For all of the afternoon, the five groups toured around the carnival of marriage. Discord’s copies taught their lessons at their attractions. Some couples went came out with either sober despair or hope on their faces after they were told of the worst.
Finally, the entire class reunited at the other end of the enormous circus tent. Lit up in colorful bubs, a sign pointed to the entrance of the maze that coils around the entire tent. Even looking at the glass, the maze upon closer inspection has crooked mirrored walls and stairs that are made of mirrors. None of the groups dared to enter in without the others to come up with a plan to find a way out.
At the mouth of the entrance, Gallus looked at his reflection, deep in thought. At the same time, he was waiting for Twilight to join up with them. When she did finally show up along with Sandbar, Yona, Ms. Harshwhinny, Braeburn, and Troubleshoes. Turning away from the entrance, he went up to her.
“Princess Twilight, I think there’s a way to get through the maze.”
“You do?” Twilight tilted her head. “How?”
“I remember something back in a literature class when we were doing mythology. There was a Minotaur myth where there was this enormous maze that was so confusing, no one was able to find their way out. That was until the hero entered in with a ball of twine.”
“Oh, I see what you’re thinking,” Twilight nodded, “we just need to have something long enough to enter into the maze so we could navigate our way through. But how? There’s no rope.”
Rarity looked around, noticing the black and red triangle flags that were strung everywhere. “Maybe not, but we do have these.” She lit her horn to untie and dismantle it to form a long rope.
“That’s… actually pretty clever.” Shining commented, “I didn’t even think of that.”
“And all of you are going to need all the wits you have.” Discord’s voice echoed within the tent. A sudden pop near the maze’s entrance caught the attention of the entire class. “Trust me, you’re going to need it.”
“Discord?” Fluttershy inquired, “Is this really you or another copy?”
“Not this time, this right here is the genuine article.” He smiled. “I know that this whole marriage thing has taken a good deal longer than anticipated, but before we move on with the other lessons tomorrow, there’s one last thing about marriage that needs to be dealt with.”
“What’s more there to talk about?” Rainbow Dash questioned. “All of us have been going around in circles practically all day. We know that raising kids is gonna suck, your spouse won’t bluntly say what they mean, there are different kinds of relationships that have their pros and cons, we enter marriages sometimes for the wrong reasons, and we’re arguing wrong. What else do we need to know?”
“Consider this maze,” Discord pointed behind him, “as some fair warnings for some of you that may consider getting married or remarried. Eleven common issues of why marriages end besides infidelity – trust me, we’ll get around to that tomorrow. For now, once this class gets through, the maze, you’ll finally be excused for the day. However, don’t get any bright ideas of just breaking off with your partner to find the exit alone. The only way out is being with the one you came in with.”
“How would we know if we reached the end?” Trixie inquired.
Discord smirked. “Oh, trust me, you’ll know when you see it.” He turned around and began to enter into the mirrored maze. “I’ll see you all on the other side.” The class watched as his millions of reflections moved this way and that until they suddenly disappeared from every angle.
Twilight stepped up to the entrance, “Everyone, listen up. We don’t know how big this maze is nor when we would be able to get out. Discord is right, if there’s any chance of getting out, we will have to stick together. Rarity, may I?” Rarity gave her the rope of carnival flags over to Twilight, which she took in her aura. “I will lead the way. Tie your hoof to this rope while I will tie to that,” she pointed to a nearby booth that had a wooden post that held up a small canopy. “If I say to back up if I run into a dead-end, do so. We will get through this.”
After Twilight tied one end of the carnival rope to a nearby booth. She then told everyone to get in a line, as well as to space themselves a little so to reduce the probability of bumping into each other. Then using the other end of the rope to quickly measure out, she began to tie everyone’s left foreleg before wrapping it around herself. Once it was made sure that they were all connected, Twilight began to lead them into the glassy maze.
