Nightmare Moon gazed at the Tree of Harmony, feeling little pins prick her back, moving up towards her head as she watched it. She could feel it harmonizing with the Elements, even despite the pocket dimension she held them in. She could feel that everpresent link between Twilight and the Element of Magic, stronger now than it had been when she had first touched it.
She regarded the tree, and the tree regarded her in kind. She could feel it watching her, she could feel its magic, tickling at her own, bringing with it a reminiscence of when she had wielded the Elements with Sister to defeat Discord, bringing with it the agonizing memory of the Element's judgment cast upon her, bringing with it the reminder of how Twilight and her friends had used the Elements to stop Discord, as she and Sister once had.
Yet as she regarded the tree and as it regarded her, she did not feel so betrayed by the tree as she once had. The Elements had cast their judgment on her once before, under Sister's guidance. Their betrayal had stung, for the Elements had been twisted against her by her Sister. And yet for Sister having used the Elements against her to seal her away, she knew Sister could not bear the Elements against her next time.
It would have to be Twilight’s doing.
As she regarded the tree, she found herself contemplating, 'Had Sister not stopped me, Twilight never would have existed, nor would Equestria now exist.' Oh, how young and foalish she had been!
Perhaps, then, it was for the better that Sister had stopped her.
As she regarded the tree, she found herself feeling perplexed. The pinpricks stopped at her neck, then faded away as if the tree no longer considered her, but the tree surely still watched her. Perhaps it knew it was in no danger, as she would not carelessly destroy the Tree. Perhaps it was the bond she shared with Twilight, who in turn was bound to the Element of Magic.
As she regarded the Tree, she found herself longing for something. She wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps it was the days of old, when she had been young and naive, blind to the truth of Sister's lies and naive enough to hope for improvement. Perhaps it was longing for the joy that had been stripped from her, or perhaps the loyalty that she had lost. Perhaps it was longing for Twilight’s ascension, or perhaps the fulfillment she found herself lacking.
And the Tree, now that she gave time to consider it, felt so very different from before. It felt weaker somehow, like its magic didn't have the same sway that it once did. Perhaps she was imagining it, or perhaps she had simply misjudged how powerful the tree was before. Or perhaps her memory was at fault. Yet even still, she knew that against the Elements, she had no defense.
She breathed in and silently exhaled, keeping herself from sighing. Turning right, she watched Twilight. Took in the lack of understanding and comprehension in her eyes, how the filly couldn't grasp what was before her. The filly blinked and rubbed her eyes. Nightmare turned back to the tree.
Twilight saw what she saw, and yet Twilight was blind to it. Blind and naive.
Perhaps for the better.
"Your eyes do not deceive you," she said.
"Our... cutie marks?" Twilight asked, her voice still lacking the understanding that she should have had.
An edge of disappointment crept into her chest. 'You do not see it. You do not understand. Or perhaps I am seeing that which is not there.' But no, she knew what had to be Twilight's destiny.
And Twilight did not.
"Yes," she answered.
And yet, she studied the tree, considering the cutie marks etched into the trunk, the cutie marks etched into the clusters at the ends of the five limbs. Cadance's cutie mark was not among them. What did that mean? She could not understand it. And Twilight's friends' cutie marks were there, and yet she did not sense the same inkling of destiny for each of them.
How had this tree come to be? 'If only you had told us.' She held back a snort, stopped herself from shaking her head. Starswirl enjoyed being cryptic at times.
"I don't... I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense," Twilight said. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Twilight turn to face her.
And there was no recognition in her student's expression, and it pained her that Twilight did not see what she saw. But perhaps it was a good thing that Twilight did not know. She turned her head to consider the filly. She let her eyes run over her friend's features, how the soft glow of the tree and her magic cast the filly's fur in such a beautiful light, let her eyes trace back to where the unicorn's wings would be, pictured them in her mind and felt a surge of ecstasy and of fear sweep over her chest.
Excitement and anticipation, for what would be.
Nightmare looked back at the tree and considered, 'You know her destiny, do you not?' Of course, the tree would. If she knew, then surely the tree knew.
Did that mean Sister knew? And if Sister knew, why had Sister thrown Twilight away? Sister wouldn't have done so. Not Twilight. Not her student. Not her little pony.
Or did Sister view Twilight like she had viewed Luna? Was Twilight a threat to Celestia?
"Where are we?" Twilight asked.
Did she dare tell Twilight the answer to that? She would not lie to the filly, but she did not have to answer. Twilight did not need to know, and yet it would be good for somepony else to know. Leaving Twilight without such knowledge would be to leave her unprepared in case something happened that she could not think of. Yes, if anypony needed to know where the Tree of Harmony was, it would be Twilight. Her student. The bearer of the Element of Magic.
She licked her lips and then answered, "This cave is... beneath the castle. The chasm you have crossed to reach the castle before houses the entrance, though I have blocked the entrance off. It would... perhaps be a bad thing for it to be easy to find."
For a few seconds, she let her words hang in the air. Twilight said nothing, nor did the tree attempt to lash out at her. A feeling of disappointment and discontentedness settled in her core. She wrapped Twilight in her magic's embrace and teleported the two of them to the top of her tower.
A cold breeze attacked her coat as she stood there. Twilight stepped closer to her. On instinct, she glanced at the filly. Twilight shiver from the chilly wind. Perhaps the air was too cold. It was fall, after all, and without the sun, the weather wasn't as easy to control.
