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// [One-Shot] L'Hotel des Animaux: Le Deuxième --The Bite of Bat Does Not Sting 
// Story: Anthology of Everything 
// by SwordTune 
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Ponyville at night was a serene and quiet place.
Small towns were always lifeless in the night. Well, almost lifeless.
Down below, families of raccoons dined on the bounties behind the bakeries and produce markets. Mice and rats squeaked and squealed, arguing over the best gossip in town while they liberated food from ponies’ pantries. The cats roamed the borders of the castle, trapping the mice who dared to steal from their domain. And the dogs howled and barked, solidifying their network of information for yet another night.
As a vampire bat, Desmod found it comforting to live among such an active society of animals. Vampire bats were pests to ponies, and many other animals distrusted them due to their diet, but in truth, his species were some of the most social. They shared food, groomed one another, and enjoyed chattering up until the break of dawn.
On any other night, he would have joined the fun. Animals, even city animals, were still driven by their instincts. There would be fighting, arguing, and eventually, bleeding. Because most animals never feel a vampire’s bite, they believed their saliva could numb the pain of their cuts and scrapes. The opposite was the case, as a vampire bat’s saliva only made the blood flow for longer.
Of course, Desmod didn’t have the heart to scam animals as other vampires did. But internal injuries often led to blood clotting in the wrong places. If an animal had the wrong clot they were at risk of an aneurysm. Oh, many still did not trust him, but they sang a different tune when they needed his saliva to loosen their blood.
Tonight, his patients would have to wait.
Owlowiscious needed a message delivered to him, and the Manager of the Hotel of Animals was not the kind of animal you ignored for a bite to eat.
He crossed the sky above Ponyville and flew deeper into the forest just beyond a homely cottage. Hidden in the depths of the wilds, the Hotel of Animals was the jewel of all animals. Since its recent expansion, an untold number of new floors and services opened up. More animals were welcomed into its warm walls, while the most influential could find new and creative ways to satisfy their boredom and desire. Last he visited, the Manager had just opened a brand-new casino inside his hotel. 
Designed to be invisible from the outside, the only sign for Demod to follow was the smell of fresh blood from the kitchen chimneys. He circled the scent until he found his mark. Owlowiscious was an owl, after all. A few floors below the penthouse was the Manager’s personal flight pad. 
Desmod landed down on the padded grass and entered the hotel. 
The inside was like stepping into a pony hotel designed for animals. Elevators, velvet carpets, and confusing room numbers filled his sharp eyes. He rounded the corner from the entrance and moved directly for the door to Owlowiscious’s penthouse.
“Oh, is that you Doctor Desmod?” A magpie stepped out from behind a desk next to the penthouse entrance. “I didn’t realize Mister Finch was feeling ill.”
Desmod spun around, checking the hallways. No one was there. “Pree, we can speak candidly, right? No one’s around.”
“Oh--sorry, it’s a force of habit, you know.” She laughed the sort of laugh that magpies always did, pitched chuckles and giggles that sounded even better than music. “Yes, he’s waiting for his letter. I hope the trip wasn’t too far?”
“I’ll need a drink after this, but it was pleasant.” 
Pree nodded gleefully and let him in. Inside, the living and dining rooms were unusually well lit, with the humidity turned down and the ambient noise playing from the speakers turned off. 
Owlowiscious was a creature of the forest at heart and went through great lengths to make his penthouse feel like the wild. Polished black walls made from granite glistened with clear crystals inside of them, shimmering like the stars when the lamps behind the walls were turned on.
“No, lambs are off the menu.” But tonight, he had another guest. Desmod didn’t know who this dog Winona was, but Owlowiscious swore she was part of his plan, a co-conspirator of sorts. She had been seen out in the hotel, barking orders and making sure their new policies were executed.
“I don’t see why,” Owlowiscious replied, “the chief of the bears won’t try the Large Animals Resort without a lamb as the premier dinner.”
“Lambs are baby sheep!”
