//------------------------------// // Labeling Theory // Story: The Sunlight Theory // by Space Jazz //------------------------------// The girls rushed the stage and swarmed Sunset in hugs and and cheers and congratulations. I had to force myself to step out from behind the curtain to join them. Once I was close enough, Sunset grabbed me by the waist and brought me in for a kiss. The crowd reacted exactly how I thought it would. We pulled apart, and the spotlight sparkled in her eyes. “That was amazing,” I said, my voice breathy. “The kiss or the performance?” “Both?” Rainbow Dash clapped my back. “Good luck following that, Twilight!” My stomach dropped, dragging me down with it, and I felt nauseous. I looked to the others for guidance, but they were still high up in the clouds after Sunset’s performance. Back on Earth, it felt like my throat had closed up on me, and I couldn’t ask for help. I only had a few minutes to prepare myself as the stage crew already began to roll in the piano from its place backstage. There was no way I could even compare myself to Sunset, let alone match her performance. I didn’t even realize I was shaking until Sunset put her hand on mine. “You alright, Twi?” She rubbed her thumb across the back of my hand. “I… I’ll be fine,” I said, my voice weak and unconvincing. All it took was one performance for her to turn me into that same blubbering idiot that first fell in love with her. I hadn’t changed at all, yet she was just as supportive and wonderful as ever. This time, Sunset brought both hands on mine. “You got this, Twilight,” she said. And for a moment, I believed her. I don’t deserve her. I shook that thought away as I forced myself up. There was no use getting in my own head. If I was going to have any chance of impressing the audience, I needed to be just as good as Sunset. I needed to be just like her: confident, collected, perfect. She saw it in me somewhere. My name was called, and I was only ready because I had to be. I kept my chin up and focused on my steps, praying that I didn’t roll my ankle in the heels as I walked out onto the stage, under the lights, and in front of a hundred pairs of eyes. No matter. I had this. I totally got this. Yeah. I immediately crumbled. I took a seat at the piano and played a quick note. It was out of tune. I hadn’t bothered to account for the fact that there was a nonzero chance that school’s piano wouldn't be in tune. Canterlot High was a public school, after all. I shouldn’t have expected that the exorbitant cost of getting a piano tuned to be in the yearly budget. I was so used to the one at home. Why did I expect it to be perfect? I took a deep breath. It came out loud over the speaker, and I immediately grew conscious of my own breathing. I was already off to a horrible start, and I knew it could only get worse. Just breathe, Twilight. Breathing isn’t hard. And then I glanced over to the audience. I shouldn't have. Expectant eyes were all trained on me, and I felt like a specimen under a microscope. How did Sunset do this so easily? I licked my lips. They were painfully dry. A layer of sweat sat on my forehead. The stage lights might as well have been cooking me alive. Focus. I let out another deep breath. Then I began to sing. The lack of confidence was clear in my voice. I just hoped it was a case of me being too critical of myself and that the audience wouldn’t notice. But what was Sunset thinking? The thought of tanking in front of Sunset scared me more than anything. I continued to sing, hours of rehearsal pushing me to get it done. My voice was weak, but at least I was hitting the notes. Though, from the short glances I took to gauge the reactions, I knew I wasn’t impressing anyone. My gaze drifted towards Sunset, the latest in a long series of mistakes. I could see the pity in her eyes. I stopped singing. Instead, I just got up and ran off stage, ignoring Sunset as she called my name. —☀— I didn't know how to describe how I felt. Small. Unimportant. Insignificant. I don’t even know why I felt that way. I just did. The pageant was almost over, and the next week would be spent voting for Miss Wondercolt. Then at the dance, whoever won would be crowned Spring Fling Princess. It didn’t matter. Sunset was going to win. Like she always did, apparently And I was happy for her. At least I thought I was. I don’t know. To be honest, I wanted to do the pageant because I thought it’d be a fun thing to do with her. Unfortunately, all it did was remind me why she felt so unapproachable in the first place. She was perfect, and I didn’t deserve her. I rushed back into the dressing room, just glad I didn’t twist my ankle off in my heels before I kicked them off. Every bit of air left my body in a heavy sigh as I slumped down on the first chair I could find. I just needed to be alone. That I