Her magic was not perfect.
She found herself grimacing. 'She does not deserve this.' And so she lifted her wing and draped it over Twilight's back, sheltering her. With Twilight protected from the cold wind's assault, she stepped forward, coaxing Twilight along with her, not that she needed to. Twilight almost perfectly mimicked her stride.
She stopped at the battlements, standing behind the lowest part of the wall, and looked out across the Everfree Forest. In the distance, she could see Canterlot glistening like a jewel in the night, more extravagant than the twinkling stars above. Clouds and the scarred moon marred the otherwise perfect night sky, and she found herself wanting.
But if she ignored the bustle of the camp, the bite in the night air, and the clouds and moon, she could almost convince herself it was perfect. She closed her eyes and let the world fade away, focusing instead on the warmth against her side, sheltered beneath her wing, and the stillness of the night. Nothing there demanded her attention, nothing saught to tear her down nor destroy her.
Instead, there was peace.
Using her magic, she summoned a blanket and set it down beneath her, stretching it out enough so that they could both sit without concern for the stone, then she sat down on her haunches and Twilight did too.
And for a time, she felt content.
Twilight gradually leaned against her, either enjoying the time they spent together or for more warmth, though the latter seemed more likely. Regardless of the reason, she welcomed the contact and likewise held Twilight in place against her side with her wing, protecting Twilight from the wind and enjoying Twilight’s warmth against her side and on the underside of her wing.
She eventually felt Twilight's weight lift from her shoulder. She tilted her head back to look at Twilight and found the filly looking back at her, mouth parted ever so slightly. Twilight's gaze dropped to her shoulder and chest, then Twilight looked back up at her. "Can I ask you a question?"
A bit of a smile pulled at Nightmare's lips. She bowed her head. "Of course," was her answer.
And yet, for a moment longer, Twilight hesitated. Eventually, Twilight overcame that hesitation. "I... have a lot of questions, actually," was the filly's sheepish admission. A pleasant, awkward smile crossed Twilight's lips.
Truly, Twilight was endearing. She nodded to coax Twilight to continue. The filly swallowed, then licked her lips. "The Tree of Harmony? That's what you called it right?"
A bit of her smile wilted. She turned her gaze back to the Everfree and nodded. "Yes."
"What is it?" was Twilight's question.
"It..." she trailed off, her gaze dropping to the courtyard below. "It is... complicated. In truth, neither Sister nor I ever truly understood it, nor how it came to be."
"How did you find it?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare lifted her head up to the sky, a grimace pulling at her lips. "One of Starswirl's notes." She lowered her head and turned to face Twilight, "He was... quite vague. I do not remember exactly what the note said, though it is possible the note may yet exist somewhere."
Twilight's eyes caught the moonlight perfectly. She couldn't look away, because there was simply so much to look at. She felt torn by the sight, she felt like a filly or perhaps a puppy pinning after the unicorn. And oh, how it twisted in her gut, leaving her uncomfortable, making her chest feel jittery, making her hesitant and uncertain.
And Cadance knew.
Twilight blinked and frowned, her gaze dropping back to her shoulder. She managed to take advantage of it to look back at Canterlot.
Twilight was oblivious to it.
"He was your mentor, right?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare grimaced and nodded. "He was, yes. Both of our mentors."
"What was he like?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare snorted as she thought back on Starswirl’s personality. "Arrogant," was her first answer. "Though," she had to admit, "he could back it up. For the longest time, he would show up both Sister and I when we were practicing our magic. Sister and I have both lost far more duels with him than we have won, both on our own and even combined. He could be condescending at times as well. As a teacher, he was vague and strict, though quite thorough when it came to chastising us. Most of the time he forced us to figure out what we were attempting to learn, only giving hints as to where we had made mistakes. As a friend... he was... quite distant and detached-if you could consider him a friend... Very formal, and very focused on his work. He was good at planning, but not so good at organizing. He... was quite the scholar, but also an apt warrior in his own right. He and his companions fought to protect Equestria many, many times, but he was always more interested in experimenting and so on." She pondered the thought; it brought her to consider the parallel between Twilight and Starswirl and their companions. “And then one day, he and his companions disappeared. He left nothing behind to tell us where he had gone, only his unfinished works. We never found out what happened. I never found any of their dreams or nightmares again.”
When she finished, she expected to hear Twilight ask something else about Starswirl, or maybe the tree, or perhaps the Elements, but the filly didn't. Instead, Twilight leaned back against her. She glanced back at Twilight and found her looking off towards Canterlot.
"You... said you've had nightmares before, right?" Twilight asked.
And with that question, she felt a prick of anxiety dart from her gut, to her chest, and then to her mind. The first nightmares to come to mind, out of all of them, were of Twilight. "I... have," she managed to mumble out.
"I... find that... I don't know, hard to believe I guess?" Twilight voiced.
"I have fears as everypony else does, Twilight," Nightmare admitted.
Twilight leaned away from her and asked, "What are you afraid of? Other than Discord."
