Twilight, Whooves, and the two ponies rescuing Whooves safely and spontaneously appeared on top of a hill on the outskirts of Ponyville. Twilight looked at the devastation the bread monsters were leaving on Ponyville, with tons of the little blighters scurrying around and terrorizing anypony that did not evacuate. And in the centre of Ponyville was a tripod, which unsurprisingly looked like a great big toaster with three mechanical spider legs, stomping around and firing lasers everywhere. She knew now was the time for more aggressive negotiations, whether these bread monsters wanted them or not.
“Thanks for the save there, ex-dee,” the tall pony with a green curly tail juxtaposed with a short blue mane said.
“You’re welcome,” Twilight said.
“I’m Head Agent Miss Tick of the Bureau Of Oddly Behaving Spies,” the tall pony introduced himself, “But I’m not a missus, weirdly enough, ex-dee.”
“And I’m Ruby Rose,” the other slightly shorter pony with red everything introduced herself, “Colonel of the Royal Army, now assistant director of BOOBS and sniffer-outer of dark wizards. Perfectly balancing the power as it should be balanced.”
Twilight and Whooves stared at the two odd ponies. Suddenly, the organization’s name made a lot of sense, even though both of them had just heard of it today.
“So...what does the bureau do?” Twilight asked inquisitively.
“Since the dissolution of SMILE under Celestia’s orders, for realsies this time,” Ruby exposited, “We decided to form our own team of extraordinary ponies.”
“But we’re still secret agents,” Miss Tick added on, “Anything and everything we do is totally under the radar, including us hiring criminals in our ranks.”
“Yeah, such as a dark wizard that wants to turn everypony else into dark wizards,” Ruby said, “He’s a cool guy, by the way.”
As the two ponies finished talking, the random unicorn from earlier dragged himself up the hill. He looked absolutely exhausted.
“Well, that was the most exhausting escape of my life,” the random unicorn panted, “Are we doing the introductions?”
The two BOOBS agents nodded their heads.
“Good,” the random unicorn said, “I’m Random Harvest but you can call me Randy. Though, compared to a colleague of mine, I’m not that randy.”
“Oooookay?” Twilight said, still trying to comprehend how she got saddled with hyperactive secret agents from cloud cuckoo land with a collective attention deficit worse than the clones of Pinkie Pie.
Miss Tick pulled out a picture of the inside of a room and showed it to Twilight, “Ooh, I almost forgot, ex-dee. Here’s the inside of our HQ. Can you teleport us there, please?”
“Why can’t I do it?” Randy asked.
“Because you’re exhausted and you tele-fragged somepony last time,” Ruby replied.
Randy shrugged, “Fair enough.”
And in a massive flash, everypony was teleported into the headquarters of BOOBS. More specifically, its meeting room, where a grizzled tanned unicorn with short grey hair and a bit of stubble sat at the desk in the centre of the room. Sitting in spinny chairs surrounding the desk were a green pegasus with a blonde mane and a fossil for a cutie mark, a red unicorn with a very messy mane and tail and a cutie mark of a comic strip, a grey Earth pony with a blonde mane wearing a U boat captain hat and a tight pair of black trousers, and a robotic duplicate of Sweetie Belle for reasons Twilight would ask for later.
“So, you’re the new ruler of Equestria?” the grizzled pony growled in a guttural tone.
“Yes, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight replied.
“I am Dog Like, director of the Bureau Of Oddly Behaving Spies,” the grizzled pony said “I’m sure Tick and Ruby introduced themselves so here are the rest of my cohorts.”
“This is Dr. Saurus, Lion Dude, Hot Pants, and SweetAI Bot,” Dog Like said as he pointed at the green pony, the red pony, the grey pony, and the robot pony respectively.
Lion Dude raised his hoof, “I’m actually filling in for Doctor Advocatus, who apparently got stuck inside the sodding time vortex. Again.”
“I can help with that,” Whooves butted in.
“Because of Lion’s extralegal activities,” Dog Like grumbled, “We’re not happy about it.”
“You and Dr. Saurus are not happy about it,” Lion corrected, “The other guys think I’m awesome.”
“Not all the other guys,” Dr Saurus replied, “The HR department’s telling me you’ve been making them uncomfortable.”
“Okay, you, the director, and the HR guys,” Lion stated.
“And half of our female agents,” Dog Like deadpanned.
“Yes, well…” Lion stammered as he tried to defend himself, “At least I don’t turn ponies into dark wizards!”
“Hey, I like that guy!” Ruby said defensively.
“Me too but randomly converting people into dark wizards is a lot more dangerous than me mind-controlling every pretty mare I lay my eyes on,” Lion retorted.
Twilight shrugged, “Well, I have made friends with worse.”
“Yes, thank you!” Lion shouted.
“I don’t think we mentioned you stalking the princess,” Dog Like said as he pointed to Twilight.
“So that’s what you’ve been doing outside my castle,” Twilight said.
“If it helps, I have no desire to control your mind,” Lion said.
“I certainly hope not,” Twilight replied, “I already have two friends that know how to get inside other ponies’ heads. And both of them used to be threats to Equestria!”
“Ooh!” Lion squeed excitedly, “Can’t wait to meet them.”
“That’s the thing,” Twilight said as she rubbed the back of her head, “They have been captured by these aliens.”
“And that’s where we come in,” Dog Like pointed to Lion, “You will help the princess, Tick, Ruby, and Random rescue the element bearers as well as Discord. Whooves will stay behind and help Sauraus and SweetAI fish Advocatus out of the time vortex.”
“Shouldn’t our resources be focused on reverse-engineering the technology of the aliens?” Whooves asked.
“Four brains are better than three,” SweetAI replied.
“Unless you hijack Advocatus the moment he gets back,” Lion deadpanned.
“Lion, I’m not that kind of AI,” SweetAI retorted, “Though it is funny that you of all ponies would accuse me of trying to bodyjack somepony.”
Lion looked away in embarrassment, “Well now, you never know. Besides, I only control chicks.”
“Can we get on with saving the world, please?” Dog Like asked.
“Yes, of course,” Lion replied as he jumped out of his seat, “Allons-y!”
“Did you just steal my line?” Whooves asked inquisitively.
“Nope,” Lion replied as he trotted away.