How long I spent like this I can't say, as my days here were an interchangeable haze. I simply let myself slip into an autonomous stream of movement. There was no greater thought to my actions, rather my body was reacting to any provided stimulus: someone provided food, my body ate, someone asked questions, my body simply nodded along, someone gave a command my body complied. To the point It felt more like an out of body, or a dream rather than reality. My mind would only come back so that it may return to the comfort of a dreamless sleep. Mentality I was wholly divorced from the world around me, yet physically I was still reluctantly involved; not because I wanted too but rather had too.
Today however was different, it broke the norms I had become accustom to during my time in the hospital. I was outside; trailing behind Dr. Bright Spark. While I was sure they'd taken me out in the past for fresh air before, I couldn't name a time when they did however, never had the world been so cold. It was like being brought out from a warm shower and being put into a frigid bath, filled with ice. The sudden change in stimulus forcefully dragged my mind out of its shelter and forced it back into my body. It took a few minutes for me to become truly cognizant but when I did, I found out why I was so cold. The world around me was no longer bunches of greens but was instead faded yellows and withering oranges. Ponies around were dressed in thick and protective insulated layers of clothing; even Dr. Spark had a thick woolly scarf on. While I wore nothing.
”W-what gives?” I demanded as I tried to stop my mouth from chattering like one of those old wind up teeth toys. The demand however only netted me a curious hum from the doctor as if he was unaware of what I had meant.
”Why D-dont I have any warm clothes?” I elaborated.
”Because you insisted on no when I asked,” He explained in a matter-of-fact tone,
“I told you multiple times it would be cold and yet you continued to just shake your head.”
I let out a shaky sigh and bit my tongue to further outburst at the explanation, given I had no recollection of the events and the fact he was probably right.
Dr. Spark glanced over his shoulder; looking over my shivering body with his placid, purple eyes. Suddenly his horn lit up with a magical shimmer of silver; within a moment I found myself pressed up against his warm, fuzzy side, shielded me from the cold wind. Then before I could thank him for the gesture, his horn lit up once more; removing his scarf before tightly wrapping around it's comforting warmth around me. I felt a heat build up in my cheeks as he gave me another glance.
”Better?” he asked.
”What about you?” I deflect; to which he simply shrugged at me.
“I’ve been in worse.” He assured as he continued walking down the street, though at a slower pace to ensure I could keep up. Unfortunately the near foot high snow, which was about half my own body height, required a notable amount of strength and dexterity from my hooves, to keep me from falling over and eating it; keeping me from switching back to auto pilot. So for now I was stuck here, carefully shifting my way through snow in silence.
”So, where are we going?” I finally asked, hoping to pass the time if nothing else.
”A simple walk around the park.” He answered. At this point my mind drew blanks, as I was never good at small talk and the bluntness and brevity of his answer left nothing to press further on.
“Maybe some warm coffee after?” He continued as if noticing my discomfort with the silence.
”I don't really care for coffee...sorry”
”Hot chocolate then?” He offered to which I shrugged.
“Maybe a frozen popsicle then?” he teased, seeing as I rejected the other two options. I'm not quite sure what expression crossed my face in reaction to the comment, but it must have been amusing as Dr. Bright spark gave a short chuckle at it.
”Hot chocolates fine.” I finally answered, earning me a pleased nod from the doctor. We spent the next few moments in silence once more as we lapped the park's now frozen river. Though the longer we walked the more a certain question nagged me. Why am I here with doctor Bright Spark, instead of Dr. Mirage. This seems like something he should be doing instead. The thought nagged at me for the entirety of our walk and up until we were sitting in a temperate little store on the outskirts of Ponyville. Dr. Bright Spark reclined in a seat across from me; placing down a steaming cup of chocolate in front of me. I gave him a thankful nod before reaching for the small white mug.
”Careful, its hot.” He warned, to which I gave a roll of my eyes. Thank you captain obvious, I thought before taking a short sip of the liquid goodness. My tongue immediately recoiled in pain as my gums screamed in pain from lava.
”I did warn you,” Dr. Bright quipped before blowing on his own drink. Only to stop mid blow in shock as I started to down the drink once more. His eyes nearly burst out his tense face as I drank through the smoldering pain. By the time he regained his sense to pull the drink away from me, the damage was done. I winced in pain as I finished the glass; leaning back as the numbness of burnt gums set in. Dr. Bright glanced between the mug and myself in a mix of shock and horror.
”What demon possessed you to do that?!” He demanded in a panicked voice.
”It was good.” I simply replied; wincing as my tongue felt the burnt remains of my now dead gums. The doctor shook his head in dissatisfaction with the answer.
”You could seriously hurt yourself gulping down something that hot!” he insisted as he leaned in now; giving me a serious and stern look. I answered back with a disinterested shrug; causing his look to grow all the more frustrated.