“And the sheep have agreed to our deal. I can remove the wolves from their grasslands in exchange for one lamb a year. Better than the five or six they lose to hunting.”
Winona stuck her tail up aggressively and barked. “We ain’t gonna serve babies to our guests, and that’s final.”
The Manager swivelled his head around. He could not roll his eyes, but his head motion seemed to convey the idea well enough.
“Oh, now look what you’ve done,” he said as he spotted Desmod watching their conversation. “My courier had to watch us quarrel.”
“Don’t mind me, I just got word from that cat in Ponyville.” He untied a small roll of parchment fastened to his foot and gave it to Owlowiscious. “Snobby little one, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” the Manager took the note and read it. “As useful as she has been, there are reasons why I keep Opalescence at a distance, despite her desire to be pampered every day here in the hotel.”
“Y’all shouldn’t treat her like that, y’know. Opalescence ain’t the easiest cat to get along with, but she’s our friend.”
“Please, this is still my hotel. If I want to live in peace without having to hear her incessant mewing and whining, then that is my right.”
Winona dropped her tail. “Well, I can’t really fault you there. But you could be nicer about it. The poor girl’s been asking when she can come for her next visit.” 
“That might be sooner than you think,” Owlowiscious said. “Opalescence just confirmed the news she overheard this morning. Princess Twilight is going to be crowned as the princess of all the ponies, and thus she will be moving to Canterlot very soon. I suspect she’ll want me to accompany her, as her animal companion.”
“I thought Spike was her animal companion,” Winona commented.
“No, he’s more like a servant. Though she did raise him… her child then? I’m not sure, they have a unique relationship, those two.”
“Um,” Desmod raised his voice. “I don’t really know who you’re talking about, so am I excused? I haven’t fed on blood for some time, I should really get something to eat before I’m to weak to fly.”
Owlowiscious waved his wing to excuse him. He was a good owl at heart, the hotel was proof of that. By pairing the eating of animals with luxury, hunting became a paltry experience for the animals who reigned at the top of the food chain. Through his hotel, only the ones who agreed to be eaten actually were. They sold their bodies. He paid them well, of course, protecting the families of the animals who were eaten, either by sheltering them from predators or providing food security to the animals who lived in the wild.
But, there was another side of Owlowiscious that Desmod wished he didn’t know. He bit his lip and turned to leave. The way that owl waved his wing without so much as a second glance… he was an asshat!
Who was he kidding? That hypocrite, calling Opalescence an annoying cat! Wealth, power, those got to any animal eventually. After every meeting, Desmod had to gorge himself on blood just to forget how rude the Manager could be.
I flew through an entire town for you! A little gratitude was all he wished for.
“Hold on a minute,” Winona said, “you’re an actual vampire bat? Not one of those vampire fruit bats, right? But a real, honest to goodness vampire.”
Desmod turned around, swallowing his frustration at Owlowiscious. “Yes, yes I am. What of it? My nature doesn’t offend your sensibilities, does it?”
“‘Course not, y’all don’t have to kill an animal to get a full meal, right? Maybe you could help us. Owlowiscious and I have arguin’ over how to take the next step with the hotel.”
“He’s not part of this like you are, Winona,” Owlowiscious said. “Doctor Desmod, you don’t have to oblige my friend here, you’re free to go.”
“I can help,” he responded to Winona, barely heeding the owl’s words. Taste your own medicine, bird-brain. The country dog yapped with approval, but Owlowiscious leered down at Desmod as if peering through his skull. Oh, I hope he can’t read minds. Can he?
Desmod looked again at Owlowiscious’s peering eyes. No, he was just mistaken. The owl always looked like that.
“Very well,” Owlowiscious composed himself and sat at the dining table. “The next stage of the hotel’s development will be independence from my supervision. There’s a lot of wilderness between Ponyville and Canterlot, when I move with the Princess, I will be developing a new branch to protect the animals somewhere out in the mountain. Before that, however, there are still a few groups I haven’t been able to solidify control over. My current plan is to invite the remaining leaders of the animals for a grand feast, larger than any other that we’ve hosted in the past.”