Nightmare breathed in deep and turned to regard Twilight. Did she dare admit the truth? Some feeling she couldn't quite place settled in her chest. She turned back to watch Canterlot and nodded once. "I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of what will happen to Equestria. I am afraid that... ponies will rise up and that chaos will consume Equestria. I am afraid that war will befall Equestria. I am afraid of betraying you, or of you betraying me, even though I know that I should not be. I am afraid that I am lying to myself and I do not realize it. I am afraid that I will somehow be banished again." She paused for a moment to inhale again and turned to face Twilight. "I am afraid that..."
'I am afraid that I will lose you,' but she couldn't bring herself to say it.
She still saw in Twilight's eyes that the filly knew.
She turned back to Canterlot. "I have many fears."
For several seconds, it seemed like the only sound was that of the wind as if even the batponies had stopped their work out of respect for her.
"How do you have nightmares if you can, uh, control dreams?" Twilight asked.
"It is... different for me," Nightmare said. "I am not fully in control of my own dreams, whereas I can tell when I am in another pony's dream or nightmare because I am using my magic. I have wondered why myself, but I do not have an answer."
"Sorry. I guess... I shouldn't be asking about this, should I? It's personal and not-"
Nightmare shook her head. "It is fine. I do not mind talking about this with you. It is... perhaps... somewhat pleasant to be able to talk about this with somepony. It..." she trailed off and nodded. "I am glad to be able to talk about this with you. Being alone for one thousand years is... difficult."
Difficult did not begin to convey the experience. The pain and suffering, her all-consuming anger and bitterness and resentment. Her body tensed at the memory, at the hundreds of thousands of times she gazed upon Equestria as Equis ascended into view. How every time she was powerless but to watch and suffer and brood and hate.
A long time passed in silence. Eventually, her body managed to relax. She tilted her head to look at Twilight, who looked out at the Everfree Forest so, so quietly, not knowing what to say. But then, what could Twilight say?
Eventually, a grimace settled on Twilight’s lips. Twilight looked at her lethargically. "How are negotiations with the griffins coming along?"
Nightmare groaned and sagged slightly. "Tedious and slow. Progress is being made, yes, but..." She shook her head vigorously. "The minotaurs are trying to undercut Equestrian negotiations by making their own offers, and one of the griffins suggested that a bribe could work in my favor."
Twilight frowned. "Did you accept-"
Nightmare scowled. "Of course not. I will not partake in bribery, Twilight. Perhaps yes, it could help, but it is a sign of weakness to resort to such methods." Shaking her head, she reaffirmed, "I will not."
Twilight looked away from her. "Do you think the griffins will accept your offer or the minotaurs' offer?"
"I would presume they would accept my offer," Nightmare mumbled, "though I could be wrong. If it comes down to it I will see to it that my offer is better than the minotaurs' offer. I am... shall we say, concerned about their intentions." Twilight turned to face her, frowning. "Likewise, I do not like the idea of letting the minotaurs have access to the griffin lands."
"What are the minotaurs offering the griffins?" Twilight asked in a cautious tone. Nightmare grimaced; Twilight was concerned.
"The minotaurs are, in addition to offering aid in rebuilding and infrastructure, offering the griffins weapons," Nightmare stated.
For a few seconds, Twilight silently stared at her shoulder. She heard the filly mutter, "I don't..." Twilight lifted her head back up. "Do the griffins want the weapons?"
Nightmare pursed her lips and looked at the sky above Canterlot. "They do not seem interested in weapons, however, the minotaurs have a more competitive offer regarding resource exploitation, though it is lacking in terms of infrastructure."
"Okay," Twilight said, "I must be missing something because I know there's a reason why you're concerned about this, but I don't see it."
Nightmare reluctantly bowed her head, then nodded once. "I am concerned about the minotaurs' intent." She turned to face Twilight and found the filly looking at her with a creased brow and a frown. "Let us... leave it at that."
"Okay..." Twilight muttered at length.
A few seconds passed between them in silence, which culminated in Twilight resting her head against Nightmare's shoulder. In response, Nightmare tightened her wing around Twilight's body.
"Do you..." Nightmare trailed off and closed her mouth. She hesitated, then turned to face Twilight. "Would you..." she trailed off again. 'Perhaps it is too cold for us to fly together. There are spells that will rectify this.'
That damned uncertainty left her hesitating and unsure. Why did her chest betray her so, making her feel as if something was coiling in her heart!? She shook her head and held in a sigh as she looked back at Canterlot.
"What is it?" Twilight pressed.
"Something for another time," she answered. "You are warm enough, yes? If you so desire, we can return to the castle proper, or I can teleport us back to your library in Ponyville."
"I'm-" Nightmare caught a slight hesitation in Twilight's answer, "-okay."
"Very well," Nightmare mumbled. "Let me know when you desire to return, and I shall teleport us back."
Twilight lifted her head from Nightmare's shoulder, and Nightmare found herself missing the weight and warmth. "Didn't you want to, uh, go through the rest of the castle and see how the batponies are doing?"
Nightmare inclined her head. "I did, but I have seen enough to be assured of their progress. And if I am being honest, I moreso desired your company tonight."
Twilight hummed softly at that. Nightmare looked back at her and found a soft, warm smile spreading across Twilight's lips. And from that smile, she felt relieved and reassured, so she cast her gaze back upon Canterlot.
"You know, my offer to hang out with me and the rest of my friends some time still stands," Twilight offered.
And with that, the relief and reassurance wilted. She shook her head dismissively. "We both know how it would end, Twilight. They neither like me nor trust me."
