Supper was quiet. Hardly anypony said a word after Granny welcomed me back.
I could feel Applejack's gaze burning into me the whole night, but she didn't say a thing until supper was done and I was fixing to go up to my room. Almost subconsciously, my legs carried me to the stairs, and there I stopped.
Each step was just a mite lower than where my barrel started.
This was a bit of an issue.
I experimentally placed one of my forelegs on top of the step and shuffled closer to it. I placed the other forehoof on top of the step and instantly fell when the rest of my body weight was placed on the wheels of my wheelchair, which then shot backward.
"Sugarcube…" came a familiar voice from behind me.
I got back onto my hooves and tried for the stairs again. This time I tried inching slowly toward the stairs. It worked until I had my lower body pressed up against the side of the step, and no way to force it onto the step. I must have stayed in the same position for a full minute before I realized I had no way of climbing the stairs.
"Sugarcube, if you'd just let me help…"
I ignored the voice of my betrayal. Okay, fine, so I can't climb the stairs on my own until I figure out a better way. That doesn't mean I was going to let her help me.
I pushed myself off the stairs, brushing past Applejack as I walked back into the kitchen. I saw Big Mac still at the table, reading the newspaper, and Granny snoozing in her rocking chair.
I padded over to Big Mac, doing my best to ignore the overwhelming feeling of shame I felt as I poked his flank.
"Um, Big Mac? Can I get some help with the stairs?"
A few moments later I was dropped off in my bed by Big Mac, trying to ignore the pit in my chest.
Big Mac said good night, turned off my lights and closed the door so only a sliver of light shone through the door.
He hadn't done that since I was six, and terrified of being left alone in the dark.
Is that how my family saw me now? Some young foal that couldn't do anything on her own?
And there was that feeling again, growing stronger.
I guess my family finally realized what I realized all those weeks ago.
I was useless.
I set myself to work trying to undo the wheelchair and take the dress off so I could get comfortable in bed.
I undid the strap that crossed my shoulders and strapped to itself along my chest, then set to work undoing the one around my waist.
The only problem is it was strapped across the area just in front of my hind leg.
It was out of reach.
I must have tried for several minutes to get it off before I threw myself face first into my pillow and let out a scream of frustration.
I couldn't climb stairs. I couldn't take off my own wheelchair. I couldn't do anything!
I pulled at my blankets, loosening them from where they were tucked. I threw them over me.
Or at least, I tried to.
The corner of the blanket made it over my shoulders but the rest just slid off me. I was laying too close to the corner to get much slack.
I tried moving my wheelchair closer to the middle of the bed for a few moments. It didn't work.
Giving up, I shoved my head back into my pillow. I let out a shuddering breath as I beat my forelegs uselessly against the sides of the pillow. I beat them harder as I felt the pillowcase get damp under my face.
Useless.
The worst kept repeating itself in my mind.
Useless.
Worthless.
Trash.
And for the first time in years, I cried myself to sleep.
The morning came by too quickly. The first thing I felt when I finally opened my eyes was dread.
Today was the day I had to start school again.
I could fake being sick. I could pretend to vomit, or have fallen down the stairs and hurt myself. Or… something!
I grabbed the sides of my mattress and pulled myself slowly off the bed, but hit the floor wrong and ended up on my side.
I tried vainly to right myself.
I was too useless.
"Applebloom?" Came the voice of an elderly mare from right outside my door.
"...Come in..." I sighed.
I heard the door open and Granny step slowly aside. She gave a quiet sigh and a moment later I heard her straining.
She pushed the wheelchair up into the correct position.
An elderly mare could do more than me.
I know I should respect and not belittle my elders, but that stung.
"Breakfast is almost ready, youngin'," she spoke softly. "If y'all wanna go wash up, it should be done by the time you're down."
A nice, warm shower did sound nice about now. The only problem was…
"Uh, Granny?" I started timidly. "Can I get some help with the wheelchair? And uh… the dress?"