Even before they stepped inside the maze, they noticed that the entrance is a sharp turn to the left from the outside, so many were expecting that there would have been a massive window there. However, the class was caught off guard to find that the windows are a two-way mirror. As soon as they entered, all they could see was theirs and the other reflections in every direction. Even for Twilight, it was disorienting to where she couldn’t tell with every step which was an empty space, and which was a mirror or a glass that peered through another part of the maze. Very quickly she would bump into those reflective walls, regardless of where she tried to move towards. Worst yet, even the floor and the ceiling didn’t give any clue which direction to go. So, Twilight closed her eyes and felt her way like a blind pony. Feeling the mirrors until there was a gap for her to lead the class.
Even with her guiding, that still didn’t prevent the commentary from behind her.
“Are we there yet?”
“No Spoiled, we don’t know where we are.”
“Watch your step.”
“Have we been here before?”
“We’re going in circles!”
“No, we ain’t.”
“Hey, where did ya get sandwich?”
“Brae, what are ya talkin’ about?”
“The mirrors, Ah thought Ah saw you with a sandwich.”
“Deary, was that Discord?”
“Where?”
“Back there, I thought I saw him.”
“Hey, where’s my reflection?”
“Where are we?”
“What’s going on?”
After several minutes of twists, turns, dead-ends, stairs, and surprise doorways, Twilight felt her way down one snaking hallway to another until, all of a sudden, her hoof didn’t feel any of the walls.
“Woah…” She heard Sandbar’s voice from behind, “Princess, take a look at this.”
She did. Opening her eyes, they were in a large, almost circular room where she and the rest of the class could see themselves at every angle. It was, fortunately for them, somewhat easier to see than being trapped in those near claustrophobic walls. Most noticeable of all, was Discord in the middle of the room.
“I personally love the aesthetic of a good mirror maze.” He remarked as the rest of the class flooded in. “Symbols aside, this should be the perfect place to wrap out today’s lesson in.”
“So… Mr. Discord,” Ocellus inquired, “how do we get out?”
Turning around, Discord grinned. “I did mention that there were eleven more details to know before you get married. As it turns out, this room has twelve mirrors – one of which is the door to get out. But I must warn all of you, these particular mirrors might show something that you otherwise want to keep hidden from your potential spouse – or yourself for that matter.”
“Wait, why?” Ms. Harshwhinny questioned. “What do these mirrors do?”
Discord’s smirked only grew wider. “Depends, any volunteers?”
The class looked at one another, uneased at what their teacher was planning on doing. For one long moment, no one dared to make a move. That was until Fluttershy stepped forward.
“I’ll do it.” She said quietly. “That is if it’s alright.”
Discord froze for a moment. “You sure?” She nodded. “Well uh…” He looked around, “Go pick a mirror.”
Fluttershy looked around. In every direction, she saw everyone, including herself but multiplied several times over. If anything, the whole room looked the same, so she simply walked forward to the nearest mirror to reach out to. Her hoof made contact with the glass and unexpectedly, it changed so quickly that she “Eep!” back.
In the mirror was her reflection, and yet, it was not. What she and everyone else saw was her in her cottage, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. There was a tired look in her reflection’s eyes as if she hadn’t gotten the chance to sleep for a long time.
“I didn’t know what to expect, Rarity,” her reflection said, sipping her cup. “We’ve been married for a month and – he’s still the same but… the longer I’m around him, the more I notice the ways he’s so irrational, irritating, difficult, and at times he’s unable to sympathize or understand me. I could have sworn that he was so perfect for me that I couldn’t foresee any of this coming.”
Fluttershy blinked before looking over to Discord who looked a shade paler. “I don’t understand,” she told him, “I don’t even remember having this conversation.”
“No… Maybe not yet.” He muttered.
“What was that?”
Discord cleared his throat. “One of the things that make marriage so difficult is that couples tend to forget that the one they’re marrying is deeply flawed and far from the perfect creature. They may have their sweet moments and quirks, for sure, but I promise each one of you in this room, that the longer you stay with them, the more things about them you’ll find incredibly irritating. The best way to go about this is to good naturally see these annoyances as unavoidable. If you honestly think you’ll be better with someone else that will be flawless, you’ll find no one alive or dead that fits your high standards. The fact that you’re alive is that you’re born flawed. If you’re going to enter into a marriage, both of you will have to kill the idea that things would be better with anyone else. Those that we think are perfect are those we haven’t gotten to know yet. So, if any of you want an at least tolerable marriage is to accept that there can only be a good enough marriage.