“You think that will buy enough favour?” Desmod tilted his head. “The hotel maintains a tense peace at best. Prey species still know that they’re prey--”
“We’ll butcher the leaders,” Owlowiscious cut into Desmod’s thought process, “and make deals with their weaker replacements to keep them in line.”
Desmod’s jaw swung wide open. “You’ll do what?”
“Ha!” Winona cried out, bristling her hairs. “I told you it was a gosh-darned idea. It ain’t ever going to work.” 
“Hear me out,” Owlowiscious defended himself. “Every major animal group in the forest is at each other’s throats right now. Without anything to hunt, they’ve started arguing over territory. They want more space to live, plus groves to gather fresh food and water, which they trade for more visits to the hotel. If we bring them all together, their rivalry will turn the feast into a bloodbath. In the frenzy, no one will notice if my rats go around making sure every animal that needs to die is dead.”
“And if they don’t fight?”
“Oh, this part’s just great,” Winona groaned, lowering her tail in disgust. 
Owlowiscious cast a stink eye at her, which was incredibly impressive for an animal with immobile eyes.
“I will have my head chef dose the guests with a special extract. Angel Bunny has access to a special mixture made by that pegasus that runs the animal sanctuary. It’s a carrot extract, but it’s packed with enough sugar and caffeine to jumpstart an elephant’s heart if needed. Imagine what it could do to angry predators.”
“I’d rather not,” Winona paced around the penthouse. “Doctor Desmod, right? You can’t possibly think it’s a good idea.”
The Manager was certainly ruthless, though Desmod was not surprised by that fact. It took a special breed of cunning to be able to create a hotel that could control the appetites of predators. Then, a thought hit his mind. 
In the past few years, news occasionally spread through the forest, even over to the animals living in Ponyville. It was said that the Manager of the Hotel of Animals hosted private dinners for his guests, but sometimes the dinners were so indescribably satisfying that his guests didn’t want to live life tasting anything else.
Desmod swallowed. He needed that drink. His throat was dry, and his stomach wanted to do cartwheels around in his stomach. Vampire bats really didn’t have the personality for violence. They snuck drinks from animals in their sleep, sometimes conned blood out of animals they could talk to.
“I think I should hear Winona’s plan,” he said, “before I make a decision.”
“Thank you kindly,” she said. “I reckon I have something better in mind. Fluttershy’s got a way with animals, and I know Applejack doesn’t like wild animals lurking anywhere near the farm. Owlowiscious can set some bait out for the predators and draw them closer to the orchard. Soon as Applejack sees bears and wolves coming close, she’ll get Fluttershy to sort them out.”
Owlowiscious shook his head at the ridiculous idea. 
“Applejack and Fluttershy, those are ponies?” Desmod asked.
“‘Course they are,” Winona wagged her tail, “my pony’s the best there is. If there’s any pony you can rely on, it’s her!”
Of course, it was only natural for a dog to involve ponies. They weren’t much different from wolves when it came to the pack mentality, the difference being that dogs could form pack bonds with ponies as easily as with other dogs. 
But, in general, wild animals didn’t like to involve ponies. The Hotel of Animals was no exception. It was built hidden for a reason. Ponies didn’t often travel beyond the cottage, but the hotel was not so deep in the depths of the forest that it couldn’t be found if it was in plain sight. Even the unpredictable Everfree was too much to manage.
Owlowiscious may have said he was a pony’s companion, but Desmod knew immediately why he rejected this idea. The Manager was a wild animal. A little tamer than most, and understanding of how ponies lived, but he was wild from feather to bone. 
Desmod walked his little feet around the penthouse, flapping his wings in deep thought. He flew over Ponyville a lot, and many of his patients were pets to ponies. And even he knew the name “Fluttershy” meant something to a lot of the animals who lived closed to Ponyville. That didn’t change his opinion on it, though. He really felt more comfortable if ponies stayed in their world.