I stood there quietly for a moment, staring at the floor.
"And the shower handles?"
Half an hour later, I was thoroughly washed and thoroughly embarrassed.
As I shuffled toward the stairs, decked out again in the dress and wheelchair, I noticed something different.
There was a plank, probably from the barn, lying over a portion of the stairs.
"You should be able to walk up and down this, child," Granny whispered. "This here was Applejack's idea after she heard you was havin' some issues with the stairs."
I experimentally put a hoof on the plank and shook it. It seemed solid. After a moment's consideration, I placed my other hoof on the plank, and with some effort, pulled the wheelchair onto it too.
I really didn't want to give credit to Applejack's idea, but it definitely seemed like a better idea than having to be carried up and down the stairs multiple times a day.
I moved forward slowly. Half my weight was suspended on wheels and I was on a flat, downwards facing angle.
Moments later, I was at the bottom of the stairs. I couldn’t but feel a twinge of pride as I realized I had just conquered stairs by myself. That pride was quickly replaced with more shame as I realized this still means I had to rely on others to do something as small as going up and down a flight of stairs.
There wasn't time to dwell on that, though, because right then the smell of cheesy grits floated in from the kitchen.
My favorite breakfast.
I eagerly raced into the kitchen, greeting Big Mac with a hearty "mornin'!", And stopped dead in my tracks.
Chairs.
How was I supposed to sit at the table?
I circled the table until I came to another plank of wood, this one almost touching the wall. It led up to some sort of… platform. The platform looked long enough to hold me.
Works for me.
Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and all the while trying to ignore that it was also probably Applejack that set this up, I climbed up to the platform, just as Big Mac slid a bowl of the grits in front of me.
“Thanks!” I chirped before digging in. Moments later I was joined at the table by Big Mac and Granny. I didn’t see anypony else in the family for the rest of the morning.
That was fine with me.
And then all too soon was the four words I’d been dreading since last night.
“Time for school, Applebloom,” Granny said.
I spend a moment idly petting Winona, wondering if I should just pretend I didn’t hear her. Or maybe act like I was going to school and go somewhere else for the day.
I quickly dismissed that thought. I probably wouldn’t get away with that, and then word would get back, and somebody in the family would yell, threaten to tan my hide or come up with some other way to instill some fear and respect into me.
“...Okay Granny,” I finally replied. “Have a good day, now.”
Usually, when I was walking to school, I’d put a spring in my step so I could meet with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and we could make plans for the day before school started.
Well, I wasn’t walking today, more like half rolling, half balancing. Going down the hills of the orchard made me a bit more nervous now that I was half wheel-bound.
I took my time making it to school.
As soon as I made it to the school, everypony else was already being called into class. I almost had missed the bell.
That also meant that as soon as I walked in, almost everypony was in their seats, and I could feel the attention of the entire class on me. Two dozen sets of eyeballs staring straight into my soul.
I shuffled over to my desk. Top right desk, right next to Scootaloo, with Sweetie Belle behind me.
And again I was struck with the same issue.
Chairs.
I blinked hard as I surveyed the desk.
The desk was connected to the chair. I could probably get into the chair if somepony took off the wheelchair and lifted me up, but I could never bring myself to ask for that. And besides, when recess started, or when I needed to use the bathroom, I’d have to be the center of attention again while somepony helped me into my wheelchair.
I think I’d die from the embarrassment right then.
So there I stood, staring at the desk and not knowing what to do.
“We got you, Applebloom,” a soft voice came from my left. I looked up to see Sweetie Belle lighting up her horn, her face screwing up in concentration. I saw my desk get moved to the right, and then some large books from the bookcases around the room fly over to where it used to be. The books piled up until they about reached my neck, and Scootaloo grabbed my pencil bag from my desk and set it next to me.
They were making me a desk out of spare materials.
I felt the blood all rush to my face as I set myself behind the "desk". No chair, So guess I was standing all day.