“But, I’m sorry to say, that’s not the right door. Anyone else wants to give it a shot?”
“I’ll give it a go,” Sweetie Drops said, walking in the opposite direction from Fluttershy. As soon as her hoof touched the mirror, the glass showed her reflection in a completely different place and setting. It showed her inside Sugar Cube Corner, looking at her behind the counter. Her reflection rubbed the side of her head as if she had a headache.
“I don’t get why that when monsters pop up in Ponyville, I need to go and try to take care of the problem. Yet, when I come home, she’s upset that I had the audacity to leave. Why? Doesn’t she understand that when duty calls, I have to answer, even if it’s on our anniversary, I have to go.”
“Hey, I remember having this conversation.” Mrs. Cake said.
“And I remember the fight we had,” Lyra added, folding her forelegs.
Sweetie Drops turned to Discord, “So what’s this supposed to be?”
“Another common thing that couples tend to overlook. That your spouse won’t fully understand the ways that we’re crazy. But I do get where it comes from. After all, love tends to start with the experience of being understood, right? And I don’t mean getting what this or that show’s about either. I mean in deep, supportive, and uncommon ways. Your wife, for example, may understand the lonely parts of you; you don’t need to explain why you found a dish so tasty, that you both hate the same stuck-up ponies; that she’s interested in doing this or that in bed. Sadly… I have to tell you… This won’t continue forever. But don’t go blaming her for her neglect of duty in trying to interpret and grasp your inner workings. How can you? She’s your wife, not a mind reader. You can’t just expect her to wave her hooves at you and instantly get who you were and what you need. The fact that she can’t isn’t some unique curse on you – this happens to everyone. Of course, she may sympathize, but even that has limits.”
“So, what do you expect me to do?” Sweetie Drops questioned.
“Well, as something for possible future couples here to consider, you’re mature enough to get married when you have an active self-awareness of your own insanities. Sure, you can easily pick out why your spouse drives you nuts but guess what – you are just as guilty. Sometimes we’re out of control for long periods. We might be continuously anxious. Or we might do magic when we sleepwalk and thereby unleashing all sorts of chaos. In other words, you, me, everyone in and outside of this place is – to put it as elegantly as I can – an idiot. If we aren’t regularly and deeply embarrassed about who we are with our flaws, it can only be because we have a dangerous capacity for selective memory.
“Now, who’s next?”
Spoiled Rich broke away from the group. “I think I can see how this is going to go.” She trotted up to the nearest mirror to her to reach out and touch it. Her confident smirk faded as her reflection changed. In the glass was her, a younger self before the plastic surgery on her nose. She recognized the setting of her reflection instantly too. It was the honeymoon suite in the Bahamares when she and Filthy had their first, real argument.
“I don’t see why you’re so uncaring all of the sudden!” her reflection scoffed, her voice dripping with bitter sarcasm. “You’re not the only one that has needs you know! I told you before we left that we should bring an entourage of servants with us, but no! You insisted that just the two of us is all we need. Well, you clearly don’t have a clue how to draw a bath, do laundry, make a decent breakfast. I can’t believe how unsympathetic you are when it comes to taking care of me!”
She felt the judgmental eyes of every pony and creature in the room on her. She turned to Discord with a scowl on her face. “How dare you try to embarrass me like this!”
“Hey, I warned you.” Discord smirked, “And even with the years of being married, it looks like you’re not ready to remarry either.”
“Excuse me!”
“Let me explain Ms. Trigger-happy. You have in you an idea that the Romantics tend to overlook – is that you’re ready to be loved, but not to love.”
“What the Tartarus does that mean!”
“It means that you tend to think that love is just one overspending thing – but in reality, it’s two. However, your attitude is to a degree understandable because you, like so many, start out knowing only about being loved by your family or caregivers. As humiliating as it sounds, what you’re seeking is to recreate that care from foalhood into adulthood, to feel again what it was like to be tended to and indulged. Secretly, you want someone who will immediately understand your needs; bring you what you wanted; be incredibly patient in your troubling moments with sympathy and make it all better. Unfortunately, Spoiled, this expectation is the perfect recipe for disaster. For a marriage to be somewhat functional, both you and our new husband will have to move out from the foal and into the parental role. You will be ready to be married again when you’re willing to set aside your own demands and concerns for the needs of another.”