"And you can change that," Twilight said. "Give them a chance. Get to know them, and let them get to know you. It won't change unless you try."
Perhaps it was having visited the Tree of Harmony, or perhaps it was Twilight’s warmth against her side, nestled beneath her wing, but for whatever reason, she considered the idea.
Perhaps Twilight was right. Perhaps she should give Twilight’s friends a proper chance. They would never be as close as her and Twilight, but perhaps it was worth the attempt. And yet she knew it would end badly. It would not matter what she did. She knew her presence would only choke out whatever joy and companionship the six of them would share were she not there. She didn't want to be around Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie. Perhaps Rarity and Fluttershy would be tolerable. Twilight's company, however, might make it bearable.
She considered it and found herself divided. A part of her wanted to laugh at the idea, for how foalish and naive it was. For how little it mattered. And yet that part found itself silenced, as Twilight's friends bore the Elements of Harmony, and as Twilight's friends were allies. And, they were Twilight’s friends. Something that they shared in common.
"Perhaps... in time," she relented, and in response, she felt Twilight fidget at her side, rubbing up against her coat and wing as the filly bristled with excitement. Excitement that she couldn't help but feel guilt over because that excitement would only be choked out if such a thing came to pass.
And even without saying anything, she felt that excitement die as Twilight settled down. "Um... I have another question, if it's okay to ask."
Nightmare breathed in deep and gradually turned her head around to face Twilight. The filly looked up into her eyes. "You do not have to ask for permission to ask me a question, Twilight."
"It's-" Twilight broke eye contact, "-kind of a personal question, though. I think." Twilight met her gaze again.
Nightmare slowly bowed her head. "You may ask it."
Twilight's ears twitched back. "Why do you look the way you do? I saw how... you looked like when you were Princess Luna. Why do you look different now? Is it... an illusion? Or... something else? I don't understand."
For a few seconds, Nightmare silently considered how to answer. "You have ridden on my back, we have hugged, and you now lean against my body. Does it feel like an illusion?" she asked.
"Well, no, but there are complicated spells that can mimic textile feel and I'd expect you to know them," Twilight answered.
"If I were not as tall as I am, I am inclined to believe you of all ponies would be able to tell," Nightmare voiced, then inclined her head once before asking, "Do you think it is an illusion?"
For a few seconds, Twilight broke eye contact, the filly's eyes sweeping back and forth across her shoulder. When Twilight met Nightmare's gaze again, her answer was, "No."
Nightmare nodded. "You are correct. This is who I am; I created a spell that did this. I crafted this appearance."
And surely, a dozen questions ran through her student's mind at that. The filly was a scholar, wanting to know more. And out of every possible question Twilight could have asked, the first was, "You're taller?"
Nightmare Moon hadn't expected that. She had expected 'Why?' and perhaps even 'Did it hurt?' but not what Twilight asked. It took her a moment to recollect her thoughts, and once she had, she nodded. "It is a part of the spell and this appearance. I am taller than Luna. It would not do for Sister to be taller than I."
For a few seconds, she watched Twilight think until the filly finally asked, "If it's just a transformation spell, can it be undone?"
Nightmare reluctantly inclined her head. "I would not admit it to anypony else, but yes. Though not easily."
Twilight glanced down at her shoulder for a passing moment, then met Nightmare's gaze again. "You've looked this way for about a thousand years, right? Do you miss how you used to look?"
Nightmare turned away from Twilight, her lips settling into a flat line. "I do not know," she answered. "I am not Luna; Luna is dead. This is all I have known, though I will admit it took time to get used to this body."
"You were Luna once," Twilight replied softly.
Nightmare breathed in and inclined her head. "So I was," she agreed. She turned to the right and looked at Twilight. She met Twilight's gaze, then studied her soft features before flicking her gaze to the little tilt in Twilight's ears. Steeling her resolve, she met Twilight's gaze again. "But that was a very long time ago." The filly considered what she had said and thought about it for several seconds, then looked out at the Everfree Forest. Nightmare continued to watch Twilight as she turned, and then finally turned back to the forest.
"A thousand years ago," Twilight whispered to the wind. "Would you be willing to show me sometime? Outside of a dream."
Nightmare's eyes flicked to Twilight, and upon finding the filly looking at her, she turned again to face her. That look of pleading and wanting to know in Twilight's eyes made her nip the edge of her lip. 'Of course you would want that. You are quite insistent about that. You want to know more about who I was, don't you?' She released her lip and breathed in to collect her thoughts.
It might make Twilight happy, and undoubtedly, it could be a way for them to grow closer.
But wasn't it a lie? It wasn't who she was. She had been Luna, but Luna was dead.
And showing that again? She wouldn't have given it any thought so long ago.
She felt conflicted. Would showing Twilight how Luna looked mean Luna wasn’t dead? No, Luna was still dead regardless of her appearance. Sister made sure of that.
"Perhaps," she answered. "But not now."
Twilight's eyes dropped to her shoulder, then her student turned back to the forest. "Okay. I'd like to see how Luna looked in person."
"I will... keep that in mind," Nightmare mumbled.
Perhaps it could be, like so much else she desired, something special the two of them could share.
Shaking her head, Twilight turned back to her, wincing. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, should I?"
