//------------------------------// // Cadance // Story: My Crazy Ex // by 23 KM To Nerdiness //------------------------------// [DAY 1] I'm Tyler, human male. My father started our family business 4 years ago. We'd modify and customize carts and wagons, mostly for rich, retired couples. A few years back, I had to deliver a large, R.V.-like one from our office up in Macintosh Hills to a V.I.P. customer in Canterlot, and the schedule was a little crazy. It was 30 hours of driving in only four days. My dad would always try to push me into doing crazy stuff 'cuz he felt like I was "too stiff" or whatever. And, sure, it would've been nice to take a leisurely road trip cross-country, but I kept telling myself, "You're not on vacation, you've got a job to do." And I might have actually accomplished that job if I had just. Kept. Going. "What the..." I uttered to myself. It was the strangest sight, a unicorn hitchhiker in a wedding dress, crying and carrying a duffle bag. Now, picking up a hitchhiker is pretty irresponsible, and dangerous, and definitely against the company rules. But, I mean, I couldn't just leave her there, right? So, I stopped the wagon and helped her aboard. "T-Thank you so much," she cried loudly, tossing her bag in the back. "Nopony else would stop." "Uh, yeah," I said. "No problem..." She was definitely not somepony you'd expect to find on the side of the road. "I'm Cadance." she sniffled. "Um......Tyler." I nodded. "So, what's wrong?" She cries. "Anything bad happen?" She cries some more. "Where are you going?" "I DON'T KNOW-HO-HO!!!" she whines. I didn't know what to say, so I decided to just continue driving. Eventually, she stopped her wailing and finally explained her situation. "So, there I was," she stated. "Literally at the altar, in front of 200 of his family and friends..." "Okay..." "And this waiter who worked in the catering hall comes up and hands me a letter. A letter." "Oof." "He couldn't even tell me in person." "What a jerk." "I was so humiliated. I just grabbed whatever I needed and this bag I packed for the wedding night and I just took off." "That's insane." "Hey, w-would you mind if I went to the back and got changed? I just wanna get out of this dress and pretend like this never happened." "Oh, yeah, sure. Just try not to touch anything because this isn't exactly mine, I'm delivering it. As Cadance ruffles through her bag... "Oh, no," she sobbed, burying her face into her hooves. "I can't believe this." "What's wrong?" I asked. "I grabbed the wrong bag! These are the wedding gifts, I want nothing to do with these!" I really felt just terrible for her, but this voice in the back of my head was telling me, "This is a really bad idea." "So," I uttered. "Am I dropping you off somewhere or...?" I needed to get this girl where she needed to go so I could get back to my delivery and make this deadline. "Are you going by Las Pegasus?" she asked. "My best friend lives in Las Pegasus." "No, sorry, I'm staying up north......she couldn't make it to the wedding?" "It's a long story." I let Cadance tag along for a while, and after a pretty long stretch, I decided to pull over. Next thing I know... [DAY 2] It was morning. I found myself in the back with the sleeping unicorn cuddled up beside me and I felt like I'd made a huge mistake. We didn't hook up or anything, but I started to panic. I was like, "What are you doing? This has 'danger' written all over it!" But, I calmed myself down and came up with a plan that should satisfy the both of us. "Why don't I just drop you off in Ponyville?" I asked. "Ponyville?" she pondered. "Yeah, I mean, it's only a quick train ride to Las Pegasus. You could meet your friend there too." "That would be great, thank you so much." That afternoon, Cadance and I found a mall and did a little shopping. She didn't have any clothes or money, so I treated her. "Um, Tyler," Cadance hummed. "Can you zip me?" "Um......of course." I said. I awkwardly walked over and quickly assisted her. "Thank you." "No problem..." We definitely had a moment, but it just didn't feel right to try anything. I mean, she had just been left at the altar the day before. "So, do you want to go get some food, or-" "I have a better idea." But when she offered to cook me dinner, I couldn't say no to that. "Mm, that meal was amazing," I sighed as Cadance cleaned off the table. "Thank you." "No, thank you," she said gratefully. "For everything." "You're very welcome." "You know, my ex always hated my cooking." "Well, we already know he's a jerk, so who cares?" "Cheers to that. Being dumped may have been the best thing that ever happened to me." "Of course it was, there's someone much better out there for you." "I know. I think I already met him." "So-" I paused, watching the pony ease in close. "Wait, you-" Mwah! I had no idea Cadance actually felt that way about me. "Come with me." she purred. Was I rebound, or something more? I