“Just this once, I think you should go with the pony option.” His comfort didn’t change the fact that Owlowiscious’s plan was too vicious. 
His response shocked the owl, whose abrupt recoil betrayed the fact that he had expected Desmod’s wild instincts to be prejudiced against the ponies. He was right on that mark, of course, but he miscalculated how insane his own plan sounded. 
Owlowiscious tucked his head in, shortening his stature and admitting defeat. “Fine. We’ll use the ponies.”





Two nights passed before Desod received a letter and an invitation back to the hotel. He was used to requests. Sometimes, a guest would ask after his services by name. In other cases, Owlowiscious wanted a favour, usually by way of information. He heard a lot of gossip and tidbits as he treated animals. 
Though, he never asked for a check-up for himself. He may have been wild, but Owlowiscious had the benefit of living with ponies. Their tricks and magic and devices worked wonders that few animals could understand. It was certainly better treatment than a vampire bat could give.
“Is this it, uncle?”
“Yes, is it, is it?”
Young animals had the hardest time controlling their appetites. Most of the guests at the hotel were well-aged adults for their species, tempered with wisdom. Every now and then, a guest or staff member would be hunted and eaten when a young animal decided to treat themselves to the luxuries of the hotel.
Such crimes came with hefty fines. The animal who broke the rules of hospitality would have to spend a quarter of their remaining lifespan working at the hotel, lest their entire species be banned from the place.
Once, Desmod thought the punishment was just a way of recouping the losses caused by an improper hunt. But now that he understood Owlowiscious better, he knew otherwise. Threatening the species of the offending animal was a good way of grouping animals based on their species. Even non-social hunters were inclined to identify with each other, if only to keep an eye and make sure none of them cost the other a stay at the hotel.
“Uncle! Uncle! When can we eat? Please, we’re so hungry!”
Desmod’s eye twitched and he finally turned around to his niece and nephew. They had just drunk blood from a bear patient of his last night. The animal’s fatty blood must’ve stuffed them up. In fact, with his care, “hungry” was not a sensation they had ever grown to know.
“How are you two this excited during the day?” he asked. “I’m pulling an extra shift because the Manager asked me to, and he gave me extra invitations. Go to your rooms, you’ll have your dinner instructions waiting for you.”
“But we want to eat nooow!” The both whined so synchronously it was impossible to tell whose voice was who’s.
“Follow the instructions or you won’t have anything to eat at all!” 
A bat’s strict side rarely came out, since they were such social creatures, but young bats needed to learn how to temper their instincts in order to live in a world with the Hotel of Animals. As much as wild animals distrusted the ponies, it was evident their ability to build and cooperate brought them a lot of peace. How else could they claim so much of the forests and grasslands that once belonged to bears and wolves?
And so it seemed, by living among them, Owlowiscious devised the hotel to be his way of imposing order and rules on wild animals. By feeding their base desires, he satisfied their wild side and created a demand for etiquette and luxury.
As he went up the elevator to Owlowiscious’s penthouse, he wondered what would happen to him, now that he knew. The grand plans of the hotel weren’t openly announced. No fox or eagle would be a willing guest if they knew that one day, they would become unwilling dinners. 
“Back again so soon?” Pree noticed him approaching the penthouse door. “And during the day, no less.”
He nodded. “Owlowiscious wants a check-up.”
“Oh, well, since you’re here,” Pree ruffled her feathers, “I was wondering if you’d be open to getting lunch later. I’m sure it’s late for you, but since you’re awake anyway…” 
“I’d be glad to,” he replied.
Happily, the magpie chirped and sang and opened the way into Owlowiscious’s penthouse. 





Inside the room’s atmosphere had been turned on. With heavy curtains pulled tight, the suite felt almost like flying outside in the night. Cold, humid air pumped from the vents, and some kind of incense made the whole penthouse smell like pine trees.