knew. “Ah, Trixie remembers the first time Sunset Shimmer crushed her dreams.” Her voice came from the inside of her magician’s box. “You come here to cry, too, Sparkle?” I rolled my eyes as I slipped on a sweatshirt over my dress. At this point, I just wanted to go home. “Not now, Trixie.” “Truth be told, this wasn’t as painful as the other years.” She said it so casually, like she had been expecting it. “The other years?” Trixie laughed, muffled slightly from the cabinet. “Someone had to try to end her reign of terror all those years. I’m just surprised she didn’t try cheating again. No blackmail. No intimidation in that spooky hallway with the light that never works. Nothing.” Again? Blackmail? It all just sounded so wrong. “What are you talking about?” I couldn’t process what she was saying. It couldn’t be true. I didn’t know why, but I thought of the photo of Sunset as a freshman. There was no way she cheated. The tears in her eyes when she was named princess were real. There was just no way. “I’m sure she earned it.” “Earned it?” There was a quick beat of silence before Trixie emerged from her box, hands tight, eyes puffy, and brows bent. “Do you really think she won that many times because everyone at school liked her? Sparkle, even I’m not that naive.” “Then you tell me what happened!” I blew up at her, and Trixie seemed to jump back. Trixie rubbed at her wrists. “She’d threaten anyone that ran against her. If they didn’t drop out, she’d sabotage them.” “That doesn’t sound like her. She’s been nothing but kind to me.” “Kind!? She humiliated me in front of everyone sophomore year.” The pain in Trixie’s eyes was just as real. “She doused one of my props in lighter fluid, and…” She held her arms out like any performer would. The fire-sparklers in her sleeves worked this time. “Now everyone thinks me and my dreams are a joke.” “No…” As much as I didn’t want to believe her, I didn’t have the heart to call Trixie a liar, either. “Ask her yourself.” I reached for my phone and winced when I saw the messages from Sunset waiting for me. —Hey are you ok? — where are you? I didn’t text her back. Instead, my fingers hovered over Sugarcoat’s message from earlier: There’s some things about your girl I think you should know. Right under it was a link to Canterlot city hall’s website. I did the worst thing and clicked it. I just had to know. Some sort of official court document with Sunset’s name on it. I didn’t even want to know how Sugarcoat found it. And I knew that she most likely had my best interest at heart, but it stung, and I hated her for it. It still didn’t feel real. It said that Sunset Shimmer went to juvenile hall for assault. It was right there in legal paper, but I still didn’t believe it. The document was dated right at the end of Sunset’s freshman year. It couldn’t have been that same little girl. It just couldn’t. It had to be the other Sunset Shimmer—the one originally from this universe. She was still out somewhere in the world, right? It couldn’t have been my Sunset. That wasn’t the Sunset I knew. Trixie brushed past me. “The closing ceremony starts soon.” She stepped up to the door and held it open. “Might as well see it through till the end. You coming?” “I’ll catch up with you.” That was a lie. I couldn’t go back. Trixie paused halfway out the door. “I hope she’s kind to you,” she said. “Really, I do, Sparkle. It’s better for everyone that she’s changed, but that doesn’t take back what she’s done.” Once she was gone. I forced on shoes and grabbed my bag. I was never a runner, but I rushed out the school until my chest was heaving from either exhaustion or the choked sobs I forced back so I could breathe. The night air was freezing, and the sharp breaths I took invited thousands of tiny needles into my lungs. I stumbled down the steps and dropped to my knees, scuffing the dress Rarity spent all her free time on the past few weeks. I tried to brush it off, but I had other things to worry about. Another deep breath, then I stood back up, right in front of the Wondercolt statue. Princess Twilight would know what to do. I didn’t have any other options, so I stepped to the grass, grabbed a pebble, and threw it at the Wondercolt statue. It bounced off the marble. The cold bit at my face. I was alone in this. I could either ask Sunset about it, or I could go back inside and pretend like nothing happened. The only thing I really wanted to do was go home. “There you are, Twilight!” It was Sunset, and my body went rigid hearing her voice. She was breathing heavily, and I figured she must have been running around looking for me. “Hey, Sunset.” I turned to face her but found myself staring at the ground as she rushed down the steps. She brought me in for a hug, and I tried to return it with limp arms. