After practicing my imitation of Arbiter for a while, I reached a point I could fairly convincingly mimic Arbiter's appearance, her voice, and even match her facial expressions- for the most part. What I wasn't so great at was keeping my eyes on whoever I was supposed to be talking to, and ended up watching Arbiter instead. In theory, I should be able to alter my form in a way it appeared I was looking in the correct direction, even if I wasn't, but theory and practice were two very different things. Ultimately, we decided I was good enough at it, and Jess's dad would just have to understand his sister's mime might end up staring off at what seemed like nothing.
If my career as an architect didn't pan out, I could rest easy knowing that I could still make it as the best darn Elvis impersonator ever. Uh-huh huh. Thank you very much.
Jess eventually needed to return to regular sleep; since she wasn't a dreamwalker, that meant her mind wouldn't get a good night's rest while she was in a shared dream. Once Arbiter was satisfied that no further progress to be made in our routine, she and her temple left as well, and that meant it was Miss Seapony's turn to visit.
The dream shifted, to an endless star-filled expanse, and Miss Seapony appeared in her standard seapony form.
"I understand you have some questions and concerns for me," Miss Seapony said in a solemn tone.
I fluffed my wings, trying to appear larger, even with my rotund shape. "Yeah, I do. Why did you think I would in any way be okay with killing you!"
"Technically, I'm already dead. Therefore you wouldn't be killing me. You'd simply be erasing me, along with Arbiter, Ghadab, and whatever Dreamwarden proved to be a threat- if it wasn't already one of the three of us," she replied. She said it so casually that she may as well have been discussing the weather, or what she had for breakfast, instead of being erased from existence.
"You're still alive, even if your body is dead, " I protested. "I don't want you to die."
She gave me a sad look. "Rebecca, have you ever considered that Ghadab, Arbiter, and I might want to be erased at some point? Even if there were no Dreamwarden that became dangerous, the time would still come when we would wish to depart. Eternal existence might be something fools long for, but for those of us that can remember living for far too long, it is the worst thing you could do to us."
I teared up. "Don't say things like that."
She touched a fin to the side of my face. "I'm in no hurry to end my existence, but I know it is a goal I intend to reach someday. The Eternal Dream might be better than it once was, but it is still a prison, much like the one we are in now. I wish to escape this prison someday, and I don't intend to trade one prison for another. In truth, my days are already numbered. Arbiter is on a countdown to when she must be erased or go into the Eternal Dream, and when the time comes, Ghadab and I intend to help see she gets to go free."
I shook my head. "You might change your mind."
She nodded. "Indeed, that is possible. We will deal with that when the time comes. I do not think there will be another corrupt Dreamwarden, like Sha'am, again in that span, so we have time yet. I know that, for right now, I don't want to have the same fate as my poor lost sister."
I sat down. There was nothing to sit on, but that didn't matter here. "You talk about being able to help people forever is such a terrible thing."
"It is, and that is why we do everything we can to make sure those of us who are still able to wake get to retire to Equestria, " she replied. "Try to understand. I am a prisoner here. I have three options; go to another prison, stay in this one, or cease to exist. While here, I get to see everyone I ever loved and cared for pass away in a world I can no longer touch. I get to experience the pain of loss generation after generation. We had forebearers that watched their entire species pass into the void. At some point, it needs to end. I wish to pass on as a loving and caring person, not one that has had every ounce of compassion crushed by endless losses. Even in my few short years that I've been a Dreamwarden, I've had my joy diminished. There was no Dreamwarden so devoted and loving as Joss, but even he was warped into a monster by despair. I won't be another Joss."
"But, you want me to be a Dreamwarden? That’s why you’ve spent all this time visiting me, right?" I asked accusingly. "Won't I lose my joy, if that's the case?"
She stared down at me. "I think not. You won't have to endure the same hardships I did, and you will get to retire happily to Equestria when your time comes. We have been going through- growing pains- in our first few years. It is time we moved past the misery. We need your joy. We need your optimism. I used to be the one to try to bring some of that, but these past fourteen years have not been kind. Now the best I can do is compassion."
That brought me to my other concern. "And my powers didn't play a role in me being picked?"
