//------------------------------// // Who am I?....I'm Ash Williams // Story: My Name is Ash // by Lady Umbra //------------------------------// I know now, that there is such a thing as a living evil. A dark and shapeless thing, That lives not in the space that we know, but between them. In the Dark. In the Night Now listen carefully because there isn't much time. Listen and Believe. Because it's all true My name is Jacob Ashley Williams. My friend usually call me either Ash or Will. And you know something sad? My friend Samantha and I had been hearing rumors about people vanishing at Comic Cons around the United states. And yet, the naive past me just dismissed them as rumors; nothing more, nothing less. Well, let's just say I changed my tune fast. Though I wouldn't have had to, if I hadn't bought anything from that Fucking Bastard! But, you're probably wondering how my adventure started. Well... Sam and I weren't cosplayers like other people. We went to Comic Con for one reason and one reason only: to find and buy items for our growing anime and movie collections. Currently I have items from One Piece, My Hero Academia, Fairy Tail, Bleach, Evil Dead 1 and 2, Army of Darkness, and Ash Vs. The Evil Dead. Sam has items from Highscool of the Dead, Dr. Stone, Hellsing, The Rising of the Shield Hero, and the Harry Potter. So the two of us were wandering the booths, seeing what there was to see, when we came across a booth run by a man dressed like the merchant from Resident Evil 4. I only knew the character thanks to my brother Sean. The zombie fanatic plays that game all the time. Looking over the mans booth I noticed Zoro's three Katanas from One Piece, Ichigo's Hollow mask along with his true Zanpakto from Bleach, and All For One's black mask from My Hero Academia. While it all looked exactly like the ones in their respective animes, I already had them at home in my game room. I was about to walk away when something finally caught my attention. It was a modified chainsaw and a leather bound book with a grotesque face on it. Immediately I recognized them: the Book of the Dead from Evil Dead, and the chainsaw Bruce Campbell used to fight it. "Find something ya like?" asked the merchant. "How much for the book and the chainsaw?" I asked instantly. "The chainsaw is four hundred dollars while the book is one hundred," he replied. I didn't even hesitate. Reaching into my wallet, I pulled out five hundred and handed it over. He accepted the change eagerly, while I grabbed the book and chainsaw. A maniacal grin spread across my face as I put my chainsaw over my right hand. The thing fit like a glove! My smile didn't last long, however, as the merchant started laughing. "Good luck... Ashley Williams." I look at the merchant with a confused look on my face. Then, I suddenly felt the floor fall out from under me. It should’ve been a normal day in Canterlot. The guards patrolled the palace sculpture garden, expecting everything to be just the same as they left it. They certainly didn’t expect a portal to open up and drop a screaming figure to the ground. The patrolling guards immediately converged on the figures' location, staring at the creature in shock. It was a hairless ape; wearing long khaki pants with a leather straps across it's chest over a torn dark blue shirt. On his right hand was a contraption that the guards had never seen before. On the ground next to the human was some sort of book, bound with odd leather that resembled a face. Curious, one of the guards picked up the book and opened. He yelped and dropped the book. "Sweet Celestia," he whispered, backing up and making signs to ward off evil. The other guards followed his gaze, shivering and making their own signs at what was scattered across the pages, written in an ominous red liquid. "What do we do?" another guard asked the sergeant among them. Before the sergeant could respond, the human groaned. The guards shifted their attention to him as he sat up, his left hand over his forehead. "I feel like I just got hit by a train," the figure muttered. "Hey Sean, did you make coffee yet?" No one answered