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” I nodded. It was a lie. She held onto me as I tried to pull away. She squeezed my wrists. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be fine.” I nodded again. I was looking through her, and I swallowed any would-be sobs. “I’ll be fine.” “You were great, Twilight.” I shook my head. “I just collapsed in front of everyone.” “Who cares what they think?” Sunset took in a deep breath, and I could see in the way she winced that she was debating something. “We don’t have to stay. The girls know we’re meeting at Sugarcube Corner after. We can just… go. ” “What?” There was still the closing ceremony. Running off would mean… “No. You deserve it. Everyone loved you out there.” “Who cares what they think?” It was strained the second time. She rubbed at her arm. “And I don’t deserve anything.” “Don’t say that!” My voice warbled, but I meant it, and I think she knew it, too. “You don’t have to give that up for me.” “Are you sure you’ll be okay back in there?” I nodded again. I finally had the strength to look her back in the eyes, and I didn’t know who I was looking at. •·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·☀·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·• “Coming in hot!” Rainbow warned as she dumped a few trays of food onto the table. She slid into the booth, bumping into Rarity from her momentum before passing out everyone’s meals. Applejack followed, carrying a mountain of sweets that Pinkie Pie insisted on ordering. I sulked in the corner of the booth and hoped no one would notice me until it was time to go home. The closing ceremony was a painful blur, but having Sunset next to me helped me get through it. I would’ve died from embarrassment if I had to face the crowd alone as I got polite applause for doing the bare minimum of getting back on stage. There was an awkward tension in the air. It stung, mostly cause it seemed like everyone but me wanted to celebrate. Sunset squeezed my hand again, and I felt lucky to have her. At least I thought I felt that way. Maybe I just wanted to feel that way. My thoughts were a mess anyway. Sugarcoat’s text and what Trixie had said earlier were dominating my thoughts. All that should really matter anyway was that Sunset had only been wonderful to me since I met her, right? I kept telling myself that at least. Did I even have the right to know who she was before I met her? I didn’t rejoin reality until I noticed that I had a bit of cupcake frosting on the tip of my nose. I also only just then realized that Pinkie had been waiting for me to accept the cupcake that she had just shoved into my face. Sunset wiped the frosting off my nose with her thumb and smiled at me. I tried to return it, but I quickly became self conscious about the way I was forcing myself. Instead, I picked at the cupcake’s wrapper and tried to zone out again. “So,” Rarity began, sipping away at her drink, “how are the two of you feeling?” “Exhausted,” I answered. It was probably the best lie I ever pulled off. “Same,” Sunset answered. “I think ponying-up took a lot more out of me than it would.” Rainbow leaned over the table, planting her hands. “That wasn’t ponying-up. That was something else!” “Yeah, it was like you were on fire,” Applejack added. “You just about lit up the whole room with your magic.” “Simply radiant, darling.” Fluttershy seemed to notice me moping and put a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, and Twilight was good, too.” Rarity was the first to catch on, placing her hand on mine. “Right. Of course. Your performance was lovely as well, Twilight. I thought it was a beautiful ballad.” “Thanks,” I said—though it was unconvincing. It would have been better if they hadn’t said anything. Instead, I just felt like an afterthought. “That reminds me.” Rarity returned her hand back to the table. “We should probably discuss how we’re voting for Spring Fling Princess.” I sunk further into the plastic cushion of the booth. “Just give it all to Sunset.” “Isn’t coordinating like this cheating?” Applejack asked, gesturing to both me and Sunset. “Don’t feel quite honest.” Not that Sunset’s a stranger to cheating— I couldn’t believe I thought that. Now I just felt even worse about myself. Rarity looked through Applejack “Do you intend on voting for anyone other than Sunset or Twilight?” “Well, no, but it still ain’t right.” Rarity rolled her eyes and dug into her bag, eventually pulling out a notepad. “Okay, Applejack, who do you want to vote for?” “I ain’t helpin’ ya fix the votes.” She crossed her arms. “I just want to know for whom you’re voting.” Rarity clicked her pen. “So I can vote for the other. I’m entitled to vote any way I choose, and you’re not voting for anyone you don’t want to.” “Fine, I guess I’ll vote for Sunset,” Applejack answered. Rarity scribbled down the answer. I felt a hollow pang in my chest. It