A tinge of salt tickled Desmod’s nose, and his stomach rumbled. Blood. Thick and fatty, the animal it once belonged to had a high cholesterol diet. 
Even with his professionalism and self-control, wild urges were hard to control. His mouth pooled with saliva, prepared to soften skin and thin the blood of his prey, even if the blood had been prepared for him already.
Owlowiscious entered the penthouse from the back door, where he brought out his signature dishes for his guests. This was not his first visit, but Desmod had never had a meal made just for him. 
“I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” Owlowiscious said. He wore a disguise, a plain white mask and a cloak that concealed his telltale feathers. Owls were specialized fliers, and even his wings were enough to give away that his alias, Mr Finch, was inaccurate. Desmod couldn’t be sure how many knew the truth, but it was definitely a select few. Only by being the best doctor in the Everfree did he earn the privilege to know.
“A little late for me, but I could say the same for you,” he said, taking a seat at Owlowiscious’s dining table. 
“I am used to it. My duties demand little sleep.” He brought out a blood stew. Small cubes of meat to chew on floated about in the pot. It was… wolf’s blood? The wolves, bears, and other large predators were supposed to be driven out, sooner or later. Desmod didn’t know when it was going to happen, but he doubted the dog, Winona, intended for any of the wolves to bleed.
“Oh come now,” Owlowiscious scoffed, catching Desmod’s stare. “Who do you think I am? Winona made the plan, and I will respect it. The blood is of a lone wolf.”
Desmod tested the blood with his keen nose. “Hm. How’d you get a lone wolf who was so fat?”
“Haha,” Owlowiscious laughed, though his mask and bobbing head made the gesture appear like a predator entranced by prey. “He was an exotic animal for a circus, well-fed and put on stage until he caught scrapie from a dog in the audience. I told him he could live the rest of his days in itching agony, or I could give him the dinner of a lifetime and end his suffering before the infection progressed.”
Desmod tilted his head. He watched Owlowiscious, but all he could see was the silhouette of the cloak and the white porcelain mask. Reading him was impossible.
“But, you’ve lived among ponies,” he said, “they have healers for animals who treat scrapie all the time.”
Owlowiscious nodded. “I know. But the wolf didn’t.” He stretched out his wing and waved over the stew. The presenting gesture wafted hot streams of steam and blood-tinged air into Desmod’s nose. It was rich and salty. Possessed by his own reflexes, he desperately drank the first bowl poured in front of him.
And the second.
He was halfway done with the third before he could pull his head up and think. He wouldn’t have come if Owlowiscious’s request wasn’t urgent. 
“Your letter said you needed a check-up,” Desmod said. “Is that true? This would be the first time.” 
The owl paced around his dining room with that odd gait that flying birds had. His short legs might’ve made a less informed animal laugh, but Desmod knew the power behind those talons, and his mind.
“Winona, what do you think of her?”
Desmod looked at him funny. “The dog? She seems fine, why?”
“I’m leaving her in charge of the hotel, you must have some opinion of that, after all your time spent here.” Owlowiscious plucked a square of bloody wolf meat from the stew and nibbled on it. “Hm. You’ll never see her eating something like this, for instance.”
“She’s a canine, I’m sure-”
Owlowiscious shook her head. “Despite what we in the forest might think, the ponies have a lot of command over their pets. Most don’t enjoy the thought of even an omnivorous diet. Of course, a purely herbaceous lifestyle for a dog is indescribably difficult, but selective breeding and even more selective dieting had made it possible.”
Desmod scratched his chin with the pad of his wing. Whoever heard of a herbivore dog? He had seen some dogs eating more plants and grain than most wolves or foxes, but fish and chicken was still a common staple for a lot of them.
“Oh don’t think too hard on it,” Owlowiscious said. “She lives on an apple farm. What do you expect? But while she may be my friend, I worry my desire to keep my friends close might jeopardize what I have done here. I worry Winona won’t know how to do what is necessary.”