As Discord was talking, Starlight aimed for another mirror across from Spoiled to touch the mirror across from her. When she did, her reflection changed to a frustrated look while the background turned into the interior of Trixie’s caravan.
“You can’t just expect me to do everything around here, Trixie!” her reflection argued, “I know you love doing magic but dammit! You have to take care of some of the chores around here! When I married you, I didn’t sign up to be your personal slave!”
This got Discord’s attention. “Ah! Starlight I believe you stumbled onto another reason why marriages fail.”
“What? Chores?” Starlight asked confusingly. “That sounds a little-”
“Unrealistic? Trust me, this too comes from an unrealistic expectation. The Romantics that influenced the world saw marriage strongly through emotional terms – find the one you love, and you’ll live happily ever after. Of course, ask a real married couple that lived together for longer than five years, and they will tell you that marriage has more in common with a small business. That for it to work, both of them have to make and harmonize their schedules. They need to cook, clean, chauffeur, prepare for work, gardening, reconcile, and budget. Many are put off by how much work it is and doing all this stuff doesn’t show up in most romance novels or movies. So, as a result, there’s no sense of glamor in doing all of this stuff. Yet, all of these chores, as weird as it sounds, is what’s truly romantic in a sense of sustaining of love; and this should be seen as the bedrock of a functional marriage. So, if you’re not able to grow up, you’re basically screwed.
“Now then,” he turned to the rest of the class, “we got eight more to go, anyone else wanna give a try?”
The group looked at one another, hesitant to see if the next thing these mirrors my reveal is a conversation they may have or words that should have been left unsaid in the past. Eventually, Mrs. Cake went up to one of the mirrors right next to the one they came in from. When she pressed a hoof against it, the mirror changed and reflected herself to her. This reflection showed her lying sideways on their bed with the lamp on the nightstand on. Her face was carved with exhaustion and pity.
“Dearie, I know.” Her reflection said, “I know it’s been a very long time since we’ve done it but… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m up for it. Besides, I can’t risk getting pregnant again, we’re juggling a business, the twins, and Pinkie as it is. Sweetie, I want to do it too, but every day I’m so exhausted that I don’t think either of us has the energy to do anything at the end of the day.”
There was a long, awkward silence among the class as they processed what they heard.
“Was that about what I think it’s about?” Cadence asked.
Cup Cake blushed heavily.
“Well…” Discord said, rubbing the back of his neck, “the only comforting thing I could say here is that this too isn’t uncommon for couples that have been married for a long time. But the fact when you and your uh… husband aren’t able to do it after a while is expected.”
Cup Cake’s ears folded back her head. “I know but… it’s not fair to either of us.”
“I get what you’re saying. Remember, the Romantics were the first to combine the idea that love and sex should go together. However, what they overlooked is that at best, that sort of thing won’t stay like that beyond a few months – maybe two years if you’re lucky. However, it should be kept in mind that it’s neither of you nor your husband’s fault. Even with the myth that you’ll remain sexually active after having foals, more parents are finding out every day that this wasn’t the kind of intimacy they’d hoped. It’s almost a biological law: that foals will kill the sexual relationship that produced them. Couples know when they’re ready to marry when they accept resigning your sex life and redirect your energies elsewhere is inevitable.”
“Brother, you hit the nail on the head,” Filthy commented, folding his forelegs.
“Aaaaand thank you for volunteering!” Discord grinned. “Go on and pick a mirror.”
Sighing, Filthy went over to a mirror that was the furthest from his wife. “I got to learn to keep my mouth shut.” He was heard muttering before touching the mirror.
His reflection morphed into a younger, miserable-looking self. Slump over a bar with a tall, half-empty glass of cider within reach.
“Where did I go wrong, Berry?” his reflection asked, shaking his head. “I could have sworn that Spoiled was… the one. She had everything that I have been looking for, smart, beautiful, had the same background as I had. Now that I’m married her… all I can think about is trying everything to get away from her. It’s like she changed from the mare of my dreams to a nightmare. I thought we were compatible, you know? No, don’t say anything,” he took another swig of his drink, “I wanna be left alone.”
