//------------------------------// // Chapter Three: Ocean Glow: Origin Story // Story: The Return Of Cozy Glow's Parents // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// “Sheesh! Are we really doing this now? We still have a coronation to conclude y’know, and I can’t wait to ‘break in’ my new bed at the castle. It’s super-plush, with extra-thick blankets for the winter, and so sturdy! It won’t be long ‘til I’m ‘bouncing’ with excitement on it…” “Spike!!” Twilight frowned at her interrupting reptilian friend. “In case you hadn’t noticed, this is pretty important. And if you happen to ‘break’ your bed whilst ‘breaking it in’, I won’t be paying for a new one. Just imagine sleeping on the cold, hard floor for an entire year, before you get too carried away with your trampoline antics!” Phooey. An annoyed Spike grumbled at the mild reprimand, before changing the subject back to the present. “It’s just… I thought we were gonna hear about the origins of Cozy Glow, not how this weird couple met. No offence, but this is why I never buy any comics with romantic storylines. Too mushy for me, and they always get in the way of the main action.” Twilight again rolled her eyes at her assistant’s insubordination, but strangely enough Ocean Glow seemed quite amused by it all. Sizing the dragon up (not that there was much to take in) the stallion continued to talk, this time with a tad more levity. “Oh, I know exactly what you mean, little one! I’d always spent my early life having adventures at sea, and settling down was the very last thing on my mind. As the sole heir of Manehattan’s biggest shipping company, I suppose it’s only natural I thought my destiny was out there in the open waves delivering goods from towns to cities. But life has a funny way of navigating you off course, as I discovered on that fateful day....” Here we go again… Spike internally sighed in defeat, realising that no matter how much he tried distracting Ocean Glow from his merry shanty, the lovestruck stallion would always find a way to return to the beginning. Might as well roll with it. Anything’s better than being stared at on stage with thousands upon thousands of eyes burning a hole through your head, at least. ……………………. “Hey! Ocean Glow! Stop watching the seagulls excreting on my poop deck, and look at me! I’m gonna teach you how to tie this reef knot, if it’s the last thing I do!” Hmm? Ocean Glow halted his daydreaming temporarily to glance at the captain of the vessel, who stood close by with a long piece of fabric in his hooves. “Let me guess, father. You want to show me the ‘ropes’? Do you like that joke? I’ve been working on it ever since we came aboard!” “That was over a week ago, son! You mean to tell me, instead of learning how to swab the decks, raise the flag and preserve the rations, you’ve been working on your one-liners?! Good sailors swear, drink rum and never shave: you seem more intent on becoming a stand-up comedian. And what’s this I hear about you refusing to let the crew fish for extra food…?” “It’s just so boring out here, dad!” Ocean Glow groaned, having already heard this lecture roughly a million times already. “Nothing to do apart from eat black bread, get seasick, apologise to the pony looking out the porthole who it landed on…” “Son, don’t try getting out of this by telling stupid jokes! Why did you tell everypony they weren’t allowed to cast their nets to get some extra tuck?” “Not that you’d care, but remember that I took a course in Marine Biology just before leaving school. It’s about the only thing sea-related that interests me. Do you have any idea how many endangered species we catch in those nets every year, alongside the usual salmon and tuna? I hardly think it’s worth permanently damaging the ecosystem, just to fill our bellies.” Ocean Glow regaled his father with the inconvenient truth of his disregard for the environment. “Also, those empty bottles of rum we throw overboard are a major pollution hazard for plants and animals that dwell on the sea bed…” “Right, that’s it! I’ve had just about my fill of your lily-livered protests of our way of life! In case you haven’t noticed, ponies control Equestria and it’s waters: not brainless sea-creatures! If a few of them go extinct in our pursuit for proper nourishment during long voyages, then that’s just too bad! Nature should’ve made more of them, so it’s not our fault. Also, it’s a wide ocean out there. So we chuck a bit of trash into it every now and then. Big deal! I’m not gonna lose a wink of sleep if a patch or two of seaweed gets affected, or a crab happens to step on some glass. It’s survival of the fittest, Private!” “ ‘Private’? B-But isn’t that an army rank…?” Ocean Glow blinked at his father, understandably confused. “It doesn’t matter where it came from, only what it implies.” The elder seapony growled at his only son balefully, just about keeping his notorious temper in check. “You