was obvious they all would choose Sunset if they weren’t obligated to humor me. “Wait there’s seven of us,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. Rarity shrugged. “We balance out the votes, and then Pinkie Pie votes for herself, and no one thinks twice.” Pinkie wiped off a layer of frosting off her mouth. “Who said I wasn’t already gonna to vote for myself?” “See?” Rarity hummed. “We help the both of you get votes, and it’s balanced.” “Right,” I said, my back rigid. The whole conversation made me anxious. We were floating around an unasked question for a while now—one that was around before we even signed up for the pageant, but I just had to know. “Although, if you had to pick one of us to win…” “I don’t think I need to know the answer,” Sunset said, suddenly just as uncomfortable. “Yeah, Twilight,” Rarity said, “you know we can’t choose—“ “Sunset, easily,” Rainbow Dash answered, earning a sharp elbow to the ribcage from Rarity. “What!? She deserves it.” •·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·☀·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·• The ride home was quiet. My pressing had only made things awkward between everyone from the unsure attempts to keep me content to the uncomfortable reality that they, in all likelihood, would also pick Sunset over me if there was a split between us. Sunset walked me up the driveway and to the porch. I would’ve invited her inside, but the lights were off, and I figured that my parents had turned in early for their flight to Mexicolt. I didn’t want to wake them unless I absolutely had to. Sunset didn’t seem to want to stay long, either. “Are you going to be alright?” Sunset asked again. The answer was the same, “I’ll be fine,” from hours ago. “If you need anything…” I paused at the door, mentally preparing to ask the question on my mind the whole ride home. I winced. “Do you… actually plan on telling me about yourself?” “What made you ask that?” “I just… heard things.” Sunset sighed and straightened out a few curls in her hair. “It’s late, Twilight. I think we both just need some sleep.” “Oh. Okay.” I gave her a small nod, and she took that as a sign to leave. I watched her return to her bike and drive down the hill. If someday were to ever come, it would be because I made it. I decided it would be tonight. •·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·☀·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·• No more uncertainties. The bus dropped me off about a block away from Sunset’s apartment building. And for some reason, the area felt a lot worse at night. My pace quickened around the corner to her place. I figured it just wasn’t as well lit as my neighborhood. I hurried down the street and ducked inside her apartment complex. When I reached her door, I found myself tracing the stains in the carpet with the tip of my shoe. I checked my phone. 11:11. I knocked at the door and waited for Sunset to show. There was a bit of rustling behind the door. “Look, I get paid next Friday. I’ll have the rent then. You don’t have to keep—“ The door whipped open, and I saw Sunset with a scowl on her face and a cigarette in her mouth. I don’t know why, but that just made it all real. “Twilight?" Her face shriveled, and she hung her head. I watched embers fall from her lips. “Oh, fuck. Twilight.” The expression on her face changed. I wasn’t sure how to describe it, disgusted, maybe. But I wasn't sure if she was mad at me for showing up or at herself for getting caught. I didn’t even know which would have been the better option. Sunset tried to slam the door shut, but I didn’t let her, instead lodging my foot in the gap before it closed. I ignored the spike of pain in my ankle as I pushed my way into her apartment. It was full of smoke. It wasn’t the neighbors nor the thin walls. It was her. She wasn’t just being secretive. She was lying to me. “So this is what you do when I’m not around. You know that stuff's poison, right?” My voice was quiet. I found myself staring at the ashy stains on her sweatpants. So that’s what they were. “What else have you been hiding?” I couldn’t even look her in the eye. Sunset crossed her arms. “Would it change anything?” “I don’t know.” She took a long drag from her cigarette, as if out of spite. No apologies. “Do you want to know?” The words left her mouth with a cloud of smoke. “You’re not going to like what you see.” I coughed and brushed toxic cloud away. Just gross. “Yes.” Sunset left, disappearing into her bedroom. She came back with a shoebox. “I started stashing it all once you started coming over more.” So she was hiding it. I bit the inside of my cheek, completely unsure if I wanted to continue. The casual admission seemed bad enough. However, I just had to know. I just had to know. Boxes of cigarettes, a bottle of liquor, and cannabis all densely