“Sheesh,” Braeburn remarked, “That’s rough, buddy.”
“Yet,” Discord commented, “this too has a source. Those Romantics have thought that if you found – the one – someone who is both beautiful both on the inside and the outside, who has the same interests, tastes, and attitudes to life than all will be well. However, what those Romantics also left out is that the longer you stay with someone, the more you’ll find how different you two really are. The wise have learned that change is not always inherently good or bad, but the difference between in pain or tolerating them is how one comes to terms with it. You see, Filthy, the ability to tolerate the range of differences with anyone you decide to marry is what makes someone mature. Compatibility is an achievement of love that needs to be earned, not to be expected from the start.”
As Discord was talking, Troubeshoes, along with the rest of the class, have noticed that the room was becoming easier to see as it showed less of their reflections and more of someone else’s. So he takes it upon himself to go to one of the mirrors, if not for the hopes that he might find the way out, then to at least help narrow down where they needed to go.
When he touched it, his reflection showed him back in Appleloosa in the grove of his husband’s land.
“I know, I know,” his refection said, rubbing his head as though he has a headache, “Ya got a billion things ya agreed ta do. Harvest apples, bake pies, coach Hoofball, teach violin, be the diplomat for the buffalo and be the official greeter ta AAAAAAPleloosa! Sometimes I think you’re just doin’ all this stuff just so it gives ya all the excuses not ta be around me.” He huffed, “At times I wondered why you’d married me.”
The class, upon hearing this, went uncomfortably quiet. Although many were taken aback at his remark, his husband Braeburn, upon hearing this again, his ears folded back as he now knows why he said it.
“Now this,” Discord waved over to Troubleshoes, “is a majorly overlooked detail about marriage. That there will be times when your spouse won’t have your undivided attention all the time. Neither will they fully understand or sympathize with you. While I’m going to come back to this with tomorrow’s lesson, this struggle, Trouble, is another unspoken side effect when it comes to love that many are unprepared for.”
“Unprepared?” Troubleshoes tilted his head. “How?”
“Well, when it happens, it just leaves one confused,” Discord explains. “That there will be times your husband would be busy often and preoccupied for most of the time. That his attention span comes and goes in a snap. That he isn’t interested in hearing how your day went. That he prefers to write or talk to his friends more than to bother to look up to talk to you. Look, when it happens, it could look like that the relationship has gone wrong and your hubby might not love you anymore. But what you need to keep in mind, is that that even he needs love too, but on terms that would work. Sometimes when he’s distracted, or quiet, or has a billion jobs; it never means that he doesn’t love you anymore. It means that he has a life too and has harsh days that are as bad as yours.”
He then stepped back to look around the room. “Well class, there’s only four more left. Who wants to go next?”
“I’ll do it,” Cadence stepped forward, walking up to one of the untouched mirrors. She followed the pattern to touch it to see what would happen. Her reflection morphed and she saw that the background resembled a lot like the bathroom she and her husband use in the Crystal Palace. Her reflection had on her pink fuzzy robe while her mane was in a towel on her head, wrapped like a turban. The reflection looked down and, using her magic, picked up a damp towel on the floor.
“Dear, what’s this doing on the floor?” her reflection inquired.
This was replied by Shining’s voice that too was coming from the mirror but out of sight. “I just got out of the shower.”
“Yeah I can see that, but what’s this towel doing on the floor?”
“Well, I threw it on the floor because I got to do my inspection in the barracks in ten minutes.”
“I know you have to go do your inspection, but what’s it doing on the floor?”
“What do you mean what’s it doing on the floor? It’s just on the floor!” Shining’s voice said with a tone of impatience.
“What? You couldn’t spend two seconds to put it on the towel rack? That’s what it’s for!”
Cadence craned her head back to the class, many of them, especially the married ones in the group, looked at her wide-eyed.
“Huh…” Lyra blinked, “and here I thought me and Sweetie were the only ones who do that.”
