//------------------------------//
// Chapter 20: Chi and Rice 
// Story: Pandemic: Starting Over 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

"No, Trixie is not coming out!"

Starlight sighed as she watched me walk in and close the door. She was standing next to the closet and seemed to be on her last nerve. I wouldn't be surprised if she just dragged Trixie out with her magic. She had a lot more patience than me. 

"Bursa is out of the pool and getting back on the truck. She'll be gone shortly," I announced. 

Starlight nodded. "I came back inside when Wild Growth asked her to get back on the truck. That poor creature."

"Have you examined her?" I asked. 

She nodded. "Yeah, her resonance is a mess. My understanding is that once they break down, there isn't much that can be done. I'm not going to discourage you and Twilight from doing everything you can to help, and I'll be investigating it as well, but this is not my regular magical fare."

My ears sagged. "But you don't have much hope."

"I don't put anything past Twilight," Starlight said firmly. "If anypony can come up with an answer, it's her. I also know that if she gets on the right track and doesn't realize it, there's a good chance you can spot it. That's what you do, isn't it? You don't come up with stuff yourself, you look at what others came up with and see things in their failures they didn't."

"I figure out how to use other's leavings, that's about right," I agreed. "My brilliance is overrated. I'm a glorified refurbisher of second-hand magic. I just hope your friend gives me something good to work with. I don't know how to fix this either without something from her."

She gave me a small smile. "There are different types of genius. Don't discredit yours because it relies on others. It's why we need you out in the world again to be useful; you're nothing by yourself, but you're a powerful force when combined with others. I think there might be a friendship lesson in that."

I looked back at the door as I heard the engine of the truck start, followed by several car engines. "Have you examined Wild too, and her problem?"

Starlight closed her eyes and gave a sad nod. "Yeah, I have. Twilight noticed it early on when Wild Growth healed so fast after burning herself out. That's not a natural thing. She spent a long time examining her, and I did too after I arrived. I've never seen or read about anything like it."

"And did you two just give up on fixing it?" I demanded. 

She opened her eyes and shook her head. "We still look into it when we have time. There's always a lot to do, and as much as we want to help, it isn't a crisis. We've already spent a lot of time on it."

I bit my lip and glanced back at the door for a second. "I want your notes and Twilight Sparkle's. It's my fault this happened to her."

"Are you sure?" Starlight questioned while arching an eyebrow at me. "Bursa is one thing, you're pretty adept at transformation magic already, but this is something else entirely. You may be out of your depth."

"I don't care," I spat. "I've learned plenty of things in the past few years; I can understand more if I apply myself. I've got to undo this."

Starlight walked over to me and touched a hoof to my side. "It's great that you want to fix your mistakes, and I understand where you're coming from, but you've got plenty to take care of already between the foals and helping with Bursa. You can't give both of those the attention they deserve if you take on too many extra projects. Especially ones you need to familiarize yourself with so much new material. How many things did you have your hooves in when the Cataclysm happened? Don't you think you might not have made some of the mistakes you made if you had been more focused and given each the proper attention it needed?"

I looked down at her leg that was touching me. "You think I'm falling into the same old traps."

"I told you that old habits die hard," Starlight reminded. "And you should count on your friends' advice to help stop you from making those old mistakes. I'm your friend. I'm trying to look out for you."

I chewed it over in my mind. I didn't want to let this go. "If Bursa gets help, with or without my aid, will you share your notes on Wild with me? That's me keeping focused on just one project at a time other than the foals- who are a task that isn't going to go away."

She sighed and held an outstretched hoof in the air. "Okay, that's fair. You've got a deal. As soon as Bursa is taken care of, if she's able to be taken care of, I'll be happy to have you help us with Wild Growth."

I touched hooves with her, and we shook in it. As we were shaking, Trixie stuck her head out of the closet. "The monster is gone?"

"Bursa's gone, " I confirmed. 

"And we need to be on our way as well," Starlight announced. "I do have work I'm supposed to be doing, and I'll need to go out again tomorrow."

"Trixie is going to be left here again with no food or entertainment," the showmare grumbled. 

"Which is why we need to get going," Starlight said with a chuckle. "I figured while Sunset gets to spend some quality time with the foals, you and I can go out and enjoy ourselves for a little while and buy some food to stock the fridge. I'll do my work tonight when we get back."

The showmare grinned. "Trixie would enjoy getting away from this place for a few hours."

The two Equestrians hugged as I watched. When they broke their hug, Starlight gave Trixie a big smile and motioned with her head to go. "Come on, let's leave Sunset in peace."

