“Well, from what I could gather, she seems fine physically,” Nurse Redheart told Cheerilee and Holiday. “She’s physically healthy, and it doesn’t seem like she has a concussion or anything serious like that.”
“But?” the yellow mare asked worriedly.
The nurse exhaled sharply and continued, “But I do think she’s displaying some, um… attention seeking behavior.”
Holiday looked confused by what she said, but Cheerilee seemed more suspicious, and asked “What kind of behavior?”
“Well, for example, she said she used to live by the ocean in Delamare even though it’s nowhere near the ocean. She doesn’t seem sick like you said she said she felt. She also seemed to suggest that she couldn’t use her hooves, and I know you were also concerned about how she walks, however, I wasn’t able to see anything wrong with her legs at all, and she also admitted that she was able to pick things up ‘when she didn’t notice it’. Then she said she isn’t a pony…”
“She said she’s not a pony? I know she said her parents aren't ponies, but...”
“Yes. She also told me that she’s not a filly and she’s an adult.”
“Well…”
“Then she said that nopony where she’s from is a pony, and they used things called ‘cars’ to get around.”
“Hmmm… she did tell me that her parents weren’t ponies, and she was reluctant to go into details about it…”
Holiday was tempted to interrupt. She wanted to say that, to her, it didn’t seem like she was lying, at least not intentionally. She wanted to say that she seemed genuinely anxious and upset when she heard her talking to herself in the bathroom yesterday, and that, when she looked at her, what she saw was a shy and scared little filly who wanted to go home. However, she decided not to voice her opinions. She wasn’t a nurse or a schoolteacher, and didn’t work with foals every day like they did, and decided it was probably best to let them do their work uninterrupted by her thoughts.
“It does seem like a plausible explanation,” Cheerilee continued, “but I’ll also have to have a chat with her to see what she tells me. There are some things that don’t make sense to me. Not everything adds up.”
Nurse Redheart knew that not everything added up. Attention seeking behavior didn’t explain why the filly would openly tell her that what she said would seem ridiculous, not to mention the fact that the filly seemed on the edge of an anxiety attack more than once. However, like Holiday, she kept her thoughts to herself, but only to keep herself from potentially being tied to a mental health case. That was something she really didn’t want to deal with, and would rather have Cheerilee handle on her behalf.
“But, um,” Nurse Redheart started again, “she looks physically healthy as far as I can tell. No signs of abuse or anything like that, and her head seems fine. I’d say she’s okay to be released.”
“Okay, then Holiday and I will take it from here,” the teacher responded. “Thank you for taking a look at her.”
“Oh, and one more thing: she said her parents were Garnet and Opal, and that her real name is Ashley.”
I was an animal now, and it was absolutely scaring me.
If there was one thing I knew about animals, it's that they weren't people. Animals didn’t have consciousness, they didn’t have a soul, and they didn’t go to heaven or hell. They followed God’s commands and that was it. They didn’t have the capacity to think like humans did.
Which, given my current situation, had a few potential meanings. The first was that this wasn’t real, which I’d already ruled out earlier that morning. Of course, it was still technically possible that this was a dream, but at that point, the odds of this being the case were effectively zero, and I hardly even believed that was the case even yesterday. With that, I moved onto the second option, which was that I simply didn’t have consciousness. However, even thinking about that as a possibility was silly. If I had enough sense to think about the idea of not having consciousness, then I was conscious.
That thought led me to the most frightening possibility, which was that God simply wasn’t real. Just the thought of that made me have to catch my breath. I couldn’t bear to think that God didn’t exist, and it filled me with a sense of dread. If he wasn’t real, that meant… nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything I did was just meaningless. When I died, there would just be nothing. I would cease to exist.
I had to take a breath because I was freaking myself out. God was real, and I knew that. Probably. Except this scenario was leaving open the distinct possibility that he wasn’t...
“No,” I told myself. “God is real. He proved that to me over and over again, time after time. Just my being here is proof enough that he’s real, because nothing else can explain this.” I was never ever going to accept that God didn’t exist, no matter what. He was real, and I was sure of it. Of course, being this… horse wasn’t helping to convince me of that fact, but I decided to just accept that I didn’t understand it, which wasn't that hard for me to do.
It was only a few seconds later that Cheerilee and Holiday entered the curtained area again. I must not have looked that well because they quickly made their way over, the former putting her hoof in my hair.
“Are you feeling okay, Asher?” the teacher asked sympathetically.
“Yeah, I’m just freaking myself out for no reason,” I told her.
“Do you want to tell us about it?”
“I’m just…” I trailed off, then sighed. “I’m just thinking about how I’m not supposed to be a pony…”
“Nurse Redheart told me you said that. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it, and I’m pretty sure you don’t believe me, and I’m really trying to stay calm, but this is all just so…”
“It’s okay,” she said in a comforting voice as she started to stroke my hair. “Why don’t you take a breath and tell me about your home?”
I forced myself to take another breath as I started to speak. “Okay, um, very first, um, I’m not from this world. At all.”
“You’re not from this world?” she asked curiously, tilting her head slightly in a way that made me blush. “Can you tell me what you mean?”
“I mean um...” I started again, “the place I’m from, it’s nowhere in this world. Ummm… it’s called Earth, and um…”
“But Nurse Redheart told me you were from Delamare. Is that not true?”
“I am from Delaware,” I tried to explain. “Delaware is in the United States, and the United States is on Earth.”
“Oh, okay. I understand.”