“Ya kiddin’?” Braeburn asked, “Ah had that same conversation about a cutting board.”
“Sloppy hoofwriting for us.” Mr. Cake added.
“Anyone here that’s dating, take notes.” Discord informed. “If you do get married, this is another kind of argument that’ll be unavoidable. You will have these seemingly out of nowhere conversations over seemingly little things that will drag on for years. Take Cadence’s example here with the towels on the floor. Because both spouses think that they’re oh-so-clever, they think they’re not petty. After all, intelligent creatures don’t argue over small things like towels, cutting boards, or sloppy hoofwriting. That’s something someone would think that’s what their grandparents would do. So couples don’t want to have this conversation because they believe they’re true romantics, so they shouldn’t discuss this sort of thing. You are too ‘clever’ to have this sort of argument; and when two individuals are convinced that they are too clever to have this sort of argument, you know the argument will be bitter.”
“The sad thing is that it’s actually true,” Sugar Belle commented.
“Yes,” Discord shrugged, “However, there is another way to look at these things which you will need to have an imagination for.”
“And what’s that?” Cadence inquired.
“The thing is, behind the heart of this kind of argument is the symbols that give us a good dose of good old anxiety.”
“Symbols? What are you talking about?” She pointed to the mirror, “Shining just left a slopping wet towel on the floor.”
“And Sweetie Drops doesn’t drink every drop of her glass of water and instead lets them down the sink; Troubleshoes presses a little too hard on the chopping board; Carrot Cake has terrible hoofwriting. Yet, all of this stuff manages to get an argument Royal out of them. Why? Because of the symbolism behind it. And the thing about symbols, they tend to represent things, even when we don’t think too hard about it. Sure, to Shining, leaving a damp towel on the floor isn’t a big deal – he used to do it all the time when he was growing up and his family does it. But to you, that cold, soaked towel that’s lying there could represent a lack of care for one’s responsibility, expecting for anyone else excepts himself to do place it somewhere to dry.
“Maybe not drinking every drop and instead dumps the rest in the sink might go unnoticed, but to Lyra, it’s alarming because it represents the threat of her wife drinking up the best years of her life and tossing the rest away, along with her without a second thought. The cutting board to anyone else is nothing to get upset about because you could always replace it every year or so. But to Braeburn, having his husband press the knife down too hard could signal Trouble’s rough side where he might, without any restraint, could do the same thing to him. The one with the messy hoofwriting doesn’t see the need to clarify because they know what it’s supposed to say; but to Mrs. Cake, she’s off-putted that her husband isn’t afraid of being misunderstood – if not alarming if he’s not going to make the effort to say what he means than what chance does she have when she wants to do the same for her?
“Yes, from an outside perspective, all this stuff is rather small. But to those who live up to them at close range, some of these and more could have someone raise enough concern to ring those alarm bells loudly.”
He turned back to his class. “Okay, we got a few more, who else wants to give it a try?”
“Eh… why not?” Smolder walked over to one of the mirrors. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I like to head home sometime soon.” Upon reaching one of the unaltered mirrors, she slapped the glass and watched to see what would happen. Indeed, something did. Her reflection showed her, a little taller and carrying a tray. Breakfast judging by the pancakes, cup of orange juice, and the tinny glass vase with a single flower in it. The setting was a place that Smolder didn’t recognize. It was a bedroom with a door opened in the back while below, about half of the mirror is taken up by sheets and a comfier.
“Morning Ocellus,” her reflection said with a smile and bags under her eyes, “I uh, made you some breakfast.”
“Can it wait?” Ocellus’s voice was heard but nowhere to be seen.
“But your breakfast is gonna get cold.”
“Well just set it over there, I’ll eat it later.”
“C’mon, it wouldn’t be good if-”
“I don’t care,” Ocellus snapped at her, “I don’t care for whatever the reason is, I haven’t had a good night’s rest in over a month! If it wouldn’t be good later than just throw it away!”
A look of hurt and anger flashed on the reflection’s face. Then suddenly, she threw the carefully arranged breakfast on the bed while screaming with tears in her eyes, “Well HAPPY FORGOTTEN ANNIVERSARY, HONEY!” and ran out of the room.