I smiled at them as they walked by me towards the door. "Thank you both for all the help you've been with the foals. I feel like I've been imposing on you."

Trixie stopped and smiled. "The great and powerful Trixie always enjoys a young audience. Young foals are the most dazzled by my acts of prestidigitation." Her smile dropped. "That oldest one though-"

I hung my head. "I'm sorry about her. I'll be talking to her tonight. I can't promise things will immediately get better, but I'm going to try some different methods of dealing with her. Shouting at her and getting into slap fights certainly isn't working."

"Good luck, we're rooting for you," Starlight said encouragingly as she opened the door. "Twilight might have encouraged us to get to know you, but that's because we've been through our points where we needed to turn our lives around. We empathize with you, and that's an excellent place to start a friendship. It's how Trixie and I became friends. Show that filly some empathy, and maybe you can make another friend. I can already tell she wants your approval."

I frowned. "Hard to tell from my perspective. Especially when she's boxing me and being a little snot."

Starlight chuckled. "Not so hard to tell from the perspective of somepony watching. I had to listen to her telling me about what Ma'am would or would not approve of while we were making dinner and her fretting over making sure you had tea ready when you arrived home. I also caught her smile when you complimented her and agreed with her. Believe me; she wants your approval."

I snorted. "I only have so much I can approve of with her right now, but my parents gave me some advice, and I'm going to see if it helps. Thank you both again."

We said our final goodbyes, and they finally left. I turned and walked back towards the dining area, ready to see if I could start fresh with the foals. 

They were all seated around the dining table, which was an impressive feat, considering it was a human dining table. The colts all had to stand up on their hind legs with their forehooves on the table even to eat. Lántiān was tall enough she could sit normally, and had her daughter in the chair with her. The colts, including the now awake Mèng, all forgoed any silverware and had their faces right in their bowls of rice. Lántiān had found a large wooden spoon she cradled in a wing and was using it to feed Qīng Yǔ small bites of food. There was an empty chair with a bowl of rice in front of it. Lántiān had even remembered to set out both a spoon and pony strap for me, along with my now refilled cup of tea. I had to admit; she did try to do her best to be dutiful. 

I walked in without a word. I could see Lántiān watching me out of the corner of her eye, but she said nothing. The colts were all so engrossed in their food that I'd be amazed if they even noticed me. I carefully climbed up into the vacant chair and looked over the still steaming bowl of rice. I then put my legs together on the table and bowed my head. 

"Lord and Savior, thank you for this food and the nourishment it brings. Please, forgive me for my sins, for they are many, and protect the foals under my care. In your precious and holy name, I pray, amen."

I lifted my head to see everyone had stopped eating and were now staring at me. 

"Auntie Sunset, who were you talking to?" Shǔguāng asked in confusion.

"<Sister made the food>." Líng chimed in. 

"English, please," I said as I began working on getting the pony strap on. "And I want to thank you as well, Lántiān. This looks very good."

"But who were you talking to?" Shǔguāng persisted. 

I finished getting the strap on and started working on getting the spoon strapped into it. "I was speaking to God. It is called saying grace. I do it before every meal."

"Do we need to say grace too?" Líng asked, looking around as if he wasn't sure he had done something wrong. I could see Lántiān watching me suspiciously.

I shook my head. "No, it is part of my religion, not yours. It would be wrong of me to ask you to participate in that if it is not your beliefs. I once tried to force others to do so, and I think I may have done more harm than good. If you wish to learn more about my faith, we may discuss that later, but please, enjoy your food."

Lántiān visibly relaxed after I said this, and I knew exactly what she had feared. That was one set of mistakes I wasn't going to make. Faith and religion were something personal, not to be dictated, and I would not dictate them to these foals if they didn't ask me to teach them. 

"You were expecting me to force them to adopt my beliefs, " I said to her, and then scooped up a bite of rice and tried it. It wasn't bad at all. 

The filly looked down. "I would not presume to know your intent, ma'am."

"It's alright. You don't have to hide your concerns," I assured her. "However, if they do choose to inquire more about it, I will teach them. Does that bother you?"

She shifted in her seat, looking uncomfortable. "Yes, ma'am. You have already insisted on them changing their language."

I nodded. "I will not force them to learn any more than they want to in regards to faith. It will be their choice if they do or do not adopt my religion. Would you deny them their free choice?"

She licked her lips. "Never, ma'am."

"We understand one another then," I replied. I took another bite of food, and after I swallowed, I decided to continue the conversation. "I confess, I am not very familiar with whether you have religious beliefs of your own. You had said something to me earlier about chi. Can you tell me more about your beliefs? I wish to know more about you."