packed together. It was worse than I thought. She rubbed her arm. “This is me. Judge all you like.” I looked through the box. I pulled out the bottle. “You’re not even old enough to drink.” “Aren’t I?” She asked with raised eyes. “Have you seen my driver's license?” “Don’t joke.” My face felt hot with embarrassment as I just now pieced together that her ID was likely illegitimate. I shook my head and put the bottle back before pointing at the bag of marijuana and winced. “And this is illegal.” “It’s just a plant,” she said dismissively. “I don’t even know why it’s illegal here. Because in Equestria, plants aren't illegal unless it’s poison—” “Oh, now you want to talk about Equestria?” I balled my hands into fists. “When it’s convenient? When it enables you?” “We’re not having this conversation again.” “Why not? You’re perfectly fine showing me your stash.” I turned to face the window. “I need some air.” I stepped away from her and forced my head out the window, taking in all the clean air I could get. It took a while for me to gather the strength to face her again. “Twilight…” Sunset took in a breath. “What’s in that box — that’s the least of it.” I swallowed. “I just want to know who you are. Because I've heard...” “Where do I even start?” There was grit and smoke in her voice as she threw her hands up. “Because the further back you go, the worse it gets. Whatever you heard, it’s all true.” I felt something hollow within me. “What?” “I’ve done some awful things I can’t take back.” She looked past me. "I don't expect forgiveness. I just want to move on and do right." I thought of Trixie, then of the assault, and I felt an awful pang in my chest. “I didn’t want to believe them. I thought you were better than this, Sunset.” She scoffed and crossed her arms. “Better than what?” “I don’t know.” I rubbed at the spot between my eyes. “A liar? A criminal?” “Is that how you see me now?” “Are you anything else?” I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt her back. Sunset winced, but that quickly faded as her glare came back. “You think I’m proud of who I am? I’m sorry for not being sheltered and well-adjusted like you.” I pushed back. “How is this my fault?” “Everything has to be perfect with you.” Sunset threw her hands up. “You had our dates planned to the minute because it all had to live up to your expectations.” “What do you mean?” I shrunk away a bit. “Oh, grow up, Twilight.” She rolled her eyes. “You can’t even handle that I smoke when you’re not around. I don’t need you to tell me that it’s bad for me or that it’s illegal or that my groceries have too much salt in them. “I don’t need you to fix me!” Sunset stared me down. “I’ve—I’ve been doing alright on my own.” “Who even are you?” I asked. “I don’t even see why I—” “Why you what?” Sunset interrupted with a bite, stepping forwards and pressuring me to the wall. “Fell for me?” There was a painful silence in the room. My mouth went dry. “I don’t know.” Sunset’s face changed. The anger in it was gone. She looked away, and I followed her gaze to the cactus I gave her. “Did you fall in love with me or the girl you made up in your project?” I don’t know. I didn’t answer. Instead, I rushed past her and out the door. I was halfway down the hall when I heard glass shattering behind me. I looked back to see new stains in the carpet and a broken bottle. I kept running, rushing down the staircase. The entire way down, I felt numb. My body was moving mechanically, getting me out of there as my mind went blank. Then I was out in the street. In the dark. I tore into my bag, grabbed my phone, and called my mom. “Please pick up. Please pick up. Mom, please…” There was a click, and I hear my mother’s tired voice. “Twilight?” I swallowed back a sob. “Mom I’m at S-Sunset’s.” “At this hour?” “Mom, please.” I didn’t want to hear anything. “I’m outside. Just come pick me up.” “R-right,” her voice was more urgent. “I’ll be right there. Just stay somewhere with light.” Sunset’s apartment went dark, and I wondered what she was doing. I was alone in the cold, waiting for a ride home and resisting crying as I refused to let her hear me like this. I took deep, slow breaths until I found my mom’s car down the street. Jumping up, I rushed inside and found myself staring off into space once I sat down. “Twily?” It was then when I broke. I started crying, and I leaned into my mom’s arms. I felt like a child again as she rubbed my back. A dumb, stupid child who fell fast and hard on her face. We stayed like that for a while as I cried into her shoulder. “I want you to stay over with your brother and Cadance. I don’t want you to be alone.” I pulled away as I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “No, I’ll be fine.” We were halfway through the ride home before I said, “Actually, I think I want to go with you to Mexicolt.”