him. "Sean!” The human groaned. “Did you...?" He turned, finding the guards aiming spears at him. For a moment, both sides took in each other. The human staring at the pony-human hybrids, and the ponies staring back at the pureblood human. "Fuck me,” the humans muttered. “The rumors were…” But the sergeant took action, and slammed his spear into the back of the humans head. The human crumbled, the rise and fall of his chest the only sign of life. "Report this to the Princesses," the sergeant said, his horn flaring up and grabbing the human in a magic aura. Glancing at the book, he shuddered. “And seal that book up and contact Princess Twilight Sparkle. She might know what it is.” He gave a more curious look to the creature. “As well as this creature.” Thank god, it was only a dream. Yeah if only it was that easy, I knew I was still wasn't home. As I came to, I heard the familiar voices of Tara Strong's Twilight, Tabitha St. Germaine’s Luna and Nicole Oliver's Celestia. "The Guards said he fell from the sky,” Celestia said in concern. “Carrying these odd weapons… and this book. It seems to be bound in some poor creatures skin!” "Perhaps he is a creature who escaped from Tartarus?" Luna offered. "I don't think so," Twilight answered. "During my early years of being your student, I researched the creatures you sealed away in Tartarus. There’s no record of a one-handed hairless ape ever being sealed in there." Opening my eyes, I found myself bound by Celestia's golden magic aura, Unfortunately I also noticed I was missing my right hand. I wanted to scream in panic, but it did no good; Celestia’s magic had also come with a gag. The only parts of me that were free were my legs and feet. Looking up, I saw the three alicorns conversing with each other. My chainsaw and shotgun lay at their feet. Twilight was flipping through the Necronomicon, her eyes growing wider in fear. "C-Celestia,” she whispered, showing her mentor the book. “I think I know where he came from.” Celestia gave me a suspicious look and pulled me closer. From my new position, I could see the page Twilight was showing the sun princess. It was the prophecy of Ash Williams fighting against the Evil of the World. But judging from the harsh looks Luna and Celestia were giving me, I doubted they understood that. Thankfully, they seemed interested in finding out, as Celestia removed the magic gag from my mouth. "What are you?" Celestia asked. Looking back, I probably should have just politely and calmly told her what was going on. But the problem with her guards knocking me out and her restraining me like an animal? It ticked me off. Closed my mind to reason. So, I decided to politely and calmly hock a glob of spit in her face. "Piss off!” I added on top of it. Sam always said I had a bit of a anger problem. But at this moment it was justified. And hey; seeing her back up as my spit hit her eyes proved to be rather amusing. But I could already see the rage boiling to life on Twilight and Luna’s faces, and could assume they were going to make my life miserable for spitting at their princess. Which led me to a more… violent course of action. Before they could attack me, I attacked first, slamming my head into the Princess’ face. Her magic wavered from my blow, allowing me to break free. Luna and Twilight moved to subdue me, but I managed to snatch up my shotgun with my good hand. Luna lunged at me, drawing a silver sword from her belt, but with one shot, I blew her sword to bits. The echoing gunfire silenced any curses or anger the alicorns had for me, leaving me free to snatch Luna up in my right arm and keep their curses buried with a shotgun barrel to her temple. “Alright, no one move,” I warned. “I don’t want to kill you three beauties, but I will if I have to.” At first, they appeared to obey. But I caught the faint glow around Twilight’s horn. Without hesitation, I fired at her feet. She jumped back with a yelp. “No magic either, sweetheart,” I growled, placing the gun back to the midnight blue Alicorns head. “Now give your sister the other weapon, sweet cheeks." I pointed to the chainsaw, glaring at Celestia. Her