I heard several fillies giggling behind me. I didn't have to turn my head to know that it was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
I tried my best to fight back the emotion. I bit my lip as hard as I could as I felt my eyes start to mist up, and I stared hard at the wall.
"There will be none of that!" Cheerilee scolded, slamming her hoof on the ground. "Applebloom was in a very serious accident, and I want you all to treat her with kindness and positivity."
I heard a bunch of foals mutter things as my face turned redder.
Most of the rest of the morning passed by without incident. I found myself spacing out until my vision drifted lazily to the clock.
10:10.
I don't want to give much detail, but one of the first things they taught me in the hospital was the importance of keeping a strict schedule.
I balanced one forehoof and waved the other as high in the air as I could, which wasn't too high. Cheerilee caught sight of me after a moment and paused.
"Yes, Applebloom? Do you have a question about the lesson?"
"No, Miss Cheerilee, can I be excused to use the bathroom?"
Cheerilee smiled. "You may be excused, yes."
May, can, whatever. The message meant the same thing anyway.
I made my way to the back of the classroom. Happily, it took almost no additional effort to get the door open. I made my way inside, closed the door, and froze.
And here was the same issue as the stairs. There was a stool for smaller foals to get up to the bowl, but I couldn't take off the wheelchair by myself.
So how do I…?
I must have stood there for at least two straight minutes before I finally came to a solution. It took another two minutes to come up with the courage to do it. It’d probably take longer in another situation, but you know, I had to keep very precise time.
I cautiously opened the door and peeked out. I took a deep breath, found something interesting on the floor to stare at, and called out in a soft voice.
"Sweetie Belle…" I heard my voice crack. "Can I get some help here?"
"Aw, c'mon Applebloom. It wasn't that awkward," Scootaloo crooned, patting me on my withers.
My face was red. My eyes were red too. But I wasn't even trying to hide the fact that I was crying anymore.
I used to be the courageous one of the three of us. Scootaloo and I were the tough ones. Before today, they'd never even seen me cry.
Not that Scootaloo or I had ever judged her for it, but Sweetie Belle had always been the most emotional one of us, but there she was, right at my side, trying to cheer me up as I sobbed.
As soon as recess was called, I sprinted for the hill behind the school. I had hidden under the shade of a tree, hoping nopony else had seen where I had gone, or at least wouldn't follow.
Of course, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle followed.
“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle agreed, sitting in front of me and gently wiping away my tears. “I mean sure, it was unexpected, but if you think we’re gonna think less of you for that, you’re just being silly.”
I let out a final sniffle and then a small smile.
“You girls are just the best,” I finally managed.
“Oh sure, they are,” came the very familiar snobby voice of the last filly I wanted to see right now. “Too bad your sister practically killed you, blankflank.”
Diamond Tiara walked to the area in front of me and the Crusaders, and sat down with a smirk on her face. Three pairs of eyes glared at her.
“That was an accident,” I snarled. “Now, what do you want? Don’t y’all have anypony else to bully?”
“Maybe it wasn’t an accident,” Silver Spoon spoke up, walking from behind me to sit next to Diamond Tiara.
“Oh totally. Sure, it's one thing to pity your parents dying on you, but to have your own sister not care enough to keep you around? It's not a surprise everyone wants you gone."
"Woah!" Scootaloo yelled.
"W-what?" Sweetie Belle squeaked.
I felt like Diamond Tiara had plunged an icy knife into my heart. My eyes flew open and I pulled my lips back into a snarl.
"Maybe Applejack was really the smart one to try and get rid of you instead of killing herself like your 'honest' parents. I mean, I assume that’s how they went out. I’d probably kill myself too if I had to deal with you for the rest of my life.”
Every other sound was replaced by a cold roar. I felt my breathing slow and a fiery rage filled me.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" I screamed, lunging at Diamond Tiara, only to be stopped suddenly as my wheelchair refused to move. Keeping my momentum and flying to the right, I missed Diamond Tiara and hit the downward slope of the hill with my side.
