Chapter Eighteen
Shadows
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Going back to Cloudsdale was always at least a little uncomfortable at the best of times. Fluttershy visited it enough that she had formed good memories of her hometown, but they never quite replaced the bad ones from growing up in that house.
Today those bad memories were at the forefront of Fluttershy’s thoughts. Still, Fluttershy didn’t feel as bad as she would have expected. This was the second time she was returning to Cloudsdale because of Stormy Skies, and she felt better than she did on that first trip.
That had been six years ago. Back then, she was relying on Twilight not just to keep her from panicking, but also to keep her safe from the pony she saw as a monster hiding in her closet. This time, he was nothing but a shadow, and he could never hurt her again.
And besides, at least the house was gone. Fluttershy never wanted to set hoof in there again, and she never would. At some point, Stormy Skies had moved into a cheap apartment complex, and that was where Fluttershy and Twilight found themselves. They brought a few empty boxes with them; they were here for one purpose, and once it was done, they would be gone.
“I think it’s down this way,” Twilight said, taking the lead down a hallway on the second floor of the apartment complex. They’d gotten his room key from the apartment manager, who had offered to come to show them to his apartment. Twilight was going to accept, but Fluttershy declined. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and she didn’t want strangers getting involved in this.
Not that she expected much of a reaction. Sure, there was a small part of her that thought that he would be in there waiting for them, but she knew better. He was gone. Finally, he was gone and he’d never be coming back.
It was strange. She had thought she’d feel free once he was dead and gone, but she just felt numb. Not just to his death, either. To everything around her. The only time she had felt anything since reading the letter was when Morning was talking about her first day of school. If anything, Fluttershy’s desire to be around Morning had only grown.
“I wonder if Sunset handled dropping Morning off better than you,” Fluttershy said with a slight smile. She wanted to feel something, and talking about Morning was the best way to do that.
Twilight seemed confused at the topic, but she didn’t question it. “Probably. She’s better at keeping her nerves in check, at least.”
“Yeah, I guess she is.”
“It’ll be your turn tomorrow,” Twilight said with a smile. “If you’re feeling up to it, that is.”
“Of course I’ll be feeling up to it. I’m looking forward to it.” She had been tempted to ask to take Sunset’s place today, to make the trip to Cloudsdale later. But nothing good would come from delaying this; the sooner it was over, the sooner she could go back to feeling normal.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Oh, hello there.” Fluttershy stopped in her tracks as she saw a cat. It was rare to see any pets other than birds in Cloudsdale, since they couldn’t walk on clouds.
“She’s friendly,” a mare said. She was a young orange pegasus, and she was sitting outside of a nearby apartment.
“What’s her name?” Fluttershy asked as she held out her hoof for him.
“Joy.” The mare looked at them quizzically. “Say, aren’t you Princess Fluttershy? And then you’d be Princess Twilight.”
“That’s right,” Twilight said.
The mare scrambled to her hooves. “It’s an honor to meet you two.”
“Please, just treat us like regular ponies,” Twilight said. Fluttershy was too busy petting Joy to pay much mind to the mare.
“What are two princesses doing in a place like this? I mean, I know you’re from Cloudsdale, Princess Fluttershy – that’s how I knew who you were – but this isn’t exactly a high-class place.”
“It’s… hard to explain,” Twilight said.
“We’re here because my stepfather died,” Fluttershy said simply. It wasn’t that hard to explain.
“Oh, I’m so sorry… Wait, hang on, do you mean Stormy Skies?”
“That’s right,” Fluttershy said. Joy wandered away from Fluttershy and back to the other mare. “Did you know him?”
“Yeah, he lived right next door to me. He’d come feed Joy when I was visiting my brother in Las Pegasus. I never knew he was your stepdad though.”
“I guess he didn’t talk about me much.” Fluttershy wasn’t really surprised. It wasn’t like he’d ever want to admit to anypony why she wasn’t in his life anymore.
“Never mentioned you to me. Oh! I’m really sorry for your loss. Did I say that yet?”
“You did, and it’s fine,” Fluttershy said. “We weren’t close. I’m here because he didn’t have anyone else, so I’m sorting through his things.”
“I’m Peach Blossom, by the way,” the mare said. “Yeah, I didn’t really know him, but he was a good guy. Joy really liked him.”