”No Phoenix, not a simple shrug like usual. You could seriously hurt yourself,” he argued before leaving back with a defeated sigh,” I suppose it's my own fault I Should have been more cautious.” his left fore hoof rubbed his temples a bit. The revelation caused me to arc my brow in surprise. That was not a response I had been expecting. I opened my mouth to say something, though nothing came to mind; causing me to sit in silence as the doctor rubbed his head.
”I think it's time we head back.” He finally stated after a long few minutes of silence. He slowly got up; placing the bits for our drinks next to his own untouched chocolate.
”Thank you Dr. Bright.” I said as I followed him to the door. He took a long pause before finally asking.
”For?”
”The drinks.” I answered, causing the doctor to simply shake his head. Feeling my gratitude would get me nowhere, and not wanting to walk in silence again I decided to ask the question that had been nagging me since we walked.
“Why am I not with Dr. Mirage instead? This seems more like his kind of work.”
“He hates the cold, and had other matters back in Cloudsdale he had to attend to so he left. Temporarily of course.“ the doctor explained.
”Seems a bit...rude? To just leave a patient like this.” I noted.
”Phoenix, he's been in Ponyville helping you exclusively for three months now. He has other things he needs to do.” the doctor corrected. The revelation caught me off guard. I knew it had to have been a while, It was winter now after all, but the actual time frame hadn’t really sunk in until Dr. Bright said it. Three months? the words bounced around in my head like a broken record. Three months I had been torn away from my home. Three months I had been trapped in this dumb body. Three months wasted in a hospital. The facts struck my heart with an indescribable pain. A pain I'd forgotten and managed to escape, but now was forced to confront once more. I felt the familiar burn of tears in my eyes as my vision became as muddled as my thoughts. I could no longer see Dr. Bright on account of my tears but he seemed concerned as he attempted to pull me in close. I shifted and squirmed; pushing him away.
”Shall I send word to bring Mirage back?” Dr. Bright asked as he attempted to wipe my tears.
”No.”
”Then what's wrong?”
There was no satisfying answer I could give. I didn’t want to be here. Not just in Equestria but in general. I wanted to escape this all, my reality and this awful pain.
So I answer the storm's beckoning call once more; shoving my thoughts, my feelings, my pain, my reality under the water's depths. I tried to drown them once more in the water’s depths. Drown them until they fell limp and sunk far below out of my head. Though like animals clinging to life they resisted; thrashing and forcing their heads back above the waves. So I doubled my efforts and yet they simply refused to give up and drown. Instead they gripped my hooves with an ironclad grip and held on for dear life. No matter how hard I tried to shake them off they refused. Another wave of tears splashed my face as I pitifully continued my attempts, pleading and praying they'd simply give up and go away. Then slowly, one by one they stopped and sank below the waves; leaving me be.
It took the rest of the walk back to be room, but they were gone and I was free once more. No longer did the pain sting, instead it was dulled and put away to a distant thought in the back of my head. To be left alone and forgotten. The numbness was comforting; far better than any other feeling I had experienced that day, that much was for sure. As the last of the pain ebbed away, I tiredly looked to the ocean's waves and let myself slip back into their embrace.
I slowly rubbed my face against my bed side pillow to clean it of the now drying tears as Dr. Bright spark wrote down a few notes. Though beyond that the world became a blur once more as I slipped back into auto pilot.
Dr. Bright spark had hoped that this would have made her come out of her shell, or at least brightened her mood a little and for the briefest moment he saw it. It was faint but he saw the glimmer of life in her eyes. Then suddenly she relapsed. Breaking into a fit of despair, seemingly frustrated with herself until finally she calmed down. Unfortunately she calmed back down to her default state of seeming apathy.
He let out a pained sigh as Phoenix sunk back into bed. It hurt him to see such a Young filly like that. No pony, children especially, shouldn't live that way, yet for all his years of training as a doctor this was not an ailment he could not heal. His patient was in pain and he could do nothing to heal it. That fact is what pained him the most.
Bright spark shook his head softly as he picked up her patient report and dotted down a few notes. Namely there time out, her relapse and noting her now burnt mouth. With that he levitated the clipboard back down before making his way to the door; leaving the filly alone once more.
He spent the next several minutes in a mix of thought and prepping a letter for Mirage’s assistance. He knew the pegasus was busy but the filly’s condition seemed to only worsen by the day and ultimately he was out of his depth. He could guess all day at what plagued the filly’s head and try and suggest something that would help, but that is all it would be, guessing. A frustrated groan escaped the stallion mouth as he rested his quill next to the half written paper. Leaning back in his chair his mind began to wander for ideas. As expected he drew blanks. So it wandered back to its previous inquiry over the investigation of Phoenix. Specifically the fact that it had gone nowhere, no records no missing ponies of her description nothing. Which didn’t bode well.
”Celestia above, what are we going to do?” He murmured to himself. Both the locating of Phoenix's family as well as her current mental state were out of his hooves and he hated it. He felt useless. In Fact they only still had Phoenix around because they had nowhere else to place her at the moment. He let out a soft hiss of frustration before sitting back upright in his chair to work on the letter.