“You mean like staging a banquette to kill off predators that make it hard to control the peace?”
“Yes! Exactly!” Owlowiscious’s feathers perked up. “See, you get it. Most mammals only tolerate vampire bats because you also eat the pests off their hides.”
Desmod raised a brow. “I’m a common vampire bat. We’re obligate blood drinkers.”
“Oh? Ah, well, more’s the pity. That aside, you understand what I mean. Vampire bats are tolerated for their insect-eating qualities, because when pests need to be removed, no one cares how it’s done as long as it is done. And that’s exactly why I want you to look after Winona for me.” 
“I’m sorry, what?” Desmod nearly sputtered the rest of his wolf’s blood onto the table. “Look after her? If you expect me to report to Canterlot all the time, you better come up with a better plan.”
“Haha! No, no,” Owlowiscious laughed. “Rats have forgotten more than you or I could ever learn. They will handle the message carrying. What I want from you is simply to guide and mentor my friend. Winona must know what it is like to live in the wild if she is to run the hotel.”
Desmod frowned at his emptied bowl. The rim was still wet with blood. The tenderized meat drank up the last drops like sponges, little bite-sized snacks to chew on and draw out the fatty flavour.
The meal was delicious and, without a doubt, Desmod was sure that the wolf got a deal he was happy with. But the steps Owlowiscious had to take to achieve it didn’t sit right with him.
“You mean you want me to teach her how to be like you,” he said candidly. “Lie, conceal, and work in the shadows against the trust of other animals.”
Owlowiscious tilted his head. “I am an owl, you know.” He opened his wings. “These silent feathers may be preened but they aren’t for show.”
“But I’m a doctor!” Desmod flapped his wings. “I’ve risen above my instincts without the help of your hotel. The blood they pay is inconsequential to them and lifesaving to me. Others don’t have to lose for me to win.” 
“Don’t give me that,” Owlowiscious scoffed. “You’ve never read a veterinarian book in your life, and pony vets have careers over twice as long as your life-span. Besides, you haven’t even taken the physician’s oath. If you did, you wouldn’t be such a valuable source of information.”
“Oath?”
Owlowiscious waved his confusion away. “A simple promise to never do harm and to keep the privacy of patients. It seems superficial in the wild, but I’ve seen how the mindset sharpens and focuses the ponies’ doctors.”
“So what are you saying, that I’m not a good doctor?” 
Owlowiscious whooped a thrumming growl. “I’m saying you’re not a doctor at all! You play the part of the healer but your morals only serve to suit you. I’m asking you to be Winona’s lieutenant, a right paw if you will. You’d be doing more good than your imagined medical practice.”
Desmod sat back and absorbed what Owlowiscious said. He had seen ponies work their skills on pets and rescued animals, but he knew nothing about pony doctors. At least, nothing that could refute Owlowiscious’s claims. 
But he knew he wasn’t playing. Animals felt good after he helped them, regardless of any promises he had made. That was enough. Wasn’t it?
He wanted to beat his wing on the table. Owlowiscious had an infuriating aura. He spoke with the confidence to support his “smarter than others” attitude. He seeded doubt in Desmod’s head with every word, and even without talking, those words could still argue inside his head.
“You have until the ponies’ new princess leaves for Canterlot,” Owlowiscious said. “Which should be in a few days. But do think on what this could mean for vampire bats like you. Bats like your niece and nephew.”
Desmod’s face soured. “Bringing kids into this, that’s dirty.”
“No, it’s business,” Owlowiscious said. “Nepotism, specifically. Your kind cannot go more than a couple of days without drinking. With the right connections, I’m sure you can find a way to make sure that never becomes a problem again.”
“What day, specifically?”
Owlowiscious cocked his head. “Huh?”
“You said a few days. When do I have to decide?”
Olowiscious shrugged. “I’ll have my rats find you. Give your answer to them, and I promise I will get the message.”