eyes wide with fright yet wanting to narrow in anger, she reluctantly picked up the weapon and handed it to her sister. “Attach it to my stump, sweetie,” I told Luna. The alicorn complied. I gave my wrist a twist, and the mechanism locked into place. I quickly looked behind me, ensuring no one was about to sneak up on me. “Good girl,” I said. “Now pull the string.” Luna gave a hard yank of the chord, and my chainsaw hand roared to life. With my chainsaw active, I moved to reload. However, as I cocked it open, the used shells popped out, revealing new ones already in place. “Alright,” I said, cocking the shotgun closed and aiming it at Twilight. “Now, sweetheart, you’re messing with powers you don’t understand. Which is why I’m gonna ask nicely: hand. The book. Over. Now.” Without warning, pain flared from my leg. Screaming in pain, I lost my grip on Luna, and she knocked me away from her. Swinging my chainsaw around, I made contact with something. At first, I didn’t see what I had hit, but then a spray of crimson red followed by a blood curdling scream revealed the source. A unicorn guard shimmered into visibility, writhing on the ground. His butter pale coat splattered with blood streaming from his throat. My skin went cold. I had just killed some pony! If the back of my shin wasn’t burning with pain, I would’ve lost my lunch. A THUD drew my attention back to the alicorns. Twilight had dropped the Necronomicon. Her hands were over her mouth in horror. But I didn’t have time for her reaction! Luna and Celestia were already going from horror to rage. I dove for the book, but a golden aura snatched it away, depositing it in Celestia’s hands. Judging from the look of disgust and anger on her face, I knew I couldn’t sweet-talk her into giving it back. Which left two options: Option 1. I could fight Luna, Celestia, and Twilight. Not a good idea; I’d probably have to kill one or two of them if they didn’t kill me. And who knew what that would do to Equestria. Who would manage the Sun, Moon and Friendship? Which left Option 2: I make a run for it and pray none of them know how to read and speak the ancient Sumerian text. Of course, I could risk being captured. But that was beyond out of the question. If the book was anything like it was in the movies and the show, then Equestria would end in ruins. My Little Pony had never been my favorite show, but these ponies had done nothing to deserve the Hell that book would unleash. "Fuck it,” I decided out loud. “Taking the risk!" With a battle cry, I charged, firing my shotgun and swinging my chainsaw. The only thing I hit was the ground. A wave of exhaustion held me better than any guard. My eyes fluttered, the need for sleep overwhelming my senses. “Excellent time with the sleep spell, Twilight,” Celestia praised. Faintly, I was aware of someone tugging my arm. "Sister, it won't come off" Luna cried. "Leave it,” Celestia declared. “This creature has killed a pony in cold blood. He will be thoroughly restrained. At least 10 unicorn guards at all times! Twilight, read through this book. See if we can't send this...Demon… back from whence it came." You don’t want to do that! Was what I wanted to scream at the top of my voice. Instead, all that came out was, “Zzz…” as I finally succumbed to Twilight’s spell. I'm not sure how long I was under the influence of Twilight's spell. All I knew is that when my vision returned to me, I was in even deeper hot water than I was before. Ten different magical restraints covered my body. I was in the equivalent of a magical straitjacket. Forget moving my legs or my head; I was lucky I was still able to breathe! Yet, instead of being in a padded cell, I found myself in what I assumed was the Royal Canterlot Archives. Ten unicorn guards surrounded me, their horns flaring and spears aimed at me. Beyond my circle of guards, several books were levitating around Princess Twilight. Her eyes kept darting between the flying books and the Necronomicon, her smile slowly widening as she translated the text. "If you’re figuring out how to read from that book,” I said, surprising both her and myself with