"It is fine," Nightmare countered. "Though it is personal and I am not... comfortable... with the idea, I will not fault you for desiring to see who I was." And as she said it, she couldn't evade the thought, 'At one time, I would have.'
And that would have only been a few months ago.
Before the disappointment could settle into her core, Twilight's head came to rest against her shoulder again. And it banished that disappointment, so she straightened herself, lifting her head up to gaze at the sky while she held the filly close. The chill of Twilight's cheek resting against her shoulder served to reinforce just how callous the night truly could be.
For what did the night care of anypony, even of her? Luna had seen ponies suffer on cold winter nights so long ago, some going without food, and some without shelter. And thinking back on it made her tighten her jaw as a spark of anger flickered in her mind, agitating her heart to consider it.
It wasn't her fault and yet they all blamed her for it. Despite what she did for them.
Twilight shifted at her side and then lifted her head from Nightmare's shoulder, and in response, Nightmare looked down at her again. "Sorry, but I, um, just thought about something else."
"You are rather talkative tonight," Nightmare noted.
Twilight winced. "Sorry."
Nightmare shook her head. "Do not apologize. You need not do so. I enjoy your company, and likewise, I enjoy talking to you." After all, nearly anything was better than being imprisoned on the moon. Of course, she knew better than to say that, and Twilight's company was, in of itself, something she treasured.
That made Twilight smile, which in turn made her feel a little better. And yet all too soon, that smile twisted into a grimace. She heard Twilight breathe in and felt her friend's chest expand with it, then Twilight's wince returned. "You... know about, uh, the... upcoming holiday right."
Nightmare felt her jaw tighten. "This-" she swallowed, then forced herself to continue, "I will presume you're referring to Nightmare Night..."
Twilight cringed. "Yes. That."
Nightmare turned back to face Canterlot, jaw still tight. She strained herself to say, "I am... aware."
She wanted to ignore its existence. It was nothing but a sick, twisted mockery of her! Of course, leave it to Sister to create a holiday to celebrate banishing her and, to add even more mockery to it, a holiday to reinforce their damned belief that she was a monster!
Because yes, erasing all evidence of the good she had done, every good deed Luna had done, and in its place, Nightmare Night. Perhaps the only trace of her existence, one that she wished did not exist!
And oh, ponies tried to hide it from her. She knew that much. She had seen their futile attempts to hide their contempt and mockery, but the batponies had told her.
And yet, she hadn't erased that holiday.
And yet, she chose to ignore its existence. To pretend it didn't exist.
How naive, how foalish!
Perhaps they should have discussed this long ago.
She growled and turned her head to the left. Twilight ought not see the anger on her face.
And what now? What would Twilight say to follow up acknowledging that holiday's existence? What would Twilight say now that her anger and disgust were visible?
And yet, Twilight said nothing. Perhaps the filly didn't even know what to say. Or perhaps Twilight was afraid of her again.
She let out a sigh as disappointment overtook the anger.
She forced herself to turn back to look at Twilight. She forced herself to meet the filly's gaze. She forced herself to ask, "Do you not see how Sister mocks me? The only evidence anypony was left with of my existence, a single night, a single holiday. A holiday existing as a threat, that if foals are not good, I would kill them."
And it pained her to know that. It pained her to think that ponies thought that of her. And before when she had found out, it angered her that Sister had done such a thing to her!
But now, all she felt was disappointment and pain, even if she was not surprised.
Twilight looked at her with bewilderment, then her student's expression hardened as she firmly and vigorously shook her head. "No. That's not-that's not Nightmare Night. It's not a threat."
Nightmare snorted and tilted her head at an angle. "Then what is it, Twilight? How can it be anything more than a mockery of me?"
Twilight's eyebrows lifted up as the filly retorted, "Foals enjoy Nightmare Night. It was my second-" Twilight paused to shift her weight, "-okay, third favorite holiday when I was younger!" Then Twilight simply added, "It's fun," in a fond, thoughtful voice that made Nightmare squint at her.
"Fun," Nightmare echoed bitterly, casting her head back so that her gaze settled on Canterlot. "Fun. Mocking me. Thinking that I would murder foals."
"Not mocking you. None of us even knew you were real until you returned," her friend said in a soft tone that tickled Nightmare's ears, almost bringing her to sigh or groan.
As it was, her eyes dropped to the courtyard below. "How is that an excuse?"
"I'm not saying that it's an excuse. I'm saying that you're looking at it wrong," Twilight murmured.
Nightmare turned back to Twilight. She had expected to see some semblance of defiance, more befitting her brother or perhaps even Cadance. Instead, all she found was something akin to pity and disappointment.
"Ponies like Nightmare Night," Twilight continued. “Foals enjoy the candy, and getting to go out and have fun.” Twilight scowled and bobbed her head to the right, "And no, it's not going to be the same now that you're here-" Twilight leveled her head again and leaned towards her while bowing her head, "-but I think some ponies are still going to like the holiday."
And then came the most important part, "If you'll let them enjoy it."
Nightmare scowled as she looked away. "Though I will admit it did cross my mind to end this holiday... I will not. Foolish as it is."
"Come to Ponyville," Twilight countered.
Nightmare squinted at Twilight. "What?"
"On Nightmare Night," Twilight specified with a nod. "Come to Ponyville."
"Why?" Nightmare insisted.
