The Price of Wanting

by Moonriseoversunset


Ocean Waves

Canterlot General 4:49 A.M. Sept. 5

Sunset stared at the dark ceiling, her mind blank as she replayed everything that happened to her after she attempted to gain power. Sunset was relieved that she was stopped before doing something that she would truly regret. However, she couldn't help but be bitter, as virtually all the years she'd been here meant nothing. If she was entirely honest with herself, Sunset felt numb. Like a part of her was missing. Her anger, which burned brighter than the sun, was too hard to comprehend. It felt like a part of her was missing altogether, this should have concerned her, but it took too much effort to even care.

Ever since the fall, Sunset's dreams took a turn for the worst. In her dreams, she got the crown from Twilight. She placed the crown atop her head just like she did at the Fall Formal. However, unlike the Fall Formal, the change was so much slower. She could feel things being ripped out of her and replaced by the swelling of anger, pain, and fear. She could taste the blood as she bit her lip in an attempt to keep the pain from vocalizing itself.

Sunset could feel her teeth sharpen as they sliced through her lips. Then the slow pushing as her wings grew through her skin, covering them in fresh blood. She felt her spine elongate as it pushed out of her lower back to form her tail. The last bit of transformation would complete as she felt her muscles grow, and her blood boiled. The world became too sharply focused, and the moments before Twilight fired that rainbow blast flew by like lightning. That was when the Elements purified her with just as much intensity as her transformation. However, unlike in reality, all it did was separate Sunset from her demonic self.

As Sunset laid on the ground, her demon would berate her with the girls' blood she just murdered. It made her feel everything from what she felt when she committed those past wrongs past. If that wasn't enough, the Elements forced her to feel the victims' pain. Sunset's disgust soon followed after the first victim. She was disgusted with horrid self, and she was barely holding on at this point. The final straw was the Elements ripping out her negative emotions and putting unknown emotions into her that she had no idea how to process.

To say Sunset felt raw after those dreams was an understatement. She honestly had no idea how to feel; thus, she gave up on trying to feel anything. What was the point if all you felt was either pain or something you couldn't even begin to process? This, however, didn't stop one emotion from showing its face. When guilt reared its ugly head, it could overcome any apathetic state that Sunset tried to enforce on herself.

Guilt, however negative, was surprisingly the only thing that could keep Sunset going. It baffled her and left Sunset wondering, once she was 'redeemed,' would she be dropped? Would she no longer be needed? Would it end as it did with Princess Celestia? The loneliness? The shame? The longing for attention, even if it was negative? Though thinking about it, she realized she no longer could control the school, not with her legs the way they were. At best, she'd forget about it, and Sunset most likely would never leave the house.

That reminded her, today was the day of her release, meaning she'd be moving in with Vice Principal Luna. Sunset held no true feelings about the matter. No, that wasn't entirely true. She had feelings on the issue, but felt like she didn't deserve a choice, so why bother voicing her opinion. It didn't help that her stance on the matter was constantly shifting—the hope of not being alone, even though she would never admit to being so. Fear of being broken again, the betrayal that inevitably happened with each of her relationships. However, a new feeling joined the previous ones, the doubt. The doubt that she had changed, that she could change. Everything was against her, and she knew that, from her reputation to her financial standings.

There was no way for her to get money. She didn't know if Mrs. Maki would allow her to continue working if she was disabled. She couldn't rightfully ask Luna to pay for the school and all the things she destroyed from her classmates back in her tyrant path at school. Sunset didn't doubt that anything she got would either be tossed out of pure hate or refused on suspicion of it being tampered with to give her more information on the students. Sunset couldn't even blame them if this did happen. It wouldn't be the first time that she 'gifted' something to someone, only to backstab them later with it. On top of all those things, her current position made anything infinitely more difficult for her.

Sunset knew she'd have a long road to go if she ever wanted to be redeemed, and it would take a miracle, that she doubted would ever appear, or someone bent on the destruction of the world before anyone forgave her past transgressions. She was never going to them live down, and that even before the Fall Formal, when she turned into a literal demon, a raging she-demon, that turned the students into her zombie army. She had no real direction to point her life except for trying to make friends with the girls like Princess Twilight wanted her to. The thought alone scared her senseless.