didn't know. And I didn't care. [DAY 3] The next day, I felt like I had a new lease on life, and my priorities seemed to change a little. The trip was coming to an end, and I wanted to take advantage of every moment with Cadance, so we took a little detour to this quaint little restaurant. "Hey, I have to use the ladies room," Cadance stated, giving me a pec on the cheek. "So I'll be back in a minute." "Alrighty." I nodded. So, I was sitting there in my seat when I noticed these three big, tough stallions. They looked out of place, so it kind of caught me off guard. That is before I saw something else that caught my attention. "Oh, God, nonononononono!" I quickly paid for our lunch as I saw the wagon driving off. I rushed outside and got in front of it, catching Cadance in the driver's seat. "What the hell?!" I huffed. "Are you trying to ditch me?!" "N-No, no," she stuttered nervously. "I didn't want to, I'm sorry. Did you see those three guys back in there, the violent looking ones?" "What about them?" "The biggest one is my fiancé. I-I'll explain everything, we gotta get outta here!" She was pretty frantic, and I definitely didn't want to deal with those guys, so I hopped in. "How did he find you?" Once we found a place to pull over, that's when I found out there was alot more to Cadance's story than she'd originally let on. "I wasn't exactly honest with you," she sighed. "My fiancé......didn't exactly leave me at the altar. I left him." "Why?" I asked. "He's a drug dealer. His whole family and friends are too. And when I saw them all together at the wedding, I got a glimpse of my future and I got scared." "Okay......okay, we're going to be okay. Oi..." It was definitely scary to think about what would happen if this guy found us, but it didn't change the way that I felt about Cadance. At that point, I honestly thought I was falling in love with her, and I was pretty sure she felt the same way about me. [DAY 4] We were about to continue our trip to Ponyville to drop Cadance off, when I was just......overcome with emotion. "I can't go forward." "W-What?" Cadance said, confused. "I don't want this to end." "...what if it doesn't have to?" And that is when our adventure went from crazy to certifiable. "What do you mean, Cadance?" "Forget Ponyville. Let's both go to Las Pegasus and......get married." "What?" I scoffed. "That's just-" "Crazy? Who cares? For once in your life, stop overthinking things and......what does your heart say?" It was crazy, but it has been the most amazing week of my life, and nothing else seemed to matter anymore, my job, the wagon, the company rules. The only thing I knew for sure was that I didn't want this to end, so... "Screw it, let's do it!" I cheered. "Squee!" Looking back, the 30 seconds that we spent engaged was the happiest of my life. "Oh, no, he found us!" Cadance gasped. "W-What, how do you know?" "That wagon out there is his, it's him!" "What do we do then?" "You need to go talk to him." "Me? Talk to the drug dealer?!" "Yes, we're in a public place, he probably won't do anything here." "But what happens when we're not in a public place?" "Please. We can't live our lives this way, it'll never end." What was I gonna say to this guy? "I'm sorry I stole your fiancé. Let's hug it out." "Fine." I groaned. "I love you." Cadance said wholeheartedly. "Be careful." I puffed out my chest and I tried to appear calm, but honestly, I was scared out of my mind. "Hey," I grunted, tapping the large wagon. "It's over. Cadance doesn't want you anymore, you hear me?" The door cracked open enough for me to yank it open. "Sonny, you break that door, you're paying for it." the old stallion inside said sternly. It was an elderly pony couple. Before I could react, I spot the wagon driving off down the road. As I watched the love of my life drive away, in my father's $7,500 wagon... "I'm in trouble." I realized I'd made a pretty bad error in judgement. I found out later from the police that Cadance wasn't a runaway bride. She was a runaway criminal that the authorities called "The Wedding Bandit". That day that she flagged me down, well, the cops were after her. Cadance would put on that dress, then she would go to wedding halls, and while one couple was saying their I Do's, she'd grab all the gifts filled with bits, checks and expensive gifts that she could find and stuff them into that giant duffle bag. Oh, and her "best friend" in Las Pegasus, just a bunch of identity thieves. I was her free ride. That day in the diner was a perfect opportunity for her to ditch me. The whole pursuing fiancé stuff? Totally bogus. She used those stallions as the perfect excuse. And I bought every second of it. Least I did something crazy like dad wished. The police caught up to Cadance before she hit Las Pegasus. She allegedly slept with her parole officer and is back on the run. Tyler took a desk job with his father's company. He's still single.