It was hard to imagine Stormy Skies getting along with a cat, and strange to hear anyone refer to him as a good guy. But Fluttershy wasn’t in the mood to explain why that wasn’t true, and besides, it didn’t matter. Maybe if he was alive, then Fluttershy would want to tell Peach Blossom to be careful around him, but he wasn’t hurting anyone now.
“He wasn’t always great to Fluttershy,” Twilight said with a frown. She looked at Fluttershy, clearly unsure of what to say.
“Really? He was kinda gruff yeah, but I never had a problem with him. Had him over for dinner a few times, but even then he didn’t talk much. Real shy.”
“You invited him into your apartment?” Fluttershy blinked. If only she knew how horrible of an idea that had been… It was a miracle that nothing had happened to her.
“Well, not a lot, but yeah. Why?”
“It’s just…” Fluttershy shook her head. “Never mind. He… sounds like he changed as he got older.”
“Maybe.” Peach Blossom shifted in place. “I can tell things weren’t good between you, and I won’t pry or anything. I’m really just the neighbor. Oh, but uh, he had the spare key to my apartment. If you find it, could you give it to me?”
Fluttershy and Twilight looked at one another. Twilight turned back to Peach Blossom. “He had the key to your apartment?”
“To feed Joy when I was gone, yeah.” She looked between them with a confused expression. “Never gave me a reason not to trust him. Why?”
Twilight looked like she wanted to explain, but Fluttershy knew she wouldn’t. “Don’t worry about it,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll see if I can find your key.”
They walked past Peach Blossom to the next room, which Twilight opened with the key they’d gotten from the apartment manager.
It hit Fluttershy as soon as the door was open. She hadn’t expected anything about this apartment would be familiar except for maybe a few decorations, but there was something undeniably Stormy Skies about it: It smelled just like him.
Fluttershy had completely forgotten the scent; whenever she remembered the way Stormy Skies smelled, it was the scent of alcohol that came to mind. She had prepared for that, but that wasn’t it. No, it just smelled like him.
Oblivious to what she was experiencing, Twilight walked inside the apartment. Fluttershy forced herself to follow her wife. She was not going to break down in the middle of the hallway.
Twilight looked around, then turned to Fluttershy to say something. She must have seen Fluttershy’s feelings on her face, because she stopped and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“This place, it…” Fluttershy took a sharp breath.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Twilight said soothingly, stepping forward.
“Hold me,” Fluttershy said. “Please.”
“Of course.” Twilight sat on the floor and wrapped her forelegs around Fluttershy, who did likewise. Fluttershy buried her face into Twilight’s mane. She inhaled deeply, taking in Twilight’s scent, using that to replace his. Twilight stroked her mane. “It’s okay. Everything’s alright, I’m here, I’ve got you.”
Fluttershy nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Twilight asked.
Fluttershy pulled away and looked at Twilight. Even though she looked scared, Fluttershy felt better just looking at her. Twilight would make things alright. Twilight could always make things alright.
“No,” Fluttershy said. “No, I just… I didn’t expect the smell.”
“The smell?” Twilight scrunched up her face and sniffed the air. “I don’t smell anything.”
Fluttershy shook her head. She wasn’t surprised that only she could smell it. She’d lived with him, after all, and Twilight hadn’t. “I know. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. Let’s, uhm, let’s try to get this over with.”
Twilight nodded and stood up, extending a hoof to help Fluttershy up as well.
She took a good look around for the first time. The house was sparsely decorated, and almost everything there was from their old house. It seemed he hadn’t gone shopping in the past six years.
Twilight unfolded one of the boxes, and they started filling it with stuff. Fluttershy would find something she wanted, and she’d give it to Twilight to pack into the box. There were a few photographs of her mom, some of her embroideries, knick-knacks Fluttershy had liked as a child. Nothing of monetary value; she expected Stormy Skies had sold anything that was worth a few bits to get booze money ages ago.
And, of course, there was booze. He may have sounded like a different pony when they were talking to Peach Blossom, but one look in his kitchen showed otherwise. And one look was all it took, then Fluttershy quickly moved onto the next room.
“Where do you think he’d keep the key?” Twilight asked.
“Can you look around the living room again?” Fluttershy suggested. “I’ll check his bedroom.”
“Are you sure you want to be alone?” Twilight frowned.
“I’ll be okay. I just want to hurry up and get out of here.”
“As long as you’re sure.” Twilight gave Fluttershy a quick hug, then walked back into the living room.