Canterlot General, Chrysalis' Office, 9:21 A.M.

Luna walked into the Chrysalis' office with a pep in her step. She couldn't wait to get Sunset moving in with her. The process of her moving Sunset's stuff filling her heart with endless excitement. Luna furnished Sunset's room with a bookshelf and the basics of a bedroom. Luna also repainted the room to match her color scheme. She couldn't wait to go shopping for things that Sunset wanted. Luna hoped that a shopping trip would help her learn more about her soon to be adopted daughter. Perhaps, if she learned more about Sunset, she would begin to see her as her new mother that it was worth having someone there for her.

Just the possibilities made her giddy beyond belief of Sunset accepting her. She couldn't wait to get Sunset a gaming set, and the two could bond over it. Perhaps she could get Celestia into games if another person pushed her towards video games instead of books. With all her internal musing Luna almost missed Chrysalis glaring at her when she realized that she was unintentionally ignoring the stunning doctor.

"Are you finally in touch with reality?" Chrysalis loured while she straightened the papers on her desk.

Luna blushed, "Can you blame me? It's so exciting!"

"Yes, yes, I know. It's all you text me about nowadays," Chrysalis dismissively waved her hand. "But that's not what I called you in to talk about, babe. You need to focus and take this seriously."

"Sorry, Chryssi. What do you need to tell me?" Luna breathed out as she regained her composure.

"It's Sunset's injuries. Her CT scans have shown the extent of the damage. It isn't good. Her L2 vertebra has a compression fraction, while her L3 vertebra is a burst fraction, with the L3 being a complete injury while the L2 is incomplete."

"This means that Sunset could regain feeling and the ability to move her hips, but any feeling or motor control from the knee down is gone. We do have some luck on our side though, as the wounds on her back were not as severe as we initially thought. Most of them are two-degree burns, with only three-degree burns being around the two major gashes on the back. There will be significant scarring along her back, but most will fade in time."

"What about her hands? I noticed that she has trouble grabbing items heavier than a mug." Luna asked, worried that Sunset had more spine injuries that were affecting her hands.

"From what we can tell and what you've told me about her transformation, the I deduce the cause is trauma to the cerebellum. Nothing major. She'll have to retrain her brain until she no longer needs them. Now she mentioned that she could fill pins and needles along her arms. I have a theory as to why she feels them. I believe she strained and temporarily damaged the nerve endings. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks, the sensations should stop."

Luna sat there for a moment in silence, "It's so much worse than I feared. I was hoping it was a side effect of the dark magic that she experienced. I knew it was going to be bad, just never to this degree."

"As I've mentioned, Lu, I did all I could. There were bone fragments that were too close to some spinal nerves to risk removing them. I'm hoping once the swelling goes down in about six to eight weeks, we can do surgery again to remove them."

"Hopefully, it will be good news when the time comes."

"One can only hope, now, to get back on track. I'll prescribe pain medication as well as antibacterial cream and burn cream for her back. I'll also have her take muscle relaxers to help keep the tension out of her back. This will help the healing process and help her with the stiffness that she's going to experience. I'm also going to prescribe her to a physical therapist once her swelling is gone. We need to keep her from developing muscle atrophy, her muscles will shrink, but I'm hoping that we can keep the muscles from deteriorating too much."

"Is there anything else I need to worry about?" Luna asked as she kept a mental checklist.

"No, I don't-actually yes. Sunset will be very susceptible to the temperature. So make sure to keep a close eye on the weather. If she gets cold, she'll need a blanket and a warm drink. If she gets hot, cold water and get her somewhere cold with flowing air to help cool her faster.
Temperatures aren't the only side effect that she will face. She'll also need a therapist for the emotions she's likely to face down the road. It will help her heal faster with a positive; perhaps positive isn't the right word, a healthier mental grounding. You'll also need to take care of possible thrombosis, which is caused by blood clots developing in the veins. I would recommend massaging her legs every two or three days."