Twilight bit her lip and puffed out her cheeks, then exhaled. "To spend time with me?"
Nightmare had to fight off a cringe; oh, how that request plunged a dagger into her chest and twisted it! She shifted her weight, rubbing her body against Twilight's side, and in turn, shivered.
Twilight must have missed it or thought nothing of it, as she continued, "You might enjoy it."
"You do not know that," Nightmare hastily countered.
Twilight sighed and nodded. "You're right, I don't." A moment passed as Twilight lifted her head back up again. "But you also don't know that you won't enjoy it. Try it," her student coaxed. "You might enjoy it. Give it a chance," her friend pressed.
"I... do not know," Nightmare mumbled. "I will not be partaking in the festivities-"
"I'm not asking you to, I'm just asking you to come to Ponyville on Nightmare Night and spend time with me while I’m out," Twilight murmured. “You don’t have to dress up or anything, but you can keep me company.”
Nightmare found herself shaking her head, but not in disagreement. "Why Ponyville? Why not Canterlot?"
"Because I'll be in Ponyville? Because my friends are in Ponyville? Because I think Ponyville will be a better place to be than Canterlot since it's smaller?" Twilight offered.
"Please?" Twilight coaxed.
'I'm too fond of you.' And Twilight didn't know, which was a good thing because if she did, the filly could take advantage of it. And yet thinking that Twilight would take advantage of her made her feel uncomfortable, twisted, and disheartened. She knew, 'You would not take advantage of it.'
For being Queen, for being the ruler of Equestria, for haven beaten her sister, Twilight somehow made her feel so powerless.
With a sigh, she relented, "I will consider it. If I am not otherwise occupied, I may come... but only for your company."
Twilight smiled warmly. "That's all I ask."
Nightmare studied Twilight's friendly smile as she gradually inclined her head. That smile made her feel content, and so soothed by it, she turned back to Canterlot. "Do you truly enjoy my company?" she asked.
"Of course I do!" Twilight answered, a hint of annoyance dotting her voice.
And Nightmare winced because that annoyance brought her to remember how she had hurt Twilight by questioning their friendship. "I... apologize," she mumbled. "I know you enjoy my company, and... I suppose I should not have asked that." She swallowed, then licked her lips. "Forgive me?"
How much she had asked that question since her return.
In response, Twilight nuzzled her shoulder. "Yeah..."
And so Nightmare found the corner of her lips pulling up as relief banished the worry and disappointment she felt. The way Twilight's fur rubbed against her own, almost tickling her, made her sigh. She fought against the urge to lean down and return the nuzzle, for as much as she wanted to, she felt that doing so, even if Twilight was her friend, would have been a mistake. 'That you are upset I would think you do not enjoy my company,' flickered through her mind.
Yes, she welcomed Twilight's company beyond anything else. She could trust her friend, she could relax and let her guard down around the filly unlike anypony else, knowing that Twilight did not seek to take advantage of her as Sister had.
She did not deserve Twilight's friendship, nor her forgiveness. And for both, she found herself grateful to the unicorn.
"I always enjoy your company," she found herself admitting with a fond nod. "It is..." she trailed off, thinking, 'It is one of the few things I find myself enjoying since my return, but I should perhaps not admit that.' So she nodded and said, "It is pleasant."
'I would not trade it for anything.' For what else could have comparable value to having a friend like Twilight? Not even all of Equestria looking at her with adoration would have been worth losing Twilight. For even then, she could not confide in Equestria as she could Twilight.
Twilight smiled and hummed.
Lowering her head, she mumbled, "Though... I must admit I am not used to this... I do not... I do not have experience with this, as I have said before. It is... difficult for me."
She made the mistake of looking at Twilight, for the filly didn't smile. Twilight nodded and looked back out at the forest. "I... it's not rude of me to say I can tell, right?"
"If it is, I would not hold it against you," Nightmare murmured.
Twilight looked back at her. "I guess... we're a bit alike, aren't we? I didn't have friends before, and neither did you."
Nightmare felt a bit of a smile pulling at her lips, and so she inclined her head once. "Indeed. I have... thought such before. I... do see some of myself in you, and... perhaps some of Sister."
For a few seconds, Twilight silently watched her, then she caught a slight twitch in the filly's ears. "I know this is probably a sore spot," her friend ventured, "but... you mentioned this earlier... If you don't mind my asking, how long was it..." Twilight trailed off, her gaze dropping down to Nightmare's shoulder as her brow creased.
Though suspecting she wouldn't like the question Twilight posed, Nightmare waited for the unicorn to continue. Twilight let out a sigh and then met her gaze. "You and Princess Celestia ruled Equestria together for centuries. You didn't hate her the whole time, did you?"
Nightmare grimaced and shook her head. "Of course not... as I said, she was my sister," she answered. "I loved her for centuries, Twilight. And I thought she did too. And perhaps she did... but it came to an end."
And perhaps that was what would happen between her and Twilight. Was it inevitable? If Twilight ascended, would it eventually come to pass that she would grow to hate the filly? She hated the thought, and the thought left her pained: that she could yet lose Twilight, and that she could grow to hate the filly tormented her. Yet perhaps there was still some comfort she could take there, in that they would have been close for so long before they fell apart. But then it would hurt so much, as Sister hurt her. Perhaps it wasn’t worth it.