"Your powers helped differentiate you from other individuals with similar character traits, " she answered. "Just like your character traits help differentiate you from others with similar powers. You are high on our lists because of many factors, not merely any one thing."
I shook my head. Her reasons for wanting me didn't matter in the end. "Well, I won't kill, and Phobia wants me to, so I guess I'm not up for this job."
She tilted her head. "That's too harsh. You say it like she's looking for opportunities to knock us off. She simply wants us to be prepared to do what we must to protect against another Sha'am. Do you think that disqualifies you? Why?"
One of my ears tilted at a similar angle to her head. "Because I won't do what is necessary if there was a rogue Dreamwarden. That's why."
She smiled kindly. "Silly filly, you misread what Miss Nightmares was testing you on with that question."
My ears perked up again. "So, she doesn't really want me to help kill you if a Dreamwarden went rogue?"
Miss Seapony waved a fin. "Oh, she does want that. My sister doesn't lie."
I blinked. I then flicked my ears to make sure they were clear because I wasn't sure we were discussing the same thing. "Then how could I have passed her test?"
Miss Seapony giggled. "First, you're a little confused about a detail; failing a test from one of us does not instantly disqualify you- although that might lessen your standing in rankings. Second, she already knew you were unwilling and didn't need to test you on that."
I remembered something Phobia said."So- was she testing to see if I would lie?"
"In part, " Miss Seapony answered. "She wanted to see if you would stand up for what you feel is right. She wanted to know if you would let your morals cave under intimidation and the desire to please others. She wanted to see if you'd dissent or if you'd be a pushover. That is something I struggled with in my early days as a Dreamwarden- all of us did- aside from Sha'am. You stated your position clearly and stood your ground. We're all happy to see you not fall into the same trap."
I tried to wrap my head around this. "But I disagree with her- and you too!"
She nodded. "And that's good. One line of thought shouldn't dominate us all. We need members that will stand up and say I disagree, and we need to find another way. Hopefully, those voices can suggest alternative actions. It doesn't mean those voices will always get their way, but we must be made to stop and consider our actions instead of just following the leader."
"Don't Dreamwardens all agree to do the same thing?" I asked.
"In the end, yes, after everyone expresses their opinions, and we have a vote, " she answered. "Sometimes we even have to include non-Dreamwardens in those votes, because no majority can be reached- and sometimes we have to debate who those third-party votes should come from. It can get very drawn out."
My ears wilted. "That doesn't sound very fun at all. Why have you never talked to me about these things? Shouldn't I already have known about all this?"
She settled at a lower elevation. "I'd have informed you sometime during your training if I had lived, and I'm telling you now." Miss Seapony then frowned. "There is another thing you need to be warned about; votes are binding for the newer Dreamwardens. If a vote doesn't go the way you want it to go, you're still bound by that vote. You can argue for a new vote all you want, voice your displeasure with the decision all you want, but you will comply- the oaths give you no choice in the matter."
I flinched back. "So if a vote were called for eliminating a rogue Dreamwarden, I would have to help with that if the vote said we do it?"
She nodded. "Indeed. Ironically, if it is a newer Dreamwarden, they'd be compelled into assisting with their destruction as well. That makes it more likely we would simply shift them to the Eternal Dream or banish them into Equestria, and a vote for eraser would essentially be a vote to assist a suicide. Only me, Phobia, Psychic Calm, and Ghadab lack that oath and can defy votes… well, and Luna, although she gets into very complicated territory."
"So when Phobia is talking about voting to kill a rogue Dreamwarden, she's talking about that rogue being one of the original six?"
"Remaining original six, which will be down to just three once Psyche-Wikkie is gone," Miss Seapony replied miserably, and tears filled her eyes. "We were supposed to keep each other company for eternity, but now half our number are gone, in only a little over fourteen years. I'm not sure if that is a sad or happy thing. I've been told Krik is enjoying his retirement, and I hope Psy does as well."
"You've gained Arbiter and whoever the Warden of Order is, " I reminded her.
"Yes, I have, " she agreed. "And like all my fellow Dreamwardens, they are dear to me." She dried her eyes and looked at me again. "That reminds me; you shall soon start getting visits."