"There's so much," Luna muttered, and couldn't help but say so. She was expecting some problems, but she never considered how many health issues Sunset could have without the use of her legs.

"What did you expect, Luna? This isn't exactly a situation where everything will turn out alright. This is serious, so is the adoption. Both are going to take a lot of your attention. You need to decide right now what that means. Who are you going to be to Sunset? A caretaker or mother? Because only one can get what you want."

Canterlot General 10:06 A.M.

Celestia walked into the hospital while looking at her phone. She walked by the counter without an upwards glance. Celestia had been walking the halls throughout the week, all leading to the same destination. Almost every day, she came to the door of her goal, and each day it would be a new excuse as to why she shouldn't go inside. But this time, she swore that she would walk through that door.

Celestia raised her hand to knock on the door when she paused. Her hand lowered as she stood outside the door. Would Sunset want her to be there?

In all of her time at the school, Celestia couldn't remember having a meaningful conversation with Sunset. The last conversation she could honestly remember having with Sunset before the Fall Formal events would be just as she enrolled at Canterlot High. Sunset caught her attention right away; the girl knew her before she even introduced herself.

Sunset feared her and avoided her at all costs. Whether that meant grabbing a teacher's attention, going to the bathroom, or completely walking away from Celestia getting lost in the crowded halls. At first, she believed Sunset came from a troubled home, which made her fear any authority figure.

However, her blatant avoidance of her sister and how Sunset would talk to the other authority figures like the teachers and herself made her question that notion. It was during these musings that Celestia feared she might have a relationship with him. The time table would fit that of the incident. Despite the wrong he did to them, he did give them a home. She took that away, and she believed she took away from Sunset, with Chrysalis and Discord's help. Celestia's fear of him and guilt of putting Sunset through so much so young is what kept her away from Sunset. It came as a pleasant and guilt-ridden surprise when she found out that Sunset was from another world. As it implied that Celestia never purloined anything from Sunset, but it also entailed she allowed Sunset to drift so far off the path out of fear.

"Ma'am, are you going inside?"

Interrupted out of her musings, Celestia glimpsed to her right. She scrutinized the young man in blue scrubs. He had green skin and wild orange hair that had a streak of purple in it. He had purple eyes blue specks that shined like gems. Around his neck was a necklace with three smoothed glass stones that seemed to pronounce his blue iotas in his eyes. His hair was wild and, for some reason, added to his uniqueness. Altogether, it painted the young man as naïve and a carefree person. Perhaps because of her continued staring, he visibly grew apprehensive and timid towards Celestia, who put on her Principal mask as she looked him up and down. It was only once she finished that she answered his question.

"Yes, I am." Celestia answered.

He nodded. "Ah, then you must be Sunset's aunt?"

Celestia hesitated for a moment before answering, "That I am. Though if you need me to stay out, I understand."

"Nonsense, family is allowed in to see her. Besides, she's leaving today anyways. I bet she can't wait to see you," Thorax, babbled while going to the door as Celestia moved away.

Celestia muttered under her breath, "I'm skeptical of that."

"Did you say something?" Thorax questioned as he glanced behind him.

She shook her head. "Oh, no. I just said I want to see how she's doing."

Thorax was quiet for a moment before somberly, "You know for what its worth. She's taking this well. That could change, though when she home, just try to be patient. It will be a lot for her to adjust to her new life, but she will adjust. Just give her the time to adjust and the support that she'll need. She's far to young to be experiencing something like this."

After those words of advice, Thorax held the door open for both Celestia and himself. Celestia squared her shoulders and hid her tightly clenched hands together behind her back.

She walked in and stepped aside to let Thorax go about his duties. That was when she got her first real look at Sunset since the night of the Fall Formal. Celestia was shocked by the change of her wayward student. Sunset had a body that commanded attention at times and not in the way that sought attention. No, she had a physique that naturally drew people's attention to it.

