Author: JimboTex
Prompt: You work as a telephone conversation screener for the CIA (Celestia’s Intelligence Agency). Your job is to listen in on ponies’ talking. You overhear the conversation of a mare calling from a bar payphone.
Title: Dragnet
Fillies and gentlecolts, the story you are about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...
This is the city: Canterlot, the capital of Equestria. I'm part of the thin blue line that keeps The Peace of Celestia and protects Her little ponies. It's an invisible part of that line, and we like it that way. My partner, Wetware, is on temporary assignment with another department, so I'm on my own for now. My boss is Wire Tap, Chief of Signals Intelligence. My name is Wednesday's Child, a unicorn. I work for Celestia’s Intelligence Agency.
It was July 10th. The Summer Sun Celebration was just a few weeks behind us and we were heading into the hot part of the summer. I was working the night watch out of Arcane Communications. My assignment was the pay phone at a joint known as The Haybale – one of the seediest pubs in Ponyville. I wasn't sure what sort of useful intel one could get from such a place, but I wasn't one to question my superiors. That was a job for the colts who do analysis for SigInt.
As 10 PM approached, I thought back on the last few hours. It had been pretty dull. There were a few crank calls from minors whose fake IDs had fooled the bartender into illicitly plying them with booze.
One stallion, apparently a famous TV talking head, had drunk dialed one of his subordinates to regale her with his lurid fantasies involving her, a shower, a loofah, and Saddle Arabian food products. Surely, a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen, but nothing of vital importance.
My boring night was about to take a change for the weird, however. At about a quarter after 10, a cyan pegasus with prismatic mane came into view of the phone's hidden camera and dialed an unlisted number.
Interesting. What was one of the Elements of Harmony doing here, and who was she trying to call? Relieved that I was finally catching something other than red herrings, I made sure that the audio recording devices were running, and listened in on her side of the call.
“Hi... Yeah, I did it... The boss was reluctant to give you all the job, but I told him he could count on you three to get it done...”
“Well, to be honest, he thought you were a little young for this sort of work, but I assured him that you all had plenty of experience. Of course, it helped to remind him of the favor he owed me for supplying him with some of that famous Zap Apple Cider...”
“He said to be here by 6 PM tomorrow, or the deal's off... Okay...”
“You know, I still can't believe I'm having to do this for you. I thought you learned your lesson last time about embarrassing photos... Fine. Goodbye, and good luck!”
Blackmail. The poor mare was being blackmailed with embarrassing photos. What in Celestia's name was she being forced to do? The answer wasn't long in coming, as I could hear the shouting even on her end of the conversation:
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TAVERN WENCHES! YAAAY!”
Oh, boy. Signals Analysis is going to just love this one...