my ability to talk through the restraints. “I would advise you forget it now." Twilight glared at me, and I felt desperation enter my voice. I silently pleaded that this Twilight was smarter than she was in the show. “I’m serious,” I insisted. "Read from that book and you will unleash Hell on Earth!" "Like you were going to do, Demon?" she snapped, turning her back on me. I growled, ready to protest, when she gasped in glee. “I got it!” Twilight took the book and left the room in a hurry. Struggling against the restraints, I noticed one of the guards aiming at me with my own shotgun. I didn’t get long to fume about it before Twilight returned, her fellow princesses by her side. And not just Luna and Celestia. Cadence was there as well, Shining Armor practically stapled to her side. "And you are positive this is the passage to send this thing back?” Luna asked. "Ninety-five percent sure," Twilight assured her, placing the Necronomicon on a pedestal before me. "The text written in this book is ancient Sumerian. Lost eons ago, but rediscovered by Starswirl the Bearded before his disappearance." “Stop!” I demanded, starting to panic. “Seriously, don’t!” But Shining Armor hit me with a gag spell, leaving me only able to simmer in growing panic as Twilight opened the book and cleared her throat. "Now bear with me,” the Princess of Friendship admitted. “This is a lost language and not that easy to translate. It could have some side-effects; it may not even send him back.” “As long as it’s to another plane of existence,” Shining declared. “I think we will be fine.” “MMM!” I screamed through the gag. But everyone’s attention was on Twilight, as she began the incantation. "K...Kunda," she began. Her notes began to blow around the room “No!” I wanted to yell through the gag. “Stop her! She’s bringing evil onto you!” But all that came out was, “MM! MM MMR! ME MMING MMVL MPM MMM!” “Silence, demon,” one of the guards declared. “You’ll be someone else’s problem soon enough!” "As..Ast...Astrata," Twilight continued, the candles around the room extinguishing and sending us all into darkness. I knew something was happening. Somewhere, probably in the Everfree Forest, a spirit long dormant was emerging from his slumber. Racing towards those who had awakened the Great and Terrible Evil! "M..Mon...Mont...Montosse," continued Twilight. “MMMMMMMMMMM!” I wailed, thrashing against my bindings. “It must be working!” Celestia declared. “Finish it, Twilight!” "C..Can...Canda," Twilight finished. She gazed at me expectantly, but all I did was glare at her darkly before hanging my head with a sigh. This stupid unicorn had just released evil onto her world. And even worse, none of them knew what they had done. They just stared at me, disappointment warring against confusion. "It didn't work,” Luna was the first comment. "Maybe… It needs to be repeated to work?" Twilight offered, picking up the book to read again. But before she could utter another syllable, each and every window in the room shattered simultaneously. I glanced up almost apathetically as I heard the sound; the groaning wail of the evil spirit that had plagued the original Ash Williams in Evil Dead and all its sequels. Just as in the show, it vanished as quickly as it appeared. I felt the restraints on my left hand dissipate. The sound of armor hitting the ground drew everyone’s gaze. One of the unicorn guards restraining me had hit the ground. She was convulsing and spasming. I would’ve warned them, if the gag spell wasn’t keeping me from uttering a single word. "Crystal!?" the guard with my gun screamed. His magic restraint faltered, as did his grip on my gun, as he raced to his friend’s side. “Crystal, what’s happening?” For a moment, Crystal stopped moving. As her friend tended to her, the unicorn’s eyes shot open. And they were a ghostly white. “Crystal?” her friend asked. Crystal responded by ripping off his head. His spine came with his head, everyone screaming and backing up as the head blinked and gagged, probably wondering where the heck his body had gone. "Aw͟ww, ̕Lo҉̷v̷̨er̸̷ ̧́B̧̡o͝y,” the Deadite Pony mocked. “Y̍͂o͇͂u̓̌'ͩ̊r̥͌e̬̬͗ ̄s̥o ̹ͮ̉s̆͐wͬe̻͐̄ͅe͒t̤͉ͩ!