It was bright, furious, and firm, almost like it was unconquerable. What Celestia saw before her when she looked at Sunset could only be described as dim.

Sunset's bright hair that flared and moved like a cascading blanket of fire now hung in a messy tousled mess at her shoulders. It seemed lifeless; it was disturbing as it once seemed to flow with an ever-present wind that made it move like a flame. Her skin, which used to glow like a burning embers, now was paled and more washed-out, almost like someone rubbed a light layer of ash on her skin.

Her once independent eyes that seemed to calculative now were sunken and burdened by exhaustion. Her cyan eye's looked out of place on the teen. They spoke so much and yet said nothing at all. They gave Sunset the sense that she was older than her fifteen years of life would suggest.

But that wasn't all that caught her attention. Even if it had only been a few days, Sunset seemed thinner in a way, almost like she lost more than just her spirit. Her hands wrapped in white bandages sat on her lap, and her legs remained under the blankets, hidden from view. Celestia also noticed Sunset's lack of presence, which worried her the most. Sunset could fill a room with her aura before the Fall Formal. Her presence made it fill like she was in control of anything. Whenever she subbed for a classroom, the first she'd notice and the one that had her attention the most was Sunset. Her power, her control seeped into everything that she did, and now it was like an ember buried under the ashes of her life.

Celestia took all this in as Sunset turned her head towards her. Sunset had been looking out the window when she has walked in. She glanced at the new arrivals, pausing at Celestia for a moment before she once again looked out the window. Glancing outside revealed a trio of birds flying around each other in what looked like a game of tag.

Luna was sitting next to Sunset, looking over papers of various medicines and processes that she'd have to do to help Sunset get comfortable. Celestia walked towards Sunset. Laying a comforting hand on Sunset shoulder, Celestia went to say something but stopped when Sunset flinched away. Celestia moved her hand away and attempted to do, well, anything but stand there like an idiot, but she guiltily brought her hand to her side when she realized she couldn't.

"Sorry," Celestia apologized. "I'd also like to apologize for not coming sooner. I've been busy."

Sunset looked over at Celestia before she looked down at her hands, saying in a voice just above a whisper, "It's okay. I know you're busy; you always were."

"Sorry?" Celestia asked, not hearing the last one as it was more mumbled than the rest.

Sunset just shook her head as she continued to look at her hands. She was doing an incredible job of avoiding Celestia's analytical gaze. Celestia's brows furrowed, looking at the guarded Sunset. Her walls were firmly in place the second she spotted Celestia. Celestia straightened her shoulders and back at the cold dismissal she was getting.

She cleared her throat and asked, "Are you alright? How are you, Sunset?" Celestia caught a glimpse of Sunset's eyes as they dashed up to look at her before they were gone again.

She looked back out the window as she answered, "I'm fine."

"You know you can always-" Celestia was interrupted as Luna's voice rang out.

"Ah, sister, when did you get here? You should've said something," Luna said as she gave Celestia a look that said, 'Drop what you were going to say. Now is not the time.'

Celestia didn't miss a beat in her response and dropped the conversation altogether, "You looked busy, sister. I didn't want to interrupt you."

There was a rising tension in the air as Celestia stared at Luna, both sporting smiles as they stared at each other. The tension was broken by none other than Sunset as she glanced at them. She rolled over so that she was facing away from them and watched out the window as a bird land on the windowsill. Sunset spoke in the same tone as before as she said, "If you're going to argue, leave, it's loud enough with Thorax."

The tension broke as Celestia looked at Sunset with shook. In contrast, Luna looked at Sunset with pride. Luna couldn't help but feel happy for Sunset, as despite her situation, she could still stand her ground and show some strength to command both her and her sister to leave.

Luna cleared her throat as she spoke her thoughts, "I'm sorry for that, Sunset. That was inappropriate of me. Can you forgive me for the slip?"

"...I don't get to make that decision." She answered blandly.

"...I see. Celestia, I'm sorry for the way I acted."