I had to close my eyes and take a silent breath. The way she spoke sounded like she was speaking to a little girl. It was like she was talking to a lying child that she didn’t believe, and I absolutely hated it. I hated that it was what she was seeing in front of her, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I hated how little control I had over the situation, how little control I had over my own emotions.
“Oh, Lord, please don’t let this be real!” I desperately prayed silently.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she told me quietly. “Why don’t you tell me what kind of creatures live in ‘Earth’? Is it Earth Ponies like you?”
I opened my eyes again and took a slow breath, wishing I had fists to clench to help me stay calm. “No,” I explained. “There are horses, but there aren’t any ponies where I live. They’re humans. They have two legs and hands and are six feet tall…”
“Is that what your parents are?” she asked me.
“Yes, they’re humans, like…”
I suddenly noticed I was staring at my silver-coated limbs as I trailed off. My hooves. That’s what they were. I wasn’t a human anymore, I was a pony. I was supposed to be a human, but I wasn’t, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“I probably sound so crazy to you,” I told her, feeling myself starting to get worked up again and my chest starting to tighten as I continued to stare at my now shaking hooves.
“I don’t think you sound crazy...”
“I know I sound crazy because this shouldn’t even be real! This should be a dream!” I really hated this anxious feeling I had, and tried very hard not to get worked up again. I was so over the panic I was feeling, but I couldn’t help but feel it. I was having the worst morning of my whole life, and talking to them about it and knowing they didn’t believe me was making it worse. At that moment, I felt like I was living in a nightmare.
“I’m going to be stuck here forever, aren’t I?” I asked aloud, mostly to myself as I started to once again get the urge to break down and cry.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she whispered. “We’ll get you home.” She started to stroke my mane as she continued, “You don’t need to panic. It’s going to be okay.”
“I’m trying not to panic,” I said breathlessly as I started to get the extreme urge to break down. “I’m really trying not to panic. I don't want to panic. It’s just I’ve never been so anxious in my whole life and I feel like I’m getting overwhelmed.”
“It’s going to be okay. Can you tell me why you’re feeling overwhelmed?”
“Cause I’m here right now and this isn’t a dream! That means God put me here and there’s nothing I can do about it! I’m going to be stuck here forever!”
The whole time I’d been here, I’d been avoiding the urge to cry. I really, really didn’t want to cry, but I could feel the tears forming once again and see my vision becoming blurry.
“Everyone’s probably afraid and looking for me now…” I choked out. “I’m probably never going to see my parents again... Oh, no...”
I couldn’t hold back anymore and started to cry. It was what I wanted to do since I first got here, but forced myself not to. But right then, I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing. I already knew I would be stuck here forever. I knew that yesterday, but forced myself to deny it. I was going to be trapped in this little girl’s body forever, and it was absolutely killing me.
It was only a few moments of crying, though, maybe a minute, before I realized that, not only was I was in a little girl's body, I was acting like a little girl, too. I was naturally a passive and more introverted person by nature, but I didn’t believe I was overly passive and timid like I’d been acting the last two days. Just like the name Ashley, the way I normally acted and how I acted recently was rubbing me the wrong way. I realized that I was being overly sensitive to everything around me, and while I felt like I had a good excuse to do so, I wanted to put a stop to it anyway.
“Stop crying,” I told myself silently as I rubbed my eyes and closed my eyes tightly in an effort to make the tears stop. “Stop being so sensitive. You’re a man, not the shy little girl you’ve been acting like.”
Cheerilee was almost convinced that the filly wasn’t attention seeking. Almost. However, the way she was able to quickly compose herself after suddenly bursting into tears was throwing her off and made her doubtful again. It seemed like it was real, but it also seemed like it was done to get herself sympathy. However, before she could ask about it, the filly started to speak again.
“I’m fine,” she asserted. “I’m fine. I’m sorry. It’s just- this is really stressful. I’m sorry. I'm being sensitive for no reason. I'm sorry.”
That was another thing about her. The way she spoke was… not right. It was like she was speaking to an adult. It wasn’t that noticeable, but it was there, and the teacher did think it was interesting. However, she opted not to ask about it as she started to speak again.
“You’re okay,” Cheerilee responded. “You're not being sensitive. Do you feel a little better now?”
“I mean, yeah,” Asher answered, blushing and continuing to rub her eyes. “I guess.”
“That’s good to hear. I do have a question though.”
“What?”
“You said before that God put you here. Can you tell me who that is?”
The filly looked up at her, confused. “You don’t know who God is?” she asked, seeming surprised.
“Ah, no? I can’t say I do. Is that a pony?”
“No, He’s… God. Like… the creator of the universe. Everything exists because of Him.” She saw the teacher looked confused, so continued. “He’s… the Great I Am. Omniscient and omnipresent. He’s not, like… well... He transcends reality. He’s... the God of Israel. That’s the best way to describe Him. The God of Abraham. But you don’t know what Israel or who Abraham is...”
"Can you tell me what he's like?"
“He’s benevolent and all powerful, filled with mercy and grace… Um, He’s the giver of life and raiser of the sun...”
“That sounds kind of like Princess Celestia to me.”
“I- I don’t- I have no idea who that is.”
Cheerilee frowned. Now she was almost certain that she was attention seeking, as there was no way she didn’t know who Celestia was. The only thing was that it honestly didn’t seem like she was looking for attention. It honestly seemed like she was being truthful in the things she said, but the teacher couldn’t be sure. It was either the filly believed the things she said, or she was a very good actor. It was all just so bizarre.
“Why don’t we go over to the school and give you a quick knowledge test?”