Smolder stepped back in shock until she bumped into Discord.
“That… That couldn’t be me! I would never-”
“Yes, you would.” Discord interrupted. “But not for the reason you think.”
“But I never get angry at Ocellus over anything! Why would I do that?”
“Because the expectations are set so high.” He explained, “Unlike spending time with your friends where all they wanted is a nice night out and the only challenge you have is picking out a decent place to eat – your future wife doesn’t have that luxury. When you’re married, lovers are expected to do all sorts of things. Be our best friend, our confidant, nurse, financial advisor, chauffeur, co-parent, and sex-mate just to name a few. You’ll place so many expectations of her to the point that when you find that she can’t hold up to that impossibly high standard, it will feel like a slap in the face. But as paradoxically as it sounds and to borrow from another lesson, the fact that you could scream back, slam doors, call her the worst names you could think of, or even throw breakfast in bed at her means that deep down, you feel safe enough to do so. You’d have to be very comfortable around someone before you willingly show you're less than honorable sides. Not because you’re evil, but that you finally found someone that would allow you to take your respectable mask off now and then.”
He turned to the rest of the class, inquiring who else would want to test their luck.
“Well if nopony else is gonna do it,” Applejack finally said, walking up to one of the remaining mirrors. “Let get this over with,” and lightly tapped on the glass.
She watched the background of the mirror change to that of the interior of the barn. The reflection showed her with a frown, similar to what she has on now. But she raised an eyebrow as soon as it started speaking.
“Yeah, yeah, Ah’ve heard all about it. Yer now captain of the keeping-as-far-away-from-home Wonderbolts. Now that yer dream has come true, Ah suppose you’d be spendin’ more time in the sky than have the decency of bein’ around fer the harvest when we’re short-hoof as it is. Am Ah right?”
Applejack tried to look over her shoulder, only to find Rainbow there; her face perplexed. “Sheesh, who are you and what have you done with Applejack?”
“The clue is in her bitter tone,” Discord informed. “Sounds to me that Jackie here is in a bad mood.”
“Ta be fair,” Applejack replied, “if Ah were short on hooves ta help with the harvest, Ah guess Ah would be bitter. But what does this gotta do with anythin’?
“Here’s another aspect that married couples should keep an eye on. Is that if one of you gets too happy when the other is not, the one who isn’t will spoil the mood by being unexpectedly nasty. And this could apply to anything, like getting a brand new Wonderbolt uniform, the apples are all harvested early, someone we haven’t seen in years is coming – then all of a sudden, the other would be unusually critical and mean to bring the other down.”
“Actually yeah,” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, “I have noticed that. What’s up with that?”
“Well at first glance, it might seem the one who’s doing the unfair criticizing is just being a monster at the moment – chances are, the one doing it that they’re being evil for seemingly no reason. However, there is. Ask a therapist, and they will tell you that they’re not doing it for the sake of being mean, but because they’re feeling lonely and are afraid that your happy mood would be a huge barrier to get their pain across. The thinking goes like this – if my spouse is happier than I am, how in the world will they understand what I’m going through? I have to bring them down so they will know what it’s like for me. The irony is that it would work; but only to have it blow up in their face as they won’t bother to listen as to them, you just hurt them for no reason.”
“Ah don’t suppose ya have a better way of goin’ around it?”
“I do. So whenever you feel threatened by her optimistic mood, instead of launching a large scale verbal attack – try a different approach. As calmly as you can without trying to attack or being bitter – confess your hurt. You might think that this would make you weaker than you are, but it won’t be if you do it firm but collective. And for those who might be on the receiving end, don’t respond by doing the same. To loosely quote an author with the last name of Twain: ‘Never argue with someone in a bad mood, they will drag you down and beat you with experience.’”
Discord looked around the room. “Looks like there are only two mirrors left and one of them is the exit. Anyone?”
“I’ll do it.” Sugar Belle said. After choosing one of the mirrors and presumed that maybe this one would be the way out, she pushed on it; only to find her reflection change. The background turned into the inside of a sandwich shop, and what her reflection said was short but confused the entire class when they heard it.
“Oh no, he doesn’t like pickles on his sandwich. He never has really.”