are no longer my second-in-command! Not until you buck your ideas up, and start concerning yourself about events up here instead of down below. Now, stop catching flies with your mouth and get back to work, if you know what that is. You’re just lucky we’ll be sailing into port within a few hours, or I’d flog you to within an inch of your life for this latest breach of protocol! Celestia knows what your mother will say when I tell her…” “W-What? No, please don’t! Anything, but that. Lock me in the dungeon until we get to land, but don’t tell mother! Please Dad, I’m begging you…” For some reason, the thought of his mum hearing about his disobedience was enough to break Ocean Glow into a cold sweat. “That’s Captain Anchors Aweigh to you, Private Ocean Glow! Another word out of you, and I’ll make you walk the plank! Now straighten up, and fly right!”  “W-Wha…” “That’s sailor slang, for ‘stop acting like a jackass’, Private! But why should I expect any less, from the pony that thinks the brig on board is called a dungeon(!) You know, sometimes I have doubts you’re my son at all. A few of the crew are urging me to take a ‘DNA test’. Whatever that is. Anyway, try not embarrassing the family too much until we reach the shore. It’s a tough ask I know, but the very least you could do is not make the one who helped bring you into this world look like a total putz. Think you can handle that, for just a single morning? At ease.”  That’s rich, coming from the guy who talks more like an army sergeant than a seapony. Ocean Glow obeyed his exiting father’s command on the surface, but retained his rebellious streak in his thoughts. At least he didn’t give me the whole ‘you’re a disgrace to a long line of sea pioneers’ spiel again. If I ever hear that stupid speech recited verbatim in my poor ears again, I’ll… I’ll…” Ocean Glow’s musings were cut short by sniggering all around him, and he realised with horror that the rest of the crew had stopped to eavesdrop every angry word exchanged between him and his dad. And didn’t they just love it? “S-Show’s over now, okay? Return to your duties at once, and leave me in peace.” Ocean Glow tried putting on a tough expression, but it more resembled the kind of face one makes when swallowing an extra-large helping of cough medicine. The assorted scallywags aboard weren’t having none of it, either. “What are you gonna do about it, chump? You’re not in charge of us anymore. So if I were you, I’d keep my mouth shut.” One member sneered petulantly, getting right in Ocean Glow’s personal space. “I just can’t wait to bring in a massive catch of delicious fish later. With some extra dolphin and whale-meat thrown in for added vitamins. Mmm mmm mmmmmm! All the protein a growing pony needs!” A particular arrogant sailor with an eyepatch licked his lips, before prodding Ocean Glow for good measure. “Oh look! A day’s worth of garbage, about to be cast into the deepest blue. Oh, no! Won’t somepony please think of the ittle wittle oysters below?!” Another bandana-clad stallion decided to antagonise an increasingly angry Ocean Glow further, by threatening to tip a barrel full of rubbish overboard just to spite him...   ...Which proved to be the final straw for his fraying temper. “Give those to me now!” An apoplectic Ocean Glow launched himself at the potential litterbug, and an impromptu tug-of-war soon followed, with virtually everypony present cheering on the unnamed sailor, and nopony at all rooting for the Captain’s son. Aside from Mother Nature. Maybe. “What are you brainless manatees up to now?” Speaking of the Captain, he emerged from his quarters looking quite irate at having a fun time with his favourite compass disrupted. “If any of you scurvy-ridden sardines have gone for a dip without my permission again, I’ll…” But that was all he had a chance to say, before Ocean Glow’s sneaky opponent purposefully released his grip on the barrel, so the amateur sailor staggered backwards with it… Emptying pretty much the entire contents over his father’s nice, clean uniform. Oh dear. Not knowing quite what to say, Ocean Glow stammered and stuttered by means of an explanation. “I-I’m really sorry Dad, but it was an accident. If you really want to blame somepony, it was the guy who started it by teasing me…” “Not another word. Not. One. More. Word.” Captain Anchors Aweigh sounded absolutely furious, even by his usual high standards. “It’s always you, isn’t it? And why is it always you? Because you’re utterly useless, that’s why! Now your mother is going to be cross with both of us! She only just pressed these clothes fresh before we set out, and now I’m probably going to have to throw them out! Happy now…?!” “F-Father, I-I…” Ocean Glow tried making amends, which wasn’t easy when the rest of the crew around him silently mocked his plight. “Enough! You know what, Private? I think I will take you up on your earlier offer, and confine you to the brig until