Fluttershy went through an open door into the bedroom, the one room they hadn’t explored yet. She braced herself for the worst, but found that she didn’t feel any worse in there than in the rest of the apartment.
Still, she was completely on edge and ready to leave. They were almost done, she just had to go through this one last room and find the key. She glanced at his bed. The sheets were all messed up, and Fluttershy wondered if that was where he died.
There was a bedside table with a drawer, so that was where Fluttershy started. At first it just looked like a few normal things – a hairbrush, a bottle of body spray, things like that. Fluttershy moved them aside, then found a key ring. She pulled that out, noting it had just two keys on it. Probably his own and Peach Blossom’s.
She kept looking through the drawer to see if there was anything else she wanted to take. There was a picture of Stormy Skies and her mom, and they looked so happy. It was old, taken before Fluttershy was born. Not for the first time, she wondered if they could’ve been a happy couple without a daughter.
That wasn’t surprising, and Fluttershy just set it aside. She’d taken a few pictures of her mom, she didn’t need one that also had him in it, especially one where she looked so in love with him.
What was surprising was the next thing she found. A picture of Fluttershy as a filly. She couldn’t remember when it was taken, but she was lying on her bedroom floor and coloring. It was the only picture of herself she had come across, which suited her just fine. She didn’t like the idea of him having pictures of her. She was going to leave it, but then she thought Twilight and Sunset might want to see the picture, so she took it.
After that, she noticed a journal tucked to the side. She frowned, not sure she wanted to see anything he had to say, but then her curiosity got the better of her. She opened it to the first page.
‘This is dumb.’
That was it. The only thing he wrote on the first page was that it was dumb, probably referring to the idea of keeping a journal. That almost made Fluttershy smile. It was kind of funny to imagine him keeping a journal when he didn’t even want to.
The next page was a lot more revealing.
‘Another bucking nightmare. I guess that’s what this is about, right? Keeping track of these things. Because it’s not enough to experience it once, I have to write it down too. Sick bastard, making me do this.
I was in a corridor with doors, and I felt like something was following me. I kept walking down it, hoping that whatever it was wouldn’t catch up with me. Eventually I opened one of the doors to try and get away, but it was even worse inside.
Breezy was there, and she was dead. But she didn’t stay dead. She got up, and she kept coming at me, and I realized she was what I was running from all along. I knew she was going to kill me for what I did. I know she’d never forgive me.’
Well, at least he knew it. That sounded like an awful dream, but Fluttershy certainly wasn’t about to feel sorry for him. She turned the page.
‘Woke up screaming again, but I don’t remember why. Time to drink.’
It sounded like he had a lot of nightmares. Fluttershy was hesitant to say any pony deserved that, but if anypony did, it was somepony like Stormy Skies.
‘What the buck does he mean… Write about my waking thoughts? I have weird bucking nightmares, I’m not some crazy who hears voices or whatever. I guess I should write about how I ran out of booze and don’t have money to buy more. I’m too sober to sleep, if I go to sleep now I’ll remember the dreams, so I’ll just stay up.’
Something wasn’t right. Where was Luna? She’d never mentioned visiting his nightmares, although she understandably might not tell Fluttershy about that. But entry after entry, Stormy Skies was suffering from terrible nightmares, and he never mentioned Luna. There was no way she hadn’t noticed. She couldn’t visit every nightmare, but she was so good about finding ponies with recurring nightmares and helping them.
Was… was she specifically avoiding him because of what he’d done to Fluttershy? Luna was usually such a good pony, Fluttershy didn’t like to think she’d let anypony suffer like this, but she was protective of Fluttershy…
‘I can’t keep doing this. I swear I’m going to end it. The only reason I haven’t is because life could become one big nightmare when I’m dead. One never ending nightmare, I know I’ll never be with my Breezy again. I know she wouldn’t forgive me enough for that, buck, I think… I think she’s the one doing this to me. This is her revenge, she’s the shadow pony I see in my dreams sometimes, she’s reaching through the afterlife to punish me for what I did to our daughter.’
Shadow pony… No… It couldn’t be…
Fluttershy closed the book, and she tucked it under her wing along with the keys. She looked at the picture of her mom and Stormy Skies one more time, and she knew he was wrong. Breezy Day was the sweetest mare that ever lived. Fluttershy didn’t know if she could forgive Stormy Skies for what he did, but she didn’t have to. Just like Fluttershy would never forgive him but wouldn’t wish this on him, her mom would feel the same way. Fluttershy knew that.
