Space. The final frontier. Or at least that was what they told Doctor Whooves when he was in university trying to get his PhD in astrophysics. Ever since Celestia had banished Nightmare Moon to the moon, many ponies over the centuries dreamed of one day reaching the moon. Not to rescue and reason with their corrupted princess of the night but to prove that they could do it. The doctor stood outside of his house and stared at the stars through his telescope. They were shining brightly throughout the night sky, a rarity in a modern-day pony society filled with light pollution. He could imagine himself travelling the stars with his beloved, if clumsy, companion, Muffins. As he stared at the stars, he saw an unknown object hurtling towards him. It took him a while to realize that it was arriving at a fast pace and, if he didn’t move his flank soon, he would be toast.
“Great wickering stallions!” Whooves exclaimed as he galloped out of the way, telescope in hoof.
As Whooves ran into his house, the object that he saw crashed with a mighty explosion. When the smoke cleared, Whooves trotted out with a prototype sonic screwdriver and a thing that went ding when there was stuff. While he didn’t need either of those gizmos to know that the object looked like a massive toaster, he scanned it anyway with his screwdriver. They all called him mad when he tried to patent his screwdriver, telling him the only thing a sonic screwdriver could be useful for was assembling a cabinet. But boy, did he prove them wrong when the sonic screwdriver made the big toaster go ding and out popped what appeared to be a loaf of bread, in addition to the thing going ding because there was stuff. Whooves carefully tiptoed towards the alien loaf of bread. It looked like any other loaf of bread except it was riddled with bulbous green growths, possibly some sort of extraterrestrial fungus. As any scientist fond of experiments would do, he prodded it with his sonic screwdriver. The bread grumbled and rumbled before lying still. He prodded it again but all it did was stay still like an inanimate object, with not a single sound out of it.
“Well, that was anti-climactic,” Whooves said bluntly as he turned away in disappointment.
But as he trotted back into his house, the bread vibrated rapidly until it sprouted four vine-like tentacles and a gaping maw filled with teeth. The bread made a tiny little roar that caught Whooves’ attention.
“Ooh,” Whooves said excitedly, “Fantastic!”
Unfortunately, distracted by his fascination with the bread creature, the bread creature tackled Whooves and tried to bite his face off.
Not even a year into her reign as Princess of all of Equestria and already Twilight had to deal with alien invaders. And the worst part was that they had abducted her friends before she even knew there was an invasion. But as the Princess of Friendship, she believed in negotiating with these aliens. And if that didn’t work, she could always try aggressive negotiations and a big rainbow laser. She trotted down the hall of the alien command ship, which smelt like Prench toast for some reason. Along the corridor were vats filled with sleeping alien bread monsters. And at the end of the corridor were three bread monsters on top of floating silver platters. The one in the middle wore a hat that, on closer inspection, had ‘ambassador’ scribbled on it.
“Ra rawr rargh rah!” the bread ambassador growled.
“Uh...any way you could repeat that in Ponish?” Twilight asked awkwardly, “I never studied your language so I don’t know what you’re saying.”
The bread ambassador grunted towards one of its grunts and that grunt floated all the way to the ceiling of the ship. Twilight looked up and, to her shock and horror, Fluttershy was unconscious and contained in a pod within the ceiling. The bread monster pressed a button that released Fluttershy from the pod. As it gently carried the still unconscious Fluttershy down, the bread ambassador wrapped its tentacles around Fluttershy's head before plugging itself into her head and assuming direct control of her.
“Fluttershy?” Twilight asked in concern.
Fluttershy’s eyes opened wide as they glew an orangey-yellow colour, “You exist because the bread allows it. You will end because the bread demands it.”
“What did you do to her?” Twilight asked coldly.
“You had trouble understanding me so I have assumed direct control of your friend,” the bread ambassador replied, using Fluttershy as a mouthpiece, “Now to proceed with negotia-”
Out of nowhere, a blue unicorn with a spiky blonde mane, purple eyes, and a pink bushy tail appeared with a sign that read ‘TRUCK MONTH, 50% OFF!’.
“IT'S TRUCK MONTH!” the random pony yelled at the top of his lungs, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, IT’S TRUCK MONTH! WE’VE GOT GREAT DEALS ON EVERYTHING THAT’S A TRUCK AND NOTHING THAT ISN’T A TRUCK DOWN AT RANDOM HARVEST’S DEALERSHIP!”
Twilight and the mind-controlled Fluttershy just stared in befuddlement at the unicorn that kept yelling ‘TRUCK MONTH’ as loud as he could. Perhaps when this was over, Twilight could introduce Pinkie to the truck month-promoting pony.
“GET YOURSELF A TRUCK! GET TWO! TARTARUS, GET A THOUSAND, BECAUSE IT'S TRUCK MONTH!”
Twilight noticed the door behind the bread monsters opening up and saw two ponies carrying a wounded Doctor Whooves. And that’s when it hit her. The truck month pony was a distraction. One that her enemies were about to see through very soon.
“What are you doing?” the bread ambassador asked.
“I’m distracting you with the power of truck month,” the random unicorn replied.
“What?” the bread ambassador turned around and saw Whooves being carried away. Without hesitation, Twilight teleported to Whooves and the two ponies carrying him and quickly teleported them out of the ship.
“Hey!” the random pony shouted, “What about me?!”
“They have taken one of the prisoners,” the bread ambassador shouted in the softest, most quietest tone imaginable, “After them.”
The bread ambassador's two servants just shrugged.
“Oh. Right,” the bread ambassador said to itself, “I’m still plugged into this thing.”
The bread ambassador pulled its tentacles out of Fluttershy’s head and barked orders to its two servants in the language only bread monsters could understand.