She heard Twilight whisper, "It's the ponies closest to us that hurt us the most..."
And oh! How right Twilight was, and how it twisted in her chest like a dagger of betrayal!
She remembered her youth, the days and nights spent at her big sister’s side and how much Sister had meant to her. She remembered how much she thought she meant to Sister. Perhaps at one time, she they truly had meant the world to each other. But then Sister change and she was betrayed and condemned to her fate.
Forever damned.
And even with Twilight right there beside her, wrapped in her wing and held close, she felt alone.
"Do you miss it?" Twilight asked in a soft voice that took away any anger the question could have brought.
For a while, she silently pondered the question. A thousand years ago, she would have laughed at how naive Twilight's question was, and perhaps she would have just a few months ago. But now, she considered the question and looked back on how she would have reacted to it with disdain; Twilight did not deserve her ire.
And yet it was such a foolish, naive question. Sister had tormented her too much. Shaking her head, she answered, "I do not. Sister used me, and when I dared to stand against her, she threw me aside and banished me. Being imprisoned on the moon for more than half of my life is not something I will forget, nor will the agony of that torture. Neither will I forgive her for banishing me nor taking advantage of Luna."
But she remembered that, for a time, she had. "Luna did. Luna had hoped things would change and improve. Luna learned it would not. Time taught her that lesson."
She was not Luna. Celestia had killed Luna.
"She didn't erase all evidence of you," Twilight murmured. "And, I know you probably don't want to hear it and don't want to talk about it... The Flag of Equestria still has two alicorns on it. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. She didn't erase that. There's still the section of the castle that's... pretty much dedicated to you-or Luna. There's Nightmare Night. There's the admittedly limited mythos surrounding you."
"And yet where is Luna amidst all of this?" Nightmare Moon asked, turning to look at Twilight. "Nopony knows who Luna is."
"The batponies do," Twilight countered. "Maybe Luna isn't widely remembered, but it's been over a thousand years..."
She snorted. "If Sister truly cared, she could have put more effort into ensuring ponies remembered Luna. Instead, Equestria knows nothing of what Luna sacrificed to protect her."
Twilight looked back out at the Everfree Forest, her ears drifting back slightly.
Even the thought of taking her leave from Twilight left her longing for the next time she would see the filly, but nonetheless, she left after teleporting the two of them back to Twilight's library. Spike hadn't returned yet, so they shared another hug: one that she felt certain lasted far longer than it should have, and that was entirely her own fault.
And yet to her reassurance, Twilight didn't pull away, leaving the duration of their embrace solely in her hooves. And how she had adored every moment of it! How it brought her to smile as she rested her head against Twilight's neck, felt the beat of the filly's heart, felt the rise and fall of Twilight's chest against her own bare chest!
How much a friend meant to her.
Foalish as it was.
But it was what she wanted, was it not? A friend, a companion, a confidant. And so while it left her vulnerable, while it left her open to being hurt, she found it worth it, something she treasured far more than defeating Sister.
Because Twilight was her friend, and Twilight cared.
Returning to her duties as Queen, the next several nights passed by painfully slowly as Nightmare Night drew closer. As Queen, many decisions fell on her shoulders to make, even with power as decentralized as it was. She did have the final say; it was on her word that ponies carried out their tasks.
As Queen, she had to stay informed of Mayors' decisions regarding their towns. They knew best how to manage their regions, but being ignorant to their decisions was unwise. As Queen, she had to stay informed on how Equestria was fairing. The kingdom was large and keeping track of everything was beyond her ability, but she had to be vigilant for any issues that could arise-either purposefully or unintentional. As Queen, she had to know what the deer, zebra, griffins, dragons, and minotaurs were doing. She did not know their intentions and desires: was the Minotaur Empire's attempt at undermining her offer to the griffins more than face value?
And other tasks fell on her as well: listening to ponies report on happenings in their specific field of expertise so that she could plan and decide the best course of action. She was not all-knowing, nor was she infallible. Thus the advice of other ponies who knew more than her was something she neither could nor would ignore. To ignore their advice was foalish, even if she found them reluctant to push back when she presented her own idea, leading her to believe that they were inclined to not tell her if she was making a mistake. And so she found herself wanting for Twilight's company and advice, as Twilight had the confidence to push back against her ideas whereas the Royal Guard, advisers, batponies, and secretaries did not unless she pressed them to, and even then they were reluctant to because of fear.
She had visited the School of Magic in passing, watched the foals from afar as they carried books and attended their studies. How much promise so many of them held! Each in their own way, their skill and talent were present. Each in their own way, they studied and had learned, and it stood as a testament to her sister that each foal had the opportunity to, for Equestria knew peace and prosperity. And yet it all paled in comparison to Twilight. Truly, the filly was Sister's prized pupil. And one day, she knew Twilight would stand among her and Sister and Cadance.
When she had tried to walk among the students, they were all tensed, so acutely aware of her being there: it mattered not their age, from the youngest to the oldest, they were nervous around her. They did not trust her, nor did they regard her with joyful smiles that she knew they had given her sister. Instead of being joyous or excited to see their ruler, they were fearful, dreading her presence unlike how they would have delighted in her Sister’s visit. And so her presence weighed down on them, not as a source of safety and protection, but like a viper, ready to strike should they slip up.
Even the teachers, powerful unicorns in their own rights, even if they did not match Twilight, regarded her warily.