"I am a Taoist, ma'am, although I am not very devout," the filly answered. "Our mother taught me some of it, but she is not very devout either."

"What is chi?" I asked, then reached and picked up the tea to take a sip. 

The filly looked at a loss for words. "I do not know how to explain chi, ma'am. It is just chi. It is life, spirit, energy; I do not have the word other than chi."

"Magic?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I do not know, ma'am. I am not devout and do not understand these things well. I am sorry I have disappointed you."

I needed to head that off right away. "You didn't disappoint me. I was only curious because I wanted to know more about you, and because you said earlier that Wild Growth had her chi blocked. How could you tell she couldn't channel magic? Was it because you've been researching?"

She shook her head again. "I know nothing about that pony's magic, ma'am. I did not know she could not channel magic. I just know her chi is badly blocked."

I arched an eyebrow. "Okay, so how can you tell?"

Lántiān sat silently as if struggling for an explanation. She shook her head once more. "It is how she moves and carries herself, ma'am. I can tell that something is not right with her chi."

"You can tell by just watching her?"

She nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"And how is my chi?"

She looked uncomfortable again. "It is also blocked, but not as badly, ma'am."

I frowned, considering this information and trying to make sense of it. "Is your chi blocked?"

"I do not know, ma'am. I cannot observe myself the same way."

At least it was an honest answer. I tried to think of another way of approaching this. "What is your cutie mark for again?"

"For cloud clearing, ma'am."

"Are you certain of that?"

She sat up straight as if offended. "I am sure. I received my cutie mark on a day that I cleared away grey clouds and brought out the sun. My classmates were sad. They did not say so, but I could tell that the extended grey and gloom that we had for days was depressing them. I went up to the clouds and cleared away some to bring out some sun. They weren't so sad anymore, and I got my cutie mark, ma'am."

I believed she might be misinterpreting what she got her cutie mark for if that was true, but I wasn't going to correct her. 

"Ma'am, may I express a concern?"

I blinked. "Is it about my chi?"

She shook her head. "No, ma'am. It is about your religion, and you might teach my brothers."

"You don't want me doing it."

She laid her ears back. "You are our guardian, ma'am, and it can be hard to tell what should be done to earn your approval, or what your unsaid expectations may be. My brothers may seek to learn solely for your approval and because they think you expect them to, not because they would otherwise want to. Is this their free choice then?"

I would indeed be disappointed if none of them wanted to learn about my faith. Spreading my faith was tantamount to my Christian beliefs. However, she might have a point that this could be a concern. As me being a concerned Christian, this could mean false conversions, which was worse than no conversion. 

"And how would you propose I deal with it if they ask to learn?"

"Delay it, ma'am," she answered quickly. "Tell them you will teach them when they are older if they are still interested. They are too young to grasp these concepts anyway."

"Very well," I said slowly. "That's agreeable. I'm glad we can discuss this calmly and without fighting. You may call me Auntie Sunset as well if you wish. You don't have to keep calling me ma'am."

I was surprised when she shook her head. "I prefer not to, ma'am."

I wanted to tell her that it got tiring hearing her go ma'am ma'am ma'am all the time, but decided to let it drop. It was respectful. What was I supposed to do? Tell her to disrespect me?

The colts had finished eating and had scurried away at some point. Qīng Yǔ had decided to move onto her mother's teat since she wasn't being given any more spoonfuls of food. I was primarily done with my food, but I noted my eldest charge had barely touched her own. Perhaps she had not eaten anything yet since she had been giving some of hers to her filly. 

She noticed me looking at the food. "I will eat and then clean up, ma'am. I only wished to make sure everyone else had a chance to eat first."

I nodded. "I would help you clean up, but I'm not going to work my horn any until tomorrow. I'm sorry that you've had to take on so many duties while my horn has been on the fritz."

She sat up straight again. "I am proud to do these things, ma'am."

I believed her and still didn't understand why she was so insistent on doing all of this. It was a mystery for another time. "Alright. Well, your meal was delicious. I'm going to speak to the colts. I feel as if I have been ignoring them."

She looked a bit disappointed but nodded back. "I have no objections, ma'am."

Well, getting through an entire conversation with the filly without an argument, growling, or snide remarks, I could count as a victory.  I'd even managed to learn a little more about her. I doubted every conversation would go so smoothly, but at least we'd demonstrated it could be done. I still needed to get her to abandon her Shimmerism, but for right now, I would take a night of peace. Tomorrow I would try again to make progress with her, and maybe little by little, we could both become better people.