Celestia was taken aback and gave a flustered response, "No. No, I was in the wrong sister. I should have said something to you. That wasn't very grown-up of me."

"Well, Miss Shimmer and Ms. Luna, everything looks to for Miss Shimmer to leave the hospital. We only need to wait for the Que- I mean Dr. Chrysalis to sign and release Sunset."

BANG!

"Hey, Thorax, did you get everything I needed. How's the little trouble maker?"

"Speak of the devil, and she'll appear," Celestia muttered.

"Ah, the prissy one. How douth your kingdom be, Your Highness?" Chrysalis sneered, Sunset looked over from the window watching the interaction.

"I see you're still the same Chrysalis," Celestia spat, failing to see flinch at the tone.

"Why change perfection, my dear?" Chrysalis asked in a sultry voice before she moved closer to Celestia. "You may not believe that I've changed from my past, but I assure you the past me is a shell of the current me. She didn't understand perfection, so I've leashed her. Though, she's still there if I ever need her. She made everything here possible. You should count yourself lucky. I could care less about you. Only one thing matters to me, and you're not privy to the details."

Celestia glared at Chrysalis with a gaze that could freeze people to stone. Chrysalis met her glare with a look of condescendence. The two looked ready to brawl when both found themselves slapped with water. The room went dead quiet as a faint plunk echoed. The two looked over at Luna only to see her holding her hand over her mouth, shaking from mirth as her eyes shut to contain her laughter. Chrysalis looked over at Thorax next only to see him pointedly looking in a cupboard.

Celestia and Chrysalis both looked at Sunset to see her looking at them with a bored expression. On the table was a small pitcher, empty of water. Sunset looked at Chrysalis and asked, "Can I leave now?"

"...PFFT! HAHAHA! You have some real guts there, kid," Chrysalis guffawed. "Now, let's see here. Hmmm, besides the stuff that I already talked to Luna about, you're free to go. You'll be weak for a couple of days, so let Luna help you as much as possible. You'll also need to keep a close watch on those burns lacerations on your back, so they don't get infected. Be very careful about where you go, and don't sit up for too long lest you want to strain your back and be in even more pain. "

"Make sure to wear warm clothes when going outside in the cold, and don't forget about your prescription, its at the pharmacy on Trot Lane, the same as Luna's. You'll need bedrest for about four more days. Then you can begin going out for a small amount of time. I don't want you going to school until I give the go-ahead on your health, is that clear. My estimate is anywhere from three to four more weeks—two at the bare minimum until you can go back to Canterlot. Thorax, help Sunset into her wheelchair. I have another patient I need to check in on."

Chrysalis looked at Sunset for confirmation and was satisfied when she received a head nod. She hummed as she rounded on her heels and walked out the door. As she did, she sent a glance to Luna, that did not go unnoticed by Sunset, and was gone before the door shut. Sunset looked at Thorax, as he seemed to have found what he was looking for and walked towards her.

He went to her side and gently removed the tape, holding the IV, and proceeded to unhook Sunset from the various medical equipment. After having a bandage applied to her arm, where Thorax removed the IV, she was completely free from the constant monitors. Thorax next pressed the button to lower the bed and walked the wheelchair over as it descended. Grabbing a board and lifting one of the armrests out of the way, Thorax removed the blankets from off of Sunset's legs. Sunset refused to look at her now useless legs.

Bending down, Thorax slid Sunset so that her legs hung over the side of the bed. Letting her sit there, Thorax did a quick check to make sure the wheelchair didn't roll. He placed the board on the mattress and the seat, creating a bridge. After that, he grabbed Sunset under one shoulder and grabbed Sunset under her legs. Thorax then in one graceful move, slid Sunset over and into the wheelchair.

Sunset closed her eyes. This moment marked the beginning of a new life. A third chance Sunset was entirely sure she deserved. The feeling would be with her for the rest of her life. Like a sandcastle against the crashing waves, her fall would destroy her. The feeling she felt was that of complete defeat. As she opened her eyes, a small tear escaped her right eye as she resigned herself to her prison of wheels.