And so she felt anger and bitterness.
But she would not take it out on them. They did not deserve it, nor would it help her any. It would only prove for all to see that they were right.
During the moonless nights as she slept, her dreams came either free or troubled: one dream would be troubled, and it would be followed by one where she felt free. In one, she was bound by the Elements' magic, trapped on the moon again, forced to watch Twilight look at her with solemn regret that tore her heart in twine, only to turn away from her in shame that brought her to wake from her slumber. In another, she flew through the night sky as Twilight flew beside her, carried on by her own majestic lavender wings. They danced together across the sky, Twilight smiling such a carefree, wonderful smile that warmed her heart and left her feeling free before they ended up landing on a cloud together, where she blanketed Twilight beneath her wing as Twilight cuddled up against her side.
How she obsessed over the unicorn.
It brought her to sigh when she considered it.
They were friends, but it was not all that she wanted, nor could it be, and so she found herself longing and bitter, disappointed at knowing it was out of reach.
Several times, she had remembered Twilight saying, 'It's the ponies closest to us that hurt us the most,' which nearly always brought her to remember, 'We were never friends.' It forced her to reminisce on the days and nights of her youth, when she was Luna and when she and Celestia had ruled together as sisters, protecting and guiding Equestria. For so long they had been happy! For so long they had been close.
And then Celestia turned on her and betrayed her.
Used her up and threw her aside.
Once, the thoughts had plagued her mind as she stood on her balcony, watching Ponyville. "I hurt you by not believing we were truly friends. I hurt you because I pushed you away," she had spoken to the night. And the night, her night, simply did not care.
And it was not fair to either of them, that she had betrayed Twilight by pushing her away. Twilight deserved better than that. How could she claim to be Twilight's friend while also so callously doing the same thing Sister had done to her?
'Don't push me away just because you selfishly want to feel better about threatening me.'
And it had been selfish, hadn't it? She had not considered that Twilight would be hurt by what she did. She had done it more for herself, that she would feel better, rather than to comfort Twilight. And so she felt guilty, even as she heard Twilight saying, 'I forgive you.'
And it echoed in her mind, 'I forgive you.'
She found her gaze focused on the courtyard below her as she considered Twilight's patience, forgiveness, kindness, and loyalty. For out of everypony, Twilight had the most reason to hate her, and yet Twilight did not.
She did not understand how, but she trusted that it was so, because she knew Twilight did not lie to her; she knew Twilight cared, and she would not betray Twilight by dismissing it again. For Twilight’s loyalty to her, Twilight in turn was owed her loyalty, and so Twilight had her loyalty.
And yet it did not pass her by that opening herself up to Twilight left her vulnerable. Twilight could hurt her as Sister had hurt her. But what was the alternative? Putting up a wall between them, that she would never be close to Twilight? Fie the thought! Twilight was her friend and she would be damned to ignore that and betray Twilight yet again!
She wouldn't do it.
She would not be alone again.
Determination filled her as she lifted her gaze back to Ponyville. She did not let the uncertainty and anxiety pull her down, rather, she smothered it with her resolve so that it would not hold her back as it had.
She had hoped for a letter, but in truth, Twilight rarely wrote to her. And she knew that Twilight had written to her sister often because of how many letters her sister had hidden away for safekeeping.
But that would not stop her, neither would it hold her down. She was patient.
Besides, perhaps the reason Twilight did not write to her was that they were closer than Twilight and Sister had been.
When they next sparred, she again found herself on the winning side, despite Twilight's constant teleportation. She could still outlast the filly, yet Twilight was holding her own for longer, provided she did not push Twilight to her limits too quickly. Twilight was still learning, but there was improvement: though Twilight could not yet hope to break her shield, the filly was growing more adept at evading her and keeping her on her hooves. Twilight was still fond of teleportation, and the filly used that to her advantage. Nightmare simply couldn't keep up with the filly's teleporting; it was beyond her grasp. And so Twilight had an advantage over her that nothing else had.
She looked forward to the night when Twilight would eventually be victorious: it was inevitable that she would slip up and Twilight would capitalize on it. And if not, then it would be inevitable that Twilight would overpower her after ascending, even if it took centuries. Such was Twilight’s potential.
Once they had finished sparring, Twilight had collapsed on the grass, panting and groaning from exertion. She had simply laid beside Twilight and draped her wing over the filly until Twilight had recovered. Twilight's coat had been slick with sweat, but she did not mind. Twilight's hot body against her side had been pleasant compared to the night, even though the filly eventually cooled too much and shivered. Neither of them had said anything, and they ended up watching the stars together for quite some time before she teleported Twilight back to Ponyville and took her leave.
And it came to pass, that as she awoke on Nightmare Night and raised the moon, she felt anxiety tickling her chest and unease crashing inside her gut. 'What,' she could not stop herself from wondering, 'will tonight bring?'
Only time would tell, and time was not her friend.
She bathed and longed to spend the peaceful moment before the night truly began with Twilight, rather than alone. She stood on her balcony and searched the stars before turning her gaze onto the waking city before her. She turned her gaze to Ponyville and felt dread arise in her core.
Twilight's offers still stood. An offer than she had never been given before.
Perhaps it would be a mistake as she felt it would be, but it was an opportunity.
And Twilight was worth the risk.