̈”̰͈̓͌ Sounds of disgust split the air as she began making out with the head. Their magic flickered and faltered, slowly freeing me from their spells. But I was the least of their worries. Drawing their weapons, the unicorn guards charged the deadite with a roar. The deadite spared them a contemptuous gaze before cackling in glee. Swinging her former lover’s head and spine like a sword, she cut down the Royal Guard one by one. As the guards fell, the magic holding me finally faded. I dove for my shotgun, only to be yanked back by one final restraint. The one held by Shining Armor, who stood alongside his family in stunned silence as the deadite finished off the last guard and turned to them with a vile grin. "Yͤo̘̘ͣ̚ụ̟ͤ̽'͉̋r̥͉͗͋e͖͔ ̭̺n͉̐e̓̒xt̉̍!̃” the deadite declared. Breaking from their stupor, the royal family charged, weapons drawing, and magic flaring to life. Luna fired a spell, destroying the head the deadite was holding. As the deadite reeled, Luna tried to follow up with another spell to the deadite’s chest. However, the creature caught her wrist and back-handed her away, sending the midnight alicorn flying across the room and crashing into several book shelves. Celestia drew a golden sword, but the possessed pony caught the blade with a leer. Seizing the sun princess by her arm, the deadite snapped the bone with a cruel crushing grip. Swinging her by her broken arm, the deadite hurled Celestia into Cadence and Shining Armor. With all four out of commission, the deadite turned her ghostly white eyes to Twilight. Twilight backed away, only to slip on a book under her feet. Her vile grin growing, the deadite slammed her fist into the center column. Pulling out a chunk of marble the size of a small window, and holding it over her head with no effort, the possessed pony bore down on the lavender alicorn. Fear had taken hold of Twilight, she could do nothing but whimper and shiver, a puddle of urine growing wider and wider around her body. "Save her!” I turned. Shining Armor was crawling towards me. His hand raised to the last restraint on my body, and it vanished with a ‘pop.’ "Di̅͊ë̒!͕̞̾ͪ!̿" yelled the Deadite, lifting the marble chunk to cave in Twilight’s skull. Grabbing my Boomstick, I unloaded both barrels into the stone, blasting it to pebbles. The deadite looked down at the shards still clutched in her fists, probably wondering where her weapon went. "Yo, She-Bitch," I boomed, reloading my shotgun and revving my chainsaw. The deadite whirled on me, and I lifted my weapons. “Let me have this dance!" The Deadite shrieked, jumping at me. Flipping my gun, I whacked her in the face like I was playing baseball. The deadite wailed, staggering back before whirling back on me with anger. "Ĩ̝̦'͌͒l͊l ͉̏s͍w̼̩͑a͖̒ll̯̦o͑w͇ ̰ͣy̌o̘̺u̹̞r̳̍̓ ̰̼ͫͪs͛̆o̱̎ú̥̪l͇̖ͬͭ,͍ ̳̐m͓͆ͅor̤͊ͣtͩa̤ḷ!̪ͨ͑" the deadite promised, jumping at me again. Flipping my gun back to the trigger, I blew her legs off before thrusting my chainsaw forward, right into her chest. Undeterred, she tried to bite at my face, but I slammed her to the ground, pinning her on her back. "Ra̧͟g̛͠ģ́hh̶͜h̡͠h͡͝,̶͠” she snarled, struggling against the blade in her stomach. “I̸̷'ll͏͏ ͜͡s͢͢w̶̧a̧͢ll̵͠ow͘ ̴y͠our s̢̡oul̷̛!̧͢ ͘͏Ì̀'̧̛ll͝ s͘͝wall̢͟ow҉͝ ̴y̕̕o͞u͏͟r̢̕ ̵͠s̢͢o͏u̵͢l̶͏!̴” As she continued to chant her vow, I popped out the spent shells, grinning as the new ones once again appeared in their place. Flicking it closed, I silenced the deadite’s chant by stuffing her mouth with the barrel. "Swallow this,” I growled. And with a pull of the trigger, I blasted her head clean off. Kicking her off my chainsaw with a grimace, I turned to the beaten alicorns. “I warned you,” I snarled, cleaning the blood off my chainsaw. “I warned you what would happen if you read from that book!” I glared at Twilight, who was staring at me in awe and a bit of horror. "Never seen a chainsaw hand before?" I asked, showing off the weapon. "Who…” she stammered. “Who are you?" "Names Jacob Ashley Williams,” I declared, hefting my shotgun over my shoulder with a grin. “But you, sweetheart. You can call me Ash."