August - 2012 (T.W.G.)

by The Writer's Group


Moonshine - Candlelight

Author: Candlelight
Prompt: You’re a royal guard who’s on station inside Canterlot castle. You’ve just had a very long day, and headed down to the local pub. Seven drinks later, one of the princesses walk in.
Title: Moonshine


"Johnnie, gimme another one, will'ya?"

"No can do, you already had seven and you can't even sit straight without shakin'"

"Well screw you, Johnnie! I don't need you or your stupid booze! Now shut up and gimme another one!"

...

"Johnnieeee! Quit starin' like a newborn foal and gimme another one! What's the matter with'ya anyways?"

"You want another one, soldier? For I can certainly give you one, a hard one that knocks you cold for a week if you don't pull yourself together this instant in my presence!"

"And who da hay dares to talk like that with royal guar-- Oh, it's you, your majesty!" *hic* "Come 'ere an' take a seat on ma' lap! Johnnie, give us a double and make it snappy!"

"Do as he says, dear barkeep and please disregard what will follow soon."

"'ey, why you don't sit on ma' lap! I promise I'll keep my--"

"Shut up, you drowned rat! The last thing that is needed for this pathetic scene you've planted yourself into is getting court marshalled for hedonism!"

"Aww, come on, Princess, lighten up a bit! You just sat down to drink with me! And besides, I got all da right to take a break from guarding your royal hindquarters all day! And speaking of donkeys--" *slap* "Oww! That makes me sober up you know! Now I have to reach rock bottom all over again! Johnnieeee!"

"Do you know why I'm here, soldier?"

"Look at me, doll, I'm not in any state o' bein' to bein' able to second-guess what comes and goes through tight keyholes of vaults an' doors of minds of mares of high and distant regal stares through stairs and turns and thick stone-walls of secret plans 'which falls towards us lacking a speck of truth to fruit to brute and shallow fellows such as myself in the company of this here moonshine heeeeeeeeeeere." *shoved off stool*

"A-Are you alright?"

"Dunno, never drank myself to poetic levels before. Look, not one drop did I spill there!" *glug glug glug*

"Well, at least now I got to see a glimpse of what the rest of the roster sees in you."

"You hear that, Johnnie? The Princess digs me! Ten bits I'm gonna end up with her in--" *smack* "Oww! What was that for!"

"It's because you're cute when you sober up, and highly amusing to see you fall ever faster and deeper than before into your liquid demise!"

"'ey, dontcha hurt the feelins of my booze, you hear? It has feelins you kno, unlike you fluffy colourful witches with your wings and horns and reaaaally nice bot--" *slap* "Oww! You know, now that I'm completely sober, thanks to you, I've got myself thinkin'. Yep, I did, cuz I'm smart like dat, s-m-r-t. What I think is you didn't have any reason to come down here, except to sit around and listen to me blabbin' while you smack me in the face a couple of times! It's like you're enjoying it!"

"You're cute when you think you've got it figured out."

"Am I now? Johnnie, make that twennie bit--" *swoop* "Haha! I'm too fast fo--" *slap* "Ow."

"Princess, it is time."

"Yes, you're right as always. Well, time to leave you colts here and return to my cozy bed. Pity that it's otherwise empty, it is going to take a while to warm it up all by myself. Oh well."

...

"Damn, what a nice mare. I wish I'd be able to marry her or somethin'."

"Do you want me to brief you about the situation, or you just want another round to forget all this like every night so far?"

"Hmmm, good ol' blue an' red pill, huh? Well, since the blue pill here manifests as the refreshing ambrosia granted to us mortals by the blessed light of the heavenly body of Princess Luna herself, I have to decline your desperate offer to bring about the early rays of the purifying bittersweet Sun, accompanied by the smacks of the gentle whatshername whom I can't draw a parallel with the goddamn hangover that I'm starting to feel right now. Please, Johnnie, do as the gods and reverse the dawn back to night, release the moonlight from the singing bottle that shoos away soberity with its song of blindly soothing beauty!"

*pours* "When are you gonna grow up to face the future impatiently calling for you, Shining?"