Your Eyes On Me

by DatZigga


Entry #6 - Revelations

8/16

I decided that to better understand the phenomenon now, it was time to understand when it all started.

In my first two entries, I wrote about My Little Pony’s prevalence in my life. After rereading and rereading again, it still baffles me, especially since I’m now 65% convinced the ponies are real. If they truly aren’t a figment of my imagination, how could have been so much a part of my life?
So, I’ve decided that I’ll try and dig up some information from my childhood. I’m a little ashamed to admit that most of my life is a blur in my mind. I’m only able to recall vague details. Maybe it’s a result of me repressing a lot of it but again, this journal is for the sole documentation of the Picture Pony Phenomenon (still working on a title). The best lead I have is my mom. So, better start there.


I got a tape from my mom. I brought up why I wasn’t allowed to watch TV as a kid and the answer was pretty much what I knew it was. As my mom recalled, I was glued to the TV in an unhealthy way, constantly spending hours on end watching TV.

However, there were a few insights I gained. One, from my mom’s perspective, I wasn’t watching any one cartoon, but a whole bunch of crap. This included cooking channels, news channels, hell, even horror movies. I guess the show really didn't exist.

Which brings me to my second new insight, that I insisted that this show existed. As a kid, I was told that I would spend days just talking about the show. Mom thought i just had an overactive imagination, but she grew worrisome when I was asking for merchandise and throwing fits when she said there wasn’t anything. However, what worried her even more was when after watching TV afterwards, I apparently came back and told her I understood.

This leads to revelation number three, which just might be the most disturbing: I was talking to the TV. My mom told me stories of me sitting by the television and having full conversations. Again, she chalked this up to an overactive imagination for a while. However, there was one incident that had her convinced that I was developing schizophrenia.

That brings us back to the tape. She gave it to me for me to look at. One day, she had filmed me in secret to show to a child psychologist my odd behavior. I haven’t looked yet. I’m getting a weird feeling, like a growing pit in my stomach. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.

Anyways, I’m going to check it out. Wish me luck.


8/17

What tHe fuck what the fuck what fuckwhaT THE FUCK


8/22

I’m not going to continue this experiment anymore. I won’t continue this experiment anymore. The rabbit hole is deeper than I thought. Something is wrong. Wrong with them, not me.

I wasn’t ready. I was not ready.