My wheelchair careened over me and I started tumbling down the hill, finally hitting the bottom with an explosion of pain as the side of my head made contact with the trunk of a tree. Stars exploded in my vision.
I tried blinking away the dizziness, and after a few moments of trying to catch my bearings, I found myself on my back, my wheelchair at a sideways angle, still resting on the slope. I felt an awkward damp sensation travel up my belly and blearily stared down at myself, face flushing hot as I saw the telltale sign of a burst bag.
Is that... Oh Celestia...
As the adrenaline started wearing off I felt an intense pain under my right eye. Bringing my hoof up to the source of the pain, I wiped away blood. The hoof I used to wipe my face was also bleeding.
Oh Celestia no. Nononono.
I bit my lower lip and tried my best to fight it, but under the effects of both the embarrassment and the pain, my willpower crumbled. I let out a low wail from deep in my throat, a wet sniffle, and broke out into tears.
"Applebloom!" Sweetie Belle cried, running down the hill, flanked by Scootaloo.
"No!" I sobbed. "Don't look at me! Leave me alone!"
I threw my body weight to the right and scrambled to my forehooves, trying to run away from the hill. Unfortunately, my wheelchair was still sideways, and dragged behind me, limiting my progress.
"JUST GO AWAY!" I screamed to nopony in particular.
I threw the door open to my house and stepped inside, slamming the door behind me. I heard Applejack and Big Mac talking upstairs, and the conversation instantly ended when they heard the door slam.
“Applebloom?” Applejack called out. “What are you doin’ home? Did they close school early?”
I saw her head poke out from the top of the stairwell, her pupils dilating and her jaw dropping as she saw the tears and blood that covered my face in equal measure. A moment later she was in front of me, inspecting my face as her own face lost color.
“Woah nelly, what happened? Are you oka-”
I shoved her off of me, I reached down and pulled the soggy, broken bag out from under me and threw it to the ground in front of her.
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” I screamed, my throat burning.
“Wha- Sugarcube, what happened?” Applejack reached out a hoof hesitantly, then brought it back down onto the floor under her.
"DIAMOND TIARA..." I paused, trying to think of the right words. "SPOKED MY WHEELS!"
“Oh Celestia, Applebloom, I’m sor-”
“I don’t want your apologies!” I cut her off again. I shoved past her with as much ill intent as possible, making a mad rush for the stairs.
I tried running up the board, but my injured foreleg gave out under me, and I lost my balance, tumbling down the stairs just like how I tumbled down the hill. I hit the floor with a whine and tried my best to curl up into a ball and hide from everything.
I felt a hoof touch my shoulder and my eyes snapped open. It was Applejack’s hoof. No, I didn’t care how much pain I was in, I wasn’t gonna accept help from her. She’s the one that did this to me.
I slapped her hoof away and made for the plank again. This time I made it up completely. I pushed the door to my room open and slammed it behind me.
Applejack had made a ramp up to my bed too.
Why couldn’t she just leave me alone?!
I made my way up the ramp and buried my face in my pillow.
I was alone again. Nopony to fill my head with empty words of comfort. No judgemental words from peers. No fake sympathy from my sister.
If she was so sorry and cared so much about me, she wouldn’t have put me in this situation in the first place. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and me all tried talking some sense into our sisters.
If we made our own carts I’d be fine right now.
I’d be whole.
I wouldn’t be useless.
I wouldn’t be alone.
There would be no Diamond Tiara making me go home crying.
There would be no empty words of comfort from my friends and family.
There would be no betrayal from the sister that had basically raised me since I was a yearling.
The one that had taken the role of a parent after both of ours passed.
The one that cared for me.
The one that comforted me.
The one I idolized.
But most importantly, the one that loved me and I loved her back.
And just like that, for the second night in a row, I cried myself to sleep.