we reach land. At least you won’t be able to sink the ship in there. Or in your case, I just don’t know. It’s the safest thing I can do for now though, so you are dismissed. Unless, you’d like a couple of my burlier officers to make sure you get there in one piece…(!)” “Okay, okay! I’m going! I’m going!” Ocean Glow was quick to accede to the Captain’s demands, glad as he was to get away from all this madness. “But one last thought. Have you ever noticed, you run this vessel more like a pirate ship than a merchant vessel? Only hiring the cheapest of seaponies, which is baffling when you consider how wealthy we are. Maybe, you could give them all raises…?” “I-I said, go!” A clearly nervous Ocean Glow’s father threw a banana peel at his son that’d landed on his shoulder from the barrel (Polly the parrot, who used to loyally perch there, had sadly died of overeating crackers last Spring) but it missed by a whisker. Taking the chance for a quick retreat, Ocean Glow wasted no more time in galloping off to the brig to slam the door behind him in haste. There was no point in locking it. After all, he had no intention of rejoining everypony else until they were safely back on terra firma once more. Although, how ‘safe’ he’d remain with his terror of a mother soon to be on the warpath was another matter. Shaking his head with worry, he fetched a candle from the table and retrieved a hidden non-fiction book from a loose plank underneath the bunk (this was by no means his first time held prisoner for some perceived misdemeanour). It was his only real pleasure on board, so he read just one chapter for each day he spent as a captive to make it last as long as possible. Now he was on chapter one-hundred and two. Go figure.  “Seals may be cute, but there’s so much more to them than that. These cuddly blubbery mammals can digest nearly their own weight in fish every day… wow, amazing!” He read aloud with enthusiasm, knowing there was nopony around to hear him. In fact, come to think of it, there was nopony on Equestria who cared for him much at all. Still, that could change any second.  “And indeed it did, for a few hours later, when I met the love of my…”  …………………………. “Hmm… munch, munch… this is pretty good stuff, isn’t it? ...crunch, crunch… And by that, of course I mean both your story, and this delicious caramel-smothered popcorn I found just lying around outside. What are the chances, huh? Well, don’t stop on my account… you were just getting to the best part!” “What… Pinkie?!” Everypony absorbed in the story reacted at the same time to the sudden appearance of the certified funster (or certifiable, depending on who you asked), aside from Ocean Glow and Cozy Nights, who didn’t have a clue what was going on. “Pinkie, you know darn well that popcorn was meant to be for the big feast later!” Twilight frowned, examining the sticky mane and messy mouth of her party friend with considerable annoyance. “...And where’s Rainbow Dash? I asked her to watch you, while I dealt with this situation. The last thing we need is your irrelevant nonsense while I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.” “Last time I checked, she was rolling on the floor laughing. Is there an acronym for that? I don’t know. Anyway, I think Cheese Sandwich might be keeping her occupied with some of his best gags. This was an entirely spontaneous decision by him, and never a carefully-organised and brilliantly-executed escape plan by me in any way. Honest. ” Pinkie’s eyes flit from side-to-side suspiciously for a second, before she settled down to sit uninvitedly alongside Twilight. “Anyway... come on Ocean-something! I love a good romance story! As long as they have happy endings. This.. does have a happy ending, right? Pinkie Promise?” “E-Er, kinda?” A nonplussed Ocean Glow was not sure how to react to the eccentric newcomer. Dealing with Cozy Nights’s idiosyncrasies is one thing, but this? I’m a marine biologist, not a trained psychiatrist…   “Don’t make a Pinkie Promise! Don’t make a Pinkie Promise!!” Almost every creature present, including the Princesses and Spike, unexpectedly jumped on Ocean Glow to stop him answering further, and possibly making the biggest mistake of his life. “Hmm. Seeing as how my beloved is temporarily incapacitated, maybe it’s my turn to tell you how we met that wonderful, perfect, magical day!” Like it or not, Cozy Nights took the lull in proceedings as a chance to have her say. “Things were never easy for me growing up in Manehattan. My father left us when I was a mere foal… and my mother, though kind, found it difficult to cope with my various ‘issues’. But even though we were poor, we loved each other very much and were blissfully happy! Things took an unexpected turn back then however, when me and my sister took a short walk to the docks to see if there were any odd-jobs we could do to earn some much-needed bits. She wouldn’t let me go alone, you see...”