But she didn’t know if someone else might wish this on him. A shadow pony was causing this. And Fluttershy was pretty sure she knew what that meant.
On the way out of the room, she dropped the book off in the box of things going back to Ponyville. “I found it,” Fluttershy said to Twilight.
“Oh, good. I was just going to come check on you.” Twilight levitated an open letter. “I found this letter, and I couldn’t help but read it. It looked like Stormy Skies was seeing a therapist about something, but he stopped going. The letter urges him to come back to therapy and reminded him that the process takes time.”
“He was going for dreams,” Fluttershy said. “I found his journal. He was having nightmares.”
Twilight blinked and her mouth fell open slightly. “Oh. Well… I guess I can’t really feel bad for him.”
“I don’t forgive him,” Fluttershy said, as much to herself as to Twilight. “I’ll never forgive him. I’m glad I’ll never have to see him again. But…” She shook her head. “But he shouldn’t have suffered like that.”
“I’m… not sure I agree with you,” Twilight said.
“That’s okay. It doesn’t matter. He’s gone anyway.”
Twilight shifted in place. “Yeah.”
“I found the keys. Let’s give them to Peach Blossom.”
“Right.” Twilight looked at their box. They had brought a few, but had only used one. “Just one box then.”
“Just leave the others. We’ll let someone else clear out the rest of this stuff.”
“Fair enough.”
They left the apartment together, Twilight locking it up behind them. Peach Blossom was still outside, so Fluttershy walked over to her and held out the keys. “Found them.”
“Oh, thank you.” Peach Blossom took the keys from her. “Oh wait, there’s two here.”
“The other one is his apartment. Take whatever you want from it, then give the keys back to the apartment manager.”
“Oh… are you sure that’s okay?”
Fluttershy shrugged as Twilight walked over to stand beside her. “It’s all my stuff now, but we took what we wanted. I don’t care what happens to the rest, so if you want something of his, it’s yours.”
“Okay. Thanks, I guess.”
“Uhm…” Fluttershy frowned. “Did Stormy Skies ever mention dreams to you?”
“No, but…” Peach Blossom looked away. “He’d wake up screaming at night. I asked him about it once, but he got embarrassed and apologized for bothering me. I knew he was really troubled by something, but I didn’t want to pry. Maybe I should have though…”
“There was nothing you could have done,” Fluttershy said. Nothing Peach Blossom could have done, but she knew something could have been done.
“I did suggest he go to this therapist I know. Dunno if it really helped him.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “He stopped going. We found a letter from the therapist asking him to come back.”
“Oh, damn. Didn’t know he dropped out.” Peach Blossom sighed. “I know he was drinking a lot too. He’d stumble home just reeking of alcohol. I helped him into his apartment sometimes. Figured it was probably his way of coping.”
“He drank before he had anything to cope with,” Fluttershy said with a frown. “He was an angry drunk.”
“Not with me, he wasn’t. He just seemed sad.”
“He really changed as he got older.” Fluttershy winced. She wondered just how much he had changed. “Thank you for talking to me about him. I… I don’t like him. I never will, no matter how much he changed. Some bridges just stay burned. But… But I am glad he had someone who remembers him more fondly than I can.”
“Yeah, poor guy.” Peach Blossom sighed. “Well, I won’t keep you. It was nice meeting you, although I wish it had been under better circumstances.”
Twilight smiled. “Nice meeting you too. Say goodbye to Joy for us.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Twilight turned to Fluttershy, who nodded. The two of them walked down the hall, leaving Stormy Skies behind once and for all.
But not completely. If anything, he was more in Fluttershy’s thoughts now than when she first showed up, and for different reasons.
“Hey, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yeah?”
“Is the Tantabus just something Luna can make?”
Twilight hesitated for a moment. She didn’t really seem to want to answer, but she did anyway. “Probably. Other ponies can have special talents related to dreams, but only an alicorn with that special talent would have that kind of power over dreams.”
Fluttershy nodded. That was what she had thought.
“Why do you ask?”
Fluttershy sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I need to think about some things.”
“Okay.” Twilight covered Fluttershy with a wing. “You know I’m here when you’re ready to talk, though.”
Fluttershy leaned on Twilight as they walked. “Of course. Thank you, Twily.”
Only Luna could make a Tantabus. Fluttershy wasn’t sure, but she didn’t think Luna was ignoring Stormy Skies’s dreams after all.