fight me for revenge.
Thanks not what happened. Yeah, and it happened three months ago, just outside, under a rather sexy tree. What? Sexy, how was that tree sexy? It had a sweet ass. That was a literal donkey. Yeah, he called himself Bray, I think. Princess Luna used his wicked evil soul in exchange for resurrecting Sombra. Not sure if pleading like a wimp qualifies as evil. Pleading, I thought he was moaning?
WIll you three please let me explain the story!!
Now where was I? Oh, yes, I was resurrected by Princess Luna alongside the shattered abomination that is Cozy Glow to be part of her new dark agents of evil.
She called it reform school. Yes, if only a fine stallion was teaching it. Instead, Spike's friend Garble was teaching it. He plays the drums. If only he could tap those soft hands of my--
Enough!!
Princess Luna had brought us back to deal with all sorts of evils. She deemed solely leaving Twilight Sparkle in charge after their retirement as totally irresponsible. She knew for every good deed, there was a bad deed. So for every good ruler, there had to be someone in the shadows will to commit evil.
We were sent in to handle things deemed too hard for normal weak ponies. Missions of absolute importance and danger. Jobs we could barely survive in but always came back victorious.
And our current mission was the hardest one we could have ever been given. The complete and total destruction of one mare stuck in pony form, Babs Seed!!
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"Hold up, hold up?!" Babs Seed roared in confusion. She stomped her way back into the interview. The earth pony threw up her hooves in frustration. "How am I your target?! I've done no evil at all. If anything, Twilight's done more evil by cursing me into this body!!"
"Your new form is the source of your evil!!" Sombra stood up and proclaimed. "And all four of us will stop you?!"
"Yeah, let's rape her!!" The word choice immediately stopped them all as Cozy Glow punched herself in the face. "WTF Tirek?! Why did you punch me?" Cozy Glow barked at herself. "I was punching the whore?" The voice quickly changed again. "Hit me harder, daddy--"
Lightning Dust fried the filly with her cattle prong again, laughing at the multiple colors. "Ha, it's like torturing three ponies at once!"
"I think you've had too much fun with that." Blueblood finally took it away. The captain nodded in agreement.
"But, Captain? It's so much fun," Lightning Dust pouted.
"Bulk Bicep," Braeburn called out.
"Yes, sir." The overly buff pony slowly flew over.
"Put this somewhere safe."
"Yes, sir!" The oversized pony floated away on tiny wings.
Meanwhile, in the shadows, watchful eyes followed it carefully. "Where is the basket?!"