Sugar Belle blinked and turned to Discord. “I don’t get it.”
“Remember a while back that tip, I gave ya to not expect your husband to change overnight?” She nodded, “Well, there’s something that has been left out of that advice; so I’m going to clear it up with this example. Because the thing about personal evolution that most couples tend to forget? That it’s a slow process that happens only on their own terms. Just as it’s unhelpful to expect that your spouse should change in one area very quickly, so too you should expect when he does want to change in other areas. Now, as a heads up, you might think that it’s a betrayal that Mac would dare to develop new tastes, hobbies, a new way of doing things. Maybe one day he would give pickles on his sandwich a try or wants to get into something like say… crossdressing on Thursdays. Calm down, that’s just an example. The point here is that you want to be mature about it, a couple should learn to accept that their spouse could and will eventually change in some form or another.
“Welp! By the looks of it, there’s only one way out.”
Twilight looked behind, “But that’s the same entrance we came in.”
“Exactly,” Discord floated over to the final mirror. “Like repressed memories, the best way to get out of one is to face what’s behind you.”
Pushing it gently, the mirror swings open something resembling a wedding chapel underneath the striped canvas. It was a room that had pews of broken animatronics, dried flowers, withered balloons that were on the floor. Straight ahead right next to the exit, a robotic stallion in black slumped over. Discord took the lead.
“Gather your partners, everyone! I have one last thing to say before ending today’s long lesson.”
Two by two, the class exited out of the mirror maze and walked down the rows of the creepily put together chapel.
“So Discord,” Gallus said to him, “I think I get the message of what today’s lesson is – marriage sucks and it should be avoided at all cost because it’s way too complicated.”
“Oh no, far from it!” Discord grinned. “The whole point in having all of you undergo this entire carnival is to help illustrate something that societies have overlooked. Marriage is the most wonderful, but profoundly difficult thing you could ask another individual to agree to do. The reason why a good chunk of marriages fails isn’t that the couples who enter them are inadequate, but because they were never told how big of a challenge it is. Because no one has explained to them how complex the obstacles they will meet, they enter one unprepared for when any of this stuff I’ve mentioned in this lesson happens. This was my way of giving all of you who are considering tying the knot to think about before saying ‘I do.’
“Now before I officially end this,” he floated over to the animatronic stallion in black. “Out of everything, Soorin Carrotketgaard, a comically gloomy philosopher had a useful outburst in his book ‘Either/Or’ has summed everything that I have been trying to say perfectly. This is something I believe should be placed above the door of any place that hosts weddings. Although I have altered what he actually said, this outburst is so good that I felt I should end the lesson with it.”
“Really?” Soarin tilted his head. “What did he say?”
Discord pulled the string on the machine’s back. To which the robot sat up and began speaking:
“Marry and you will regret it; don’t marry, you’ll also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way! Be honest and authentic with your spouse, you will regret it; stay silent and be nice, you’ll also regret doing that; be authentic or be nice, you will regret doing either! Believe in your spouse, you will regret it; don’t believe in them, you’ll regret that too; believe in your spouse or don’t believe, you will regret it either way! Have children, you will regret it; don’t have them, you’ll regret that as well; have children or abstain, you will regret it either way! Stay faithful to your spouse, you will regret it; have an affair, you’ll regret that too; stay faithful or have an affair, you will regret it either way, and you will regret both! No matter what decision you make in this life, you will always come to regret it! This gentlecolts is the very essence of all philosophy!”
“In other words,” Discord concluded, “if you want to get married, go ahead. If you want to remain single, go ahead. Both sides have their challenges, but neither have anything to envy from the other.
“Class is dismissed.” He waved over to the exit.
The class, relieved that it was all over, quickly went through the flaps of the tent. In the light of the afternoon, every pony and creature squinted in the light as they stepped down a small flight of stairs and back on the grass before the School of Friendship. Many of them looked back from the place where they came from – a small tent on a wooden platform where Discord exited out of. Before he left, he collapsed the tent, folded the stage up several times until all that remained was a suitcase. Discord picked it up and summoned a straw hat on his head to tip it at them.
“See you all tomorrow!” And with that, he flew away.