I blinked. "Visits?"
She nodded. "The United Nations will be appointing a psychiatrist to meet with you. Equestria shall have Luna evaluate you. Ghadab will pick a time to visit you in your dreams, and the Warden of Order shall find time to see you in person. All of them will judge you, just like Phobia, Arbiter, and I have already. You aren't the only candidate and not the only one receiving these visits. I am visiting another of the candidates as we speak, and I'm making judgments about them."
I forgot she wasn't tied to being in just one dream at once. "What are they like?"
She shook her head. "That isn't something you are permitted to know. This candidate is one that Ghadab favors heavily, and without getting into details, I can see why. Just like you, they have valuable traits they could contribute to our ranks- just different things than you."
I signed and frowned. "I hate feeling like I'm competing against others. I've just never got into the whole competitive spirit thing."
"It's an interview process, and interviews are inherently competitive, " she said with a knowing smile. "Concern yourself only with you. For right now, you still lead."
I bit my lip and looked into her eyes. "And if I decide I don't want to be a Dreamwarden?"
"Then, no one will make you one. I hope you don't decide that, but that is your choice to make," Miss Seapony answered in a solemn tone. "You have time to consider that- just like we have time to consider you. There are a few months yet before the decision must be made. This won't be like Arbiter, where we had to decide yes or no at the spur of the moment."
I chuckled. "She must have been an amazing candidate."
That made Miss Seapony laugh out loud. "Not really, there were so many better candidates. She was chosen out of grim necessity. Arbiter was in the worst place at the worst of times with the worst job to do for us- which is how she ended up dead. I love her no less for being a subpar candidate, and she has done well with her position. She may well have been a better candidate than me. I love Luna as well, but I found Luna's choices to be rushed, and her decision to only choose night ponies was probably not a wise one- in retrospect." She shrugged. "But, we all sometimes make mistakes. Every bad decision looks far more obvious several years after the fact. We just have to do our best to learn from mistakes."
Well, at least I had time to sit down honestly and think about whether I actually wanted to do this. I had considered the drawbacks before, but never to this extent. I had anticipated some of them, but the amount I knew about had grown considerably. I'm an optimist, but there's being optimistic and then being just plain dumb. They wanted my happy disposition, but I needed to be confident I could be happy as a Dreamwarden. If I couldn't, then I was just a mistake waiting to happen. It was reassuring they all thought that I wouldn't be a mistake- and they saw and knew a lot more than me- but even they could make errors in judgment.
"Perhaps you should let yourself dream regularly for the rest of the evening, " Miss Seapony suggested. "You've had a stress-filled day, and your dreamwalking tonight has only added to it. Even dreamwalkers need to let their minds rest from time to time. You've got a very busy day coming tomorrow."
I grinned. "That I do. I've got the first day of school jitters."
"I hope you have a lot of fun with this new stage in your life, " she said enthusiastically. "I hope you meet lots of new friends, learn lots of new things, and maybe have some fun with a guy or two."
I turned pink. "Miss Seapony! Not you too!"
"What? I'm the Warden of Lust, and you aren't a kid anymore. It's part of my job to talk to you about this. You also have way too much natural libido to stay a virgin forever- at least not happily, " she replied firmly. "I'm not saying go jumping right into bed with someone, or to actively seek a relationship, but you should be more open to the idea of having a romantic relationship. Having a loving partner that you can lean on makes life better, and your burdens feel less heavy. Ask Miss Nightmares how miserable she'd be without Rosetta."
"Or- just making a suggestion, so hear me out- you could use your Dreamwarden powers to take away my libido, " I suggested in a sheepish tone.
She gave me a deadpan expression. "No."
"You do it for other ponies, " I pouted.
"Other ponies make a case that they are actively hurt by something involving their sexuality. You don't have any legitimate claim for that. You're just going to have to deal with things the same way most people do."
"But-"
"Rebecca, get some regular sleep, or I'll dump you in a dream that makes you squeal so much that sex will be all you'll be able to think about for the first half of the day."
I fled straight back into my regular dream.